Chapter Three
Finn was restless. His body was primed and ready for anything, especially for sex. His cock had been a hard ache since he and Murphy had arrived on the ranch in Oklahoma. His animal pressed sharply against his skin, and he knew it could emerge at any moment. It flexed, scenting the air in search of something just beyond their reach.
Finn scented it, as well. Illusive but stronger than it had been before. He vowed as soon as his brother and the rest of them left him the hell alone, he’d search until he found the source. He wasn’t sure what would happen once he did. Surges of anger, of lust, of a desire he’d never known before shredded his control more and more with each passing moment.
Where was she? Had she been here all along?
“Finn?” He heard Murphy, but the animal forced him to ignore his brother and keep his gaze skimming the land around them. The beast knew something it wasn’t sharing completely with Finn yet, and it was somehow capable of blocking it from his brother.
“Finn!” Murphy yelled again.
Finn fought against the control of his cat and felt the strain of it throbbing at his temples as pain radiated in his head.
“What the fuck do you want?” Finn all but roared, turning his head as he did and finding Tah, Reno and Logan all standing with his brother. When had they arrived?
Tah cocked one eyebrow and shot Finn a penetrating look. Reno’s expression was neutral, showing no sign of his thoughts, while Logan just appeared curious.
“I’d like to know what the fuck is wrong with you,” Tah said softly, enunciating each word. “We can discuss it out here or inside, but mark my words, Finn. We will be discussing it.”
“Fine. Fuck,” he muttered, turning again and all but stomping up the steps and into the house. The only thing that kept the door from slamming behind him was the group of men following him, his brother hottest on his heels.
He felt his brother’s concern. The shit was almost suffocating him. He knew Murph wasn’t buying any of Finn’s assurances that he was okay. He wasn’t sure what had been said to Tah and the others, but he was ready to find out.
He stepped into Tah’s office and inhaled deeply. The scent was here, too, and it was strong. He heard the rumble of a muted growl as the others followed him inside then the click of the door closing.
“Finn?” Murph gave him a curious look and shook his head.
“Give it a rest,” Finn snapped. “I said I’m fucking fine.”
Tah’s hands slammed on the desk, and a loud growl filled the room. “You want to explain to me what has your hackles up to the point you’re growling in my fucking office? Why you’re snapping at your brother? At me?”
Finn tried to open his mouth, a brusque comment hovering on his tongue, but the beast was there, exerting enough will to keep Finn’s lips firmly closed. What the fuck was going on? His beast shouldn’t have the ability to control him. Not like this. Not when they’d yet to merge. He growled, fighting another round of man versus beast until he was once again in control. He glanced up, and they were all staring at him with mixed expressions of surprise and worry.
Tah sighed. “We can see you’re not fine. You’re anything but fine. What’s going on with you?”
Finn wasn’t sure where to even start. His body was on overload. Dealing with his emerging beast was sapping his control. Add to that the memories he was still unsure of, the pieces of his past that were coming out to haunt him, and the illusive scent that put his beast in stealth mode while sending waves of rage coursing through the man, and who knew what was wrong with him? Short answer was everything. Everything was going on with him.
“Maybe, we should start by telling them both what’s been going on around here while they’ve been gone,” Reno suggested.
Tah nodded and shot a glance at Logan.
“Something happened?” Murphy demanded. “And you didn’t tell us?”
“You were with the Holloways,” Tah replied. “Your focus needed to be there. Had it been an emergency, I would have called you immediately.”
“What happened?” Finn asked.
“Me,” Logan stated.
Finn and Murphy both looked at Logan. He shrugged.
“I’ve been having some reactions to the feral fever virus I was injected with,” he admitted.
“Shit, man. You okay?” Murphy asked while Finn was still processing.
“I’m fi—” He let the unfinished word hang in the air then spoke again. “I’m dealing with it.”
“What exactly are you dealing with?” Murphy asked.
Finn stayed silent. He suspected they were afraid that whatever was wrong with Logan was happening with Finn, too.
