To Dream in the City of Sorrows (10 page)

They were waiting for him to respond. He knew what they wanted him to say. But he wasn’t sure at all that he wanted any part of this, not on the terms they were implying. They were going to have to spell it out. He let the silence continue for a moment more, then said: “I’m sorry, but I still don’t see how this prophecy applies to me.”

He was rewarded with a look of slight exasperation on Rathenn’s face. “Prophecy has been fulfilled in you. Consider the prophecy: You are outside the three castes, but of the three castes. You told me yourself that you trained for a religious life–“

“I went to a religious school,” Sinclair protested, “but I didn’t train to enter the religious life.”

“And did you not then work for two years as a common laborer?” Rathenn continued.

“Well, yes, before I entered the Academy I spent two years traveling around, working construction and other odd jobs, but–“

“And then you entered the military,” Rathenn continued triumphantly. “Outside the three castes, but of the three castes. And then you are Minbari not born of Minbari because you have a Minbari soul. You are the prophesied one.”

“Look, you can believe whatever you want,” said Sinclair, “but let’s get this straight. Whatever else you may think of me, good or bad, I’m just a man, not some fulfillment of prophecy. And a Human. Not a Minbari.”

Delenn stepped in, perhaps sensing Sinclair’s own growing exasperation, and said gently, “Jeffrey, we did not come to this conclusion quickly or lightly. We have studied this since–“ She hesitated, looking slightly embarrassed, and the unspoken words since you were captured and tortured and then scanned by the Triluminary rang in the silence. “Since the war ended. We are certain this conclusion is based on rigorous logic–“

“The priest who taught my first class in logic had a favorite saying: ‘Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.’”

“There is no error in our conclusion. You are Minbari,” Rathenn persisted. “You have a Minbari soul. Perhaps even part of Valen’s soul. But certainly a more evolved soul. A Minbari not born of Minbari.”

Sinclair saw absolute certainty on the face of each Minbari in the room, even Delenn. God only knew what the Vorlons were thinking.

He began to shake his head. “No, no, no,” he said quietly but firmly. “Don’t play word games with my soul to suit your own purposes. My Humanity isn’t just some old coat to be replaced by something you deem better. You don’t flatter me by trying to convince me that I am somehow different and therefore better or more evolved or special in some way that you can then exploit. Tyrants and hatemongers on my planet have tried to do that sort of thing throughout our history, proclaiming that those born on Mars are not quite as Human as those born on Earth, or that if you had the wrong color skin or ethnic background or religion you weren’t really Human at all. This has always been a prelude to discrimination, oppression, enslavement, and murder.”

“We did not mean to offend you, Jeffrey,” said Delenn. “We knew that at least some Humans hold to the concept of what you call reincarnation, so we did not think you would find what we are saying so difficult to accept – or distasteful.”

“It isn’t that at all,” Sinclair said urgently, fearful that he had accidentally insulted and hurt his friend. “I’m just trying to say that my Humanity is not unimportant to me. And also that I don’t believe any race is intrinsically or spiritually superior to another. As for reincarnation, I’m not sure whether I believe in it or not. I am sure of only one thing: the life that is important is the life we’re living now. So even if I thought your Triluminary really had the power to somehow determine that reincarnation is a fact, and that I was a Minbari in a past life, or even all of my past lives, I wouldn’t be offended. But it wouldn’t change a thing. Because whatever physical form my soul might have been in before, I am Human now. I was born into a Human body and possess a Human mind.”

“We do not deny that,” said Rathenn. “But the individual soul and the individual personality are merely illusions. After death, what you call the individual soul melts into the greater species soul form, losing its individual identity in any meaningful way, but adding its knowledge to the greater soul form, which then produces new souls to be born. That is how the soul form of our species evolves, and how the Minbari people evolve and grow. Therefore, it is of great significance to the evolution of both species that Minbari soul forms are being born into Human bodies.”

