Range (3 page)

"It's a sickness, Junco. You know this. How many conversations have we had about it?"

"Too many."

"Is that why you wouldn't come outside?"

"No," I lie.

He sighs and turns me around. "You can cry, ya know. No one will stop you."

I know this. I've cried lots of times since leaving the camp behind. I've cried in front of my whole team, Tier, Ashur, Lucan. They've all seen me cry.

But this is different. I
want
to count. Those little counts, the heartbeats, those were nothing compared to what I need to count now. But two weaknesses is one too many.

So I will not cry. And I will not count what I need to count until I get rid of all the crying urges. Because once I start, I won't stop.

"You can talk about it if you want."

I don't want. I cannot even imagine what will come out with the words. Something bad, of that I'm sure. "Where's Tier?"

"On Amelia." It's the same answer I get from Lucan when I ask him.

"Why? Why is he hundreds of millions of miles away when I'm right here?"

"I'm not sure, Junco," he lies. I know Gideon well. And that was a lie.

"Go away."

He does go and as soon as the door closes behind him I am up and moving towards the window. I stop myself before the sky comes into view. I stop.

I am stopped.

But I look, and lean forward a little, stretching to catch a glimpse.

And when I do I smile.

Because they're not there.

And then I laugh. They're not there! It's cloudy!

Gideon's boots move away on the other side of the door and I don't even care that he just caught me. I don't care. I feel the dark place inside me. It's back. That motherfucking bitch has opened up my dark place and I will get her for this. I will not rest until I have wreaked evil and destruction on everyone who had a part in it.

That bitch violated me.

Violated me. For two years.

I know who I am. I know
exactly
who I am.

And soon, everyone else will too.

Chapter Three

I stay in my room until it's almost time for Lucan to return the next day. The urge to cry is almost one hundred percent in check now. I've overcome it, like an immune system might overtake a foreign invader of the body. This makes me laugh as I stand out on the terrace. What the hell happened to my antigens, for fuck's sake? That bitch—

Stop, Junco. Just let it go for now.

I breathe out and the anger spews into the air like a disease.

There are no poker games tonight. Gideon gave in and made the luxury palatial apartment off-limits to the guards. That's who all those guys were. Just guards. It seems so silly to have been afraid of them. I mean, I could probably take them all at the same time if I really wanted to apply myself.

Stupid, Junco, they're here to protect you, not fight you.

Right, I know that, too.

I'm better now. Better than I was last night, that's for sure. I don't even have the urge to look up at the stars, it's not time yet. Soon, but not yet.

"Oh, I'm so pleased, Junco!" Lucan is standing next to me with a smile on his face.

"Pleased about what?"

He locks his arm in mine. "You're outside, dressed, fed?"

I nod.

"Excellent. That's excellent."

"What am I, a toddler? Some small child who gets a gold star for not wetting herself?"

He laughs. "Oh, you
are
back." He stops to laugh again. "I was so worried about you, but see? Gideon was right, you cannot be coddled too much. It's counterproductive—counter-intuitive was what he said, actually—to be coddled."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Everyone wants to be coddled once in a while."

He nods. "Yes, that's true. Do you require more coddling?"

I smile. "No, I've had enough, thanks."

He remains silent as he gazes out at the ocean. It's lovely here, really it is. I mean, who wouldn't want to recover from tragedy in a place like this? Paradise. This is paradise. The beaches are white, the water is a stunning blue-green, and the temperature—mixed with the gentle wind that the Sargasso Sea is famous for—is perfect.

Gideon's penthouse apartment has a view that almost makes you want to cry when the sun sets and there aren't that many people here on our atoll, most of them live on the other neighboring islands, so it's nice and private.

It's funny when I think about it. Ironic maybe. Because one of my last memories of my old life on Earth included a silent wish to spend some time on this very same massive artificial floating island.

I wanted to vacation here. And now that this is where I ended up—it's not enough.

It's never enough with me. It will never be enough with me.

Something is wrong with me.

Lucan clears his throat to pull me back to him, but he seems reluctant to start the conversation so I start instead. "So,
do
you have horns?"

He puffs out a laugh. "I can if you want me to."

"But would you ever, I mean, if no one ever asked you to have them?"

He nods. "Yes, I have horns at times."

"How about hooves?"

He looks down at me, his eyes bright with laughter. "Hooves, too. Is that scary?"

"Hardly," I snort. "But it is sorta cool…" We stand in silence again so I ask another one. "Is it that bad? That you can't bring yourself to say the words?"

His smile fades and he nods. "Let's do it another time. Is that OK?"

"Hey, it's your party, right? As long as it won't kill me to not know, I'm good with denial."

He laughs again. "It will not kill you."

"Good, then let's talk about Tier. Where is he?"

"In the Band. On Amelia. He's been running the worlds since I left. I've been back a few times, mostly to fight with Gib and Rache. We are like brothers in that respect. We often fight, but nothing too serious. They've forgiven me for leaving."

Oh. That was an unexpected revelation.

"But," he continues, "they have never cared for Tier, so they are still angry about that."

I snort at this. "Yeah, I guess. I mean the whole Deliverance thing, right?"

"Right. Yes. But it turned out better than expected?"

The question mark at the end surprises me. "You have to ask?"

