“Drink up, baby!” Jayson said as he clinked glasses with Skye. He was quite handsome in a very preppy way. He had dark brown hair that was slicked back with gel. He was manicured and well tanned. His face was chiseled and he looked like he could be a model without even trying. He was wearing a button-down light pink shirt with white slacks. He was confident in his skin and clearly came from a wealthy family b
y the way he displayed himself. He really was perfect for Skye. I hope for her sake that she will actually date him and settle down. She deserved it. Her life was perfect and the clubbing scene eventually would get old for her. She will want a ring on her finger and a family soon. I had heard from a few of Skye’s sorority sisters that Jayson came from an extremely wealthy family, something about oil. She will definitely need someone who can support her lifestyle. I ran over to them as fast as my heels could carry me and grabbed a drink.
“To friendships, new and old! May we all get laid tonight!” I said as I threw the shot back and the hot liquid burned downed my throat. This is the feeling I understood. I understood blacking out my emotions, stopping them
, not allowing any piece of emotion cross my mind. If there was something in my life that I understood more than anyone, it was how to block out and numb the past from entering in the present. Booze and sex did a great job at fulfilling my need for any sort of human comfort I needed. I didn’t need anything else. Tonight I was going to have mind-numbing sex while I was black out drunk. I was going to be free from my inner-demons. Abolish them from the thoughts that kept creeping through my head.
“Oh my!” Skye said a little shocked at my bluntness, but none the less after she demolished her shot she squealed, “to getting laid” and winked at Jayson. I glanced at the clock and it was now 10:30pm.
“Should we head out?” Gatsby’s was a bit of a distance away, next to La Jolla, where I worked, so I knew that it would be at least 20 minutes before we even arrived.
“Let
’s go!” Skye said, but not until after she downed two more vodka and orange juice shots.
The three of us piled in Skye’s
limo and continued drinking. By the time we arrived at the club, the world started to blur around me. Getting drunk was such an amazing feeling. It was like as if the lights around you started to blur and sounds started to sound…hilarious and muffled. The world became your stage and life became your mistress. The drunker I managed to get, the more in control I felt with my life. I knew I could easily attract any guy at the club and the booze just gave me the confidence to do so.
We walked straight, well none of us were really walking straight at this point, but we walked right into the club
and past the line. Gatsby’s was completely crowded since it was the “last day of class” kind-of celebration. It wasn’t really my scene. The crowd was really young, filled with antsy undergrads trying to find their new meat for the night…wait that sounds just like me. The reasons these people wanted to have sex was their primal need to fuck any walking object. On the other hand, there was something that I was trying to cover up, something I was desperately trying to shake from my mind.
Gatsby’s was really dingy with
cracked wooden tables and graffiti in the back. It was dark with a large bar in the center and in the back against the wall of graffiti was an extremely sardine packed dance floor where everyone was bumping and grinding to the latest Top 40 hits. As we walked into the entirely too crowded for fire code bar, the shot girl came over and handed us vodka Jell-O shots.
“On the house!” she screamed over the loud and fairly obnoxious hip-hop music. Skye and I looked at each other and downed our Jell-O shots while Jayson grabbed Skye’s hand and headed towards the bar.
“I'm going to find myself a man, I'm going dancing!” I screamed at her pointing towards the dance floor. She just nodded, knowing that it was our silent agreement not to leave the club without each other.
I headed over to the dance floor to let all
of my inhibitions go. At this point the music was incomprehensible. It was just a beat, a pulse in my body that pushed my body to move up and down shaking my hips with the beat. I made my way towards the middle grinding my hips up and down to no one in particular. I felt released in the middle of the most crowded club. My hands moved towards the air as I pulsed my hips to the left and right. I was waiting for my prey. I was an incredibly hot cheetah ready to pounce on its food for the night, attracting my prey through my sexual dance.
This is my
first time dancing since the night at the Grove a couple weeks ago. I was never a very good dancer, but it was an outlet for me to just let go. I enjoyed it regardless of how ridiculous I may have looked. When I danced, I let go. Even though I was hesitant at first, I quickly got into the groove of the music. Gatsby’s never played a great selection of music and their dance floor wasn’t as crowded as the Grove. They played your typical overplayed music on the radio, but it would have to do for tonight. Tonight I was going to let go and finally get laid. I deserved it. I needed to shake both coffee shop guy from my head and the guy from the Grove.
I was only dancing with myself for seconds when a pair of large hands fell on the V where my hips started to fall down into my lower part. I felt the hands push my hips against an increasing bulge. I turned around to make sure this guy was worthy of my body. In the darkness, I saw a handsome face with black hair. The lighting at Gatsby’s was even darker than the Grove and it was hard to make any sort of facial appearance out, but I squinted hard to take a look at the guy who took over my body. He had fantastic looking lips and looked a little raw around the edges. He wasn’t kept up like most of the guys in the club. He looked older than most of the people here, but was still attractive enough. He shoved my face to point outwards again and he grabbed my hips and thrust them against
the growing bulge in his jeans.
His body forced mine up and down with the beat of the music against the grainy texture of his jeans. I felt my dress slide upwards as his hands started to explore the inside of my skirt. I didn’t care. I wanted him. No, I didn’t want him. I wanted sex.
The alcohol was hitting my head hard and I wanted to escape. I was getting wet thinking about his bulge inside me. I needed sex. I wanted to fuck and I couldn’t wait. I turned around and placed my lips against his. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and kept thinking about how terrible he was at kissing, but I couldn’t think of anything except his hard dick that was now grinding up against my thigh.
