This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and incidents are products of author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.

Chapter One

J
asmine opened the tap for the fourth time and washed the fork again. The brillo pad scratched against the silver metal with the foam of fairy liquid plopping down the sink. It had been an awful day. She could hear Clive, her boss’s voice loud and clear in her head.
‘This was wanted an hour ago! We lost a client because of you! How many chances must we give you?!’
Jasmine had checked and rechecked the accounts for the last four hours. She was meticulous, one of the reasons she’d been taken on at the accounting firm. But that very day she’d blown it big time!

Jasmine tightened the tap and took a deep breath, Clive’s voice still in her head. She turned the fork from side to side and then opened the tap and began to clean it again.

‘I had to make sure it was perfect,’ she’d said to Clive who had almost turned the colour of a tomato.

‘It was perfect two hours ago! This was our third biggest client!’ he’d paced while he barked...

Jasmine turned on the tap again and began to scrub the fork again. The routine was repeated another six times until eventually she felt satisfied. She took slow steps towards the kitchen table, pulled out the chair and sat down before a huge chocolate cake, smothered with the thickest cream.

‘I haven’t eaten all day, I deserve this,’ she mumbled. ‘I haven’t eaten all day, I deserve this cake.’ It was as if she was in a trance chanting a mantra.

The memories that lay in her mind were as clear as day, as if they’d only happened yesterday. Jasmine could remember it all. She’d been only seventeen at the time. There was the dance, the lies. Jasmine had done Stacey’s homework and in return Stacey had promised to set her up with the most popular guy in the school. Jasmine had fallen for it hook, line and sinker... a chance to be with the popular guy was every girls dream. So faithfully she’d produced the best work she’d ever done for Stacey.

The deal had gone to plan or so she thought. Stacey had told Jasmine to meet her outside the school hall the night of the school prom. Stacey promised that at exactly 7pm she would walk out with Tony and together they could walk into the hall and show the school who she was with.

Jasmine had waited and at exactly 7pm Stacey and a group of girls showed up but not with Tony. Instead they each carried a small bag that contained eggs. It had been the most humiliating and traumatising day of her life. The years before that had been horrendous that at times she wondered why she bothered waking up at all. But that night she thought all had changed, she thought that just maybe she would be part of them. There were the sniggers, the smell of raw egg up against her skin and the sting from the impact of the eggs that hit against her body.

‘You dirty fat pig! What makes you think a shit like you will ever be with Tony?’

That was when it all started; the excessive cleaning, the eating, the constant weighing of herself. That was when it had all started and it had followed her into her adult life.

Jasmine gazed at the cake with the words still tumbling out of her mouth. She lifted the plastic lid and moved the cake a little closer. She swerved it to the left and then to the right and then the words stopped as she concentrated. It looked better from the right, but quickly she decided it looked better from the left. For a while Jasmine swayed the cake from left to right until there was a satisfied feeling of contentment.

She lifted the fork and slowly lowered it into the thick spongy chocolate. She brought a large piece towards her mouth and took it in. It exploded her taste buds and the sensation shot through her body. Every part of her tongue took in the sensation and brought tears of delight and distress to her eyes. It wasn’t long before she was repeating the manoeuvre over and over again until the cake was almost complete.

Jasmine put down the fork and gazed at the tiny piece that remained on the tray.

‘You fat shit!’ she said. ‘You dirty fat shit!’ The words stung and quickly she pushed back the chair and ran straight for the bathroom, poked a finger down her throat and began to purge. After the majority of the cake had been expelled from her stomach, she turned towards the sink and rinsed her mouth. It wasn’t long before she began the process of washing her hands. It took a few minutes and almost scalding water to get her hands clean.

She wiped away the steam that had misted the mirror. The face that gazed back at her was beautiful; a round face with a button nose, dark brown eyes that sometimes seemed void, smooth skin that was without blemish, Jasmine was lucky that way but in her eyes she never saw herself as beautiful. Instead all she saw was the fat girl, who had had the eggs thrown at her with the short mop of hair.

After a moment Jasmine moved from the mirror and made her way to the bedroom. There were many things running through her mind. She was caught up in the turmoil of emotion and it was a wonder she was able to keep a job. It had been her attention to detail that had bagged her that accounting job. But at times she drove Clive crazy with her constant checking, difficulty to let go of what was. There had been many times she'd been on the firing line but luck had it that their top client found her to be the best and if the company got rid of her, they would go where she went.

Jasmine stood at the edge of the bed and gazed at the covers. She bent down and opened the duvet so that it was the shape of a triangle. She put it back and tried again. It bugged her that she couldn't just do it once and let it go and the harder she tried not let it control her, the harder it was for her to suppress it. When she was satisfied, Jasmine began to undress. When she'd finally stepped into her pyjamas she began to fold away her clothes. It bugged her that they weren't perfect so again she tried to fold them as perfectly as possible until finally after seven tries it was perfect.

Finally Jasmine slid into bed. She gazed up at the ceiling and said a silent prayer. She prayed for strength to face another day. Each day was a stressful one, each day brought with it challenges that she had no idea how to make stop. Was everyone's life this way or was it just hers? After the terrible incident on the night of the prom, her parents had failed to realise what was really going on. Jasmine was smart and had managed to hide it well enough. They never questioned the hours she spent in the bathroom as she washed herself over and over again. They weren't at home when she made herself ill or took laxatives to rid herself of all the ugliness that she believed was inside of her. As long as she brought home good grades, there was nothing to worry about.

