Open Heart (8 page)

He sat a few feet away, watching her. She wrapped her arms around her legs and lowered her head to her knees and wept. She rocked back and forth, seeking comfort and struggling to calm herself. His arms twitched with the desire to pull her to him.

“Please, Annabeth. Let me help you.”

“
Help
me?” She raised her head; her face was wrecked with shock and grief. “How are
you
going to help me?”

“Let me just… just hold you.”

“No. Never again.” She shook her head. “This whole time –
this whole fucking time!
– you’ve known. And you fucked me… let me sleep in your arms. Listened to me cry and I told you about wanting to kill myself. I told you about Cam. And you – you have his heart.”

“None of that was supposed to happen,” he said quietly. “I promise you.”

“Oh, right. Like I’m going to believe a single fucking word
you
say.”

“I just wanted to meet the wife of the man who saved my life. That’s all, I swear. I was going to meet you and go.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because – because you needed me.”

“I
what?
”

“You said so, that night. You said you needed me to help you through the night. And I wanted to be there for you. I felt like – I had a responsibility to make sure you were OK. So, I stayed.”

“And you fucked me.”

“No. I made love to you.”

“Bullshit. You used me. You lied to me. You made me think that we had something real and amazing.”

“It wasn’t what I planned, Annabeth. None of it.”

“So why did you tell me at all?”

“Because we’re falling in love. Aren’t we?”

She was silent.

“I just couldn’t go on not telling you. I knew I’d lose you, you see, and I’m selfish and weak enough that I wanted every minute with you that I could get. I wanted to be there for you, to help you. It was – it was wrong. But I didn’t expect you to ever feel the way that I do. I didn’t think you’d want me after I left here, or that you’d want to come to Houston with me.” He held her eyes. “I truly didn’t think I’d ever have to tell you.”

“It was all a huge mistake.”

That hurt. “Don’t say that baby, please.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything…”

“What did you honestly think was going to happen when you told me?”

He gave her a sad smile. “This.
This
was going to happen. You were going to hate me.”

“One more thing is going to happen.”

“What’s that?”

She slapped him across the face, hard enough that his head was flung to the side.

Her beautiful eyes were blazing with hatred. “I’d take him back in a heartbeat, even if it meant that you’d have to die.”

He winced.

You deserve this, man. All of it.

Eric stood up, his face stinging. “I’m sorry, Annabeth. I’m going to go now, but not before you call someone… Francine or Vicky or Julie. I’m not walking out that door until I’m sure you’ve got someone coming to you.”

“Oh, you think I’m going to kill myself over this?” She got back to her feet, furious. “You arrogant asshole. You’re
not
going to do that to me. Get out. Now.”

He opened the door. “I hope you can forgive me one day. Goodbye, Annabeth.”

“Fuck off.”

He went back to his cabin and picked up his bag. He’d packed it before coming over to Annabeth’s place that day. He knew he’d be leaving.

Slowly, he picked up his cell phone and punched in Ian’s number. Numb, he listened to the ringing at the other end.

“Eric.” Ian’s voice was worried. “What’s going on?”

“I told her, Ian.”

Ian let out a huge gust of breath. “Goddammit.”

“I know. I had to, though. She wanted to come to Houston and rent a place and write her next book while seeing me seriously. I just – I couldn’t let that happen.”

“No. No, you couldn’t.”

“I
wanted
to, though.” A sob caught in his chest. “I wanted her to come. I actually thought – just for a few seconds – about not telling her anything. I wanted to be with her so much, Ian…”

His voice broke and tears stung his eyes.

“Eric.” Ian’s distress was palpable even over the phone. “Don’t, man. Please don’t.”

“Sorry.” Eric wiped his eyes.

“Don’t apologize.” Ian’s voice was soft. “It’s alright, little bro. Just come home, OK? We’ll talk when you get here. It’ll be OK.”

“Alright. I’m leaving right now.”

“You’ve got a flight booked?”

“Not until tomorrow, but I’ll try to change my ticket. If not, I’ll ask to buy a new one. If I can’t, I’ll fly standby.”

“OK.”

“Thanks, Ian.”

Ian paused. “For what?”

“For not saying ‘I told you so’.”

“Oh, Eric. This is one time that I am very unhappy about having been right. I wish – I wish it could all be different. For you
and
for Annabeth.”

