Thursday (Timeless Series #4) (18 page)

I think she needed to know now but I didn’t press that either. It was Axel’s family and I would do whatever he wanted. There was no sense in putting more pressure on him when he was about to crack.

The nurse returned and I almost jumped out of my own skin. “Axel. She’s here.”

Axel rose to his feet quicker than the naked eye could follow. “What’s going on?”

“That girl is lucky.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “The doctor was able to remove most of the toxins from her system. Some of it got through and she’ll have to suffer through that on her own but she should make it.”

“Thank god…” My heart actually stopped beating.

Axel covered his face and took a loud breath. “Shit.”

“Can we see her?” I pleaded.

“She’ll be out for a long time but you can wait in her room. Come with me.” She guided us down the hall into the patient room. Francesca was lying in bed with tubes inserted every way imaginable. She was breathing on her own but she looked dead. If I didn’t see her chest rise and fall I would assume the worst.

“Take a seat.” The nurse shut the door behind her.

Axel and I took the seats at her bedside. All we could do was stare at her, seeing the nearly dead corpse. A ventilator was lodged in her throat, and the machine beeped every time carbon dioxide was released.

I couldn’t believe this.

Axel stared at her, just as speechless.

I grabbed her hand on the bed and felt the cold skin. She was freezing.

“Frankie…” Axel approached the bed and rested a hand on her arm. He seemed to be listening for a pulse, to make sure she was still on this side of life. He stared down at her with watery eyes and a quivering lip. “I’m here.”

I looked at the ground to give him some privacy with his sister.

“I’m sorry for everything that I said. Truth is, I couldn’t live without you. So, please come back to me.” He gave her a gentle squeeze before he returned to the seat beside me.

“I’ll give Yaya a call.”

He nodded.

I stepped out into the hall and made the call, grateful I had some good news in light of the bad.

***

Nearly two days later, she woke up.

Her eyes fluttered open and she stared at the ceiling for several seconds, unsure where she was or how she was alive. She didn’t blink, processing the room and the tube down her throat. Her hand automatically reached for it, wanting to remove it.

Axel grabbed her hand. “Hold on. I’ll get the doctor.”

She flinched when she saw Axel’s face. She stared at him hard, taking in every feature. Then the remorse flashed across her face. It wasn’t clear if she was relieved or disappointed that her plan failed.

Axel retrieved the doctor, who removed the intubator from her throat. Once it was gone, she immediately breathed on her own. Her hand reached for her sore throat and she coughed a few times.

The three of us stared at her, grateful she was alive.

Francesca pulled her knees to her chest and stared straight ahead, not making eye contact with any of us. The shame of her actions kicked in immediately. She knew exactly what she put us through and now she couldn’t handle it. She knew Axel was about to scream at her, to make her feel even worse.

Axel stood up and approached the bed. Then he took a seat beside her, his legs hanging off the edge.

She still didn’t look at him.

Axel took her hand, being affectionate with her in a way he never was before. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I was scared.”

Her hand was lifeless in his but she didn’t pull it away.

“We were all scared,” he continued. “We weren’t sure if you were going to make it.”

Heavy drops formed in her eyes but they didn’t drop into tears. Her breathing increased, her chest rising and falling noticeably.

“Francesca.” He wrapped both of his hands around hers. “I’m so sorry for what I said. I was too harsh with you. I was just scared…and I didn’t show it very well. I wish I could take it back.”

She closed her eyes for a long time, and when they opened the tears fell down her cheeks. “Axel…I’m the one who should apologize.” Her voice was so raspy she didn’t sound like herself at all. But they were still her words. “I’m so sorry I hurt you like this. I was out of my mind and did something stupid…it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t blame yourself.”

The interaction was intimate and I felt terrible for being there. I wanted to walk out but I thought that would draw unnecessary attention to myself.

“Promise me you won’t do this again.” His voice was quiet but full of pleas.

“I promise.” She looked him in the eye.

“None of us would be able to go on without you, Francesca. I hope you know that.”

She nodded, more tears coming. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, Axel. You don’t deserve it.”

