The Healing (3 page)

“Let him taste some of your delicious boyfriend cookies, and I bet he’ll be down on his knees, proposing marriage.”

Esther giggled. “You’re such a kidder.”

“I’m glad you’re staying. I’d miss you terribly if you moved away.” Suzanne gave Esther a hug. “I’ll keep my ears open about any jobs in the area, and of course I’ll be praying.”

“I appreciate that.”

They sat quietly for a while, sipping their tea and nibbling on some banana bread Esther had made the night before. It was good to sit and be quiet with her friend. They’d always been there for each other, in good times and bad.

“What’s new in your life?” Esther asked after they’d finished their refreshments. “Have you and Titus made any definite plans for the future?”

Suzanne’s cheeks flushed as she gave a slow nod. “We’ve only told our immediate families so far, but we’re planning to be married next fall.”

“That’s real good news. You two are perfect for each other, and I’m sure you’ll have many happy years as husband and wife.”

“I hope so. As you well know, our relationship got off to a rocky start when Titus first moved to Kentucky.”

“That was only because you reminded him of his ex-girlfriend.”

Suzanne nodded. “When Phoebe came here and tried to win Titus back, I thought I’d lost him forever.”

“But he chose you over her, and soon he’ll be your husband.”

“Jah
. I can hardly wait.”

“Will you continue to work at the woodshop with Titus and Nelson after you’re married?” Esther asked.

“We haven’t discussed it, but I hope so. I love working with wood, and I’d miss being in the shop.”

“You and Titus will work things out. Will he be going home to Pennsylvania for Christmas?” Esther asked.

Suzanne shook her head. “We’re very busy in the woodshop right now, and since it’s only been a few weeks since we were there for his sister-in-law’s funeral, Titus will be staying here for Christmas.”

Esther smiled. “I’m sure you don’t mind that he’ll be staying.”

“I am looking forward to having Titus over to our house for Christmas, but I know his family will miss him.” Suzanne sighed. “I’m sure he’d like to be there for his brother, because from what Titus has told me, Samuel’s still going through a really hard time.”

“That’s understandable.”

“Titus is concerned because Samuel won’t answer any of his phone calls. He knows from talking with his folks that Samuel’s extremely depressed.”

“I’ve never lost anyone that close to me, but I’m sure it’s going to take some time,” Esther said, wondering if she’d be able to cope with something as painful as losing a loved one. She thought about Dan and hoped he wouldn’t lose his battle with MS.

“It was terribly hard on Mom and the rest of the family when my daed died,” Suzanne said. “And when we lost Grandma, that was very difficult, too.”

Esther wished no one ever had to die, but she knew that dying was a part of living, and for a Christian who had accepted Christ as their Savior, death meant leaving this world and spending an eternity in the presence of the Lord. She prayed that when the time came, those beliefs would give her strength and carry her through the days when she would need it most.

Paradise, Pennsylvania

Samuel moved slowly through the cemetery, weaving in and out among the plots until he came to Elsie’s simple headstone. His throat constricted as he knelt on the cold ground beside it.

“Elsie May Fisher,” he murmured, reaching out to touch the inscription on the headstone. “Loving wife and mother.”

A gust of chilly wind blew, stirring up the dried leaves scattered around and whipping Samuel’s straw hat from his head. He shivered and grabbed for it before it spun away. Winter was just around the corner, and soon it would be Christmas.

Hot tears pushed against his eyelids, and he blinked several times in an attempt to force them back. Thanksgiving had gone by in a blur, and Samuel didn’t think he could deal with Christmas this year. He couldn’t stand the thought of going to the kids’ school Christmas program, knowing Elsie wouldn’t be with him to watch Marla and Leon say their parts. Samuel felt as if his life had come to a screeching halt the day he’d lost his wife. He knew it was wrong to wish that he was dead, but he couldn’t help it because that was still exactly how he felt.

