The One That Got Away (7 page)

I feign
polite interest for about ten minutes and then make our excuses and
carry on around the room. There is everything here and more besides
that you could want for a wedding and we are soon inundated with
brochures and information.

Despite my mum’s enthusiasm I feel bored with
it all. Nothing has struck me as different and I don’t want a run
of the mill wedding. Nathan is totally bored and I can see him
playing a game on his phone whilst pretending to be interested. I
regret coming now and wish we had just stayed in like he had wanted
to.

After an excruciatingly boring hour we all
head off outside. My mum is full of ideas and enthusiasm and as I
drop her off I have to promise to pop around later in the week to
discuss the ideas.

We wave her goodbye and Nathan lets out a big
sigh of relief. “Thank God that’s over. Do people really enjoy
doing those sorts of things?” I laugh at him in agreement. Suddenly
the thought of Phoebe taking charge is an attractive thought. I am
quite surprised at this as I would have thought that I would be
super excited to arrange and plan my wedding. I mean surely it’s
every girls dream. I should be knee deep in magazines and planning
guides by now. I realise with surprise that I haven’t even thought
of looking at dresses. I look at Nathan and say, “Honey do you
think that we should set a date? I mean that may focus our minds a
bit more and then we will have something to aim for.”

Nathan smiles
his sexy smile at me and runs his fingers up and down my knee.”
“Just you tell me when and I will be there. Just tell me what to do
and I will do it. I want it to be perfect for you so whatever you
want just do it.” I feel a bit let down at his answer. Why do I
feel that he is putting it all onto me? Surely he wants some input
into it. To just turn up on the day doesn’t seem that fair to
me.

We stop at a local pub for Sunday lunch and
then spend the rest of the day at Nathan’s flat.

This is more like it I think as we lay in bed
having spent a passionate hour and are now watching TV cuddling up
together. Thoughts of Nathan’s lack of involvement in the wedding
planning leave my mind, after all, it’s much more a girl thing, and
I don’t know why I thought he would be interested really.

The next day we are back to work and once
again Nathan is at head office. As I get to my office I notice an
email from Ben in my inbox. He asks me to meet him in his office as
soon as I get in so I dump my things and rush up there.

Knocking on the door I hear him call me to
come in. I haven’t seen him since the party and once again feel
embarrassed at how it ended. He looks up as I enter and smiles at
me.

“
Good to see
you Bella, are you well?” Smiling back at him I nod my head and he
gestures for me to take a seat opposite him. “Good. I am sorry to
grab you as soon as you get here but I was wondering if you could
clear

your diary
this morning. I wanted us to go up to London on a fact finding tour
of some of the trendier stores.”

I look at him
with surprise. Surely he has other people higher up and more
experienced than me to accompany him?

Noticing my expression he smiles. “I wanted
your input as a fresh set of eyes. No pre-conceived ideas and I
happen to enjoy your company.”

I blush and wonder why he has this effect on
me. “Ok Ben, I would love to. Just give me half an hour to move
some things around and I will meet you by the back entrance.” He
nods and then turns his attention back to his desk.

Half an hour later we are heading to the
station to get the train to London.

Despite my reservations we actually have a
great day. There is no awkwardness between us and he is the old Ben
that I used to enjoy spending time with in the warehouse at
Cunningham’s.

We look at some great stores and get loads of
ideas which we are excited about. London is so exciting as the
Christmas lights are out and the shop windows look amazing. It is
extremely busy with people Christmas shopping and it reminds me
that I haven’t even started yet.

Soon we are exhausted and it is getting late.
Not counting the coffee we grabbed earlier on in the day we haven’t
stopped and are starving. Ben smiles wearily. “Do you fancy
grabbing a bite to eat? I don’t know about you but I am fading fast
and don’t have anything at home to eat.” This sounds like a great
idea and I smile back at him. “That would be great Ben, I don’t
have much in either and am starving.”

We decide to eat in a nearby Italian
restaurant and I am grateful for the warm, welcoming interior as we
push our way in from the cold.

