Authors: Faye Kellerman
“I’m not afraid of living on my own. I don’t live in the lap of luxury here, so struggling and working hard aren’t things I’m afraid of. But I know as soon as I pack my bags and step off these grounds, I’m going to get swallowed up by that woman you just met.”
She started to cry.
Decker knew it wasn’t just her parents. It was this morning and the events of the past month. It was the culmination of everything. He’d seen it lots of times, victims at the breaking point. He put his arm around her heaving shoulders and, much to his surprise, she snuggled in closer.
“You want to know my opinion?” he said. “I think any woman who can knee-drop her attacker couldn’t be swallowed up by anybody.”
She laughed weakly and leaned her head against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat; the slow, steady rhythm had a hypnotic, calming effect on her nerves. Bringing her arm over his chest, she embraced him. She felt her own body being enfolded by his arms, his fingers playing against her spine. He removed the kerchief from her head, loosened a few hair
pins, and a thick black wave of hair cascaded down her shoulders and back.
“How far do you want to take this?” he asked softly.
“Not very.”
He cupped her chin, lifted her face, and locked eyes.
“Don’t you find this frustrating?”
“Of course I find it frustrating. But sex isn’t the quick and easy solution.”
“You could have fooled me.”
He kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair.
“If I get objective about the whole situation, I have to admit it’s kind of nice. I feel like I’m back in high school. In the olden days, you used to have to beg for
everything
.”
He grinned and put his palms together.
“Please, please, I swear I’ll be gentle.”
She slapped him playfully and pulled away.
Decker straightened up.
“Worked about as well on you as it did on the girls in high school.”
“Maybe it’s time to change your technique.”
She cleared her throat and tried to sound casual.
“By the way, what did you think of my parents.”
“They seemed caring.
Very
protective. But, then, you were attacked this morning…. They were much more modern than I’d have imagined. You didn’t grow up yeshiva religious, did you?”
“We were modern Orthodox. Which is to
say I grew up with a strong Jewish identity. My mother was far less strict with the rules than my father. That led to a lot of fights. So in keeping with Freudian psychology, my oldest brother—the
doctor
—married a girl much less religious than he, and I married a boy much more religious than I. We all marry our parents, don’t we?”
Decker reflected. His former wife, his mother, his biological mother. Maybe it was programmed in the genes.
“On the other hand,” she continued, “my middle brother—I’m the youngest—was a lost soul. My parents didn’t know what to do with him, so he was shipped off to Israel. The Chasidim got to him, and now he’s at a Satmar yeshiva, the most religious of the three of us.”
“Two out of three ended up in a yeshiva. That’s an interesting track record.”
“Only my brother’s Chasidish. That’s the kind of Jew they depict in
The Chosen
and
Fiddler on the Roof
, the ones with the long black coats and the mink hats. This yeshiva is Misnagid, a totally different philosophy from the Chasidic yeshivas. You want to see a man emit smoke from his nostrils, call Rav Aaron a Chasid.”
“Is that the ultimate ethnic put-down?”
“For Rav Aaron. Misnagdim and Chasidim are like the Hatfields and the McCoys. Never the twain shall meet.” She thought. “It’s not that bad, but the Chasidim think the Misnagdim lack human emotion, and the Misnagdim
think the Chasidim are a bunch of ignoramuses.
“Rav Aaron was born in a small village but went to yeshiva in Minsk—a major city in Lithuania. He’s a Litvak through and through, and Litvaks pride themselves on being very urbane and intellectual. That’s why he had a field day with Yitzchak. Rav Aaron couldn’t get over my husband’s raw gray matter, his ability to learn and retain all that was taught to him. His ability to
reason
.
“Chasidism, on the other hand, gained popularity in the small villages. Its followers, back then, were generally less knowledgeable about Torah and the outside world. So the Chasidim appeased their constituency by saying Judaism is primarily in the heart, not in the brain.”
She looked at him.
“To you and the rest of the world, we must look like a bunch of crazy Jews.”
His face grew serious.
“Rina, I wish you wouldn’t lump me and billions of other people into one gigantic category. I’m more than just a gentile.”
She touched his cheek, but quickly pulled her hand away.
“Of course you are. I’m sorry. I get chauvinistic. I’m very proud to be a Jew.”
“I can see that.”
“You know, your daughter is considered Jewish, don’t you?”
“Yes. And she considers herself Jewish. About five years ago she liked what she saw in the religion, and that was fine with me. She
made up her own mind. No one crammed it down her throat.”
He saw the look on her face and knew he said the wrong thing.
“I didn’t mean it to come out that way.”