He lifted his gaze to the sky and blinked against the snowflakes that had begun to fall
. Why, God? Why’d You have to take Elsie from us? Don’t You know how much the kinner need her? Don’t You care that my heart is breaking? How will I get through this? How do I go on?
Over and over, he kept asking the questions, hoping, praying his pleas would be heard
.

No response. Nothing but the eerie sound of the wind whipping through the trees outside the cemetery fence.

He shivered again but knew it had nothing to do with the frosty air that engulfed him. The chill he felt was from his grief—a chill that went all the way to his heart, to the very core of his being.

Feeling the cold all the way to his bones and trembling badly, Samuel finally stood and made his way out of the cemetery. From there, he wandered aimlessly down the road, until he came to his folks’ house. Samuel and the kids had been staying with his father and stepmother, Mama Fannie, ever since Elsie died. Samuel couldn’t stand being alone in his house, and he couldn’t deal with caring for the children. How could he, when he could barely care for himself?

He remembered how the other night, he’d stuck his head into the room Penny and Marla shared and seen them both kneeling on the floor by their bed with their hands folded. They’d obviously been praying. Were they asking God to give them their mother back?

Puh! Now that would take a real miracle
, he thought bitterly. But God didn’t give people miracles like that anymore. Just Lazarus and God’s Son, Jesus—those were the only two people he knew about that had ever been raised from the dead. No, Elsie wasn’t coming back, and he and the children somehow had to learn to live with that fact.

The stairs leading to his folks’ back porch steps creaked as Samuel plodded slowly up them. When he entered the house, he heard voices coming from the kitchen.

“I’m worried about Samuel,” Mama Fannie said. “I know he misses Elsie, but he’s grieving so hard he can barely function. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s staying with us, I doubt he’d eat anything at all.”

“I know you’re concerned, Fannie, but try not to worry,” Dad said. “It’s going to take some time for Samuel to come to grips with Elsie’s death. He’ll come around eventually; you’ll see.”

“I hope so, because losing their mamm has been hard on the kinner, and if their daed remains in such a state much longer, they might think they’ve lost him, too.”

Samuel’s boots clomped noisily across the hardwood floor as he stormed into the kitchen. “My kinner are not going to lose me, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop talking about me behind my back!” These days his guard was always up, feeling defensive about nearly everything. It seemed to be the only way he could protect his emotions and not allow his feelings to control him.

Mama Fannie blinked her dark eyes as she lifted her chin. “We’re just concerned about you, son.”

“Well, you don’t have to be. I’m fine, and so are my kinner. Or at least we will be once we’ve moved.”

“Moved where?” Dad asked, giving his beard, sprinkled generously with gray, a quick tug.

“To Kentucky.”

Mama Fannie’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“I’ve decided that if I’m ever going to move on with my life I need to get away from here so I can leave all the painful memories behind.”

Mama Fannie jumped up and clutched the sleeve of Samuel’s jacket. “You’re not thinking straight right now. You need to give yourself more time to heal.”

“I don’t need more time. I need to get away—make a fresh start someplace else.”

The wrinkles in Mama Fannie’s forehead deepened, and when tears welled in her eyes, she covered her face with her hands. “I can’t stand the thought of losing another one of my boys to Kentucky. Please, Samuel, won’t you give this more thought?”

Samuel stood there, shaking his head.

“I’ve been taking care of your kinner since Elsie died, and if you take them to Kentucky, I’ll miss them so much. Besides, they don’t know anyone there and won’t have the support of family and friends.”

“They’ll know Titus,” Dad put in. “I’m sure they’ll make friends with others in the community there, too.”

“That’s right,” Samuel agreed. “And don’t try to talk me out of it because I’ve made up my mind.” He hated talking so severely to the dear woman who’d become his mother when he was a young boy, but being in the protective shell he’d put himself in, he couldn’t let his shield of defenses down—not to anyone—not even his family.

