Authors: Leta Blake
“I’ll be on my way. Mind your ps and qs, mister. Use your manners, don’t flirt with too many nurses, and be a good boy for Zach while I’m away.”
Leith felt his cheeks heat a little at that ridiculous show, but Zach didn’t seem to find it odd. In fact he wasn’t really paying attention as he pulled out a clean blanket and unfolded it, eyeing the floor on the other side of Leith’s bed like he was going to spread it there.
“Bye,” Zach called absently as Arthur slipped out the door and shut it behind him with a click.
Leith was glad he’d gone. He didn’t think Zach knew the way Leith was reacting to his presence, but he definitely didn’t want Arthur to pick up on it. Not until he’d figured out why or how this was happening to him.
“I brought a picnic,” Zach said, smiling as he spread the blanket out on the floor space he’d been considering. “All kinds of good things from the market and some sandwiches from your favorite deli.”
He wanted to hug Zach, but he didn’t know if that was something they’d done as friends.
Hadn’t Arthur said to hug him when Zach first visited?
Still, Leith hesitated. He hovered, awkward and yearning, behind Zach as he opened the picnic basket and pulled out what looked like a tinfoil-wrapped hoagie.
Leith reached for it eagerly, his stomach rumbling, but Zach held the sandwich back, gesturing at the blanket on the floor.
“Grab a pillow,” Zach said. “You’ll be more comfortable.”
“What else did you bring?” Leith asked, throwing his two bed pillows on the blanket and sitting on one.
Zach folded his legs and sat across from him, transferring the basket and bags to the ground next to him. “Hmm, some comfortable changes of clothes, Oreos, and let’s see, oh, a big container of mac and cheese from Mac Shack. Do you remember how much you love it?”
Leith chuckled and shook his head.
“Well, you do.”
“I’m glad someone knows what I like,” Leith said. “I’m glad
you
know what I like.”
Zach’s pale skin grew slightly pink, but he just shrugged. “You’ll know what you like again soon enough.”
He handed over the hoagie, and Leith unwrapped it carefully. His mouth rushed with saliva as the tangy scent of mustard and pickles hit his nose, and he took a big bite. He moaned, not caring that a blob of mustard dripped onto his sweatpants. “God, this is so much better than what Arthur brought yesterday.”
“Arthur likes the gross deli on fifth.” Snickering, Zach shuddered. “You like City Sub, but you have to walk a little farther for it.” He reached into the basket to pull out another container. It was creamed corn
—
another of Leith’s favorites from childhood. He whimpered as Zach popped a spoon into the container and shoved it his way.
“Here,” Zach said. “You love this too.”
Leith put aside his sandwich and tasted the delicious creamed corn. He’d known Zach would bring him better food than Arthur. He wondered what else Zach knew about him. Yet he knew nothing at all in return…only these intense feelings of attraction and affection, unmoored in any facts.
“What’s your mother’s name?” Leith asked, desperately fetching the first question that came to mind.
“Melody,” Zach said. “Why?”
“You never talk about yourself. I don’t really know anything about you, and you seem to know everything about me. That isn’t fair, is it?”
“Okay. What do you want to know?” Zach asked, opening up his own sandwich and picking off the olives.
“You don’t like olives?”
“I do, just not with this cheese.”
“Hmm,” Leith said, thinking for a moment. He wanted to ask why Zach made his heart ache and his blood sing. Instead, he went with, “How did you and Arthur become partners in Blue Flight?”
“Well, that’s an easy one.” Zach grinned, and then took a moment to eat a bite of his sandwich before answering. “When I first moved into the apartment, I was still working for my sister. She owns a restaurant in Harlem. It’s called Lisbet. Anyway, Maddie has a tendency to get distracted when her personal life goes to hell.” Zach snorted softly. “Some might call that a family trait, actually.”
Leith wanted to ask about that but Zach barreled on ahead. “I managed the restaurant for her while she went through a very messy divorce followed by a poorly chosen rebound love affair.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah. So, when she finally showed back up ready to reclaim all the duties of owner, as well as all the profits, I mentioned my frustrations about the lack of true advancement opportunities at Lisbet to Arthur.” Zach’s eyes flashed to Leith’s and held them for a moment, as though he was waiting for him to say or do something. But then he simply went on to say, “By that time, I knew Arthur through you.”