As we look at the menu Ben grins over at me.
“Do you trust me Bella?” This question surprises me and I look at
him questioningly. He laughs and points to the menu. “Let me order
for you? I spent some time in Italy and think that I know what you
would enjoy.”

As he says it he looks at me once again with
his compelling stare that seems to pull me in. Somehow his words
take on a deeper meaning and I feel myself blushing. “Ok, surprise
me,” I say returning his stare. The waitress hovers nearby and
without even taking his eyes from me he orders us the same meal in
a slow husky voice. He orders us some wine and then gives her the
menus, again not looking away from me for a second. Once again I
feel drawn in by him, and I can’t look away. He runs his finger
slowly across his chin, looking thoughtful and fixes me with a
direct look. “So, how are the wedding plans going?”

I blink as I am pulled out of my trance as
though his words have been a big bucket of icy water drenching me.
He looks at me with an intense look and I think of Nathan.

Once again I feel guilty at the effect that
the man opposite has on me and I babble on about the wedding.

“
We haven’t
really had much time to do much about it, what with work and
all.”

He looks at me and raises his eyes. “Not the
time, or is it not the inclination?” I flush, once again feeling
annoyed that he is interfering with my relationship. The wine
arrives and I am grateful for the distraction. As I take a sip the
warm fiery liquid shoots through me giving me some welcome Dutch
courage. He is watching me and says, “Well?” I am confused again.
“Well what?” I reply looking at him steadily. He laughs again and
nods towards the wine bottle. “The wine. Is it to your liking?” I
am relieved at the conversation turning back on to safer ground.
“Yes, it’s very nice.” I reply smiling at him.

He almost looks disappointed. “Hmm, nice is a
very non committal word. How does it make you feel?” He is studying
me, searching my face for more of a reaction. I wonder what he
wants from me, for goodness sake, what difference is it to him if
the wine is nice or not? I decide to play along with him. I am
getting tired of playing the victim in his obvious game so I stare
at him as intently as he does me. Picking the glass up I run my
finger down the stem. I lift the glass up and inhale the aroma.
Still holding his gaze I take a large mouthful and swish it
suggestively around my mouth. His eyes darken and I can see his jaw
tighten and tense. As I swallow I then run my tongue around my lips
and then part them, whilst gazing into his eyes. Then I say, “Hmm,
yes, just nice.”

His face relaxes and he laughs. “I suppose I
asked for that. You always could see through me hey Bella.” I laugh
with him but think to myself that he is almost impossible to read.
The food arrives and as I eat I see him watching me again for my
reaction to the food. It is absolutely divine and not something
that I would normally order. “Ben, this is amazing. You have chosen
well.” I say, putting him out of his misery as he obviously wants
to know what I think. He smiles and raises his eyes. “Not nice?
Well I’ll take amazing over nice every day.” Once again we laugh
and I finally feel on a level with him. Feeling bolder I ask about
Melissa.

“
So what
about Melissa? She seems lovely, you are very well suited.” He
looks at me a slow smile spreading across his face.” “Yes, she is,
we are very happy.” Once again I feel strangely put out.

“
Yes Nathan
seems to like her too and he is a very good judge of character.”
Ben smiles but says nothing. I press on wanting to know more about
their relationship for some reason. “What about you Ben, are there
wedding bells on the horizon for you two?” Ben just looks at me
steadily. “No, we haven’t known each other that long.” I can’t seem
to let it go and say, “But you do love her?”

Why did I say that? His expression changes to
one of annoyance and I regret the question.

“
What is love
Bella? Sure we have fun; I enjoy her company and find her very
attractive. Our sex life is good and she is funny and
sweet.”

I feel
disconcerted about him mentioning their sex life and I don’t know
why. Seeing my obvious discomfort he carries on. “Is she the first
thing that I think of when I wake up and the last thing before I
sleep? Do I think about her every minute of the day and wonder what
she is doing now? Do I want to spend my every waking hour with her
and hold her tightly to me at night? Love is something that grows
in time. It is like a flower that starts off as a small seed. You
care for it and watch it grow. You find out what it likes to
survive and you nurture it so that it flourishes. This is the
flower that you take the most pride in. Not the one that you have
purchased already in flower, that soon dies and is cast aside. This
is a journey of understanding that cannot be rushed.”

