Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) (18 page)

Her cheeks heated. What would Sebastian say if he discovered she’d used fantasies about him to help her survive those three years as a captive? That each time her abductor raped her she pretended it was Sebastian and instead of raping her, he was touching her lovingly, making her orgasm like she’d read about in books but had never experienced herself...

“What is it?” Sebastian’s voice was filled with concern.

She jerked her gaze back to his.

Tell him the truth. He has a right to know.

No. It’s too embarrassing.

“Emily?”

Oh God. If she told him, he would think she was a dork.

But he’d saved her, helped her get through that horrible time. She needed to thank him for that. Didn’t she?

“I, um…” She cleared her throat. “I have a confession to make. It’s…a little embarrassing, but I have to thank you for something.”

His gaze filled with question.

“When I…was held prisoner by my uncle, he um, like I said, raped me.”

Sadness entered Sebastian’s eyes. He brushed her hair back behind her ear, again and again, as if he wanted to soothe her somehow.

“It was because of you that I was able to survive what he did to me. So I need to say thank you.”

Confusion entered his eyes. “What do you mean?”

Just tell him.

“When he was, um, raping me, I pretended it was you, but instead of raping me, you were touching me, making love to me, making me…” Her cheeks flamed. “Um, you know, have an orgasm.”

Sebastian stared up at her. “Oh Em,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “You humble me.” He drew her mouth back down to his, kissing her long and slow. There was tenderness in his kiss. Perhaps even something deeper, something more powerful. She didn’t dare call it love, but it sure felt like it. She had no doubt he cared about her.

The kiss went on and on and on. Mouths molding together, lips brushing, sucking, tongues stroking, swirling, tasting. Emily didn’t want it to stop.

A fire burned hotter and hotter in her, making her squirm with need against him. And all they were doing was kissing. What would happen when he did what he said he wanted to do? Kissed her, licked her, everywhere?   

Breathing heavily, Emily leaned back. She wanted to find out.

Sebastian’s gaze met hers. “You want to stop?”

She shook her head. “No.” She wanted him. Right now. She lifted her shirt and yanked it over her head.

His gaze landed on her breasts that tingled beneath lacy black fabric, aching for his touch. His eyes widened. His nostrils flared. “Emily?”

“I want you to make love to me, Sebastian. Do what you said you wanted to do.”

He inched into a sitting position. “You sure?”

She nodded. “Positive.” She was ready. She wanted him to show her it could be better than what she’d endured. It
had
to be better than that, right? “I trust you.”

He stared into her eyes, searching. Did he think she wasn’t being honest? Finally he took her hand and rose from the couch. “Not here. I want to be able to spread you out and taste you all over.”

Emily’s cheeks flamed. She lowered her gaze.

Sebastian lifted her chin. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Unable to find her voice, she nodded.

Sebastian led her down the hallway. He took her to the giant master bedroom at the end of the hall. Emily had glanced into the room earlier, just briefly, when Sebastian had shown her around. But she hadn’t paid much attention.

Now she did.

She had a sense of bigness everywhere, large windows, open floor space...

But what snared her attention was the giant bed in the center of the room.

Heat scorched her cheeks. Crap. Could she really do this? Was she ready?

Sebastian was apparently thinking the same thing. He came around to stand in front of her. He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“I want you to put what happened to you out of your mind and focus on me tonight, okay?
Me.
Can you do that? If you start to have a flashback or something or if I do something that freaks you out, stop me. Okay? I don’t want you to be afraid of what might happen. Just remember I’m not him, Emily. I won’t hurt you. I promise. Do you believe me?”

She jerked her head in a nod, her gaze never leaving his. “W-what’s going to happen?”

He held her gaze. “I’m going to lay you back on that bed and make love to you the way you deserve.” He paused. “The way I’ve been longing to do since the moment you nearly bumped into me in the kennels your first day on the job.”

The breath snagged in her throat. That throbbing heat between her legs increased. He’d wanted to make love to her since then?