“It’s okay.” He patted her hand. “You’re here and that’s all that matters. We’ll work on making you better. I didn’t realize how bad it was.” He leaned in and gave her a hug, making sure he didn’t touch any of the tubes still connected to her body.

I sniffed because their reunion was getting me choked up.

Axel pulled away and kissed her on the forehead.

I’d never seen him show that kind of affection with his sister. And I had a feeling I would never see him do it again.

He returned to his seat then looked at me, giving me the floor.

I sat at the edge of her bed but couldn’t think of anything to say. There was too much emotion in my heart to get anything out. I looked into her eyes and felt the unbridled tears emerge.

Francesca cried with me.

“I love you.” I wrapped my arms around her.

“I love you too. I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay.” I felt her bones in my fingers because she was so small. She felt sickly, like a skeleton.

“I promise I’ll never do anything like that again.”

“I know. Once you’re free to go we’ll work on getting you better.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

I pulled away and tried to give her a smile but I was certain it came out as a grimace. “And you’re going to start baking again. The house just doesn’t smell the same.”

She smiled but it was weak. “Okay.”

I fixed her hair and pulled it over one shoulder, cleaning her up as much as I could. “Are you hungry?”

She shook her head.

I kept staring at her.

“I mean, yes.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Please bring all the food you can carry.”

I rested my hand on hers. “That’s better.”

***

Yaya went home to get some sleep, and Axel had to be at the office. I blew off classes because I didn’t want Francesca to be alone. Despite her suicide attempt she seemed better.

Francesca watched the TV in the corner, a daytime soap opera. “You don’t have to stay with me. I know you have class.”

“It’s sociology class…boring.” I flipped through an old issue of
People Magazine.

“Well…thanks for keeping me company.”

“Of course.” I could take her home in a few days, but for now she was on observation. A psychiatrist came down and spoke to her and cleared her mental state. Whatever episode she had was over. “Frankie…what exactly happened?” I’d wanted his answer for a while, but I didn’t want to hear it in front of the others.

She grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “It wasn’t pre-meditated.”

“What does that mean?”

“I wasn’t planning on doing it. When I went to use the bathroom I was still in tears over the conversation I had with Axel. I just felt…absolutely numb. There was no point to anything anymore. Everything he said was true. I was a pathetic excuse for a person and incredibly weak.” She shook her head slightly. “I saw that bottle of painkillers and I didn’t hesitate. I just swallowed them.”

I kept my voice steady and my face stoic. “So, you wanted to die?”

“No…I just didn’t want to live anymore.”

“Because Hawke is never coming back?”

“Yes…but not really. In that moment it was out of hopelessness. Axel painted a picture for me that I couldn’t get out of my head. I saw myself in his eyes and…I didn’t like what I saw.”

I would never tell Axel any of this.

Francesca fell quiet, staring at the remote in her hand. “Please don’t tell him I said that…”

“I won’t.”

“Thank you.” She set the remote on the table at her bedside.

“Do you still feel that way?” In a few weeks would an episode like this happen again? Did Axel and I need to keep a better eye on her?

“No. I can’t believe I put you guys through this at all. And I don’t want to go back to an unbearable existence. I need to get back on my feet and move forward. I don’t like who I am anymore…”

It was the greatest progress she ever made. “You can do it, Frankie.”

“Right now it seems too difficult but I have to try. I miss the person I used to be.”

“I miss her too.”

She clenched the sheets under her tiny fingers. “I’m so sorry, Marie. I know I’ve put you through so much these past few months. You didn’t deserve that…”

“It’s okay.” I would never hold a grudge against my closest friend.

“I’ll get better,” she whispered. “I promise.”

At least something good happened in the midst of a tragedy. “I know you will.”

She lay back on her pillow, her tangled hair scattering around her. She looked out the window and stared at the sunny day. Then she turned back to me, her eyes giving away the question before she asked it. “Does he know…?”

I knew whom she was referring to. Axel said we shouldn’t call him, and I agreed with him. Seeing Francesca at her lowest point would make him pity her. And if that was the only reason he came back, he shouldn’t come back at all. “No.”

