Tequila & Tea Bags (10 page)

‘I’m in.’

***

I’ve been at the care home about an hour when I hear it. Pearl’s daughter is visiting her and she seems terribly excited.

‘There’s horses all over the village! They must have escaped from the stables,’ she says in distress. ‘It’s awful.’

Oh my God. I hope Mitsy’s okay. How the hell could they have gotten out? Probably some moron leaving the gate….oh
shit.
I did shut the gate, didn’t I? DIDN’T I?!

She carries on talking while my stomach takes a nose dive. ‘It's mayhem out there. I don’t know what they’re going to do.’

Shit shit shit.

I swallow down the nerves and try to see through the blind panic. Okay, calm down. It can't be that bad. Pearl’s daughter is probably just a drama queen. It's probably just one horse that’s escaped. But still…could this be my fault? Really? Think, Rose. Did I lock the gate? Did I do that special knot thing Will showed me? Oh God, I can't remember.

I get my phone out of my pocket and stare at it, contemplating if I can really call Elsie for help. Will she go mad? But then I don’t have many other options right now. I dial her number with shaky hands.

‘Rose. Are you okay?’ she asks, anxiety in her voice. It must be obvious something’s wrong. We’re in the same building. Why else would I be calling her?

‘No.’ I gulp loudly enough for her to hear. ‘I fucked up.’ I cover my face with my hand. ‘I really fucked up.’

She sighs audibly, making me feel a million times worse. ‘I’m coming to find you.’

***

As we drive through the village all I can see are horses. Fucking horses
everywhere!
I’ve already spotted three, but not Mitsy yet. Dear God, if she’s killed by a car Will won’t ever forgive me.

‘Fuck, Elsie. What are we going to do?’ I throw my head down on the dashboard, hoping I’ll knock myself out and wake when this is all over. Instead I just get a headache.

‘Pray to God for a miracle!’ she shrieks, making the sign of the cross against her chest.

If He’s our only help we’re screwed.

‘I was thinking more of something that might actually help us,’ I snap.

Elsie and her stupid God. Why would He have let this happen? If He’s real, He’s got a sick sense of humour.

‘Okay, let me think.’ She touches her hand to her forehead. Her head snaps back, suddenly determined. ‘Get out of the car.’

My stomach drops. She’s cutting me loose? She’s telling me to run away?

‘What? You’re abandoning me in my time of need?’ I plead, sounding as pathetic as I feel.

‘No, you wally. Get out and try to herd the horses. I’m going to go find some of the owners. They should be able to help.’

She leans across me, opens my door and practically throws me out of the car. Her exhaust fumes fill my throat as she wheel spins away from me. I cough and splutter as I watch her leave. Oh fuck. How the hell do you herd horses? Where’s a Collie dog when you need one?

I look around and spot a black horse over by the bramble bushes. It's bloody massive; easily twice the size of me. It could probably kill me with one kick. I have no idea how to get it to come to me.

‘Here, horsey, horsey, horsey.’

It looks back at me as if I’m stupid. I suppose I shouldn’t call it like it's a cat. I take a deep breath and walk over to it cautiously, trying to work out if it's a man or a woman. For some reason I feel like I’d have more chance if it was a girl. You know, woman to woman. I can't see a horse penis, but I don’t know if horses have penises. Do all animals that are male have dicks? Or is it just some of them? I remember our old family dog Champs that used to nosh himself while we were trying to watch Hollyoaks. It was beyond gross. Anyway, focus, Rose. FOCUS.

I put my hand out to it, trying to coax it towards me. Instead it gives one glance at my hand before deciding to bolt, kicking dirt in my face. I try to run after it, but after a few hundred yards decide it's useless. I need something to coax them back home. It seems my charm is doing nothing. What would tempt a horse? What would tempt Mitsy? Oh my God, that’s it. I need polo’s and I need them now.

I run towards the local corner shop, sweat trickling down my back. I should really do some exercise classes. I’m seriously unfit. I still ache from Sunday with Will. I rush in, tripping over a baby pram wheel and head towards the mints. I use my top to scoop up as many packets as I can carry.