“Okay,” she whispered.

“Are you afraid?”

“A little.” This was new for him too. He’d said he’d never made love to a woman before, that it had never been anything but sex. “Are you?”

He glanced away for a moment, then looked her in the eye. “I’ve never…had my emotions all mixed up like this before. You make me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. So yeah, I’m fucking terrified. But I want you so bad it’s all I can think about.” His gaze filled with question. “Are you sure...you’re ready for this? We don’t have to do this now. We can wait. There’s no rush.”

Emily’s heart was performing crazy acrobatics in her chest. Was she really going to do this? Was she really about to make love with Sebastian Wolfe?

“Um, Sebastian?”

He stepped closer, tilted his head down to hers. “Yes?”

“Would you stop talking now? The more you talk about it, the more nervous I get. Just…kiss me already.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle. It was a beautiful sound. Emily loved it when he showed true happiness, loved that she was bringing him such joy.

He cupped the back of her neck and tilted her head back, slowly lowering his mouth to hers. Kissing Sebastian was the most beautiful thing. Words couldn’t describe the way she felt when her mouth was joined with his. Sparks ignited between them, creating a flame of longing that torched her and made her burn throughout every inch of her body. That hot tingling in her loins increased, spreading throughout her veins. Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, open-mouthed, stroking her tongue along his the way he’d shown her earlier. She pressed her body into his, loving the feel of his hard length against her.

His arms came around her, pressing her closer until she couldn’t tell where she ended and he began. He kept kissing her and kissing her. Emily was lost. All she could feel was Sebastian. All she could smell was Sebastian. All she could think about was Sebastian. Everywhere…Sebastian.

He spun her around and walked her backwards toward the bed, all the while kissing her hungrily, nipping at her lower lip and drawing it into his mouth, his tongue dancing intimately with hers, his lips brushing across hers, again and again, making her gasp and moan, making her want something she’d never wanted before, making her need…

Her legs hit the back of the bed.

He lowered her onto the bed, following her down onto the mattress, laying down next to her.

His mouth never left hers.

Kissing.

So much wonderful kissing.

She never wanted him to stop.

His hand traveled down her neck, across her chest, his fingertips stroking along her bare skin, leaving a trail of fire along her flesh. He paused near her left breast.

His tongue delved into her mouth again, stroking, dancing, tangling with hers.

He slipped a finger inside her bra and gently stroked her nipple, around and around, until it hardened into a tight, needy bud. She hitched in a breath, the fire raging hotter through her. His hand slipped beneath her on the bed, unclasped her bra. And then she was bare.

His mouth left hers, slowly trailed kisses down her neck and over to her breast, closing over her nipple, gently sucking, then licking, nipping, teasing.

Emily gasped. A shudder rippled through her. He continued to lap at her breast, over and over, licking, sucking, stroking. Emily’s fingers tightened in the blankets beneath her. But she didn’t want to grab blankets. She wanted to touch Sebastian.

So do it. What are you waiting for?

He slid his mouth across to her other breast, leaving a trail of heat across her skin, and lavished her breast with the same erotic treatment he’d given the other one.

Emily moaned. She grabbed the back of his head, her fingers tangling in his hair. He slid closer, leaning over her, and gently settled his weight between her legs. Emily arched up against him with a soft moan, pressing her hips against his.

“Sebastian.” His name came out sounding breathless and needy. “Please.”

He lifted his head, his mouth claiming hers again. His hand slipped down her torso, his fingers stroking along her ribcage, then lower as he fumbled with the clasp of her jeans.

Touch me. Please.

Lifting his head again, he gazed into her eyes. “You sure?”

Had she spoken out loud again? Her cheeks flamed. Crap, had she just begged him to touch her? She lowered her gaze as embarrassed heat swamped her.

“Emily.” He cupped her chin, waiting until she lifted her gaze to his. “Do you want to stop?”

“No.” Her voice was so soft, it was barely a whisper.

But he heard.