"You came out behind on that one, Junco."

He's right. I'm the only one who lost that fight, besides the people I killed to get the privilege of killing myself, that is. "Well, I'm glad you and your brothers are on better terms and all, but when can I see Tier?"

"He will come soon. Let's not talk about Tier, let's talk about the future."

"I thought that was for another time?"

"No, that was a conversation about you, Junco, and what you are now. That can wait, I think. But the future is upon us. We must get ready for it. Very soon the High Order will be here to judge me and if we're not ready for them, it will not turn out well."

"Not turn out well, as in… they might be angry? Or not turn out well as in the end of the world?"

"The latter."

"Oh." Well, that's just wonderful.

"But we have a plan and we will require your help. Will you help us?"

I shrug. "Sure, I guess. Is it difficult, what you need?"

He shakes his head. "No, not difficult, it just requires accurate timing."

"OK." I mean, really. What am I gonna say? Hey, thanks for rescuing me from my evil mother who violated my body for two years, no, sorry I can't help you evade aliens when they return to Earth to punish you, whatever that means?

No, obviously I'm not going to say that. "What happens if we don't have the timing down?"

"Many people will die, Junco."

"How many?"

"It depends. Tens of millions if we are lucky and all goes well. Tens of billions if we are unlucky and are unable to get things working in time. Everyone, if we fail to initiate."

"Oh."

He looks down at me and brushes a fingertip along my cheek. The chills run up my spine and burst out onto my arms. He notices and the heat rises in my face. "I need you, Junco. I require your help. Will you help me?"

His words are so soft I almost don't recognize them as Lucan. "How could I ever say no? I mean, I will help, want to help, but you don't really think I'd refuse, do you?"

"I don't know you very well, I have to admit. You are capable of quite a bit more than I imagined. Gideon has revealed some things and…"

I lose track of his words for a moment. "What things?" I ask, interrupting. "What did Gideon tell you?"

"You had a difficult childhood, that's all."

I frown. "Please don't ask about that. It's my past, do you understand? If I wanted to share it, I would. It feels… wrong for you to know things that I've kept close."

"I do understand, Junco. I've kept things close myself. I didn't ask, he simply… offered. As a way of explanation."

Explanation of what?

I know he hears that question inside my head but he chooses to ignore it.

"I have to go now. I cannot stay, but Ashur is around, just ask Gideon or Selia to call him if you need anything."

I nod. "OK."

"Try and relax for a few weeks, Junco. Think of this as a vacation. Rest. Will you rest?"

Oh, the irony is back. I almost laugh but I'm afraid that might cause Lucan to worry about my sanity. So I simply shrug. "Sure, whatever."

He leaves me there, a look of hope across his face.

I almost feel guilty for the lies of omission.

Almost.

Chapter Four

The sunset leftovers still cling with blurry determination to the edge of the fading horizon, mixing perfectly with the deep azure blue of the Sargasso Sea beyond the breakwall.

I've been sitting out here all evening feeling a little sorry for myself but no one seems to have noticed. Not Selia, who's been busy all day with her pilot lessons. Not Gideon, who barely knows I'm alive these days. I might as well stayed in the tank for all the attention he gives me. Not Lucan. He's been missing since that talk we had out on the terrace a few weeks ago.

And no one else has even bothered to visit. No one.

Unless you count Isten's memories.

So I sit around here on Sargassum, this massive artificial island resort that for some reason Gideon decided to make his home base years ago. And when I think about it too long it really pisses me off. That he'd come here. To paradise. While I was back in the RR falling to pieces and going insane with the lies and the guilt and the violence.

The water laps gently against the flat black rock I sit on. The security of the seawall prevents the sound most beach-loving people crave. Breaking waves. There are no breaking waves on the interior atolls of the resort. And this small, privately funded and guarded island is far inside the protective circle.

A flyer passes over and my eyes track it as it lands on the tall building behind me.

Who could that be? My heart beats a little quicker. Maybe they didn't forget? Maybe it's my dad!

Junco?

Yeah?

Come home. Now.

My face brightens. The flyer
is
for me. I gather up my towel and jump across the rocks until I make the sand. My feet dig in as I jog back towards the massive high-rise and then I force myself to stop and walk calmly as I pass the guards and wait for my elevator.

My guard today is Sho—some warrior Gid has kept close over the years for whatever reason. He's the one I was afraid of that day I came out of my room. I'm still afraid of him to be honest. I'm pretty much afraid to talk to anyone these days so I don't look at or speak to him as he follows me into the elevator, I just tap my foot impatiently as we ascend and when the doors open my heart is buzzing with excitement.

I catch a flurry of black wings ascending the terrace stairs, going up to the flyer pad on the roof, and look over to Gid for an explanation.

Gid looks away.

My legs kick into high gear and I take the steps two at a time and burst up to the pad just as he's about to climb in his waiting flyer.

"Tier?"

He stops mid stride but doesn't turn.

"Are you leaving? Without even saying hello to me?" My eyes burn and my throat clenches up as the words leave my mouth.

His head drops and his chest heaves a little. And then he turns and I step back.

He's glowing green with anger.

"I didn't come to see you, Junco. I had a message for Gideon."

"Oh." I feel the tears but control them. "Well, you can stay now that you're here."