“But what is that significance?” Sinclair asked. “Isn’t it just as possible, by that logic, that Minbari souls are being born into Human bodies because they want to be Human now and not Minbari? How do you know you’re not doing me a disservice by asking me to accept a Minbari role?”

“That is not how we interpret these events,” said Rathenn.

“That’s my point,” Sinclair replied. “This is all about our different interpretations of matters that have no sure answers. We interpret many things differently. You prize above all else a life of service to Minbari society, and look with disfavor on the growing trend among your people to want to live more for themselves because you believe the individual doesn’t really exist, just the species soul form, which itself is only one of many species soul forms that are all just fragments of the greater Universal soul form. The only true individual consciousness, you believe, is that of the Universe, which somehow became sentient out of nonsentient matter and is in essence what could be called God, but a God whose existence is the Universe. When the Universe fades into the cold, eternal darkness of entropy, everything, including God, will die.”

At Rathenn’s surprised look that he would know all this, Sinclair smiled. “I’ve studied Minbari culture. But you have to understand, I don’t agree. If there is a God, I believe He has always existed and that He created this Universe, not the other way around, and that He ‘will be, when all the stars are dead,’ as the poet Rilke once wrote.

“Just as we will, because I also believe the soul to be immortal, and that we retain our individuality and essential personality after death. I don’t believe there are distinct soul forms, or that a soul belongs to any species. The particular form a soul is born into is chosen to move that soul along the path of spiritual evolution or salvation, whatever you want to call it. The individual soul does not exist only to serve society or the evolution of any one species. So I find your people’s growing wish to live more individual lives to be a positive sign, not a negative one.”

For the first time, Jenimer looked astonished. “You truly believe that the individual’s needs are supreme to that of society? That would cause anarchy!”

“It’s something of a paradox, actually. I was taught that we are in this life to achieve our own individual salvation or evolution, depending on your belief, but that we can only do so by also serving our fellow creatures. In other words, the trick is to find the proper balance between the two.”

Sinclair paused. He suddenly remembered how Garibaldi used to kid him that there were times he thought and argued like a Jesuit lawyer, the worst combination Garibaldi could think of. Given the situation, the thought now amused him greatly.

“I want to be sure we are absolutely clear with each other,” said Sinclair. “If I take on this job, we’ll need to understand each other.”

For the first time, Rathenn looked hopeful. “Then you will join with us and accept leadership of the Anla’shok?”

Was that in fact what he was saying? Sinclair was a little surprised to realize that it just might be. He looked at each of the Minbari in turn: Rathenn, Delenn, Jenimer, and Turval.

“If I do, you will have to trust me, and I have to be able to trust you. But you’ve been less than completely truthful with me from the moment I was taken aboard your cruiser. First, you wiped my memories of what happened. Then you secretly arranged to have me assigned to Babylon 5 for the sole purpose of ascertaining whether or not I really was the fulfillment of your prophecy. You wanted to take your time with it, but when the Shadows attacked the Narns, you had to step up your timetable. So you had me assigned to Minbar and isolated me from all contact with Earth or Babylon 5 so that you could introduce me to the Minbari way of doing things and slowly get me used to the idea that I am indeed the fulfillment of your prophecy. Have I got it right so far?”

“We feared it was a great deal to absorb all at once,” said Jenimer quietly. “What we ask of you will be difficult. We thought it best to reveal it to you bit by bit, as you became ready to accept it.”

“Did you?” Sinclair said evenly. “It was only when I threw a monkey wrench into your plans by resigning that you finally decided to lay your cards on the table. Now my cards are down as well. You know exactly what I do and don’t believe in, and that I don’t believe in prophecies, yours or anybody else’s. Are you still sure I’m the one who is supposed to lead the Anla’shok?”

“Yes,” said Jenimer. “There is no other. There are many more prophecies that you will not believe in that must be fulfilled.”

Sinclair laughed. It was an unexpected bit of humor that made him like the Minbari leader even more.

“The most important prophecy says that the species that holds the other half of our soul will join with us in this fight. We are among those who believe that Humanity is that other half. Because of that the newly awakened Anla’shok must recruit Humans as well as Minbari to join its ranks.”