Something hot flared in his eyes as he lowered his mouth to hers again. He kissed her softly. So softly. Then he slipped his hand along the front of her jeans. She was vaguely aware of the zipper sliding down, then cold air brushing along her skin as he slipped the jeans down her legs. His mouth never left hers, distracting her with his wonderful, skillful lips. Emily moaned, her hands pressing against his hard chest, wanting him to remove his shirt, wanting to feel his smooth hard muscles, his bare skin next to hers.

His kisses made her dizzy with longing. She wanted more. So much more. 

His hand moved down her torso until he found what he was seeking, his fingers intimately stroking her. She let out a soft gasp against his lips. His tongue delved into her mouth again, and again and again. Emily arched against his hand, seeking release, wanting, needing more. Needing…Sebastian.

She whimpered, arching against his hand again.

Kissing, kissing.

So much wonderful kissing.

His mouth left hers to trail down her torso again. He nuzzled one breast, then the other.

He kissed lower.

And lower.

His mouth closed over her through her panties, his hot breath tickling her, making her burn. Emily let out a startled gasp. She clutched at the blankets, her fingers tightening, twisting, and arched up against him.

When he’d said he wanted to kiss her everywhere, she’d never imagined he’d meant
down there
.

Heat scorched her cheeks.
Oh. My. God.

Before her shocked mind could contemplate what he was doing, he slipped the panties off her hips, down her legs. His mouth settled over her again, his wet tongue flicking out, over and over, licking, swirling, making her moan and arch against him.

Pressure built, intensified. She wanted…more.

“S-Sebastian…” She bit back a scream. Her breathing quickened until she was panting and thrusting against his mouth, seeking release from the exquisite torture. She burned with a need so powerful it consumed her. And then…

She exploded in a cloud of pure rapture, wave after wave of intense pleasure rolling over her, through her. She gasped and fell back against the bed in a state of semi-shock at what had just happened.

Sebastian lifted his head. His heated gaze sought hers. “You okay?”

Her cheeks flamed. “I…uh…I didn’t know you were going to do…that.”

He studied her face. “Did you like it?”

Emily swallowed hard, her face growing hotter. “Was that…what an orgasm is like?”

A smug look crossed his face. “Yes. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. I can give you plenty more orgasms if you’d like.”

Her inner muscles clenched longingly, her body still pulsing in the aftermath of the incredible orgasm.
Oh. My. God.
She wanted more.
More.
She wanted all of him. She wanted to feel him inside her. She
ached
for him to finish this, to take her all the way.

But fear hovered on the edge, trying to creep in, trying to drag her away from him.

Sebastian rose above her, gently grabbed her chin. “Don’t think about that. Don’t let what he did to you ruin what’s between us. Focus on me, Emily.
Me
. I can make you feel like that when I’m inside you. I promise.”

“You c-can?”

“Yes.”

He stared into her eyes. Then slowly lowered his mouth to hers again.

And she lost herself in him, let herself go in his touch, let herself focus on the way he made her feel.

They kissed and kissed.

And kissed.

His hands stroked down her body, making her ache and squirm beneath him.

I want to touch, too. I want to feel him.

She grabbed at his cocktail shirt, pulled. She tore her mouth from his. “Off. Take it off. I want to feel you.” She reached for the top button. Sebastian rose into a sitting position and helped her unbutton his shirt. He pulled it open and tossed it aside.

Emily stared. Lean and muscular, he had a splendid torso, rock hard abs. No chest hair. She’d always liked smooth, muscular chests. He was absolutely beautiful. A tattoo of an eagle or some kind of falcon sailed over his right pectoral muscle, starting at the top of his shoulder and spanning down around his nipple, its wings spread in flight. On his left lower abdomen raced a cheetah, its body elongated as it sprinted across his stomach. What did the tattoos mean?

She pulled her gaze up to his. He watched her from beneath lowered lashes, not saying a word. Emily lifted a hand to gently stroke around his eagle tattoo, feeling along the detailed feathers in the wings, the realistic talons, across the bird’s head and over its sharp curved beak. Sebastian’s muscles quivered beneath her touch.

