“I’m not punishing him,” Laura argued.
“What would you call your behavior? Do you have any clue how much you’re tearing him apart?”
Laura shook her head, opening her mouth to deny Clara’s claim, but Clara spoke over her.
“You are. I want to be angry with you, but I can see you’re hurting too. Talk to him. From what I see, your parents fucked you both over. Don’t let them destroy the relationship you could have with Logan now. He needs you, and I get the feeling you might need him, too. If you do, he went for a walk out by the house Isaac lived in. He’s helping Gabriel sort through all the papers there.”
Clara walked away before Laura could say anything, but the words her brother’s mate had spoken struck deep. Laura was behaving like a child. More specifically, like the child Logan had left behind when he’d joined the Marines. She wasn’t that girl any longer. She was a grown woman, one who far better understood what her parents were capable of.
With leaden feet, she turned and made her way across the property in the direction of Isaac’s cabin. It would take her a while to reach it on foot, but the walk would do her good, help her clear her mind.
It was weird to admit, but she missed Isaac. He’d been a shitty father to Gabriel and Daniel, but she’d always felt there was more to him. To hear Daniel speak, Isaac had been madly in love with his wife and had lost everything when he’d lost her. To know he’d loved someone so fiercely made her think there had to be more to him than the gruff, old bastard she’d met when she’d arrived in Oklahoma hot on Gabriel’s trail.
She scented Logan before he stepped into the copse of trees and stood facing her. Just looking at him made her want to weep.
He held out his hand, opened his mouth, closed it then dropped his arm and shook his head. “Don’t run. I’ll walk around. I didn’t know you were here.”
“Liar,” she murmured, but there was no heat to her words. “Your animal may still be dormant, but I know you have the heightened senses. You knew I was here.”
He sighed and ran the fingers of one hand through his hair, the same sandy-blonde shade as hers. “I just…” His voice trickled off, and he shook his head again. Without offering anything else, he turned to walk away.
“Don’t,” she said and bit her bottom lip as he paused without turning back. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m not trying to punish you.”
“Aren’t you?” he asked softly as he faced her once more. “Not that I’m blaming you. I know what happened to you. Gabriel told me when you refused to speak to me. I know what our parents did. Jesus! I’d give anything to go back and be there for you.”
She shuddered, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding tight as memories fought to invade her mind. She couldn’t think of that, didn’t want to.
“The way Gabriel found you…” Logan tilted his head back, and she saw his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed convulsively. For a brief moment, she swore she saw tears glistening in his eyes.
“He did find me,” she finally said. “He saved my life that day.”
“And I wasn’t there.” Pain radiated from Logan’s gaze. She saw it, and God help her, she felt vindicated by it.
“No, you weren’t. You left. I stayed.” She shrugged her shoulders, as if that said it all.
“I wrote to you. I wanted to visit, to see you.”
“So why didn’t you?” she challenged. “I was ten when you left. Why didn’t you come home to check on me even once? Especially when your letters were all returned?”
“I didn’t want to deal with dad’s bullshit. I didn’t want to have mom try her guilt-trip tactics. I told myself you were okay. That they loved you. Mom always doted on you. I never… I didn’t…” He blew out a breath and finally met her eyes. “I always thought there would be time, only…time got away from me. Before I knew it, eight years had passed. As far as I knew, you were eighteen, graduating high school and going off to college.”
“So you wrote me off?” she raged.
“No! God, no! I just didn’t know what to say. Reenlistment came up, and I stayed there.”
“With the new group who’d become your family. I found a new family, too. I’m not sure I want any part of my old one back.” She met his gaze head on. “Including you.”
He nodded and turned his head away. “Gabriel’s still at the house,” he murmured so low she had to strain to hear it. There was a rasp in his voice. She’d hurt him. She could feel it but was unwilling to do anything about it. He’d as much as admitted he hadn’t taken the time to check on her. What was she supposed to say to that?
“I’ll try to stay out of your way,” Logan said. “This is your home. It’s been your home for a long time. That doesn’t change because I’m here.”
