Read Pride and Premiership Online

Authors: Michelle Gayle

Pride and Premiership

For Isaiah and Tony

This is the diary of Remy Louise Bennet
Read it (Mum) and I’ll never record
Corrie or EastEnders for you again!

Remy + Leonardo DiCaprio 4ever!

Shia La“Buff”
– Phwoar!!

Team Edward

Table of Contents

Sunday 22 June

Monday 23 June

Tuesday 24 June

Wednesday 25 June

Date Night!!!!

Thursday 26 June

Friday 27 June

Saturday 28 June

Sunday 29 June

Monday 30 June

Tuesday 1 July

Wednesday 2 July

Thursday 3 July

Friday 4 July

Saturday 5 July

Sunday 6 July

Monday 7 July

Tuesday 8 July

Wednesday 9 July

Thursday 10 July

Friday 11 July

Saturday 12 July

Sunday 13 July

Friday 17 October

Saturday 18 October

Wednesday 22 October

Saturday 25 October

Sunday 26 October

Monday 27 October

Saturday 1 November

Tuesday 4 November

Thursday 6 November

Friday 7 November

Saturday 8 November

Sunday 9 November

Monday 10 November

Tuesday 11 November

Friday 14 November

Monday 17 November

Friday 21 November

Monday 24 November

Tuesday 25 November

Wednesday 26 November

Monday 1 December

Sunday 14 December

Monday 15 December

Tuesday 16 December

Thursday 18 December

Wednesday 24 December

Thursday 25 December

Friday 26 December

Saturday 27 December

Wednesday 31 December

Thursday 1 January

Monday 2 February

 
Sunday 22 June – 2.30 a.m.

Oh–hhh M–mmm G–gggg. I’ve just snogged a Premiership footballer! His name’s Robbie Wilkins and he plays for Netherfield Park Rangers. OK, it’s not a massive club like Man United, or Chelsea, which Gary (the one Malibu got off with) happens to play for. But Robbie’s still a good catch. Malibu says that players at smaller clubs get about £20,000 a week. TWENTY GRAND!! That’s more than I’ll make in a year manicuring and waxing people at Kara’s.

Robbie is twenty-one and blonde, with highlights – eugh! (Highlights will have to go.) But apart from his hair (and slightly big nose), he’s buff beyond belief.

He’s proper charming, too. He told me I look like a young Julia Roberts.

Although, to be honest, I don’t think he’d have noticed me if it hadn’t been for Malibu’s plan. That girl is so clued up. She went to the Lounge four times just to do her research and has seen six different Premiership players there! Apparently they usually sit in the VIP area in the back of the club and they’re always surrounded by girls who act like lap dancers in front of them, or reach over to pass them their phone number.

“If they get lucky, some girls even leave with a player or two,” said Malibu. “But we’re not aiming for that.”

“Huh?” I went, confused.

“No,” she said firmly. “The same players come back the next week, blank the girls who were all over them last time and move on to a fresh set. We’re real WAG material, Remy. Not bloody wannabes.”

Yeah, right
, I thought. I mean, Malibu is WAG material all day long – blonde, skinny, big boobs (lucky cow) – but ME? I didn’t think I’d stand a chance, but my genius sister had it all worked out.

Her carefully calculated strategy was for us to separate ourselves from the WAG wannabes as soon as we got there.

“They’re so–oo easy,” she said, “and boys, especially footballers, are all about the chase.” (See what I mean about being clued up?)

When we arrived there was a massive line of people waiting to get in, and when we finally got up to the door, the bouncer double-, triple-checked my fake ID. I thought he was going to turn me away, so I threw him a massive smile and made my eyes say, “Purle–eeeease.”

“Go on then,” he said.

Sucka!

The Lounge is like nowhere I’ve ever been before. Everything about it says: money.

It also happened to be full of good-looking girls aiming to pull themselves a footballer. And with me in my white jeans and Primarni sparkly top, and Malibu in her denim jumpsuit, we looked like we were going skiing compared with those WAG wannabes. They were half bloody naked!

The boys there weren’t exactly shy either. I got my first chat-up line within ten minutes: “Get your coat – we’re going home,” he said.

“We’re not interested!” Malibu snapped before I could say a word.

The WAG wannabes weren’t interested either. They were turning boys away big time, waiting for the real deal – and then … Robbie and Gary stepped through the door. I knew they were footballers straight away. I’d like to say it was because I’d done my research (like Malibu) or because they were dressed immaculately (which they were) and walked with a swagger (which they did). But, to be honest, the only reason I knew they were footballers was because those WAG wannabes swarmed round them like bees to a jar of honey.

Robbie and Gary fought their way through the heaving breasts and plonked themselves down in the VIP area. Then Malibu looked at me, gave me a wink, and we strutted straight past them without (and this was important) even glancing their way, and hit the dance floor. This worked out perfectly for me because Malibu may be the blonde, prettier and skinnier one, with those boobs, of course (which just isn’t fair), but she can’t dance to save her life! When “Crazy in Love” started, she looked like she was having a fit, while I did the dance that Beyoncé does in the video – “Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh…” And that’s when Robbie tapped my shoulder and asked me to go outside with him for some “fresh air”.

We talked about the usual at first – what’s your name, age, etc. And when I told him it was my half-birthday tomorrow, he said it was a cool thing to celebrate.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Pleasure,” he said, then he threw me a look that made my stomach do a double somersault.

I knew what was coming next and couldn’t wait – but also remembered what Malibu had said about how if a girl holds out, a footballer will want her more because they love to win. So (gutted) I told him I was only up for kissing.

“That’s new.” He smiled. And then we got STUCK IN!

His kisses were a bit sloppy, to be honest, but I put that down to him having had a few drinks. Anyway, who cares? When our lips unlocked, we exchanged numbers and he said he was dying to see me again. Just like Malibu predicted.

She did a right number on Gary, too. When Robbie walked me back inside, we couldn’t find them for ages. So I decided to check whether she was in the loo and spotted her and Gary propped up against the wall beside the fire exit – snogging!!

“Your sister,” Gary said when he realized I was gawping at them, “is the most stunning girl I’ve ever met.”

Malibu’s proper. She says it’s a big sister’s job to educate. And she’s put all her years of reading every WAG interview ever to good use by making the WAG Charter. It’s a five-point plan that Malibu reckons will get us a footballer quicker than we can say Frank Lampard. And it seems to be working. Yay!

I’m going to write it down so that in weak moments I can look at it and think of the big picture, because I’d love to marry Robbie. So I can jack in my job – and shop FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

THE WAG CHARTER

  1. AT FIRST, PRETEND YOU DON’T
    KNOW HE’S A FOOTBALLER.

  2. STICK TO KISSING ON THE FIRST DATE.

  3. DON’T LET HIM SEE YOU DRUNK,
    OR HE WON’T TRUST YOU WHEN HE’S
    AWAY ON A PRE-SEASON TOUR.

  4. WAIT EIGHT WEEKS TO HIT FOURTH BASE.
    (FOOTBALLERS MARRY “GOOD” GIRLS
    THEY CAN TAKE HOME TO THEIR MUMS.)

  5. NEVER DISPUTE A THING HIS MUM SAYS.
    (THEY WORSHIP THEIR MUMS.)

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