Maggie for Hire (9 page)

There was a red door with a slide-y sign in black plastic that read “Director”.  I knocked gently and the door swung open.

The director’s desk sat empty.

“No one seems to be home,” I remarked.

We stood in silence for a moment.

“I suppose the polite thing to do would be to wait inside his office for him to return.”

“That seems like the only polite thing,” replied Killian.

“Perhaps you’d like to wait outside the door in case he returns.”

“I think perhaps I would.”

I slipped inside and began searching through the tidily stacked papers on his desk.  In his outbox, I found an invoice for yesterday’s service.  I didn’t want to screw over the guy.  I know what a pain it is when you’re sure you left an important paper somewhere, so I just copied down the billing information and then slipped back out into the hall.

“Did you see him?”

“Not a soul,” said Killian.

We stood there for a few more moments.

“This is strange, isn’t it?  Just that the door would be open, his office would be open, and no one would be here...” I got that old heebie-jeebie feeling again, “We have to go down and check the mortuary, don’t we?”

I could see Killian didn’t like it any more than me, “Yes, I believe we do.”

“Crap.”

I unholstered my gun and palmed a stake.  We walked to the end of the hall and pressed the elevator button going down.

The doors opened with a ding.

We exited into a white morgue, cold storage lockers fitted into the walls.

“You as creeped out as I am?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

All the lights were on, but no one appeared to be home.

I walked over to the first locker and pulled on the handle.  It was locked, but I didn’t see a keyhole.

“I can’t open it.”

Killian came over and had no more luck than I did on any of the units.

“Well,” I said.  “It appears to be a dead end.”  I looked over at Killian, “I am COMPLETELY okay with that.”

“As am I,” he said, his shoulders relaxing below his earlobes for the first time since we came into the basement.

“I guess we do have an afternoon free to fill up with bad talk shows after all.”

“It sounds more appealing with each passing moment.”

We started walking towards the elevator and, out of my little green energy habit, I flipped the lights off.

And that was when I heard every single one of those sixteen cold storage lockers open at once and the sound of sixteen tray tables slide out.

“Fuck!”

I flipped on the light.

Sitting up in each of the tray tables was a dead person.  Except, not dead anymore.  Vampires.  Young, hungry vampires.  Older vampires have a little more wisdom and maturity to their undead years.  The young ones were missing basic table manners, like, “Don’t eat your guests.”

In unison, they hissed and then were coming at us.

I banged at the “up” button but the elevator door was not opening.  I swung around and caught a vamp with my stake as I grabbed a scalpel from a table and plunged it into the heart of another.

“Killian, there are too many of them!”

I grabbed Killian and we ran up the steps of the emergency exit.  I sure wished the fire marshal had a nice little “in case of vampire attack, break glass” box, but we were on our own.  I fired off a round and it connected with something that was coming at us fast.

We ran out onto the first floor, tore down the hall, and made it outside into the safety of daylight.

“WHAT THE FUCK??!” I shouted, breathing heavily.

Killian looked at his arm.  He had a scrape that was bleeding pretty good.  I brought him over to the car and pulled out a first aid kit, “They get you?”

He shook his head, “I am merely grazed.”

I got him wrapped up and gave him a sympathetic pat.

Then, I pulled out a tourniquet tube from the kit and popped open my gas tank.  After a quick search around the back of the building, I found a watering can that the gardener forgot to put away.  Probably because something tried to eat him.

The surgeon general warns not to do this, but with a couple sucks, I had the gas flowing through the tube into the watering can at a steady rate.  Thank god I filled up before we left.  I carried the can over to the funeral home and sprinkled it everywhere I could find.  I then took out a match and flicked it at the building.

It went up like a roman candle.

Killian stood next to me as we watched the place burn down like the Atlanta scene in
Gone with the Wind
, “We should probably leave before we’re spotted.”

“Let’s hope the South doesn’t rise again,” I replied.

Chapter 19

We drove the car off the top of Mulholland drive and back into the Other Side with a thump.  I wound my way through the cobblestone streets to the police station.

I walked into the holding office and plunked the baggy full of drippy clothes on Lacy’s desk.

“Sorry, I’m afraid I caught him more dead than alive.”

She gave me a heavy sigh, “Do you know the extra paperwork this is going to cause me?”

“That’s why they pay you the big bucks, Lacy.”

She got up and sashayed her way over to the register to fill out my proof of vanished-but-still-taken-care-of corpse delivery.

“Hey, Lacy?” I asked.

“Hmm?” she replied.

“Any word on weird stuff going on with the vampires?”

She ripped out the receipt and brought it over to me, “You been living under a rock?”

“Evidently.  What’s going on?”

“New leader just took over.  Something about promises to unite them and restore them to a position of pride and dignity.  Blah blah blah.”

“Huh.  So who is this leader?”

“Vampires aren’t too forthcoming about giving names and, personally, I try not to spend too much time in their company,” she said as she placed a meaningful blue finger on my shoulder.

“Lacy, when did you get shy?” I replied.  “You’ve always been my ear to the ground.  My person-in-the-know.  My go-to-hell gal.  I need you to live on the edge.”

