The Definitive Book of Body Language (10 page)

Yassar Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair,
whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed

The intention of any two-handed handshake is to try to show sincerity, trust, or depth of feeling for the receiver. Two significant elements should be noticed. First, the left hand is used to communicate the depth of feeling the initiator wants to convey and this is relative to the distance the initiator's left hand is placed up the receiver's right arm. It's like an intention to embrace and the initiator's left hand is used like a thermometer of intimacy—the farther up the receiver's arm it's placed, the more intimacy the initiator is attempting to show. The initiator is attempting to show an intimate connection with the receiver, while, at the same time, attempting to control their movement.

For example, the Elbow Grasp conveys more intimacy and control than the Wrist Hold, and the Shoulder Hold conveys more than the Upper-Arm Grip.

The Wrist Hold

The Elbow Grasp

The Upper-Arm Grip

The Shoulder Hold

Second, the initiator's left hand is an invasion of the receiver's personal space. In general, the Wrist Hold and the Elbow Grasp are acceptable only where one person feels close to the other and in these cases the initiator's left hand enters only the outer edge of the receiver's personal space. The Shoulder Hold and Upper-Arm Grip show close intimacy and may even result in a hug (“personal space” will be covered more in Chapter 9). Unless the intimate feelings are mutual or the initiator doesn't have a good reason for using a double-handed handshake, the receiver will probably be suspicious and mistrust the initiator's intentions. In summary, if you don't have some sort of personal bond with the other person, don't use any Double-Hander. And if the person who gives you one
doesn't have a personal connection with you, look for their hidden agenda.

It's common to see politicians greeting voters using double-handed handshakes and businesspeople doing it to clients without realizing it can be political and business suicide, putting people off.

During the Iraq conflict in 2003, George W. Bush and Tony Blair presented to the media the image of a powerful alliance that was “united and equal,” but close analysis of photographs shows strong power plays by George Bush.

Outdressed and outgunned: George Bush
putting the Upper Hand on Tony Blair

In the above picture, Bush leans in to deliver the Upper Hand from the left side of the photograph. Bush is dressed like an Armed Forces Commander-in-Chief and Blair is dressed like an English schoolboy meeting the headmaster. Bush has his feet firmly planted together on the ground and is using a Back Hold to control Blair. Bush regularly jockeys for the position left-of-picture, allowing him to be perceived as dominant and to look as if he were calling the shots.

To avoid losing power if you inadvertently find yourself on the right-of-picture, extend your arm early as you approach from a distance, as this forces the other person to face you straight on to shake hands. This lets you keep the handshake on an equal basis. If photos or video are being shot, always approach the other person so you occupy the left-of-picture position. At worst, use a Double-Hander to give yourself an equal footing.

Here are eight of the world's most annoying and disliked handshakes and their variations. Avoid them at all times:

Credibility Rating: 1/10.
Few greetings are as uninviting as the Wet Fish, particularly when the hand is cold or clammy. The soft, flaccid feel of the Wet Fish makes it universally unpopular and most people associate it with weak character, mainly because of the ease with which the palm can be turned over. It is read by the receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter, but there may be cultural or other implications—in some Asian and African cultures a limp handshake is the norm and a firm handshake can be seen as offensive. Also, one in twenty people suffer from a
condition called hyperhydrosis, which is a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. It's wise to carry tissues or a handkerchief for mop-up strategies before any bout of handshaking.

The Wet Fish

The palms have more sweat glands than any other part of the body, which is why sweaty palms become so obvious. Surprisingly, many people who use the Wet Fish are unaware they do it so it's wise to ask your friends to comment on your handshake style before deciding what you'll use in future meetings.

Credibility Rating: 4/10.
This quietly persuasive style is a favorite of men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or put people in their place. The palm is presented in the down position with one sharp downward pump followed by two or three vigorous return strokes and a grip that can even stop blood flow to the hand. Sometimes it will be used by a person who feels weak and fears they will be dominated by others.

The Vise

Credibility Rating: 0/10.
A second cousin to the Vise, the Bone-Crusher is the most feared of all handshakes as it leaves an indelible memory on the recipient's mind and fingers and impresses no one other than the initiator. The Bone-Crusher is the trademark of the overly aggressive personality who, without warning, seizes the early advantage and attempts to demoralize his opponent by grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. If you are female, avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters, as the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you to open your business dealings in a state of shock.