“Arthur offered you a job?”
“Yes. Blue Flight was doing so well and Arthur had just taken up…well, let’s just say he had bigger fish to fry than managing a bar in Park Slope.”
“What kind of fish?”
Zach waved the question off. “You know Arthur. It’s always something. He bought a hovel in Queens to fix up, which he turned around for quite the profit, and then he had a new girl, and then another new girl.” Zach snorted and rolled his eyes. “And then he was looking into buying a parking lot for a while. That fell through. In the end we made an agreement: I’d work as manager of the bar for three months, and if I did a suitable job, he’d let me buy in as a true partner.”
“And you met his expectations?”
Zach chuckled. “Absolutely. Though recently our employees have really taken up the slack. Arthur’s incredibly dedicated, but he’s got his mind on other things.”
“Like…?” Leith could only imagine the enterprises his older brother might be into now.
Zach cleared his throat. “You, for one. It’s been stressful for him since your accident. Anyway, back to Blue Flight
—
he let me buy in. It was the start of what was the absolute happiest year of my life. If I could find a way to live in that year forever, I would.”
Feeling like he was channeling the group counselor, Leith prompted, “Why is that?”
Zach shrugged, gazing down at the blanket for a long, strangely sad moment. “It was just a good year, Leith. I was happy. Everything was perfect. Of course I didn’t know it then. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, isn’t it?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m lacking a few years’ worth of hindsight.” He tried to make it sound funny, but Zach didn’t laugh.
“Yeah. You are. Anyway, it’s hard to explain.”
“Oh.” Leith looked at him thoughtfully. He could tell Zach didn’t want to talk about that happy year, and he didn’t know why. “So, you’re not happy anymore?”
The corners of Zach’s mouth went tight, and he swallowed. “Of course I’m happy. I’ve still got my bar
—
and hey, look! You’re alive! For a while we weren’t even sure of that. What more could I ask for?”
Zach smiled, but it wasn’t the easy, beautiful smile Leith craved to see. Leith pondered the question for a moment, but when Zach’s eyes flitted away from his nervously, he moved on to a less fraught topic. “Are you from New York originally?”
“No.” Zach’s lips quirked. “I know it’s not as strong as it used to be, but I’ve still got a Southern accent, don’t I?”
Leith swallowed. He’d noticed. The soft, rounded syllables and the occasional twang did things to his stomach
—
and his dick
—
so much so that he couldn’t bring himself to confirm the fact that he’d noticed Zach’s accent for fear of blushing.
“I grew up in Louisville,” Zach went on. “But my family
—
we aren’t very close. It’s really just me and Maddie. My mother and I don’t get along…even though I tried. A year ago I went down to see her, but it was just the same old thing. I’m not who she wants me to be, and she isn’t who I need her to be. So we don’t talk.”
“There was a picture of us
—
you and me
—
after you came back from that trip to see your mother, right?” It was like memorizing a script or a novel; so many little pieces he had to keep track of.
“Yes,” Zach answered.
Leith really wanted to ask more about that, but Zach’s face closed off again and he got the impression that pressing the issue would be hurtful. “You’re still close with Maddie even though you left the restaurant?”
“Yeah. There are no hard feelings there. She’s proud of me for going after my dreams. I see her often enough.” He jumped up and grabbed the old portable DVD player he’d brought in. “Speaking of my family, Maddie lent this to me. Can you believe she still has one? I was going to bring in the iPad and choose something from Netflix, but she thought you might want to see a familiar movie. Something you might have liked from before the accident.” Zach handed Leith a wallet of old DVDs. “You choose.”
Leith flipped through them, noticing that most of them were many years old, and they were all favorites of his. “How did you know I liked these movies?”
“It’s
your
wallet of DVDs, Leith. I just brought it in. There was nothing magical about it.”
Leith wondered if Zach believed he’d successfully diverted Leith from asking questions, and if Zach thought Leith didn’t know that was what he was doing. As he studied each DVD, he wondered if Zach’s reticence to discuss himself was because of
Leith
or because of himself. “What’s this one?” Leith asked, stopping at a disc he’d never seen before. A movie called
Beautiful Thing
.
