Notes from the Life of a Total Genius (20 page)

Oh no! Your character is in a life or death situation! It’s up to you and your newfound technical writing skills to guide your character to safety. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous the situation you choose may be; what you’ll be graded on is your clear explanations, organization and logic.

Remember the tips for good practical writing:

1. Be clear

2. Be detailed

3. Be logical

4. Use simple sentences

5. Use the present tense

Due: June 6

June 1st

Dear RJ,

Barely anyone showed up to the Leg Breakers rehearsal today. Even Ben and Latha didn’t come, and they’ve come to all of them. Everyone seemed really … I actually don’t know how to describe it. It was like everyone was defeated or tired or something. Well, everyone except Von. Von said that we needed to keep our energy up even though it’s exam season. He said that people couldn’t come because they were studying, but I know that no one actually studies for exams for a whole month before them. You maybe, MAYBE, read over the textbook a couple of times the week before, but I don’t think Ben would even do that. He’s one of those naturally perfect guys who is smart and funny and all the girls love him no matter what. I’m surprised that he and Kennedy haven’t gone out. They’d probably be the perfect couple. Don’t tell them that, though. Or maybe they wanted to date, but it was too awkward because Kennedy and I went out, and Ben’s a friend of mine and said that he couldn’t do that to me. See, RJ? That’s the kind of thing that Ben would do. He’s just that kind of guy.

But more to the point, I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing that I am. What if no one wants to do it anymore? I can’t ask them, because I don’t want to be the quitter, but what if everyone is writing the same things in their journals at home? The only one who seems really keen still is Von, which is totally unsurprising, since he’s so lame and doesn’t get it.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: June 2, 19:14

Arthur,

I wanted to let you know that I’m going to write a feature article for the Grad Matters! campaign that Catie and I started. I already asked Mr. E. if we could put it on the front page, ESPECIALLY since you got two of your articles featured that got us in this whole mess. Of course, he said yes.

I’m going to prove to Ms Kraleigh that I’m a true leader around here. I’ve already told her that you and I are NOT friends or on the same side, just to make sure I can win that award. If I don’t, you can consider this friendship 100% OVER.

Kennedy

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: June 2, 20:58

Dear Kennedy,

I agree. You should put your article on the front page. The
Marathon
is fully committed to showing both sides to every story! I’m not writing anything this week, so you don’t have to worry about me!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

June 3rd

Dear RJ,

I emailed Tomasz at camp and asked him about the camp counsellor job for the summer, but I got an email back today saying that they filled all the positions. How could that be? I was SURE that he would make room for me; I was one of the best campers! I was one of the best dish washers (nobody else washed the underside of the plates or bowls), I always participated at campfire, and I even helped out the seven-year-olds when they needed someone to tie their shoes or do up their life jackets. I’d be a great counsellor! Now Robbie’s going to be at camp all summer, and I’m going to be left doing nothing! This summer is going to suck and it hasn’t even started. I think it’s going to be a worse summer than the one after Mom died, and that one was horrible!

What if Dad makes me get a job in the city? That would be the worst. I guess I should look for jobs myself. I wonder what kinds of jobs I could get as a writer. Maybe in an ad agency? I could write pretty good slogans.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Arthur Bean: It’s Bean a Pleasure

Arthur Bean: The Importance of Bean, Arthur

Arthur Bean: Top of the Stalk

June 5th

Dear RJ,

I gave in, RJ. I had to. Time is running out, and I know how much Kennedy wants the grad to happen, and even Millie was talking about how sad it would be if we didn’t have a Grad Dance! So I skipped Gym (because any reason to miss long-distance running is a good reason), and had a meeting with Kraleigh. I told her that I wanted to put on our plays, but I wanted grad to happen too, and that I felt that we could come to a compromise. And you know what, RJ? She COMPLIMENTED me. She said that she felt I was showing some real maturity in coming to speak to her. It was so condescending that I almost left right then and there. But then she kept talking. She asked me what I felt would be a reasonable compromise. I was trapped. I figured that she was the adult, and that she would be the one to come up with the idea, not me! I didn’t have any ideas, so she said that I should talk to my friends and come up with what we felt would be a reasonable compromise for the plays, and she would seriously consider our request.

Then she said something totally shocking. She said that I reminded her a lot of my mom. I had no idea she knew my mom! Kraleigh said that they used to work together a long time ago, and she always respected how my mom stood up for what she believed in. She told me that my mom got the admin to agree to some kind of big change in their report card schedule (I didn’t really understand what she meant) in the school they worked in. Then Kraleigh actually said, “I bet you miss her. It’s right around June that she died, isn’t it?”

RJ, no one ever acknowledges her death head-on like that. People always skate around the fact that she died, and no one ever says to my face, “Your mom is dead.” It’s like they are scared that I’ll start bawling in their face. Yeah, because that’s going to happen!

But Kraleigh was so straightforward about it that I said, “Yeah. She died three years ago on Saturday. Not that it matters. I feel the same about it every day anyway.”

She nodded, and told me her mom died a few years ago as well, which I didn’t think was as big a deal, because Kraleigh is way older than me. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it doesn’t really matter how old you are when your mom dies. She’s still your mom, and she’s still dead, so it still sucks.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

By Arthur Bean

Oh no! Odie Oderdonk is about to die!

How is he going to die, you ask? I’m glad you did.

Odie Oderdonk is a miner by trade, just like his father, Brodie Oderdonk, was before him, and his grandfather, Cody Oderdonk, before him.

And now Odie Oderdonk has tunnelled too deep and he is trapped. He can’t get out!

Luckily, I can save you, Odie.

The first thing you need to do is breathe normally. If you start to hyperventilate, you’ll use up all your oxygen and you’ll die.

Next, look for the canary. There should be a canary in the mine with you. It will likely be in the upper left-hand quadrant of your hole if you are facing the wall. Pet the canary nicely to see if it’s alive. If it is still alive, you have a chance of living. If it’s not on its perch in the upper left-hand quadrant, then it is likely on the floor in the lower left-hand quadrant, and that is a bad sign, especially for the canary.

Odie, you say it’s on its perch! Great news! Now take the canary and put it on your right shoulder. It needs saving as much as you do, and when you get out of here, you’ll need someone who was in the trenches with you to commiserate.

Your next step is going to be trickier. You need to assess your surroundings. When you’re assessing them, these are the four things you should look for:

1. Any hissing gases coming from anywhere (anywhere)