He was a terrible dancer. Our movemen
ts were clumsy and awkward. He reeked of rabid desire as he pushed quickly against me. We didn’t dance to the beat, but instead were lost in our own world of lust. His hips just bounced unevenly against mine as if they were trying to keep up with the music. Everything about the whole situation was embarrassing to watch, but I didn’t care. I needed to escape. I desperately needed to get the thoughts of Ryder out of my head. I needed to convince myself that I only thought of him as someone I desired, nothing more.
His hands were now placed on my ass
; as he grabbed it he shoved his tongue down my throat in short darting motions. Had I been sober, I would have realized this was the worst kissing I have ever encountered, but all I wanted in this moment was to fuck. I didn’t even really know what he looked like, but his bulge kept rubbing through his jeans against my thighs. His mouth was rough on mine. His tongue was ferociously darting inside and out. He kept pulling my head close to his as if he couldn’t get enough, he wanted more.
“Let
’s go,” he growled and grabbed my wrist way too hard. I knew I should go find Skye and tell her I needed to go home, but I couldn’t get away and I wasn’t in the mental state to fight the hand that was now pinching into my skin. There was something wrong about this whole encounter. I suddenly felt a pit in my stomach and something told me to run away and scream for Skye, but the alcohol was already in my system and I just shook those feelings away. So, I followed this stranger into the back towards the bathroom.
He pushed the woman’s bathroom open and luckily there was no one inside. Once the bathroom
door closed, he locked the door behind him. I noticed it was a single stall and was waiting for the inevitable drunk girls that would soon be banging obnoxiously on the door to use the bathroom. That would be my chance to get out. Using his fingers to grip my face, he pulled me to him and swallowed my entire face with his lips. His kiss was embarrassing and painful. His lips were dry and chapped as they oozed their way into my mouth. His tongue sent rapid darts in and out of my mouth and he licked my lips as if he were biting off the top of a Popsicle.
I wanted out.
He shoved his hands up my skirt and ripped off my underwear. I started to fumble around him, trying to navigate and get free without falling into the toilet or running into the sink, but he kept following me wherever I tried to go.
I was stuck.
His hands grasped my face so tightly I could feel the pressure from his fingers on my jaw. I thought at some point the small bones in my jaw were going to pop as he pushed himself deeper into my mouth. I turned my mouth to try to wiggle out of his forceful grip, but was confronted by a hand shoving me back towards him.
I was completely in shock now. I didn’t know what to do. At this point, I
was honestly terrified. I knew what was about to come, but I didn’t know if there was anything I could do to stop it. Why did I have to be so desperate for sex that I succumbed to something like this? Why didn’t I take a better look at this guy on the dance floor? Those were the questions that kept repeating themselves over and over in my head.
“Where do you think you
’re going young lady?” he growled at me as I suddenly snapped out of my drunken stupor and realized I had to get out before this escalated into something worse. There was a flight or fight response enacted in my core and I realized this was going to be more than just a friendly romp. I needed to find a way out of here before anything happened.
“I think I’m going to head out,
” I said hesitantly and felt my voice falter through my fear.
He didn’t respond with words, but instead physically continued to grope me
in the dim lighting of the bathroom. He was hungry for me but his hunger wasn’t filled with any sort of lust, rather a desperate desire to satisfy his needs.
He grabbed my breasts and shoved me against the back wall while fondling me. I was able to get a good look at him and forgot why I
even started dancing with him. He face was old; he looked in his forties, which was abnormal for the crowd that usually frequented Gatsby’s. His hair wasn’t slicked back with hair product; instead, it just looked greasy as if he hadn’t showered in days. His eyes were set deep into his head and displayed sexual hunger. His lips were dry and cracked and he grunted as he thrust his hands around my body. I grabbed his neck and screamed, trying to get someone’s attention. I figured it was useless since Gatsby’s was throbbing with the loud music and even louder, the screaming drunk people.
Why wasn’t anyone going to the bathroom? I was desperate for someone to come and interrupt us so that I could use that to my advantage and get out. I was becoming frightened that I was going to not only lose my dignity tonight, but that I was going to be forced into something that I didn’t want to do. I know I said I wanted this earlier, but this was painful.
I was scared. I needed help.
I pushed him as hard as I could, but he
had the advantage of height and strength. His hands shoved my arms against the wall and he pinned me upright against the toilet.
“No, no pretty lady, there is no going back now.”
I started to scream, but then my body shut down. His hand shoved its way into my mouth and that is when I felt myself lose it. I felt familiar habits creep over me that shut my mind off and my body down. This felt so familiar, my body was moving through the motions. I should have expected that at some point this would happen to me. I was a slut, I deserved this…right?
I shut down completely, my mind was hazy and fuzzy from the alcohol. It felt numbing, my mind was slipping away from my body. I
didn’t want to do this again. This numbness that slipped through my mind felt all too familiar. I couldn’t fall into these patterns again. I didn’t want to get hurt, but my body wouldn’t fight back. I was watching myself get raped from above. It was as if I was disconnected from my own body watching this happen, but not physically capable of doing anything to stop it.
He
was shoving me against the wall while he began to unzip his pants, shoving his bulge against me. His thin boxer shorts were the only thing that kept me safe from his need. His breath was heavy with desire and he mumbled and grunted to himself. He was getting turned on by the fact I was fighting him so hard. It was almost as if this was a game for him, trying to win my satisfaction and give him what he wanted. Occasionally, he would let out a moan of ecstasy. I felt defeated and completely deflated at this point. I gave up on the fact that anyone was going to come to the bathroom. I let go, closing my eyes and blocking out anything that was about to happen, praying that afterwards I would be alive.
He was about to remove his boxers as he slowly grew closer and closer to me. Just as the tip of him was about to enter there was a change in the pace. It was slower than his previously hurried pace. I thought I heard footsteps through the loud music, but was convinced it was just a
part of the song that was playing.