She nodded, avoiding his gaze. She kept her head down, her focus on the ground until she knew he was gone. Only then did she let out a shuddery breath and move on. Seeing Logan? It killed her. He’d been her hero growing up. Everything she wanted to be. Strong, brave, invincible. God, it felt as if her heart were being ripped in two. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever forgive him for not being there when she needed him most. What a fucking mess this was!
“Hey, there.”
She glanced up as Gabriel called out a greeting. He took one look at her and lost the smile on his lips. He stepped closer and wiped away the tear she hadn’t even realized she’d cried. Then he tugged her against his chest and just held her while she sobbed silently.
He’d reacted similarly when he’d first found her. He’d killed the man who’d tricked her into going with him then taken care of the others who’d been with that man. He’d given the two drugged shifter males a chance. The oldest had gladly taken it, continuing to fight the need for her tearing through him. The younger hadn’t been able to. She’d never forget the roar Gabriel had released when he had to snap that boy’s neck. She’d seen his rage and sorrow. He’d bound the remaining shifter, at the male’s request, then finally turned to free her. His voice had crooned, low and soothing, as he’d cut the ropes holding her down, exposing her to any who chose to look.
He’d freed her then backed away as she’d curled into a ball to cry. Slowly, she’d felt the stroke of his hand over her arm, felt the shirt he’d removed from his own chest to drape over her nudity. She’d sat up, holding her arms aloft while he’d dressed her as if she were a child. He’d taken one look at her face and held his arms wide, offering the comfort she’d desperately needed. He’d tried to be gruff over the years, tried to intimidate and even push her away, but in that first moment, she’d seen who he really was. And she’d claimed him as hers. As family.
“I can’t stand to see you hurting like this,” he whispered above her head. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t do this,” she admitted. “I can’t be here with him. I want to talk to him, to put the past behind me. Then I look at him, and it all comes crashing back until I’m drowning in it. He wasn’t there.” She lifted her head and looked up at Gabriel. “I needed him, and he wasn’t there.”
“Shh,” Gabriel crooned, pressing her cheek back to his chest. “I understand.”
It was that simple with him. She didn’t have to go into great detail and explain why she felt as she did. Gabriel didn’t need that from her. He held her until she’d cried herself out then took off his shirt and offered it to her. She took it with a grin and laughed at his expression when she blew her nose on it. Finally, he led her to the porch, and they both sat on the steps.
“You’ve been restless for a while now. I know something happened when you went out while I was gone. You won’t talk about it other than to say you met up with a hunting party and took them out. I know there’s more to it. I’ve seen it in your eyes, in the way you take risks you know you shouldn’t. Now, with Logan here… I’m even more worried about you.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Funny, Logan said much the same when I asked how he was,” Gabriel told her.
“I know he’s a great guy. Everyone’s made a point of letting me know that.”
“He’s a selfish asshole who walked away from his family and never looked back,” Gabriel stated with a grunt.
“He wrote letters. Mom or Dad must have returned them. I never knew.”
“So he wrote a fucking letter. Big deal. Did he come visit? Come check on you? Hell, did he ever fucking call you?”
“No, but he was out of the country. It’s not like he was just up the road or something,” she argued.
“Good, I’m glad you realize that,” Gabriel said then put his hand on her knee to keep her from rising. “Forgive him or not. That choice is yours. But be aware of where he’s coming from. Did you read the letters? Did you ask him about the things your dad said to him? Did you ask him what he was going through?”
She shook her head.
“Maybe, you should. When you’re ready. You were a kid when he left, but he was a kid, too. I get the impression he’s a lot like his sister when it comes to keeping things bottled up inside. And…”
“What?” she demanded when he stopped.
“He’s sick, Laura. He won’t tell you that, and I’m not sure anyone else will, either.”
“What do you mean he’s sick?” she asked.
“He was injected with feral fever virus. At first, they didn’t know what it was doing. They thought he was completely human. It shouldn’t have affected him at all.”
“He’s not human.”
“No,” Gabriel agreed. “He’s not, but his animal is deeply recessed. Mating didn’t bring it out. The virus isn’t bringing it out, but it’s doing something.”
“What?”
