Jay had somehow become a major part of her life. She had gotten used to seeing him daily for lunch, or even for an evening game of Scrabble. She was drawn to his sense of humor and wisdom. He was caring and adventurous.Honey began to think of him as she fell asleep at night, and he was the first thing on her mind when she rose in the morning. She became dependent on him, and had gotten used to his always being there. But it all came to a halt when Jay decided to take their relationship a step further.
Her lips tingled as she remembered the day she found him standing outside her window. She'd invited him inside, and within seconds, Jay had scooped her into his arms.
“What are you doing?” Honey asked with wide-eyedsurprise as she realized what was about to happen. She had mere seconds to stop him if she dared. But she didn't. She trembled a little but didn't dare move away.
Jay reached up and curled his fingers around her delicate neck, stroking her jaw with his thumb. “What I should have done a long time ago,” he answered in a voice husky with desire. “You're driving me crazy.”
Dipping his head low, he gently slid his tongue across her mouth, sending juices to puddle between her thighs. Her small frame molded perfectly against his. Her robe gaped open, and he felt her warm flesh through her satin gown. Placing his hands inside her robe, he allowed them to roam up her smooth thigh all the way to the middle of her back. Honey gasped against his mouth. Tilting her head back, he teased her skin across her jaw and along her collarbone.
Abandoning all resistance in her desperation, Honey reached for him, enjoying how wonderful it felt being touched by him as he took her mouth in a hungry kiss that paralyzed her. In her wildest dreams, she had imagined this happening between them, but she had never expectedto act upon her feelings. Delight flooded through her as he coaxed her lips apart and sought refuge for his moist tongue. As she opened her mouth wider, he deepenedthe kiss. The warmth of his arms was so embracing.Honey had found herself relaxing against him, her body tingling from the contact. His lips were persuasive,weakening her senses and confusing her mind....
Honey quickly shook off the intrusive memory and raised the coffee mug to her lips. Taking one last sip, she swallowed the large lump in her throat. So many months had passed since she'd last seen Jay. She had tried desperately to return to life as she'd known it, but still fought daily to curb a passion she'd never expected to experience. No other man had ever come close to making her feel the way Jay had made her feel. He had awakened desires within her soul she never knew existed,making her want things she was incapable of having.
Honey closed her eyes and tried again to calm the battle that continued to rage inside her. Since Jay's departure,she had resumed her frigid behavior. But this time things were different. With Jay no longer in her life, she found herself increasingly lonely. She tried to curb her loneliness by burying herself in work; thus far, she had been unsuccessful. Jay continued to fill her thoughts, and there was nothing she could do to erase them.
Rubbing a palm across her blue knit sweater, Honey reminded herself that she couldn't afford to indulge in useless memories. She knew no matter how much she missed Jay, there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. She had panicked that night and asked him to get the hell out of her house, all because she had been so fuckin' afraid, afraid that if she gave in to her desires,she'd be taking the chance of his discovering her secret.
Honey blew out a quick breath. “I don't need this shit.” Brushing her thoughts aside, she picked up the phone and dialed the bakery to order the cake for Sasha's baby shower.
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Exiting the hospital's double doors, Jay headed across the parking lot through a maze of cars until he located his gray Lexus. After stowing his large overstuffed duffel bag in the trunk, he climbed into the car and defrosted the windows before driving to the nearesthighway.
Jay's eyes were on the road, but his thoughts were a million miles away as he sped down the long stretch of interstate. Working the knotted muscles at the back of his neck, he leaned back and again tried to relax against the black leather seat. He found his efforts a fuckin' waste of time as his brain replayed the events of the last several weeks.
After Kendra's visit, Jay intended to take a few days to think things through and then speak with her as soon as he returned from Memphis. However, what had started out as a three-day trip had somehow turned into four long weeks.
As a private investigator, Jay had spent the last month working for a large insurance company trying to uncover a scam artist. By the time he figured out who the hell was responsible, a gun had already been pointed at his head. Had he not managed to remain calm and duck when he did, the bullet that had been fired in panic would now be lodged in his brain instead of a painting on a wall. A flesh wound on his right templewould be a constant reminder of how close he'd come to dying. Jay had spent the last three nights awakening in a cold sweat after watching his life flash before his eyes.
The temperature in the car had finally climbed to a comfortable level, and Jay reached down to adjust the heat. Leaning against the headrest, he began to chew the inside of his lower lip as thoughts raced through his mind. Not once in his fifteen-year career had he ever come so close to death. Now he found himself wonderingif the shit was really worth it.
Jay had entered private investigation because he thoroughly enjoyed it. A former police officer, he'd grown tired of the constraints of the law and had started his own investigation and security firm. His expertisecame to be in high demand as he solved cases that had baffled even the St. Louis Police Department. Jay had dedicated the last five years to his business. His life had been one big adventure after another. But was it worth it? The long hours, the aliases, the danger? Jay scowled. He just wasn't so sure anymore. He kept wondering, if he had died three days ago, what impact would he have made on the world? Would he have been missed? Would he have been remembered?
He kept coming up with the same answer.
Hell naw.
Reaching for a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket, Jay lit one and took a long drag. He had a lot to be thankful for. The Lord had spared his life and given him a chance to make shit right, and he planned to do just that. First on his agenda was Kendra.
He could no longer make excuses as to why he'd gone with her that night. Excuses like he'd had too much to drink, or that he felt rejected and needed someone to make him feel good about himself. The simple truth was he'd been horny and his dick hard. He also didn't have an excuse as to why he hadn't once bothered to pick up the damn phone to call her during the last four weeks. No matter what excuses he made, it didn't make a damn bit of difference. They simply didn't change the fact that he was trying to run away from his problems.