“It’s okay,” she said coolly. “I’m ready to give a statement.”
“Don’t sulk. I think it’s great that she’s Jewish. Some of my best friends are Jewish.”
She laughed.
“It’s nice to see you smile.”
“Yes, I do that every once in a while.”
She folded her hands in her lap.
“I’m really not a fanatic, Peter. There are other yeshivas far more restrictive. We’ve got radios, the
kollel
families have TVs, we can subscribe to secular newspapers and magazines. Some of the yeshiva boys are enrolled at UCLA and Cal Tech. We’re considered comparatively liberal.”
Decker said nothing.
“One of the men from here even had the audacity to take me to the movies.”
“You don’t see movies?” Decker asked.
“It’s considered
nahrishkeit
—foolishness. I think the one we saw was with Steve Martin.”
“How did you like it?”
“The movie was okay, but the boy I was with…” Rina rolled her eyes. “What a weirdo! He wouldn’t dare touch me, of course, but he threw me a lot of lecherous looks. It was when I first started dating, a year after Yitzy died. I was eager to go out. A couple of rotten dates and I went back into hibernation.”
“What was so weird about him?”
“He asked me too many personal questions. Things like did I still go to the mikvah even though I was a widow? Or was I going to stop wearing my wedding ring? Or uncover my hair. I kept my hair covered for a long time afterward. Now I only cover it when I leave the yeshiva. Or if I know I’m going to see an outsider…or you…”
“What else did he ask you?” Decker prodded.
“Did I ever eat nonkosher food? Did I ever smoke dope? Those questions may not sound so strange to you, but they’re highly irregular coming from a yeshiva
bocher
.”
“Go on.”
“That was all, really.”
“Guy’s still here?”
“Yeah, he’s married now. Learns in the
kollel
. I think his wife straightened him out a bit.”
“What’s his name?”
She looked at him, suspiciously. “He’s not the rapist.”
“I didn’t say he was. I just asked for his name.”
She didn’t answer, and Decker dropped it.
“So your dates just didn’t work out, huh?”
“Disasters. I might have started dating too soon after.”
“Or maybe you’re just fishing in the wrong pond.”
She sighed. “There are a lot of other Jewish communities. Bigger communities with lots of men. I’m just not ready to face the mating rituals again.”
“You sound as if you could use someone close to home to help ease the transition.”
She smiled. “And you’re volunteering?”
“As a community service.”
“You know, Decker, you would have made a great yeshiva
bocher
.”
He broke up.
“No, I’m serious. You have all the external trappings. You’re intelligent, curious, hardworking. You asked the right questions. You’re even a
lawyer
. A yeshiva is like a Jewish law school with ethics and morals thrown in. Anyone who’s ever studied both will tell you that Jewish law is much harder and more challenging than American law.”
“I missed my calling, huh?”
“You laugh, but I can tell, Peter. If you’d been born Jewish and raised in an Orthodox environment, you would have been a fanatic.”
Her words made him uncomfortable. He fidgeted.
“You don’t have any cigarettes, do you?”
She shook her head.
“It’s okay.”
“Would you like some coffee or juice?”
“Just water.”
She got up and he let out a deep breath. Jesus, it was hot in here. Funny he should just notice it. She returned with a tall glass of iced water.
“Thanks.” He drained the glass. “If you don’t go to movies and don’t eat out in restaurants, what do you do for fun?”
“What’s that?” Rina said deadpan.
“Think back to when you were a baby and you used to smile, but everyone thought it was gas.”
“Ah yes—it’s coming back to me.” She gave him a light poke. “We have fun.”
“Doing what?”
“Shabbos is fun. I cook huge meals for Friday night and Saturday lunch until I’m ready to drop, and everyone stuffs themselves, leaving me to do the dishes.” She laughed. “Seriously, I love Shabbos day. We go to services in the morning. Then, either I have people over for lunch or we’ll be invited out. There’s lots of talking, singing, learning, playing with the kids, eating, drinking…We don’t use any electricity on the Sabbath. We don’t even turn on a light, pick up a phone, or drive a car. Disconnecting from the outside world for one day is purifying, Peter. Like the plunge into the mikvah.
“I’ve done a lot of reflecting these past two years since Yitzchak died and found that I like being religious. There’s purpose in it, and purpose in life is a rare treasure these days.”
“Give me your hand,” he said.
“What?”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to attack you. Yeah, even a lowly goy can control himself. I just want to hold your hand.”
Surprisingly she complied.
“I like talking to you,” he said. “Do you like talking to me?”
“You know I do.”