His words captivate me and his face has
relaxed as he talks about love. His eyes are burning into mine and
once again I cannot look away. His words are beautiful and full of
meaning. I have never heard anyone define what love means to them
before and it has completely taken my breath away.

The waitress once again appears to clear away
the dishes and the spell is broken. She hands us the desert menus
but he brushes them aside. Still looking steadily at me he says,
“We will both have the chocolate brownie with pistachio ice cream,
followed by two espressos.” “Very good choice,” she says and
hurries away. Still holding his gaze I say, “Do you always have to
be in control Ben?” My question obviously surprises him and he
laughs, grinning at me like he used to. “Absolutely Bella. I like
to take control, I am sure that you will soon learn that.”

I shift uncomfortably in my chair. I feel so
turned on by him and I hate myself for the feelings that he arouses
in me. I suddenly feel that I need Nathan here to protect me, like
a safety blanket. That thought also disturbs me. I don’t want to
think of him that way. I want him to be my world and to let nobody
else in. Ben has made me question my own meaning of the word love
and I am not sure that I am ready to think about it. I decide to
break the spell and move onto safer ground.

I spend the rest of the meal asking him about
his plans for the store and discussing what we found today. The
time soon passes and we take the train home. Sitting opposite him
on the train my thoughts turn to the coming weekend. “Ben, we don’t
have to come with you to the New Forest you know.” He looks
surprised and I continue. “I am sure that you would rather spend a
romantic weekend with Melissa. We can make some excuse not to
come.” He looks a little annoyed and says abruptly. “We want you
both to come, it is all arranged. Why, is there a reason that you
would rather not come?” He has thrown it back at me and I feel
foolish. Shaking my head I say, “Oh no of course not. Nathan and I
would love to come.” I brought Nathan into it more to settle my own
mind than his, although I notice him frown as I mention his name.
Well it’s not as though they didn’t ask us, so whatever his agenda
is he will just have to sort it out on his own.

We go our separate ways at the station and I
feel a strange mix of relief coupled with a feeling of emptiness as
he leaves. I am not looking forward to the weekend one bit and feel
totally railroaded into it.

As the week goes on I don’t see Ben again
which is somewhat of a relief. Every evening Phoebe shows me her
latest find for the wedding. She has some really good ideas which
don’t cost a lot and I find myself getting more and more into it.
We still don’t have a date fixed yet but I am hoping that as soon
as Nathan and I have a spare day we can finalise it all. Boris’s
Uncle has said that we can go and look at Harden Hall on our next
day off together so I am hoping to go the Sunday after our New
Forest break.

I have missed Nathan a lot this week. We
speak on the phone every day but it is a poor substitution. I feel
that I need to re-connect with him as my feelings are in turmoil
after my day out with Ben. In some ways I hope that this weekend
will prove to Ben once and for all that I am happy with Nathan and
end whatever it is that is going on between us.

Chapter 9

Ben and Melissa pick Nathan and I up at
7.30pm on Friday. I am so happy to see Nathan and am looking
forward to spending the weekend with him. I have decided to keep an
open mind on the weekend and am determined to enjoy it. Nathan too
is in good spirits and we laugh and joke around as we pack. Ben and
Melissa also seem on fine form so I am hopeful of us all having a
good time.

As Ben and Nathan load our bags into his boot
Melissa grins at me. “I will sit next to you in the back Bella and
let the boys talk about boring boy things on the way down. We girls
have to stick together.”

I am slightly disappointed as I wanted to
cuddle up next to Nathan but agree with her as it would be good to
get to know her better. The traffic isn’t too heavy despite the
normal Friday getaway jams and after about two hours we are heading
into the New Forest. Melissa has been good company and has kept me
laughing with tales about life as a Model. If anything it sounds
quite boring and I am glad that I least do a job that I love.