“It started out with bouts of rage for no apparent reason. I was convinced it was just an aftereffect of the virus. As long as I stayed with Clara, she could calm me down. We didn’t say anything, figuring it would pass.” His gaze found Finn’s. “But it didn’t. Instead, other things started. I’d spike a fever then get so cold I swore I’d never warm up. My senses would be better than Clara’s one day then worse than they’d ever been the next. I have these adrenaline spikes that can only be purged through a hard bout of fuc—” He stopped and shook his head. “You get the gist. Then I’d come crashing down and almost pass out face first. Every time, it’s been my mate who brought me back. Without Clara, I’m not sure I’d still be here.”
Finn’s chest rumbled, and their gazes flickered his way. How could he explain how he felt about the mere word mate, knowing his had left him to die? “So is it the recessed beast? The virus? Or a mixture of the two?” he asked instead.
“The Professor’s been doing tests since we got here, trying to see what’s causing it. Most likely it’s a combination,” Logan answered. “He’s got both Gideon and Diane looking into it now.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through all this,” Finn said with sincerity. “I hope to God they figure it out and soon.” He turned to look at Tah then let his gaze meet Murphy’s. “But that isn’t what’s going on with me. I didn’t get injected with anything but the concoction the Professor made, which saved my life.”
“That might not be true,” Reno argued. “When you woke, you had no memory of where you’d been or the condition your brother and Zane had brought you back in. Hell, the last thing you remembered was my call asking for help. There’s a lot you’ve forgotten, Finn. Most importantly, what happened to you when you were captured and held by a group of hunters. We don’t know what they did to you, other than almost kill you.”
“Hell, I remember exactly what you looked like when I found you in that cabin, the stench of blood everywhere. I didn’t think you’d make it. I swore I’d lose you. It’s a miracle you survived,” Murphy said with unshed tears glistening in his eyes.
A miracle with long, blonde hair and green eyes
, Finn thought. Then he heard the echo in his mind of the whispered words before she turned away and left him to die.
I would have loved you.
He shook off the memory and refocused on the present.
“You can’t tell me the Professor didn’t take blood before they treated me,” Finn challenged. “He takes blood every five minutes it seems.”
“Not enough,” Tah answered. “There wasn’t time. You were in critical condition, and a decision had to be made immediately in order to save your life.”
“He must not have found much of anything,” Finn said, “or you wouldn’t have let me go all the way to Wyoming without saying something.”
“It’s similar to Logan’s but different at the same time. There’s something there. Some anomaly even Gideon hasn’t put his finger on yet. Nothing that made us overly concerned since you haven’t displayed any of the symptoms Logan has. Other than memory loss, you’ve seemed okay.”
Finn almost snorted at that. He must be a better actor than he’d thought.
“Until we arrived here,” Tah stated softly, making Finn’s glance move back to lock with his. “You’ve been agitated since we got to Oklahoma. I don’t know why, and you haven’t said. I know something’s going on though. And I know you’re far from fine.”
Finn dropped his head in his hands and gave his face a good rub before looking back up. He’d grown out his facial hair while he’d been gone, opting for the lazy route and not shaving, and found that he liked the scruff. There was something soothing about rubbing his palms over it, as if he were feeling a part of the beast hidden inside him.
“Tell them,” Murphy said. There was a plea in his brother’s gaze. One that said this was the home they’d be searching for since they’d been boys, tossed out and made to leave behind all they knew.
“I think I’m starting to get some of my memory back,” Finn admitted, his gaze remaining locked with his brother’s.
“That’s great news,” Logan said.
“I think,” Finn reiterated, placing emphasis on the last word. “It’s mostly dreams that seem to be more than dreams. It’s all mixed in with other pieces of my past.”
“That explains why you haven’t been sleeping,” Tah said, and Finn heaved a sigh. Why did it always seem like Tah knew everything that went on? Even when people thought they were hiding things?
“We all noticed,” Reno added, as if in answer to Finn’s silent question. “We’ve all been worried.”
“I’ve seen Amia’s face in my dreams. The pain I put her through,” Finn said.
“We,” Murphy reminded.
“In the past,” Reno stated firmly. “We’ve all moved on from there. You thought you were protecting us. Neither Amia nor I blame you for that. Either of you.”
Finn couldn’t forgive himself yet though. Not fully. Maybe if he knew everything that had led up to that moment; but the full scheme wasn’t what he saw. It was only her face, leached white and filled with horror. It was knowing he’d caused that look when he’d locked Reno’s mate in a small room and made her relive being buried alive.