Again.
Jay swore as he slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. A beauty pageant's worth of women had shared his bed over the years. He loved sex and considered himself a master of the art, but he'd always been careful. Never desiring marriage or children, he couldn't afford to be careless. Yet somehow he'd managedto have unprotected sex and was now faced with the consequences. Jay just couldn't understand it. What he
did
know was that it was time to quit running and do the right thing. As much as Kendra wanted him to marry her, he couldn't. Not as long as he loved someoneelse. The free-spirited playboy he once was had somehow vanished.
Women had come and gone in Jay's life because he preferred it that way. He grew bored easily, and most of the women he met were interested in commitment, something he definitely wasn't looking for. That is, until he met Honey. His sister-in-law's best friend, Honey often found herself in the same circles with him. She had practically knocked the fuckin' air out of his lungs with her beauty, and her sultry voice kept his dick brick-hard. They'd become instant friends; in a matter of weeks they had developed the habit of spending eveningstogether, watching old reruns on
Nick at Nite
, playing Scrabble, or just sharing and listening to each other's dreams. What started out as simple friendship had eventually developed into something stronger, and so powerful that Jay had found it difficult to continue thinking of Honey as just a friend. Friendship was suddenlyno longer enough. Honey stirred his deepest, darkestpassions. Soon she was all he could think about, and Jay found himself frantically racing to her every evening, longing to be close to the sweet fragrance of her lovely beige skin, near the radiance of her irresistible smile, and within inches of her luminous gray eyes. For the first time in his life, Jay didn't want to fuck. He wanted to make love.
Jay stared ahead at the clear sky and remembered their time together, just as he'd done during the past several months. Honey had managed to get to his black ass in a way no other female had. The more time they spent in each other's company, the harder it became to resist. Somewhere along the way, Jay had realized that life as a ladies' man no longer interested him. Single life had suddenly become lonely, and for the first time he considered the possibility of spending the rest of his life with one woman.
Jay frowned as he remembered that final night. He had thought he read mutual desire in her eyes, and becauseof it, had taken a chance. As a result, he'd jeopardizedeverything they had worked so hard to gain.
He had appeared on her doorstep that evening, uncertainof what he was going to say but knowing he had no desire to be anywhere else. Still embedded in his mind was the clinging negligee she'd worn when she greeted him at the door, a chocolate nipple peeking out of the corner. Unable to resist any further, he'd pulled her into his arms, where her body had melted against his. They had shared an intimate encounter, on the verge of making love, before everything came to an abrupt halt.
Honey's eyes flew open as she scrambled upright on the couch and pushed him away. Jay reached out for her again but she quickly rose and walked away, coveringherself with her robe.
Jay saw the fear etched into her face and reached out to comfort her, to reassure her there was something special going on between them, but she looked ready to dash across the room.
Finally, he broke the silence. “We need to talk.” He stepped toward her but Honey backed away, as if not trusting herself to be touched by him again.
She shook her head and said, “Not right now. I need time to think.”
Jay muffled a curse, then said, “I'm not leaving until we talk.”
“Please, Jay, not today,” she said, her words a plea.
He'd seen her pain, and against his better judgment, he'd ground his teeth and nodded....
Her rejection had slashed him so deeply that he'd buried himself in his work, taking every assignment he could that led him far away from St. Louis.
Now as he looked back on that night, he realized that if he'd thought things through with a level head insteadof focusing on his wounded pride, he would have noticed that Honey's expression wasn't one of disappointment.It wasn't until last night, while his life was flashing before his eyes, that Jay suddenly realized that her wide-open eyes had been clouded with pain. Somethinghad frightened her. Something had been wrong. Could she be a virgin? Jay shook his head, unconvinced.
Hell naw.
Honey had to be experienced. She had an active social life and was a full-fledged flirt who always appeared to be hard-nosed when it came to the opposite sex.
And yet ... he'd seen the vulnerable side. What if she
was
a virgin? It would answer so many fuckin' questions. As Jay thought about it further, it began to make sense. Yes, Honey had to be. Why else would she have panicked that night? He'd been too damn blind to see that then. Selfishly, he'd thought only of his own feelings. Now it was too late to repair one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
With a scowl, Jay remembered leaving her house that evening, and his decision to patronize a local bar to nurse his pride. He had felt rejected and hurt after receiving a massive blow to his ego, and believed that if he got drunk enough, it would erase the pain of his broken heart. As misfortune would have it, Kendra had walked back into his life, taking a seat at the bar beside him.
Then his mothafuckin' life changed.
Jay released an irritated sigh. What would Honey think if she found out that on the same night she'd asked him to leave he'd gone home with an ex-girlfriend ... who was now carrying his child?
But was Kendra really carrying
his
child? He wouldn't put anything past that bitch. He'd been so drunk that night he wasn't really sure. What happened was one big blur. He scowled at his careless behavior and thought he felt some relief that Kendra was considering giving the baby up for adoption. What the hell would someone like him do with a baby, anyway? He was a private investigator; his days changed at the drop of a hat. It would be unfair for him to take on the responsibility of raising a child, because he knew absolutely nothing about being a father.So why did he feel like shit?
Because you were given a second chance.
Jay took his foot off the gas and put the Lexus on cruise control. He'd never known what it was like to have loving and nurturing parents. His own father had fallen victim to a drive-by shooting before he was even born. His grief-stricken mother had died only seconds after giving birth to him. The only parent Jay had ever known was a controlling, manipulative grandfather who had refused to acknowledge his illegitimate son conceived during a brief encounter with a local waitress.Jay wasn't like his older brother, Terraine, who had recently married and was expecting his first child.