“Me too.”

They were silent for a few seconds.

“OK. Get to the airport, get a ticket. Let me know when you’ll be coming home. I’ll come and pick you up. OK?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

They hung up.

Eric looked around the cabin one last time, then he walked to the main building and checked out. He sat inside and looked at the mountains while he waited for the taxi. And when they drove away, he didn’t look back even once.

Chapter Ten
Five weeks later

Rob Cathay pressed the tip of cock inside Tammy, felt her shudder in response. He heard her breath catch and his own passion flared. Her hands clenched on the wall in front of her and she thrust her hips back.

“Rob… stop teasing me. Please.”

“You think I’m teasing you, sweetheart?”

He slid in another inch, his hands gently reaching around to rub her nipples.

She gasped. Every nerve in her body was hot and tight and stretched, and she closed her eyes. Her legs were shaking underneath her and she prayed that they’d hold her up.

Rob’s hands moved down her slim body now, stroking her stomach before trailing down between her thighs. He pushed himself in a bit farther, then again. He paused.

Tammy arched her back and neck as his fingers played with her clit, rolling and circling it, spreading her honey all over her, his fingers soaked with it. Making love with Rob was always pure pleasure, and she dreamed about having his large, hard body next to her, on her, in her. This was one of the few times in her life when reality was light-years better than fantasy.

Rob shifted his hips and moved forward some more. Then again. Her pussy walls clamped down on him and he groaned in her ear. The sound drove her crazy and she pressed against him again, harder.

“Please, Rob. Just… do it. Please.”

The last word came out as a long, drawn-out moan as he gave a final thrust and sank himself in to her snug heat. He was buried all the way to the hilt now, and they both gasped and moved together. Rob started slowly, letting her get used to his cock spreading her wide open, but Tammy was impatient.

“Oh, God, Rob. Faster, harder… just… oh, God.
More
. Please.”

He felt her pussy give a spasm, then another. Small ones, just a prelude, but his whole body responded in a surge of heat. He gripped her hips and started to push and pull her on his cock, slamming in to her harder and faster with each pull and release. She moved with him, over and over, loving his strength.

Tammy felt the pleasure building deep inside of her and as she rocked on him, it grew. She started to pant his name and he kissed her between the shoulder blades before his thumb returned to her clit. He pressed harder now, his thrusts getting faster and more powerful and the combination of his cock and thumb pushed her closer to the edge of orgasm.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I want to feel you come.”

She whimpered as her body started to obey him. Her climax rolled and twisted inside her, spreading and expanding through every inch of her body. He knew what she liked, what she wanted, and as her cries rose rhythmically, Rob angled his cock to penetrate her even more deeply.

Tammy exploded with a strangled cry. He felt her sex throbbing and contracting and he gave a grunt of satisfaction. Free now to let go, he thrust and thrust in to her, wishing it would never end, desperate to come. He let out a shout as his orgasm burst out of him, holding her still-quaking body against his heaving chest.

Panting, he wrapped one arm around her, his other arm was on the wall, bracing himself at arm’s length. He thought she might fall; her legs were trembling and she was sobbing with her release.

“I’ve got you, babe.” Rob held her tighter. “You’re OK.”

Gently, he pulled out of her. He turned her to face him and she fell in to his body, still trying to catch her breath. He grinned. Her orgasms were almost always richter-scale in magnitude and he never, ever tired of seeing her afterwards, sweaty and glowing and shaking. He loved it. He loved her.

Tammy opened her eyes and saw Rob’s blue eyes blazing down at her. She kissed him, her lips opening to his tongue. He took her face in both hands and stared at her.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too,” she said.

“Come on, over here.”

They walked over to the bed and she stretched out, totally loose and relaxed. He covered her with the sheet and gave her another kiss.

“Be right back,” he said.

Rob went in to their master bathroom and she closed her eyes as a wave of sleepiness washed over her. Man, he was exhausting, but in all the best possible ways.

He climbed in to bed next to her and she rolled over in to his arms. He kissed her forehead.

“You ready to go to sleep, Tammy?”

“Almost.”

He smiled. “You’ll need your strength for your Hen Party tomorrow night.”

“I know, right?”

He was quiet for a second. “Will Annabeth be there?”