Her expression didn’t change.

“Unless you want me to tell him.”

She considered the question quietly, her thoughts circling in her mind. Then she shook her head. “No.”

I assumed that’s what she would have wanted. “You’re going to get better, Frankie. Let’s just take it one step at a time.”

***

I stood in the hallway with Axel. He just returned from the cafeteria and handed me a coffee, the crappy kind from the vending machine. He sipped it then made a face. “How is she?”

“I think she’s better.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “I think so too.”

“Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get up again.”

“I guess.” He held the Styrofoam cup in his hand, the steam drifting toward the ceiling.

“I think she’s going to be okay. This experience has made her realize she needs to get back on her feet and move forward.”

“She said that?”

I nodded.

“I just can’t believe it came to that…did she say why?”

I’d never tell him his words were the trigger. “She just misses him…”

He looked into his cup and fell silent. “I wish they never got together…”

“I wish they were still together.” I’d never seen Frankie happier than when she was with him.

“I guess…”

“Everything is easier from this point onward. We’ll take it one day at a time, and eventually she’ll be back to normal. She’ll find herself again, and this time she’ll be stronger.”

“I hope you’re right.” He eyed the door but didn’t walk inside. His usual vigor for life was absent, non-existent. “I really hate her sometimes. I don’t mean that in a joking way. I mean it literally. There are times when I wish she weren’t in my life. But…times like this remind me how much I need her.”

My hand moved to his wrist.

“It’s just like my dad all over again…”

“But Frankie isn’t going anywhere. She’s staying right here.”

He nodded.

“And she’s not going to pull a stunt like that again. I believe her.”

“I believe her too.”

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. “We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

He wrapped one arm around my waist and held me close. His chin rested on my head and he breathed a deep sigh, letting his grief escape in a single breath.

Regret

Axel

I’d never felt so shitty in my life.

When I lost my temper I screamed at Francesca, unsure how else to express myself. I put her down in so many ways, and this was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back.

It was my fault.

My sister was always a strong person. When our parents died she was grief-stricken but never immobile. She still carried on with school, work, and her relationships. She was more quiet than usual, but she was still around. Actually, I was the one who took Dad’s suicide worse. I took it as a direct insult to both Francesca and I. To this day, I still hadn’t forgiven him for the despicable action he took.

When Francesca withdrew from the world and barricaded herself in her bedroom I should have known something serious was going on. Instead of yelling at her I should have been more supportive. I was putting all my anger toward our father onto her.

How would I ever come back from this?

When she was released from the hospital I could breathe a little easier. She really was back to full health and allowed to walk away. Her mental state was still broken but at least her body was functioning.

No one said a word on the drive home. Marie sat in the passenger seat while Francesca sat in the back. I drove, my eyes moving to the rearview mirror to check on her. Every time I looked at her she was staring out the window.

We arrived at the house and walked inside. The place was messy from the way we left it. No one had cleaned anything up, and piles of books and binders were still on the kitchen table.

Francesca stood in the entryway and looked around, like it was her first time really seeing it.

Marie and I stood absolutely still, unsure what she would do.

Francesca looked at the kitchen, and after a full minute of staring she walked inside. She opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs and baking soda. Then she pulled out a mixing bowl and a few pans.

I held my breath.

Francesca pre-heated the oven then quietly began to work, mixing the batter in the bowl.

This was really happening.

She was baking.

Marie looked at me and gave me a smile I hadn’t seen in a long time.

And I actually smiled back.

***

Now that Francesca was up and about, I didn’t sleep over anymore. It was too difficult to sneak around without getting caught. Francesca was quiet and still not eating right, but she was more perceptive.

I walked in the house with a box of pizza in my hands. “Who’s hungry?”

“I am.” Marie sat at the kitchen table with her school stuff surrounding her.

Francesca was in the kitchen, making more muffins. The place was littered with baked goods, more than enough to feed everyone in town. “You want a muffin, Axel?”