Once again, the Minbari had managed to utterly astound Sinclair. He was sure that the normally insular and chauvinistic Minbari had never attempted quite so cooperative a venture with any other species – other than the enigmatic Vorlons, who seemed to dictate rather than cooperate anyway – and certainly never involving an institution like the Rangers, so central to the heart and soul of Minbari history and tradition.

“You are the only one who can make this possible,” Jenimer insisted softly. “You fulfill all the requirements of the prophecy for the new Entil’Zha. You are first and foremost a warrior, a proven military leader who commands great respect among both Humans and Minbari. Even those among our military caste who hate you nevertheless respect you. You also have the mind of a scholar and priest, as you have demonstrated once again here today. This has earned you the respect of many in the religious caste. Your unpretentious air and common touch has earned you the respect of many in our worker caste. Finally, you have proven your skill at diplomacy, a trait necessary if you are to reach out to Minbari of all three castes and to Humanity and bring them all together to work for the common goal – defeat of the Shadows and the restoration of peace and justice throughout the galaxy. There is simply no one else who has all of these attributes. You alone can bridge our two worlds.

“If you cannot believe prophecy, then we ask you to join with us to defeat a proven, ruthless enemy who will massacre whole populations and lay waste entire star systems if not stopped.”

How much did the Minbari believe their own rhetoric, and how much was said for the purpose of manipulation? It was difficult to know what to trust, especially with the Vorlons glowering over the scene like silent alien watchtowers. He looked to Delenn, who was watching him with an expression of such expectant hope that he knew he could not distrust her motives. She clearly believed in what Jenimer had said, and had she not already put herself on the line for him?

Maybe he would have to wait just a little while longer before going home.

“If I say yes, how will the Rangers be selected?” They had said it themselves. He was a military man. He wanted some practical questions answered first. Exactly what kind of army did they want to put together? How much control would he have in the selection process and the training?

Suddenly there was movement, a release of held breaths, even smiles. Rathenn spoke a few soft words to Delenn, Jenimer asked something quietly of Turval, to which he received a one-word reply.

“The Anla’shok have traditionally allowed only Minbari of the military caste to join, those either born to the caste or called to it,” said Jenimer, “But we fear that opposition from the military-caste leaders will make it too difficult to recruit enough candidates from their ranks, so we have studied prophecy and history and determined that it is now the proper time to open up membership more freely to the religious caste as well.”

“What about the worker caste?” Sinclair asked.

“As members of the Anla’shok?” Jenimer responded almost incredulously.

Sinclair nodded.

“That would be unacceptable to the military caste,” Jenimer replied.

“It is believed by some,” said Delenn quietly, “that Valen did not find it unacceptable.”

“There is no absolute proof of that,” rejoined Rathenn.

“If I accept your request to become head of the Rangers,” Sinclair said, “those worker caste who qualify will be allowed to join on a completely equal basis with all other Minbari and Humans – even if that royally knots the shorts of the military caste.”

“Jeffrey I know that you have always had a deep concern for the rights of workers,” said Delenn, “but it will be difficult to persuade the military caste. Is it wise to risk the reinstitution of the Rangers on this issue at this time? Perhaps later–“

“I can’t take on this task,” Sinclair replied, “unless I’m free to find the very best candidates your people have to offer regardless of caste. I’m afraid this has to be nonnegotiable.”

Jenimer looked extremely conflicted. Sinclair waited patiently.

“Perhaps it can be done,” Jenimer said at last.

“What about the Human candidates?” Sinclair asked.

“That is a delicate question,” said Jenimer. “We do not wish to attract undue attention from your government on this matter. In fact, we would like to keep the knowledge of the Rangers’ existence to as few people as possible.”

“So much for putting an ad in Universe Today,” said Sinclair. “How then do we attract Human candidates?”

“We will start with those Humans who are already on Minbar,” said Rathenn. “We have complete information on all of them, and you have already met a good many of them.”