The Definitive Book of Body Language (9 page)

Walk across in front with your right leg and turn his palm up

Analyze your own approach to shaking hands and notice whether you step forward on your left or right foot when you extend your arm to shake hands. Most people are right-footed and are therefore at a disadvantage when they receive a dominant handshake because they have little room to move and it allows the other person to dominate. Practice stepping into a handshake with your
left
foot and you will find that it is easier to deal with the power players who would try to control you.

When a power player presents you with a Palm-Down Thrust, respond with your hand in the Palm-Up position, then put your left hand over his right to form a Double-Hander and straighten the handshake.

The Double-Hander

This switches the power from him to you and is a much simpler way of dealing with the situation, and is much easier for women to use. If you feel the power player is purposely trying to intimidate, and he does it regularly, grasp his hand on top and then shake it (as below). This can shock a power player so you need to be selective when using it and do it only as a last resort.

The last resort

No one likes receiving a handshake that feels like you've been handed four cold breakfast sausages. If we become tense when meeting strangers, blood diverts away from the cells below the
outer layer of the skin on the hands—known as the dermis— and goes to the arm and leg muscles for “fight or flight” preparation. The result is that our hands lose temperature and begin to sweat, making them feel cold and clammy and resulting in a handshake that feels like a wet salmon. Keep a handkerchief in a pocket or handbag so that you can dry your palms immediately before meeting someone important so you don't make a poor first impression. Alternatively, before a new meeting, simply visualize that you are holding your palms in front of an open fire. This visualization technique is proven to raise the temperature of the average person's palm by 3-4 degrees.

When two leaders stand side by side for media photographs, they try to appear equal in physical size and dress code but the one who stands to the left of the picture is perceived by viewers to have a dominant edge over the other. This is because it is easier to gain the upper hand when they shake, making the one to the left of the photograph appear to be in control. This is obvious in the handshake that took place between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon prior to their television debate in 1960. At that time the world was ignorant about body language, but on analysis, JFK appears to have had an intuitive understanding about how to use it. He made a practice of standing on the left-hand side of a photograph, and applying the Upper-Hand position was one of his favorite moves.

Gaining the Upper Hand—
JFK using the left-side advantage to put Richard Nixon into the weaker–looking position

Their famous election debate revealed a remarkable testimony to the power of body language. Polls showed that the majority of Americans who listened to the debate on radio believed that Nixon was the victor, but the majority of those who watched it on television believed Kennedy to be the clear winner. This shows how Kennedy's persuasive body language made the difference and eventually won him the presidency.

Standing on the left side of a shot gives Bill Clinton the Upper-Hand advantage over Tony Blair

World leaders approaching from the wrong side—the right side of the photograph—and walking into a dominant handshake

Even though women have had a strong presence in the workforce for several decades, many men and women still experience degrees of fumbling and embarrassment in male/female greetings. Most men report that they received some basic handshaking training from their fathers when they were boys, but few women report the same training. As adults, this can create uncomfortable situations when a man reaches first to shake a woman's hand but she does not see it—she's initially more intent on looking at his face. Feeling awkward with his hand suspended in midair, the man pulls it back hoping she didn't notice, but as he does, she reaches for it and is also left with her hand dangling in a void. He reaches for her hand again and the result is a mishmash of tangled fingers that looks and feels like two eager squid in a love embrace.

If this ever happens to you, intentionally take the other person's right hand with your left, place it correctly into your right hand, and say with a smile, “Let's try that again!” This can give you an enormous credibility boost with the other person, because it shows you care enough about meeting them to get the handshake right. If you are a woman in business, a wise strategy is to give notice to others that you intend to shake hands so as not to catch them off guard. Hold your hand out as early as possible to give clear notice of your intention to shake hands and this will avoid any fumbling.

A corporate favorite the world over, this is delivered with direct eye contact, a candidly reassuring smile, and a confident loud repetition of the receiver's first name, often accompanied by an earnest inquiry about the receiver's current state of health.

The Double-Hander

This handshake increases the amount of physical contact given by the initiator and gives control over the receiver by restricting
his right hand. Sometimes called the “politician's handshake,” the initiator of the Double-Hander tries to give the impression he is trustworthy and honest, but when it's used on a person he's just met, it can have the reverse effect, leaving the receiver feeling suspicious about the initiator's intentions. The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug and is acceptable only in circumstances where a hug could also be acceptable.

“You're a lovable, memorable person—
whoever you are…”

Ninety percent of humans are born with the ability to throw the right arm in front of the body—known as an overarm blow—for basic self-defense. The Double-Hander restricts this defense capability, which is why it should never be used in greetings where a personal bond doesn't exist with the other person. It should be used only where an emotional bond already exists, such as when meeting an old friend. In these circumstances, self-defense is not an issue, so the handshake is perceived as genuine.