“They’re not really sure. His senses are all over the place. On par with ours one day and less than a human’s the next. He has bouts of extreme agitation and anger where his mate is the only one who can be around him. Then he gets really cold. His blood pressure bottoms out. He’s pale and listless. For a while, he managed to hide it from everyone but his mate. He finally told Tah and Reno. I’m sure the others all know at this point. The group seems to be big on having no secrets.”
“I don’t understand. No one knows what’s causing it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Gideon doesn’t know. He said he’s never seen it before.”
“What about their doctor, Diane? Or the Professor?” Laura asked.
Diane was a biologist who’d specialized in zoology, but now she was the official doctor of the pride Logan was in. She was mated to a panther shifter, Zane. He’d been in the Marines with Logan, as well. Zane was only a half inch shorter than Gabriel’s massive six feet six-and-a-half inches and had the eeriest colored eyes Laura had ever seen. Their bright yellow contrasted sharply against his ebony skin. He seemed to treasure his blonde wife. His very pregnant wife.
The Professor was a college professor and former researcher who’d become a surrogate father to Abby, the mate of the alpha, Tah. Apparently, Abby’s best friend was the Professor’s daughter. Laura didn’t know much about her. She did know the Professor seemed to be the father figure for the whole group. It was easy to see he cared about them and, from what she’d overheard, seemed willing to do anything required to save them.
“They don’t know either,” Gabriel said.
“What are they doing for him?” Laura asked.
“Watching. Monitoring. Trying to see a pattern in the dips and spikes he takes. This is all new territory. No one’s seen it before.”
“What can I do?” she asked when Gabriel kept staring at her.
“Do you want to help?” he asked.
“I don’t want him sick,” she said, feeling a bit overwhelmed by her emotions. “I don’t… Yes, I want to help.”
“I knew you’d want to, which is why I’ve already spoken with the Professor. He’d like to take some blood and test it against Logan’s. You’re a full-blooded sibling. You should both have the same animal DNA. Your sample would definitely give them a starting point for Logan.”
She nodded her head. “I’ll go give it today.”
“You know,” Gabriel said. “Daniel and I have been at odds for years. We’ve argued over everything. Our dad. You.”
“I know,” she admitted.
“He resented me for leaving him here to deal with dad’s shit. I resented him for never seeing dad as he was. We spent our time antagonizing one another and creating distance when we should have been each other’s greatest supporters.”
Laura shook her head, knowing what Gabriel was getting out. “It’s not the same.”
“It never is,” he agreed. “But some things are. Family. Loyalty. Blood. The bond that exists between siblings, if you’re lucky. I almost wasn’t. I could have lost Daniel when I invited Tah and the whole group to come here. I could have lost him when I decided to deed this land to the pride.”
“Daniel loves you.”
“He does, and I love him. Even when I’m so angry I want to punch him, I still love him. At the end of the day, I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.” He ran his fingers down Laura’s cheek. “So ask yourself that. Not if you can forgive Logan, but if at the end of the day, you’re happy he’s back in your life. If the answer is yes, then start building a bridge instead of a wall.”
“I love you, Gabriel.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
“Good thing I’m not the jealous type.”
Laura watched as Gabriel got to his feet and moved toward his mate. Kenzie was petite at five feet two inches but looked even tinier when standing beside Gabriel. He wasted no time hauling her into his arms and up against his chest. Laura felt a jolt of loss as she watched him kiss his woman. Love and passion surrounded them, reminding her of what she’d never have.
For a moment, she saw a bloody body lying on hard wood. Broken fingers, dislocated joints, gashes and cuts, bruises, swelling and an open wound seeping a steady stream of blood. She’d been a little bloodied and bruised herself from the way she’d attacked and killed the hunters in order to get to him. She’d smelled him before she’d even seen the cabin where they’d kept him. She’d stalked and killed until no one stood between the two of them, only to find him broken and dying right before her eyes.
His hair had been so matted with blood she didn’t know what shade it actually was, and his eyes were such a vivid blue she still saw them in her dreams. She’d pressed her bleeding hands to his belly, hoping to staunch the flow of red from him, desperate to save him. She’d been too late. She’d sensed his spirit ready to leave. Those eyes had looked at her, promising her things that could never be. She’d kissed him, needing the caress at least once. She would have loved him. One look and she’d known. She would have loved him, but instead, she’d mourned every day she was trapped here without him.