‘Got bad breath, love?’ the cashier asks, herself eating a smelly tuna sandwich.

I turn my nose up and try not to be sick. Then I realise I have no money. Crap. I left my purse at the home. Not that twenty five pence would have gone far anyway. I look at the cashier with weary eyes, already begging forgiveness.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t have any money, but…I’ll bring it later.’ I start backing out of the shop.

‘Sorry?’ she stammers, putting down her sandwich and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

I don’t wait for her to question me further. I turn and run as fast as I can out of the shop and down the road, trying to find the giant black horse. It's only when I feel a stitch attack my side and stop for a minute that I realise she’s bloody running after me!

‘You picked the wrong bitch to steal from!’ she screams, holding a baseball bat over her head. ‘I came fifth in cross country running!’

Oh, mother of all that is holy! I run faster, my shins aching more with every thud to the gravel. I glance back and she’s gaining on me now. My stomach tightens in fear.

I grab a kid’s nearby bicycle and throw it behind me. I hear her go down and glance back to see her cursing me, her fall gathering a small crowd. Jesus, I’ve crippled the bitch. I sure am making a lot of enemies here. And I’ve only been here a few weeks.

But I don’t have time to wallow. I spot the same black horse eating Mrs Casey’s front garden daisies. Well, she’s not going to be happy. Another enemy.

‘Horsey,’ I sing, edging towards it very slowly. I’m still so out of breath. ‘I’ve got some
p-o-l-o-s.
’

Its ears instantly prick up. I’ve got her attention now. This close I’m almost sure there’s no horse dick.

‘Yes. Lots of lovely
polo’s,
’ I tease, waving them around.

She trots towards me, making a weird sniffing sound. I give her a polo, her tongue licking my entire hand. I back away a good couple of steps and she instantly follows. It’s working.

I’ve almost got up to the stables when a car screeches behind me, freaking the horse. I turn and see Elsie and two women jump out.

‘Bluebell!’ one of them shrieks. ‘Come here, my baby.’

Bluebell walks straight towards her, love and devotion in her eyes. Well, she didn’t need the polo’s. I wonder if Mitsy will ever love me as much. I doubt it. She puts a saddle on before jumping up on her.

‘Thanks so much, Rose,’ she gushes. Elsie obviously didn’t tell her it was my fault to begin with.

I look to the other woman.

‘Let’s separate. Here’s some polo’s. Do you know how many are missing?’ I ask, suddenly feeling beyond exhausted. It’s going to be a long day.

‘Six escaped in total, but we’ve already got three back.’ Not that she looks happy about it. She obviously suspects me.

‘What about Mitsy?’ I ask hopefully. Maybe she’s already back home, wearing her onesie and watching the drama unfold.

‘She’s still missing.’

***

I zero in on the white horse. This one seems extra jittery. It seems to want the polo’s, but it doesn’t trust me. Why would it? I’m a raving lunatic! I still haven’t heard anything about Mitsy, and as time passes so does any hope of finding her. If something has happened to her I’ll never forgive myself. Hell, Will definitely won't forgive me. Losing his dead mother’s horse a few days after beginning to look after her. I’m such an idiot.

My phone rings, only spooking it further.

‘Elsie?’ I whisper, not wanting to scare her further.

‘Aye, it's me. Mitsy’s back. She’s safe.’

I let out a breath and realise my whole bodies been tense the entire time. Thanks Jesus!

‘Thank fuck. I’m just getting this one. I’m on Cherry Blossom Avenue.’ I’m so glad she’s safe. It’s nearly over.

‘Okay. We’ll bring the horse coach along.’ She sounds just as tired as me.

‘Okay, hurry, but be quiet. Any fast movements and I think this one will bolt.’ I hang up before she has the chance to respond.

Suddenly I hear a car screeching up behind me. It can't be Elsie. She’s just hung up the phone. I look round to see Will in his car. Oh fuck a duck.