I was sick of muffins. I might actually throw up. “Sure.”

She handed me one then returned to the kitchen.

I sat at the table and ripped off a huge piece and shoved it into my pocket. She didn’t need to know the difference.

Marie gave me a smile.

After Francesca finished washing the dishes she sat down beside Marie. “What did I miss?”

Marie pushed the notes toward her. “I got this from the guy in your econ class. You have an exam on Friday.”

“Alright.” She pulled it toward her and began to read.

I piled a few slices of pizza on a plate and slid it toward Marie. But then I realized my odd behavior and pulled it back, hoping Francesca didn’t notice anything. “Going back to school?”

“Tomorrow,” Francesca said. “I’m so behind but I think I’ll pass everything.”

“You should,” Marie said. “We kept up with everything for you. Just try to get C’s on all your exams.”

Francesca nodded. “So much for graduating with honors…”

She threw that away two months ago. “You’re still graduating and that’s an accomplishment.”

“I’m really proud of you.” I took every opportunity to say something positive to her, to encourage her to keep going. With all the negativity I fed her I felt like an asshole.

She met my look and searched my gaze for sincerity. When she found it she looked down again. “Thanks so much for being here for me…I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Marie said. “We’ll be here no matter what.”

“Yeah,” I said in agreement.

“There’s one favor I have to ask of you…” She set her pen down.

“What?” Marie asked.

“I never want to speak of him again.” Her voice was surprisingly emotionless, void of any kind of feelings. “I want to act like it never happened. That’s the only way I’ll move forward.”

We didn’t talk about him much anyway, so it wasn’t a big sacrifice. “You got it.”

“Whatever you need,” Marie said.

Francesca returned her gaze to her notes. “Thank you.” She flipped through the page and tried to make sense of everything she missed. Not once did she complain but she didn’t look happy either.

Marie grabbed a muffin off the tray and took a bite even though she was sick of them. She broke off a few pieces and chewed, her small mouth making nearly mute bites.

I eyed her mouth and thought of other things that I shouldn’t. I hadn’t kissed her in so long I forgot what it felt like. With Francesca’s demise I hadn’t thought of anything else. My need for affection and intimacy had disappeared. But now that I watched Marie across the table those feelings started to come back.

We would have to tell Francesca the truth eventually, but I’d rather wait as long as possible. When she was back to normal, finding steady ground, then I would reveal the truth. Not being able to spend time with Marie was unbearable but it was a small sacrifice to make in comparison to what was truly important.

***

Francesca walked inside and tossed her books on the table. She didn’t say a single word but she didn’t need to. Her frustration filled the air around her. It was a nice change compared to her usual depression.

“How’d it go?”

“I’m pretty sure I failed it.” She slumped down into the chair. Even though she was hardly a hundred pounds at this point, her body hit the chair like she weighed so much more.

“Well, you did your best.” I didn’t expect her to do much better. She’d been absent for the past few months. Even if she studied every minute of the day it was impossible for her to memorize all the material.

“I guess…I’ll just have to do better if I want that diploma.”

I just finished making a sandwich and I placed that in front of her. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you had to stay an extra semester and make up those classes.” It would cost a lot of money and waste more time, but it was better than not getting a degree at all.

“Hopefully, it doesn’t come to that.”

I pushed the sandwich closer to her.

She eyed it with that usual look.

I stared her down and silently threatened her.

She grabbed the sandwich and took an enormous bite, practically rolling her eyes.

That saved me from making a speech. “People ask any questions?”

“Yeah,” she said as she continued eating. “I told them I was sick with pneumonia, which led to bronchitis. I turned on my phone and my message box was totally full with voicemails and text messages.”

“Because a lot of people care about you.”

She paused and stared at her sandwich. Then she took another bite.

“Maybe you’ll start dating soon…” Was it to soon to push her in that direction?

“Maybe.” She ate the handful of chips I put on her plate.

Maybe was better than no. I had a few friends I might be able to set her up with, but they were a little older. My sister was pretty so she could get her own dates but I wasn’t sure how much effort she would give it.