She trailed a finger down his stomach to the cheetah tattoo, ran her fingertip over the cat’s gleaming yellow coat, pausing at the end of the tail where it stopped just beneath his naval. He hissed in a breath.

She swallowed, staring at the rock hard abs beneath her fingers, at the light dusting of hair that disappeared into his jeans.

She knew what she would find if she unzipped his jeans. She’d overheard girls in college talking about a man’s treasure and how it could give them so much pleasure. She’d never understood because that part of a man had only given her pain. She’d found no “treasure” down there.

Sebastian won’t hurt you. He’s not Ian.

He grasped her wrist, pressing her palm against his lips.

“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” he whispered. “I have some more work to do first.”

He kissed her again, deeply, his tongue tangling with hers. Emily moaned and pressed into him, letting out a soft gasp at the exquisite feel of his hard naked chest against her breasts.

He gently laid her back on the bed, kissed down her torso again, nuzzled her breasts, his hands and lips making her breathless with longing. Sebastian crawled down her body, slowly, then back up, kissing her everywhere. He hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d wanted to kiss her everywhere. She didn’t think he left a single patch of her skin untouched. 

His mouth closed over hers again. He kissed her hotly, deeply. She sensed, from the urgency in his kiss, that it wouldn’t be long now before he finished this. She was on fire. She burned everywhere he touched her. Sebastian made her want the very thing she’d sworn she’d never do with a man ever again.

He settled against her. Skin against skin. The throbbing heat of his erection pulsed at the junction of her thighs, bringing her crashing back down to earth, bringing what was about to happen to the center of her thoughts. When had he removed his jeans?

When he was kissing you, you fool. He kept you occupied with his mouth so you wouldn’t notice.

Her cheeks flamed. She wanted to touch, but…couldn’t. She was afraid it might trigger a bad memory.

Don’t think about that. This is Sebastian, remember?

Sebastian lifted his mouth from hers. Concern crossed his features. “You okay?”

Emily nodded.

I think so.

He twisted away from her, reaching for something on the nightstand.

The sound of a foil wrapper tearing filled the silent room.

A condom.

He was putting on a condom.

Her brain catapulted her back in time…

“Touch me, Emily. There’s a good girl. Yes, just like that.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Emily did as he instructed, trying not to vomit at the feel of his thick, disgusting
thing
between her hands.

Go somewhere else, Emily. Think of something else.

Sebastian Wolfe. He’s so beautiful. He’s kissing me now, touching me, oh God, making me feel so good...

“Put a condom on me, Emily. Hurry.”

He thrust a foil packet into her hand. She cringed.
No, not that. Please, not that.

“No.” Her breath hitched. “I don’t want to. Please don’t make me.”

He smacked her across the cheek. “Do it, Emily. You don’t want to get pregnant, do you?”

Emily struggled with the packet, finally managed to pull the condom free. Her stomach churning, she rolled it down his disgusting
thing.

He grabbed her waist, lifting her up, and down on top of him, forcing himself deep. He let out a deep groan of pleasure.

Emily fought back a gag. With silent tears streaming down her cheeks, she went to another place, pretended she was with Sebastian Wolfe, pretended she wasn’t being raped...

“Emily?”

Emily jerked her eyes open with a start, stared up at Sebastian’s beautiful face. He drew her into his arms, cradling her against him.

“It’s all right,” he whispered, brushing away a tear. “I’m sorry. I went too fast. I’m so sorry.”

She hitched in a breath. It wasn’t Sebastian’s fault. It was hers. He’d done everything perfect. She’d stupidly let her mind travel back to the nightmare of her past, letting it intrude in their moment. It was her fault. Hers. Not his.

“No.” She swallowed hard, forcing back a sob. “It wasn’t you. You did everything perfect. It was me. It was the condom. It…freaked me out. He always made me put a condom on him. I’m…sorry.”