“I’m so sorry,” Finn said again.
“I forgave you,” Reno reminded him.
“What else are you remembering?” Tah prompted.
“Bits and pieces but they’re all jumbled together. When I try to force them, my head starts pounding.” He absently rubbed his temple with his fingers. “It’s there. I can feel it. I just can’t access it when I want to.”
“It’s coming back though, so don’t force it. Let it come as it wants to,” Tah said. “Anything about your capture?”
I would have loved you.
Finn shook the words away.
“Torture. Pain. Questions. They wanted to know who I was protecting. Where you were hiding.” He shook out his arms then rolled his head back and forth on his neck, stretching from shoulder to shoulder. Blonde hair. Green eyes.
Loved you…
“At the moment, I don’t know what’s real and what’s a dream.”
“I’d like you to go to the lab,” Tah said. “Let Diane take a look at you, and we’ll see if she can figure anything out.”
“Is she up to it?” Finn asked, remembering how she’d been not too long ago. Pregnancy was taking an emotional toll on her. Gideon had said it was from the hormone surges inside her from the growing baby. Being human meant Diane needed regular infusions of her mate’s blood to help her body with the high demands of a shifter pregnancy. The baby grew at a rapid rate, arriving in half the time of a human pregnancy. This made a huge demand on the mother’s body, especially if she was human.
“She’s doing a lot better,” Logan said. “I just saw her a bit ago. Abby and Regan are over there with her.”
“Diane has it in her head that Abby will be the one to deliver her baby,” Tah said.
“Abby’s not a doctor,” Finn stated.
“No, but Diane will tell you she isn’t either and Regan arrived okay.” Tah’s eyes sparkled at the mention of his daughter. The tiny girl ruled her father’s heart as much as her mother did. Hell, Regan ruled them all.
“The lass has a point,” Murphy said.
“Yes, but we didn’t have a doctor then. We do now,” Tah reminded them.
Murphy shrugged. “What does Zane think?”
“Whatever Diane wants,” Tah said with a snort.
“And Abby?” Finn asked. “What does she think?”
Tah smiled. “She’ll do anything for Diane. The Professor’s agreed to be there, just in case. Dr. Jensen will stick close by.”
“What’s your take on the doctor?” Murphy asked.
Dr. Jensen was one of the doctors who lived on the ranch. He’d been gone when they’d all arrived from Colorado. Apparently, he’d returned a week after they’d buried Isaac, Gabriel and Daniel’s father. Dr. Jensen cared for all the shifters in the area, no matter the breed, and more often than not was traveling from group to group.
“He seems knowledgeable,” Tah said. “Gabriel trusts him. The doctor was visibly upset when he found out about Isaac. He’s been sticking around since he arrived, only taking shorter day trips.”
“Do you trust him?” Finn asked.
Tah looked thoughtful. “I trust him not to betray us. He has a genuine affection for everyone he’s worked on. You can hear it in his voice, see it on his face when he talks about the people he’s met. He hates hunters. God knows, he’s saved many a life that might have ended if he hadn’t been there.”
“But?” Murphy prompted.
“I get the impression he’s waiting for someone or something,” Tah admitted. “Abby says he watches Isaac’s house as if he expects someone to show up there. He’s worried. I can sense it every time I’m around him.”
“Anything we can do to help?” Murphy asked.
Tah shook his head. “Not until he fills us in. Gideon and Vic are both keeping a close eye on him.”
“Let us know if there’s anything you need us to do,” Murphy offered.
“We’ve got a reprieve right now,” Tah said. “I don’t know that it will last long. Let’s focus on getting everyone healthy and strong while we have the chance.”
“I should make a point of checking on my favorite tigress before I head to the labs,” Finn said. “Know where she is?”
“Ariel stays close to Gideon or Vic lately. Since Vic went into town to pick up some stuff she had delivered to Daniel. I’d bet Ariel’s in the labs with Gideon,” Reno said.
“Is she okay?” Murphy asked.
“Something has her spooked,” Tah stated, and Finn got the impression Tah had some suspicions on what that might be.