“What’s new with you?”

“Me?” All I could think about was Marie.

“Yeah. How’s work and stuff?”

“Work is pretty much the same. I’m overworked and underpaid.”

“Anything else?”

Marie came into my mind again. “Not really.” I’d spent nearly all my time at Francesca’s place so my answer should be enough.

“Seeing anyone?”

“No.” I blurted it out too quickly, my voice sounding like it belonged to someone else entirely.

Francesca eyed me with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean, I’ve hooked up with a few girls but that’s it.”

“That thing with Marie never happened again?”

Marie told her
? “No, we’re just friends.” Friends that liked to make out.

Francesca spread out her things on the kitchen table. “I’ll have to get another job. Not sure where to start.”

“The Grind won’t take you back?”

“I doubt it. I never even quit. Why would they take me back?”

Maybe I could work something out with them. “It’s just for a few more months anyway. I can cover your bills until then.”

“You don’t need to help me, Axel. I’ll figure it out.”

“I really don’t mind. It’s not a big deal.”

“You’ve helped me enough. You have your own stuff to take care of.” She opened her laptop then searched for job offerings in the area.

“I just mean, you’re going to graduate in a few months and start a career. Does it really make any sense for you to find some part-time job just to quit soon? Just focus on school right now. That’s the most important thing.” Francesca was fairly reasonable so I knew she would respond to my logic.

“I don’t know…”

“Just think about it.”

She exited out of the page. “I guess I will.”

***

I hadn’t spent any time with Marie because Francesca was always in the way. Just a week ago I had a girlfriend, and now it felt like it never happened. I was sitting at home when I texted her.
Come over tonight.

Sleep over?

Yeah.
I missed sleeping with her. There was something oddly satisfying about having her in my arms. It chased away all the stress and gave me a strong sense of comfort. With her, I was at peace.

What am I going to say to Frankie?

Tell her to mind her own business.

Axel
. The single word straightened me out.

Tell her you’re seeing someone. She doesn’t need to know who it is.

I just think it’s strange for me to leave her home all alone. It doesn’t seem believable.

Then sneak me in.

I don’t know…

I was going crazy over here. I had a beautiful woman all to myself but I couldn’t enjoy her
. Either sneak me in or I’m breaking in. Your choice.

You’re ridiculous.

You think I’m joking?
I’d break into her bedroom window if I had to.

Maybe we should just tell her.

Let’s wait a while. We can’t drop too much on her too fast.

You’re right.

Did that mean I was getting my way?
So…

Come over at eleven. She’s usually asleep by then.

Yes.
See you then.

***

At eleven, I arrived at her doorstep.
I’m here.

Hold on
. A few minutes later the front door cracked open. She poked her head out and waved me inside with her hand.

I didn’t make a sound as I stepped on the floorboards of the house.

Marie locked the door behind me then pulled me down the hall toward her bedroom. Just when we were halfway there, Francesca’s door opened.

Oh shit.

Marie dragged us into the spare bathroom and shut the door as quickly as possible.

I locked it just in case.

Instead of walking past us Francesca knocked on the door. “Marie?”

My heart was beating so fast I thought I might die.

“Uh…yeah?” Marie gave me a hysterical look like she didn’t know what to do.

“Everything alright?” Francesca asked.

“Yeah,” Marie said. “Just doing my business…”

“Okay.” Francesca started to walk away. “I’ll wait until you’re done.”

Of course she had to use the bathroom. That was my luck
. “Tell her to use yours.”

Marie’s eyes lit up in relief. “Frankie, just use mine. It might be a while.”

“No, I’ll wait,” Francesca said.

Why the hell did she want to wait?
I turned to Marie and lifted up my hands in confusion.

She shrugged back. “Why don’t you just use my bathroom?”

“Because my stuff is in there. It’s not a big deal. I’ll just wait.”

I wanted to break the mirror with my fist.

Marie covered her mouth to stifle her scream.

There was no way out of here unless I squeezed through the bathroom window. And it was way too small for a guy like me. The only way I was walking out of there was if Francesca saw me.