Mama Fannie lifted her face and sniffed deeply. “Wh-when do you plan to leave?”

“We’ll head for Kentucky after the first of the year. In the meantime, I’ll get in touch with Titus and let him know we’re coming. Hopefully, he or his contractor friend, Allen Walters, will be able to help me find a job.”

“Shouldn’t you at least wait until spring?” Mama Fannie persisted. “Traveling in the dead of winter could be dangerous. Besides, I’ve heard it said that when someone loses a mate they shouldn’t make any major changes for at least six months. And in my opinion, it would be better to wait a whole year,” she added with a decisive nod.

Making no further comment on the subject, Samuel moved quickly toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Mama Fannie called.

“Out to the phone shanty to call Titus.” Samuel hurried away before she could say anything more, and at the same time, feeling terrible that he’d spoken so sternly to his folks.

I
still wish you weren’t going,” Mama Fannie said as Samuel and his children sat at the kitchen table having breakfast on the second day of January. “I wish you’d reconsider and stay here with your family.”

Samuel’s jaw clenched so tightly that his teeth hurt. Mama Fannie’s constant badgering about moving to Kentucky was beginning to get on his nerves. Didn’t she understand that he needed to get away? All his sisters and brothers and their families had come for supper last night so they could say good-bye. They’d shed lots of tears, but at least none of them had given him a hard time about moving.

“Samuel, did you hear what I said?” Mama Fannie reached over and touched his arm.

“Jah, I heard, but I’m not going to change my mind, so you may as well stop badgering me about it.”

“Samuel’s right,” Dad said before she could respond. “He’s a grown man, and he has every right to do what he feels is best for him and his children.”

Mama Fannie looked up at Samuel and scrunched her nose. “How can moving to Kentucky be best for any of you? How can leaving your family here and moving two states away be a good thing?”

“Because I say it is!” It was so easy to say; he only hoped he could convince himself to believe it. This decision hadn’t come easy, but he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t stand to stay here anymore—couldn’t deal with anything that reminded him of Elsie.

“Daadi
, please don’t yell at Grandma.” Marla began to cry, and then the younger ones, Leon, Penny, and Jared, followed suit.

Samuel felt like covering his ears.
“Es dutt mie leed
—I am sorry,” he mumbled, looking first at Mama Fannie and then his children. “Now hurry up and eat your breakfast, kids, because our driver will be here soon.”

“Grandma, will you and Grandpa come visit us in Kentucky?” Marla asked, swiping at the tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Of course we will,” Dad was quick to say. “Maybe in the spring when the weather’s better. And for sure when Titus and Suzanne are married in the fall.”

Mama Fannie smiled, although there was no sparkle in her eyes. “I’m sure you’ll be coming back here for visits, too.”

“Can we come back to Pennsylvania for my birthday?” Marla asked, looking at Samuel with a hopeful expression.

He shook his head. “Your birthday’s next month. That’s too soon for us to be goin’ anywhere.”

“How come?”

“Because the weather will be bad, and hopefully I’ll be busy working.”

“The weather’s bad now,” Mama Fannie reminded. “And you don’t even have a job yet.”

Samuel’s defenses rose once again. “I’ll find something to do; you’ll see.”

“Since Zach’s friend Allen is a general contractor, I’ll bet he can find you some painting jobs,” Dad said.

“Puh!” Mama Fannie dismissed the idea. “Who’s going to want their house painted in the dead of winter?”

“Some folks want the inside of their houses painted,” Samuel said. “Besides, we won’t have many expenses because we’ll be staying with Titus—at least until my house here sells and I can find a place there to buy or rent.”

“At the very least, I’m sure you can find some odd jobs to do. You’ve always been pretty handy with things.” Dad thumped Samuel’s back.

A horn honked outside, and Samuel jumped up and rushed to the window. “Our driver’s here. Get your coats on kids, and then say good-bye to your
grossdaadi
and
grossmudder
so we can head out.”