“Find me trustworthy?”
“What are you leading up to?”
“Why don’t we go out together? We can do something harmless like take a drive to the beach and talk. It would be really nice.”
“I just can’t do it.”
“Why not? We won’t tell anybody.”
“It’s not the external conflict. It’s the internal one.”
“So we’ll just be buddies. Like Marge Dunn and me. Marge and I go out for drinks all the time. Everybody needs a good buddy.”
She shook her head.
“Just one time. See how you like it.”
“I can’t, Peter. It wouldn’t stop at one time, and you know it.”
She was right. He might as well salvage what he could.
“Look, you went out with Goldberg, and you thought he was a real weirdo. I’m not even a teensy bit weird, so how about your giving me as much consideration as old Goldberg?”
“Goldberg?”
“The weirdo who asked you all those questions.”
“That was Shlomo Stein. Where’d you get the name Goldberg?”
“Shlomo Stein, huh?”
Rina glared at him, but didn’t pull away. “That was really rotten.”
“I was sincere about the invitation.”
“I’ll give you that statement now.”
Decker grinned expansively. The evening wasn’t a total loss.
Sammy gazed into
space, knotted his fingers into a fist, and slammed it into the mitt. Rina checked the clock. He’d been gawking at the wall and punching the baseball glove repetitively for the last hour, and there was still another fifty minutes to go before Peter showed up.
She’d tried talking to him, suggesting they play a game or learn some
Chumash
together, but he shrugged her off. Jacob, on the other hand, had spent the morning like every other Sunday morning—glued to the TV. He was excited about going to his first baseball game, but he was just as excited about the Jerry Lewis movie that came on at eleven. Jacob was so good-natured, so easy to please. Sammy was a sweet boy with a heart of gold, just much more serious by nature than his brother.
How could two boys with the same parents, born only a year apart, be so different?
She decided to bake. It was therapy for her, calming her nerves. Picking up the wooden spoon, she creamed the margarine with the
sugar, mashing the yellow lumps into a smooth, sweet paste.
When Peter had first offered to take the boys to the Dodgers game, she’d refused. She didn’t want them getting attached to him, and he said he understood—they were her kids, she knew what was best for them.
But guilt began to tug at her heartstrings. Every single morning after his prayers, Sammy would open the paper and pour over the sports section, studying it as diligently as he studied the scriptures. He’d memorized all the statistics, backward, foreward, sideways. Name a Dodger, and he could tell you his life history. It just seemed cruel to deny him such a small pleasure. She’d been putting him off so long. So she asked him if he wanted to go to Sunday’s game with Peter, and the boy’s eyes livened with unabashed excitement. So she called Peter back.
She sifted in flour and cocoa powder, and stirred the batter vigorously.
“Eema?” Sammy called from the other room.
“What, honey?”
“What time is it?”
“Forty minutes to go.”
Silence.
Then the dull thud of flesh hitting leather. She was sure his knuckles were red and raw by now.
Jake came in the kitchen.
“Whatcha making?”
“Cupcakes.”
“Are they pareve?”
“Yes.”
“Can we take them with us to the game?”
“That’s why I’m making them,” she said, pouring the batter into the paper liners.
“Can I lick the bowl?”
“One of you gets the bowl, the other the spoon. Work out the division between yourselves.”
Jake pulled over a chair and watched her put the cupcake pan in the oven.
“Are you excited?” Rina asked him.
“Yeah.”
“You like baseball, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope the Dodgers win.”
“Yeah. Can we buy a Coke there?”
Rina smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”
“Thanks.” He slid off the chair, went out to his brother and returned a minute later. “Shmueli isn’t hungry. Can I have the bowl and the spoon?”
Rina gave him the cookware coated with chocolate batter. The little boy scooped up the bowl and utensils in his arms and returned to his television program. Just when the cupcakes had cooled sufficiently for packing, the doorbell rang. Sammy answered it.
Rina was taken aback by Peter’s appearance. Her image of him until now had been that of a “professional detective” in a shirt, slacks, and tie. This afternoon he wore a white T-shirt, sloppy cut-off shorts and sneakers, and a baseball cap perched atop his thick patch of
orange-red hair. He looked so all-American, so working class. So goyish. With him were two teenagers. The girl was attractive, but too gangly to be beautiful. She had her father’s hair, cut short, big brown eyes, and an open, toothy smile. She was dressed in short shorts, a midriff tank top, and sandals. The boy was surfer blond and slightly taller than the girl, with meat on his bones. His dress was identical to the girl’s. They had their arms looped around each other.