Tammy opened her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, she says she’s OK to come.”

“She seems to be doing a lot better.”

She propped herself up on her hand. “Her new therapist in Denver is great, she says. She sees Dr. Oliphant every day, and I guess that’s helping.”

“You’re meeting her for coffee again tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. She’s coming to my design studio and we’ll go out to the ranch together afterwards.” Tammy ran her fingers over the golden hairs on Rob’s muscular chest. “You know, Rob, I get that she’s doing so much better and all, but I’d still love to kick Eric Neilson’s ass. More than once.”

“I know. If we’d had any idea who he was, I think we’d have kicked his ass in turns.”

“Well, he’s gone now,” Tammy said. “Although I get the feeling that Annabeth isn’t totally happy about that.”

“Yeah, me too.” Rob stroked her shoulder. “I think she really started to care about the guy.”

“I don’t know if it’s even totally over between them,” Tammy said. “Do you think that all things can be forgiven?”

He thought about that. “I guess so. I mean, if both people want to move past it… then why not?”

“Why not, indeed.”

**

After the third shot of tequila, the ladies got down to it.

Up until then, they had all behaved in a reasonably decorous manner. The head chef Manny had sent over an elegant dinner and they had sipped their wine. Dessert came and went and conversation was all about the wedding and the honeymoon. The danger time arrived when Tammy pulled out the blender and starting mixing strawberry Margaritas.

After their fourth Margaritas, Maria and Allison staggered out to Jake who was waiting to drive them both home. Maria had to be on reception is just seven hours and Allison had a baptism at noon. Anyone looking at them knew they’d be in a world of hurt in the morning.

Jake grinned at them both. “Hey, ladies. You all ready to go?”

“Urgh,” Maria said, holding on to Allison for support. “Why Margaritas? God, why?”

“I know,” Allison said. “I love them too. No self-control.” She shook her head in despair. “
No
self-control.”

Jake took each one of them by an elbow and gently steered them over to his truck. “Watch your steps. I don’t want any Margarita-related injuries.”

Julie waved at them from the door and returned to the common room of the staff quarters. She saw that Tammy had opened a fresh bottle of tequila and she groaned.

“Oh. This seems like
such
a good idea right now, but it really won’t be one tomorrow.”

Tammy poured out shots for all of them and they raised their glasses.

“To Julie and Jake… may you have lots and lots of hot sex.”

“Tammy!” Julie blushed.

“Come on, now,” Tammy said. “Why not?”

“Oh, OK.” Julie grinned. “Not a
bad
toast, as these things go.”

They licked the salt from their hands, shot their drinks, and stuffed the lemon wedges in to their mouths.

Vicky’s eyes watered. “Argh. I am
so
out of practice for this.”

“More practice!” Tammy gave her another shot.

“Urgh,” Vicky said, but she threw it back anyway. She shuddered.

“Better?” Annabeth asked her.

“Sadly, yes.”

Mattie stood up; she was totally steady on her feet and the rest of them looked at her in envy.

“How can you
do
that?” Julie said.

“I’ve been doing shots for more than forty years, girl. I got it down by now.” Her eyes twinkled. “And one of my secrets is knowing when to call it a night, so I’m off now.”

“Goodnight, Mattie,” they all chorused.

After Mattie had headed off to her private apartment, Tammy lifted the bottle. “More?”

Julie, Vicky and Annabeth all nodded and extended their shot glasses.

“OK, this time, we toast to Annabeth and Vicky,” Tammy said.

“Me?” Annabeth said. “Why me?”

“Yeah,” Vicky said. “What’d I do?”

“Because you two are the epitome of strength,” Tammy told them. “Smart women who have started your lives all over again, through no choice of your own. You’ve done it with grace and beauty, and I know that Julie admires you as much as I do.”

“Yes,” Julie said quietly.

They drank again. Silence fell.

“As always, it was Tammy who brought up the elephant in the room. “Have you heard from him, Annabeth?”

She sighed. “No.”

More silence.

Then Vicky said, “Do you
want
to?”

“Yes and no. Both. Sometimes I want him here with me, sometimes I think I can forgive him. But other times? If I saw him, I think I’d rip his face off.” She dipped her finger in to her empty shot glass and licked the last drops of tequila from it. “I’m confused.”