This behaviour poured out into the University years and it was rare that Jasmine made any friends. But there was one girl Ella who wanted to know about the mysterious Jasmine. It took a while for Jasmine to warm up to her but soon they became great friends. There had been times when Ella had questioned Jasmine's behaviour but she'd never seen it to the extent Jasmine did it at home. Home was were Jasmine could let out the crazy, if that was what she'd call it and not once had she let Ella into her home. Every time she'd tried something always came up.

But it was a lonely life, Jasmine had no one to call her own and each guy, Ella set her up with ran a mile calling her a crazy nut. Jasmine continued to stare up at the ceiling mumbling the prayer she'd said for the fifth time. Finally she turned to the right and switched off the lamp. Everything was dark for a moment but soon light spread across the room again. Jasmine took a few deep breaths then there was darkness again, then light, then darkness, then light and finally darkness ruled the room. Finally Jasmine could shut out the madness and hopefully get a peaceful sleep.

****

'I
'm not sure I understand this!' Zack followed his soon to be ex girlfriend across the room as she carried clothes to a suitcase.

'There is nothing to understand, you and I both know this was coming.

'Perhaps you did but I had no idea!'

Kimberly laughed sarcastically, 'Really? You really didn't see this coming?'

He sighed. Kimberly dropped the clothes into the suitcase then turned to him placing her hands on her hips.

‘Zack we’re not working,’ she said. ‘We haven’t been working for a few months now.’

‘Is it that fancy new boss of yours, it that it!’

Kimberly’s eyed the six foot four hunk she’d fallen for three years ago. He was everything she ever wanted. Successful, gorgeous and ambitions but then there was one part of him that had put her off time and time again. At first she’d tried to understand it but as the days turned into months and the months into years, it wasn’t that simple anymore. His love for his sister was just too much for her, it always felt like she was fighting for a space in his life with her.

‘You’re unbelievable!’ She steamed.

‘So it’s true, has he promised you a promotion, what? What exactly has he promised you?’

‘Nothing, it’s not about him, it’s about us! We don’t work anymore.’ Kimberly moved across the room again and picked up a few more clothes. The thought of her boss crossed her mind, it was true she’d fallen for him and he didn’t have a sister to fight against; but she wasn’t going to admit it to Zack. Besides there were some dark secrets that they shared that she wanted to stay clear from.

‘Fine!’ he said finally. ‘When you realise he’s just using you don’t come back. Once you walk out this door is shut!’

Zack had thought about the problems in their relationship. There had been times when he had to put his sister first but that was just the way it was. He’d thought Kimberly understood that. He watched the beautiful tall blond as she finished packing. Her well kept golden locks fell to the middle of her back, she was absolutely beautiful and he’d loved everything about her. But she did have a flaw and that was at times she was just so impersonal. What was he holding on to? Why was he so determined not to let her walk away when that could’ve been the best thing in his life? Pride, Zack was battling his pride. What would he tell people, his family, friends and work colleagues when they asked about Kimberly. Every time he walked into a room with Kimberly on his arm, heads turned and compliments flew. It was his thing, the successful guy with the beauty on his side, she was the woman his friends wanted and at times they said so.

‘Don’t do this, let’s talk about it at least,’ his ego spoke.

‘Zack.’ She zipped up the suitcase. ‘Why, why do you want me to stay?’

‘Because I love you,’ he said.

She laughed slightly, ‘You don’t love me, you love the idea of me. I’m the woman who makes you look good. I’m your trophy, but I’m not going to be that anymore.’

‘So you’re going to be his trophy instead?’

The slap across his face was unexpected.

‘This is exactly why I’m leaving you. You just don’t get it do you? I’m not an empty shell, I have feelings. You don’t get to choose when to be with me just so you can show me off.’

‘It’s never been like that.’ He held onto the side of his cheek a while longer. ‘You know that.’

‘Perhaps you don’t see it that way but I do.’

‘So it’s not about my sister then?’ He was feeling a tad confused.

‘It’s all of it Zack, we’re done!’ She pulled the big suitcase off the bed and wheeled it to the door.

He was about to open his mouth when it dawned on him. He wasn’t really in love with her too. Everything she’d mentioned was true and perhaps it was time for him to let her go. Perhaps it was the best thing to do.

Kimberly stopped at the doorway and gazed back at him, there was a hint of regret in her eyes but it only lasted a moment.

‘I’m sorry Zack,’ she said finally. ‘I really am.’

He nodded and watched as she walked out of his life.

Chapter Two

J
asmine walked into the busy restaurant half an hour late. Ella was sipping on her second glass of wine and not looking pleased at all. But it was a common occurrence with her friend, she just never was on time and at times Ella wondered why she put up with it but this had been happening for years. They had had their share of fights, Ella wanted to know more about her friend but Jasmine barely let her in. They had gone for months without talking and it had been the worst feeling for Ella that she’d decided not to push for anymore information from Jasmine and they were back to being friends.

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