The Definitive Book of Body Language (8 page)

Considering what has already been said about the impact of the Palm-Up and Palm-Down gestures, let's explore their relevance in handshaking.

In Roman times, two leaders would meet and greet each other with what amounted to a standing version of modern arm wrestling. If one leader was stronger than the other, his hand would finish above the other's hand in what became known as the Upper-Hand position.

Let's assume that you have just met someone for the first time and you greet each other with a handshake. One of three basic attitudes is subconsciously transmitted:

1. Dominance: “He is trying to dominate me. I'd better be cautious.”
   

2. Submission: “I can dominate this person. He'll do what I want.”
   

3. Equality: “I feel comfortable with this person.”
   

These attitudes are sent and received without our being aware of them, but they can have an immediate impact on the outcome of any meeting. In the 1970's we documented the effect of these handshake techniques in our business skills classes and
taught them as business strategies, which, with a little practice and application, can dramatically influence any face-to-face meeting, as you will see.

Dominance is transmitted by turning your hand (striped sleeve) so that your palm faces down in the handshake (see below). Your palm doesn't have to face directly down, but it is the Upper Hand and communicates that you want to take control of the encounter.

Taking control

Our study of 350 successful senior management executives (89 percent of whom were men) revealed that not only did almost all of the managers initiate the handshake, 88 percent of males and 31 percent of females also used the dominant handshake position. Power and control issues are generally less important to women, which probably accounts for why only one in three women attempted the Upper-Hand ritual. We also found that some women will give men a soft handshake in some social contexts to imply submissiveness. This is a way of highlighting their femininity or implying that domination of them may be possible. In a business context, however, this approach can be disastrous for a woman because men will give attention to her feminine qualities and not take her seriously. Women who display high femininity in business meetings are not taken seriously by other business women or men, despite the fact that it's now fashionable or politically correct to say everyone is the
same. This doesn't mean a woman in business needs to act in a masculine way; she simply needs to avoid signals of femaleness such as soft handshakes, short skirts, and high heels if she wants equal credibility

In 2001, William Chaplin at the University of Alabama conducted a study into handshakes and found that extroverted types use firm handshakes, while shy, neurotic personalities don't. Chaplin also found that women who are open to new ideas used firm handshakes. Men used the same handshakes whether they were open to new ideas or not. So it makes good business sense for women to practice firmer handshaking, particularly with men.

The opposite of the dominant handshake is to offer your hand (striped sleeve) with your palm facing upward (as below), symbolically giving the other person the upper hand, like a dog exposing its throat to a superior dog.

The submissive handshake

This can be effective if you want to give the other person control or allow him to feel that he is in charge of the situation; for example, if you were making an apology

While the Palm-Up handshake can communicate a submissive attitude, there are sometimes other circumstances to consider. As we have seen, a person with arthritis in their hands will be forced to give you a limp handshake because of their condition and this makes it easy to turn their palm into the submissive position. People who use their hands in their profession, such as surgeons, artists, and musicians, may also give a limp handshake, purely to protect their hands. The gesture clusters they use following their handshake will give further clues for your assessment of them—a submissive person will use more submissive gestures and a dominant person will use more assertive gestures.

When two dominant people shake hands, a symbolic power struggle takes place as each person attempts to turn the other's palm into the submissive position. The result is a viselike handshake with both palms remaining in the vertical position and this creates a feeling of equality and mutual respect because neither is prepared to give in to the other.

Communicating equality

There are two key ingredients for creating rapport in a handshake. First, make sure that yours and the other person's palms are in the vertical position so that no one is dominant or submissive. Second, apply the same pressure you receive. This means that if, on a firmness scale of 1-10, your handshake registers a 7 but the other person is only a 5, you'll need to back off 20 percent in strength. If their grip is a 9 and yours is a 7, you'll need to increase your grip by 20 percent. If you were meeting a group of ten people, you'd probably need to make several adjustments of angle and intensity to create a feeling of rapport with everyone and to stay on an equal footing with each person. Also keep in mind that the average male hand can exert around twice the power of the average female hand, so allowances must be made for this. Evolution has allowed male hands to exert a grip of up to 100 pounds for actions such as tearing, gripping, carrying, throwing, and hammering.

Remember that the handshake evolved as a gesture to say hello or good-bye or to seal an agreement, so it always needs to be warm, friendly, and positive.

The Palm-Down Thrust is reminiscent of the Nazi salute and is the most aggressive of all handshakes because it gives the receiver little chance of establishing an equal relationship. This handshake is typical of the overbearing, dominant person who always initiates it, and their stiff arm with palm facing downward forces the receiver into the submissive position.

The Palm-Down Thrust

If you feel someone is giving a Palm-Down Thrust to you on purpose, here are several counters to it:

If you receive a dominant handshake from a power player—and it's mostly men who do it—it is not only difficult to turn his palm back up into an equal position, but it's obvious when you do it.

This technique involves first stepping forward with your left foot as you reach to shake hands. This takes a little practice, as stepping forward on the right foot is the natural position for 90 percent of people when shaking with the right hand.

The power player attempts to control

Step forward on your left foot

Next, step forward with your right leg, moving across in front of the person and into his personal space. Finally, bring your left leg across to your right leg to complete the maneuver (see below), and shake the person's hand. This tactic allows you to straighten the handshake or even turn it over into the submissive position. It feels as if you're walking across in front of him and is the equivalent of winning an arm-wrestling bout. It also allows you to take control by invading his personal space.