‘Rose,’ he shouts from his window, his face thoroughly unimpressed. ‘What the fuck is going on here?’

The horse backs away, seeming spooked by his shouting.

‘Shush!’ I try to whisper, signalling towards the horse.

‘Why is there a horse here?’ he shouts, getting out of the car and leaning against the door. ‘You realise that’s not Mitsy, right?’

‘Will, be quiet!’ I whisper hiss.

‘Why?’ It’s as if steam is coming out of his ears. ‘What the FUCK IS GOING ON?!’

‘Neighhhhh!’

I turn to see the horse losing it, throwing herself back, kicking her front legs up in the air. Fuck. I squeeze my eyes shut in fear. When they go back down they land on the bonnet of Will’s car with an enormous smash.

Fuck! A whimper escapes my throat.

‘Oh my God!’ he screeches, throwing his hands in the air.

The horse flies its legs up again, seeming intent on destroying the car.

‘Polo’s! Give her some fucking polo’s!’ I throw him a pack, trying to be helpful, but it only hits him on the head. Oops.

‘Rose!’ he hisses through gritted teeth. He picks them up and starts offering them to the horse, although he’s more throwing them at her. Has he never handled a horse before? I push him out of the way and try to calm her. She begins to settle down just as Elsie and Tina round the corner with the horse lorry.

Thank God. They rush over and start to load her into the van.

Will turns to me. ‘Rose, can you please tell me what the
fuck
is going on?’

***

Wednesday 15
th
October

The next morning Will’s still not calmed down when he calls me into his office.

‘So you let the horses escape, left work without informing anyone, shoplifted from the local shop, and then totalled my car,’ he says, listing them off on his fingers. ‘Did I get everything?’

I suppose technically he left out me throwing a bicycle at the shop manager, but hey, I’m not going to correct him now. Elsie says it’s only a sprain. It’ll serve the aggressive bitch right.

‘Pretty much,’ I nod, trying to ignore the irresistible urge to giggle. I think then he’d really lose it.

He narrows his eyes on me. ‘Rose, how could you be so irresponsible?’ He sounds just like my dad.

‘Sorry!’ I snap. ‘But you gave me one day’s crash course on how to care for horses. I’m not a frigging…vet or something. Or you know…someone that knows about horses.’ I sound like a fucking moron.

He breathes out, obviously completely frustrated with me. ‘I guess you’re right,’ he says through gritted teeth.

‘Sorry…what?’ I stammer. Did I hear him correctly?

He sighs again. ‘You’re right. I threw you in at the deep end and I’m sorry.’

  Wow. Will apologising. This is new. New and
weird
. Although he still looks more pissed off than understanding.  

‘But that doesn’t excuse all of this.’ He raises one eyebrow to stare at me.

‘I know.’ I sigh heavily. I shouldn’t really give a shit. I mean, the guy has no real control over me. But then I suppose he does. If he throws me out I won't even be in the running to get to Mexico. And I suppose there’s a teeny tiny part of me that wants to please him. Wow, where did
that
come from?

I smile sweetly and discreetly touch his arm. ‘I’m sorry.’ It normally works.

His arms are so muscly to the touch. You really wouldn’t realise otherwise. He comes across as so tall and lean. Images of me licking his inner forearm invades my mind. What the hell?! It's just that I can appreciate a good body. Yes, that’s it.

He slumps over the desk, his head in his hands. ‘It's fine.’ It sounds anything but fine. ‘Do you want to do some more horse lessons with me?’

More time alone with him? I don’t really think I could handle it. I’m already acting like a loon.

‘No, I’m fine. I think me and Mitsy are going to get along just fine. Well, better than you and me anyway,’ I joke.

He grimaces and looks genuinely upset. Why would he care?

‘Anyway, I should get back to work.’ I turn and walk out of his office before he can berate me further.

I go straight to the communal room and sit down next to Betty.

‘Nah then my lovely,’ she smiles, her eyes lighting up when she sees me. ‘Where have you been? Letting more horses out? More shop lifting?’ She chuckles heartedly.