Immediately, Rina wondered if she hadn’t erred in her judgment. Although she couldn’t shelter her kids forever, perhaps it would have been wiser to expose them to the goyim at a less impressionable age. She had definite misgivings, but it was too late to back down now.
“Thanks for taking them,” Rina said.
“My pleasure.”
Something was bothering her, and Decker knew instantly what it was. Their dress was too secular. The kids were showing affection publicly. She was sorry she’d agreed to this, leaving her sons in the hands of a goy. He had almost told her about his adoption and origins that night. They had achieved a certain intimacy, and he’d wanted to be open with her. But something stopped him. Years of silence on the subject had put his lost identity in cold storage. To reveal himself to her would have opened a Pandora’s box that he wasn’t prepared to deal with. Not with a job to do, a rapist on the loose.
“This is my daughter, Cindy, and her boy
friend, Eric,” Decker introduced. “Kids, this is Rina Lazarus and her sons, Sammy and Jake.”
The teenagers smiled and tightened their grip on one another.
“What do you think?” Decker asked, cradling his daughter’s face in his hands. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Rina smiled. “Gorgeous.”
“
Dad!
” Cindy whispered, embarrassed.
“I do this to her every time.” He grinned, then threw his arm around Sammy and touched the glove. “You’re coming prepared.”
Sammy shrugged sheepishly.
“Ready?”
The boys nodded.
“Peter, this is their food.” Rina handed him a double bag. “They can have Cokes or Seven-ups, but
nothing
else. No hot dogs, ice-cream, french fries, nachos, potato chips—”
“What if it has
hashgacha?
” Jake asked.
“Yonkie, I packed more than enough goodies for you guys.” She turned back to Peter. “Only drinks. Here’s a five-dollar bill—”
“What are you giving me?” Decker laughed. “Even a cop can afford to buy a round of Cokes. And calm down. I’ll bring ’em back in one piece. And they’ll still be Jewish.”
She took a deep breath and let it out.
“I trust you.”
“Cynthia, why don’t you and Eric walk the boys to the car. I want to talk to Rina for a minute.”
“Sure,” the girl answered. “Nice meeting you.”
“Same here. Enjoy the game.” Rina started to plant kisses on her sons. “Have a wonderful time, and listen to Detective Decker.”
Sammy squirmed out from her grip and walked out the door with the teenagers. Jake stayed behind an extra moment to get another hug, then quickly caught up with the others.
“We hit paydirt with Shlomo Stein,” Decker said when they were alone. “Guy’s got a past. Indicted for two counts of possession of cocaine with intent to sell, one count of racketeering, and one count of assault with a deadly weapon. None of the charges stuck except the assault, and in that case, he beat the rap. Hired himself a hotshot lawyer named MacGregor Dayton. I’ve heard of the man. He was defending heavy-duty dealers back when I was still a boy in Florida. And they say he only got sharper over time.”
He paused.
“In his secular days old Shlomo Stein was known as Scotty Stevens. I’d like to know what the hell he’s doing here.”
“Finding meaning, I guess.”
“Yeah, well I’m cynical enough to think that major personality changes don’t take place overnight.”
“He’s not the rapist, Peter.”
“No, the guy is perfect now that he prays all the time.”
“I didn’t say that,” she answered, defensively. “Granted, he’s a weirdo. But he was in class with twenty other men at the time of the rape.”
“How do you know?”
“I was one step ahead of you.”
“What did you do, Rina?”
“I asked around—”
“Damn!” Decker interrupted. “Rina, you gave the guy a chance to set up an alibi.”
“We are very protective of one another, but nobody here would cover up to protect a rapist. I asked a few trustworthy people—like Zvi. Now would Zvi protect a man who raped his wife?”
“Who the hell knows? I have trouble understanding this place’s mentality.”
“Peter, I’m not a character reference for Shlomo Stein. I’m just telling you that he didn’t do it.”
“Did you know about his former criminal activities at the time you went out with him?”
“Of course not! I wouldn’t have gone out with him had I known. It wasn’t until later that I found out he’d had some problems. Apparently, he was brought up Orthodox, strayed, and now has returned like the prodigal son,
lehavdil
. Rav Aaron let him stay after he found out, even though he wasn’t happy about it. He doesn’t want this place to be a refuge for weirdos and misfits. But a community can’t turn its back on members who’ve made mistakes in the past.”
“But you knew he had a record when I talked to you.”
“No, I didn’t.” She looked down. “I knew he’d been in some sort of trouble. I thought it was drugs.”
“Why didn’t you mention it to me?”
“I knew you’d find out.”
“But why didn’t you tell me your suspicions?”
