Authors: Laura Jo Phillips
“It’s true that the only person you’ll hurt while trying to do
tiketa
is yourself,” Aisling said with a wry smile. “But you’ve got excellent reflexes, natural accuracy, and a lot of strength for your size. You’re also a quick study, so I’ve no doubt at all that I can teach you what you need to know. But, as far as I’m aware, you haven’t touched a weapon since before going to college, and even then it wasn’t for self-defense. That means you’re going to have to work awfully hard for the next few weeks.”
“That’s fine with me,” Salene said. “In fact, the harder, the better.”
“Good girl,” Aisling said. “Let’s get busy.”
***
Self-defense training with Aisling Gryphon was the most physically demanding thing Salene had ever done. Fortunately for her, she’d expected as much. She pushed herself to the limit in a single minded attempt to learn everything Aisling had to teach her as quickly as possible, and to regain her previous skill with the weapons she preferred; the
sai
, and throwing knives.
Throwing bladed weapons at targets took practice and skill, and sparring with Aunt Ash took practice, skill and stamina. She’d enjoyed learning and excelling at both when she was fifteen. It had been fun, which was why she’d done it. But her goals were altogether different this time, and she never forgot that for a single moment.
On the third day of training Aisling surprised her by adding hand lasers to her arsenal. Salene didn’t object. In truth, she wished she’d thought of them herself. Arming herself as a means of protection made hand lasers, small, light-weight and easy to carry, to conceal, and to use, an obvious choice for her. For the first time in her life she deeply appreciated her innate ability to hit whatever she aimed at with just about anything she picked up. Because of that, adding hand lasers just took a little getting used to.
One benefit of being a Clan Jasani female was that she was naturally in good physical shape, but she’d always made time to work out with weights and jog regularly just because it made her feel better when she did. Even so, it was still difficult to keep up with Aisling during their long, drawn out sparring sessions with practice knives,
sai
, and even the
bo
, a weapon much like a staff. But the hardest part of the training for her was the unarmed, hand to hand fighting.
Tiketa,
a martial art created by and for petite women, focused on speed, momentum, and flexibility rather than sheer strength. Salene had speed, and she was strong, but she did not possess the high level of flexibility and balance that
tiketa
required despite countless hours spent working at it when she was a child. Hours that had taken a serious toll on her self-confidence when both of her sisters were so good at it that they made it look easy.
But Aisling understood exactly what Salene’s strengths and weaknesses were, and she designed her training accordingly. She never asked her to flip herself into the air or spin around on one foot while using the other foot to hit her opponent in the jaw, which Salene appreciated since attempting moves like that generally landed her in a painful heap on the floor. Instead she focused on basic fighting skills, such as punching, kicking, blocking, the best places on a body to strike to get maximum effect, and how to break most holds. If Salene went up against someone bigger and stronger than she was with nothing but her bare hands, her best bet would be to stay out of their reach at all costs, and Aisling made sure she knew that.
By the time Salene got home at the end of each day she wanted to do nothing more than fall into bed. Instead, she forced herself to take a shower, get dressed, and have dinner with her parents. They made a concerted effort to discuss things that would interest her, and she repaid their efforts by joining their discussions with as much interest and animation as she could muster. When she was finally able to escape to her room each night she was completely worn out in body, mind, and spirit, and yet sleep always eluded her for a few hours.
It was a struggle
not
to stretch her senses out for the Gryphons because she’d done it so often, for so long, that it was automatic. For the first time she was glad that she couldn’t sense the emotions of those she felt from a distance. Just feeling their presence, no matter how far away they were, was difficult enough. Most nights she cried herself to sleep from the sheer effort required to keep her talent reined in.
Bonding with Wolef meant she’d have to become a warrior, something she’d never wanted to do, and which she doubted she’d be any good at, which was why she hadn’t made up her mind about it yet. She was beginning to think it would be worth the risk just to lose her ability to feel the Gryphons, even though it would also mean not being able to sense her sisters, brothers, or parents.
To make things worse, the mysterious yearning sensation continued to grow. It was strange to have such a powerful longing for something when she didn’t even know what it was she longed for. Sometimes she used it to distract her from thinking about the Gryphons, though it always left her feeling frustrated afterward.
As exhausting and physically painful as training was, it gave her something to focus on besides her confusing and mysterious emotions. It also gave her a sense of accomplishment and confidence that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Best of all, it diverted her thoughts away from the Gryphons. She could sometimes go as long as ten whole minutes without thinking of them, and could only hope that would increase over time.
One afternoon she found three cardboard cartons stacked just inside her bedroom door when she got home. She paused for a moment, taken aback by the unexpected feeling of nostalgia that washed through her at the sight of them. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower while trying to understand her reaction. She was nearly through with her shower before the answer came to her.
The last time she and her sisters were together before anything bad happened to any of them, had been when they were packing up their apartment on EDU-12. They’d graduated from college, finished tutoring the summer session, and her Gryphons were planning a party for them to take place as soon as they got home. All things she didn’t want to think about.
Finishing her shower, she threw on some clothes and went downstairs to have dinner with her parents, passing the cartons without another glance. She’d already decided not to open them until after her parents left on their trip. It would give her something to do when she was alone in the house, which she wasn’t looking forward to at all.