“How about
Rocky
?” Zach said, taking the wallet out of Leith’s hands. “I haven’t seen that in a long time.”
Leith thought Zach was lying.
Zach went on, almost babbling, “It’ll be comforting to see something you already know, right? And the message is inspiring, which is obviously what we need right now.”
Leith took the wallet back, and looked at the photo on the front of disc he’d been looking at. It was two teenage boys with their arms around each other. “You don’t think I’ll like this one? I thought these were my movies.”
“They are,” Zach said, helplessly.
“Let’s watch it. I want to see something new actually.”
Zach shook his head and stood up, dusting his hands together. “It’s getting late. You’re tired and
—
”
“It’s not late, Zach, and I’m not tired. Don’t you like this movie?”
“No, I do. I just…”
“Please stay.”
“I just think you’d probably enjoy it more alone, and I have a lot of things to do for work tomorrow morning.” Zach yawned and stretched. “I’m tired, and it’s a long trip back to the apartment. I should get going so I can hit the hay early.”
“You could stay here tonight.” Leith was gripping the DVD wallet tightly, and his heart thumped. What was he doing? Why was he asking Zach to stay? Zach hesitated and Leith plunged ahead, “I’ll tell my nurse to bring in a cot for you. She won’t mind. Or you could sleep on the fold-out chair. Arthur says it’s pretty comfortable.”
Zach’s voice was breathy. “I wish I could, but I really need to go. Visiting hours are…” He trailed off.
“Is your girlfriend waiting for you?”
Zach shook his head. He pulled on his jacket, not meeting Leith’s eye. “No, nothing like that.”
“Do you have someone special?”
Zach turned his back as he packed up his few things. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Please stay and watch the movie with me. I know I’m being selfish. It’ll make it harder for you in the morning, but I like having you here. I’ve been lonely. Zach, when you’re here…for some reason I don’t feel so lonely.”
Zach turned, and Leith felt a flood of warmth open in his chest when he realized Zach was going to stay.
“Okay. A little while longer.”
Leith smiled and stood, taking Zach into the hug he’d been longing for since Zach first walked in the room. “Thank you.”
Zach made a soft noise, and Leith turned his face toward Zach’s neck a little, searching for the scent that he could almost remember. Zach held very still in his arms, and Leith could feel Zach’s heart pounding against his own chest. As Leith let go, he whispered to Zach, “I’m glad we’re friends.”
“Me too,” Zach said, his voice small and tender.
“Zach?” Leith stopped himself short of asking. He really wanted to know, and it was aching inside of him like a bruise he couldn’t stop pressing against, but he didn’t think he could handle it if Zach rejected him now. It was more than a little scary having these reactions and feelings tied to someone he didn’t even know. Zach stood with his arms crossed over his chest, and Leith’s stomach twisted to see him so wary.
“Yes?”
Leith couldn’t ask him the real question. He couldn’t ask if Zach had known what Leith used to feel for him, and he couldn’t ask if it was okay for him to still feel the same way. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Red.”
“I like blue,” Leith said.
“I know,” Zach whispered.
For them to both watch the movie on the tiny screen, Zach squeezed onto Leith’s bed with him. When they both leaned back on the doubled up pillows, their heads were very close, and their bodies touched from toe to hip to shoulder.
Leith knew without a doubt that there had never been another male friend in his life, not since his childhood anyway, who would have shared this kind of close physical proximity without any manly shoulder punching or “no homo” jokes. But Zach settled against him without apology. Leith almost moaned at how right, solid, and comforting the weight of him was.
He had to close his eyes a moment while Zach fiddled with the DVD player to deal with the strange, urgent tightness in his throat. Tears rose on a current of emotion, and he wanted to turn on his side, wrap his arms around Zach and bury his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
Leith held still, though his heart thudded so hard he imagined he could see his chest vibrating with each beat through his thin T-shirt. He noticed Zach’s fingers shaking as Zach slid the DVD into the machine and pressed a button.
Before he could stop himself, Leith grabbed hold of Zach’s hand and pressed it to his chest, holding it against his heart. The long, handsome fingers felt right there, touching him. Zach stilled, and Leith let go, heat rushing hard up his neck and into his face. He couldn’t look at Zach.