She said nothing.
“You’d rather protect your own, even if he’s a criminal, than trust an outsider who happens to be a cop and, more important, a human being who’s very concerned about your welfare.”
“Peter, it’s not that.”
His eyes bore into her.
“I
do
trust you,” she said, earnestly. “I didn’t want to cast doubt on him just because he’d had a checkered past. I didn’t know what he was. Let the investigation come from the officials. Let it come from you.”
“I’m beginning to wonder about this place. I have a mind to conduct a complete investigation—”
“Peter,
this place
houses sixty families, two hundred college-age boys, and another one hundred high school kids. The boys graduate and leave, others take their places. Some kids come here mid-semester. There’s a constant turnover of students, not to mention visiting rabbis and scholars who learn at the yeshiva for a year or so. With that many people coming and going, you’re bound to come across a few oddballs.”
“You’ve got a gangster and a psycho—”
“Moshe is harmless.”
Decker said nothing.
“You must have had him checked out,” Rina said.
“He’s clean.”
“Of course he’s clean.”
A beeper went off. Decker unhooked the portable radio from his belt loop and listened to a number being mumbled over a lot of static.
“I need to borrow your phone for a moment.”
“Sure.”
He made his call, gave a few instructions, and hung up the receiver.
“Anything important?” Rina asked.
“Not really. With this Foothill bastard on the loose, I like to be as accessible as possible.”
“It must be hard on you.”
“At least it saves on gas. I’m always taking the unmarked to be near the radio. I don’t think I’ve driven my personal car in three months.” He looked at his watch. “I have to go.”
“Peter?”
“What?”
“Once you conned Shlomo’s name out of me, I should have told you the rest. I’m sorry.”
His expression softened, and he plopped his baseball cap atop her head. “Take care of yourself.”
“Your daughter’s lovely.”
He gave her a wide smile.
“I’ll tell her you said that.”
Even though Rina showed up early for the Bible class, Ruthie Zipperstein and Chana Marcus were already there, deep in conversation. She liked the book they were studying—Samuel—for it described the excitement of the reign of King David. Not only was the book of Samuel interesting historically, but it provided magnificent insights into the frailties of human nature. David, the righteous Jew who did the unspeakable to obtain the woman he wanted. A leader, a learned man, a sinner, and humble servant of
Hashem
.
David was also a redhead.
She sat down and told the women where her boys were. She knew they’d find out anyway, so it might as well come from her mouth.
“Rina, I can’t believe you let the boys go with him.”
“It’s just a baseball game, Ruthie.”
“The high school boys were thinking about getting a group rate to a Dodgers game,” Chana said. “Why didn’t you wait and send the boys with them?”
“Chana, they’ve been talking about getting tickets for four months. The season is practically over. Plus, the seats Peter got—”
“Peter?” Chana asked.
“Detective Decker got box seats. Some commissioner gave them to him. I just couldn’t put Shmueli off any longer.”
“You’re getting awfully friendly with him, don’t you think?” Ruthie said.
“I don’t have to justify my actions to anyone.
Hashem
knows what’s in my heart.”
The women made no attempt to hide their disapproval.
“Rina, I’ve got a cousin coming out from Baltimore,” Chana said. “He’s twenty-eight and a very nice boy. He reminds me of Yitzchak, except he’s a little more fun-loving. He’s already asked me about Universal Studios and Disneyland—”
“When’s he coming out?” Rina asked.
“Chol Hamoed Sukkos.”
She shrugged. “If he’s nice, I’ll go out with him. Where does he learn?
Ner Yisroel
?”
“He actually just got
smicha
. He’s looking for a job. Maybe even here. We can always use a good Rav.”
“Did you mention me?” Rina asked.
“In passing,” Chana admitted.
“Did you tell him I had children?”
“Yes.”
“And what did he say?”
“He didn’t say anything. He said he’d like to meet you. I told him how pretty you are. Shimon has an eye for pretty women. So then I’ll tell him to call you?”
“All right,” Rina said unenthusiastically. She opened the
navi
and reread the passage in which David first saw Bathsheva. “…from the roof, he saw her bathing. And she was very beautiful to look upon.”
She wasn’t simply bathing, Rina knew. She was immersing herself in the mikvah.
Rina found him sitting underneath a sprawling elm. Directly behind the shade tree, filling
the air with the pungent scent of menthol, was a grove of eucalyptus that tapered into the thick, woodland brush. The day sweltered under a blazing furnace of a sky. Briefly she thought about her boys at the game and sunstroke, but then dismissed worry from her mind. Peter had common sense.