Later that same evening she was sitting on the deck watching the moon as it rose into the dark purple sky. After the memories brought on by the sight of the cartons in her room, she was dreading going to bed more than usual so she decided to sit outside, listen to the night sounds, and make a final decision about Jinjie.
Jinjie had agreed to accompany her to EDU-11 and, according to Rayne, he was actually looking forward to it. The question she’d been debating with herself since learning of his decision had been whether or not to invite him to come and stay with her until it was time for them to go pick up her brothers. One day she thought it was a great idea, the next she didn’t. Once she decided to make up her mind once and for all, it didn’t take her very long to decide against it. She needed to become accustomed to being alone, and she couldn’t do that unless she actually
was
alone.
After making that decision she allowed herself to lean back on one of the deck loungers and relax. She hadn’t moved in nearly an hour, and since her mind was, for once, at rest, she felt no inclination to do so. It was a mild evening and the patio door was open behind her, so she had no trouble hearing her parents talking as they entered the living room together. She didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying until Garen said something that caught her attention.
“I think it’s been too long since you’ve had a good spanking,” he said with a soft growl.
“Promises, promises,” Lariah said lightly. “I think the three of you are getting too old for such energetic play. I think you should stick to the basics.”
“Too old?” Garen demanded, his tone outraged.
Salene was so shocked that it took her a few moments to realize she needed to let them know she was there. She cleared her throat, then held her breath at the sudden silence that fell. A moment later she heard footsteps approach the patio doorway, step through, then Garen knelt down beside her chair.
“I apologize if we embarrassed you, Salene.”
“I’m not embarrassed,
Ata
,” she said, which was true. Sex was not a forbidden subject among Clan Jasani, nor was it a cause for embarrassment. Her parents had always been careful to keep their sexual activities behind the closed and locked door of their bedroom, of course, but this certainly wasn’t the first time she’d witnessed or overheard an amorous display between them over the years. It was just the first time she’d overheard something like…
that
. “I just didn’t want to eavesdrop on you.”
“I guess we’ve gotten a little too relaxed without any children in the house these past months,” Lariah said, taking the chair beside Salene’s. “Go on and do your flying,” she said to Garen, Trey and Val. “Let us girls have a chat.”
Garen nodded, leaned in to kiss Salene on the cheek, then followed Trey and Val down the deck steps to the garden. They shifted quickly and launched themselves into the air.
“What’s troubling you about what you just heard, Salene?” Lariah asked softly. “And please do not say
nothing
. I know better.”
“I’m not troubled about it, Mom,” Salene said. “But I am…curious.”
“Then allow me to satisfy your curiosity.”
Salene hesitated. She’d kept this secret for so long and now, for the first time, she had an opportunity to not only discuss it, but discuss it with her mother who she trusted absolutely. Now that she’d lost her men she doubted she’d ever have any use for the information she sought, but it would still be nice to have some answers.
“How did you ever manage to tell your men that you’re sexually submissive?” she blurted out so quickly that for a moment she feared her mother hadn’t understood what she said.
“I didn’t have to tell them,” Lariah said. “They knew.”
“How did they know?”
Lariah paused as she thought back through the years. “Actually, I’m not sure they
knew
, exactly, but they suspected. It didn’t take them very long to confirm their suspicions.”
“Have you ever wished you were…normal?”
“
Normal
?” Lariah asked in surprise. Then she smiled faintly as she shook her head. “I think you learned a few
too
many things during your years away at school.”
“I guess,” Salene said, dropping her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Salene,” Lariah said. “I should have spoken to you on this subject much sooner. My only excuse is that I didn’t realize you shared this particular trait with me.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Mom. I didn’t even know myself until a couple of years ago.”
“Since you discovered you were
berezi
to the Gryphons?” Salene nodded. “And you haven’t discussed it with them?” Salene shook her head.
“I’d like to ask you a very personal question, Salene, but don’t feel you must answer it if you don’t want to, okay?”
“Sure, Mom.”
“I know you’ve had sex with the Gryphons. Without asking for details, I wonder if you’d mind telling me how it was.”
“How it was?”
“Did you enjoy it? Did they?”
“No, I don’t think that they did,” Salene admitted in a hoarse whisper.
“And you? How was it for you, pretending to be
normal
?”
Salene searched for the right word to describe her feelings. She didn’t want to come out and say
boring
since that might sound like a criticism of the Gryphons and none of this was their fault. She was the one who was
different
, after all. Not them.
“It wasn’t as exciting as I expected it to be,” she said finally. The real truth was that she’d been deeply disappointed. They’d waited so long, three whole years, and she’d been more than ready. She’d fully expected it to be hot, breathless, and sweaty, and at the very least include some oral play. But it hadn’t been any of those things. They’d been slow and gentle and sweet. There’d been no exploring, no touching, no anything but straight basic intercourse. She’d been embarrassed beyond words when they’d had to use lube beforehand because she was nowhere near aroused enough for them to enter her without it. She’d even summoned up the nerve to ask them to use their pheromones but they’d refused, telling her it wasn’t a good idea for the first time. That first time had been the only time, and as it turned out, the last as well, but she wasn’t telling her mother any of that.
“One of the really nice things about being a
berezi
or an Arima is that you were made for the men destined to be your Rami, and they were made for you.” Salene nodded almost absently. Lariah leaned forward. “Think about that for a moment, Sweetie. Think about what it
means
.”