“Do you want to forgive him?” Julie said.

“I don’t know. Dr. Oliphant and I have been over and over the whole thing from his side, you know, and sometimes I can almost get where he was coming from. Why he did what he did. In those moments, I want to forgive him.”

“So are you going to?”

“I can’t yet. I’m still working on forgiving myself.”

They all nodded.

“But… these things are complicated at the best of times. Loss and forgiveness and relationships. I guess – I guess the best I can hope for is that I end up being able to wish him well.”

“Can I ask what is sure to be a controversial and quite probably unpopular question?” Tammy said.

“Yeah.”

“Well… why not decide to be with him? I mean, eventually? I think that if two people really want to get past a hurt or betrayal together, they can, if they’re committed enough. You guys obviously care about each other, and you have something. Not everyone can lie down in bed with a man and just have him hold her. Is what you had enough to get past what happened?”

Annabeth was silent.

“Annabeth? Are you OK?”

“Yeah. I’m just thinking how to say what I’m really grappling with.”

“It’s not the fact that he didn’t tell you about Cam’s heart?”

“You know what? Since talking to Dr. Oliphant about it, I know that oddly, that’s not the real problem for me.” Annabeth shook her head. “That part, I actually understand. I believe what he said about coming here with the sole intention of meeting me. Just that. All the rest of it happened because of me.
I
was suicidal and
I
decided to seduce him and
I
asked him to stay with me that first night.”

“He could have said no,” Julie said.

“I know. But I got to know him, and I don’t think he’d ever turn his back on someone who needed him. And I
did
need him that night… he could tell I was in a bad place even if he had no idea of the real reason why. He stayed for all those days afterwards because he truly believed he could help me.” She looked at them. "And if I'm being totally honest, the truth is he
did
help me. Him staying that night and all those other nights made such a huge difference, I can't even tell you."

“So, what are you really having trouble with then, if that’s not it?” Vicky said.

“I – I’m not – I just don’t know if… I can trust his feelings for me.”

“How do you mean?”

“Is Cam’s heart his?” Annabeth asked.

“I don’t understand the question.” Tammy did another tequila shot. “Maybe the alcohol will bring clarity.”

“He said he’s falling in love with me, right?” Annabeth said. “But – his heart is – he has…” She gulped. “He has my husband’s heart. So – are his feelings his? Or Cam’s?”

The three woman stared at her.

“What in the ever loving
fuck
are you saying?” Tammy said. “Do you actually believe that Cam’s feelings are – I don’t know –
trapped
in his heart and now Eric has them?”

“No. I don’t. That’s crazy. But… ”

“But what?”

“Look, I know that human emotion isn’t actually in the heart, it’s in the brain. Love is a chemical, hormonal reaction thing. The physical heart isn’t involved at all.”

“Right,” Julie said.

“But it’s all just so hard to get my head around. I mean, if we were to try to be together, then a part of Cam would always be with me. That’s enormously comforting in a way, but it’s also… kind of…”

“What?” Tammy said.

“I don’t know. Kind of like, I’d be cheating on Cam right in front of him. Or maybe cheating on Eric with my husband.”

They stared at her.

“Oh, fuck,” Annabeth sighed. “I know. I’m a mess.”

Julie took her hand. “No, sweetie. You just have a lot to work through. You need some more time. That’s all.”

“OK, here’s a question I’ve been wondering about,” said Vicky. “Would you be this conflicted if Eric had, say, Cam’s liver? Or one of his kidneys?”

Annabeth blinked. “What?”

“I guess what I’m asking is, is the problem the fact that a part of your husband is in Eric, or that Eric has that
specific
part of Cam? Is the issue the transplant – or the heart itself?”

They all stared at Vicky, astonished.

“That’s an incredible way to look at it,” Julie said.

“You think?”

“I do.”

“Yeah,” Annabeth said. “That – actually, that
is
an amazingly insightful question. And the answer is, the problem is that it’s his heart. If Eric had Cam’s kidney, I wouldn’t feel anywhere near as betrayed and angry. Or confused.” She took a sip of wine. “It makes no sense, but there it is.”

“And what are you going to do about it?” Tammy said.

“Right now? Nothing.” Annabeth smiled. “I have a few things to get sorted before I can think about a man.”