She grabbed a stack of papers and plunked them in front of me, “And I need you to fill all this out in triplicate and return it to me by close-of-business Friday.”

Lacy sure knew how to ruin a gal’s day.  I should have let those vampires turn me.  I wouldn’t have to fill out the twenty-page Form 168A staring up at me.

Lacy leaned her elbows on her desk, “Listen, you didn’t hear it from me, but you should head down to the Wagon and Cock.  They always seem to know what’s going on.”

“Thanks, Lacy.  What would I do without you?”

“Die.”

“That’s about right.”

I stepped into the car and turned on the engine.

“Any good word?” asked Killian.

“Got a nice little lead,” I replied.  “How about you let me buy you a drink?”

Chapter 20

The Wagon and Cock was a tavern down by the waterfront.  It had a rougher element, but you don’t find out what’s going on in the seedy underbelly of a city by hanging out at debutante balls.

That said, I made sure I was fully armed before going inside.  I popped open my glove compartment and handed Killian a Glock.

“I do not use guns.”

“Who said it was for you?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Listen, some ladies make men carry their purses.  All I’m asking is for you to carry my extra gun.”

He watched as a six armed sailor lit up three cigars and leaned against the light pole outside the pub, puffing each cigar in turn.

“Rough crowd?”

“You could strike a match off their aura.”

I slammed the last cartridge into place and tucked my own firearm into the top of my boot.

“Alrighty, then.  Let’s do this.”

Heads turned as I walked into the pub and then went back to drowning their sorrows in the depths of their grog.  I walked up to the bar and gave the bartender a nice down payment on his vacation home.

“This round’s on me!” I announced.

Instantly, the entire place was filled with my best friends.  Showy?  Yes.  But muddled heads loosened tongues, and that’s what I needed.

I turned to the bar keeper as he tried to hand me some change, “Keep it.  Actually, keep it and here’s some more for that entire bottle you’ve got there on the top shelf.”

He gave me a grunt and handed over something that would put hair on the chest of a two year old, and turned back to his duties.

Obstacle one hurdled.

I slid over to a solitary fellow who looked a bit anemic.

“Had a bit of good luck and I hate drinking alone.  Mind if I joined you?” I asked.

He eyed Killian, “Looks like you have more than enough to drink with.”

I topped off his half filled glass and poured myself a shot, “He keeps to the nectar and that’s not quite my idea of a celebration, if you know what I mean.”

The fellow lifted his glass and clinked it to my own.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Pour me another and I’ll tell you.”

“You’re my kind of fellow.”

The thing about drinking with a guy like this is that you’ve got to take the first couple shots for the team, but still make sure to keep a clear enough head to not get yourself killed.  Killian was my backup plan.  The Wagon and Cock wasn’t a place for getting sloppy.  I had a few too many enemies this side of the boundary to let my guard down too much.

“My name is Lars.”

“Nice enough name, Lars.  I’m Maggie.”

We shook hands and I poured us both another.  I let him throw his back while I spilled mine down my front.

“What’s your line of business?” I asked.

“Little of this.  Little of that.  You?”

“I am a merchant,” I lied, “specializing in multi-world transportation of sensitive objects.”

“From the way you’re spreading money around, I’d fancy you’re doing well for yourself.”

“I keep a roof over my head.”

An accordion player struck up a tune in the corner.  The fact accordion players existed in one world, much less two, was a cruel and unusual punishment, I felt, but Lars seemed to enjoy the music and it covered over the awkward moments in our conversation a bit.

“It’s the strangest thing,” I said.  “Business has been dropping off.  I heard there are some new portals opening up between the worlds.”

“Can’t say I’ve heard of anything.”

“Huh.  Something about a new head of the vampires?”

“That information, missy,” Lars said as he rose from the table, “is worth more than the expensive bottle you’ve got held in your hands there.”

I rose and met his blurry eyes.  Sometimes you have to ask nice. And sometimes you have to let people know that your breasts aren’t going to get in the way of you kicking their ass.

“Seems funny a big strong man like yourself is running scared.  I just asked a simple question.”

“Your simple question gets a person like me killed.”

“No need to get angry, sir.  I was just looking for a name.  Like I said, I’m a runner and I’m looking for some employment opportunities.”

“Employment opportunities?”  He leaned in to me, “Fine.  The vamp’s name is Vaclav.  He keeps his human minions here at the harbor, over at

Pier 67.  And if you asked me, I’d tell you to stay as far away as you possibly can.  Business can’t ever be bad enough to work for that one.  But you seem the type hell-bent on finding out how fast you can die, so enjoy your final days.”

And then Lars took off with a limp, fixing his cap upon his head and heading out the door.

“That went well,” said Killian as we watched him go.

“More info than we had when we came in,” I replied as I slammed the cork back into the expensive bottle and dropped it in front of a pirate passed out at the table next to us.  Not quite hidden treasure, but he was going to wake up feeling like a lucky man.

“So, do we head off to Pier 67?” asked Killian.

“Killian, I’m foolhardy, but I’m not an idiot.”  I rose and walked to the door, “We wait until morning.”

Perhaps if I hadn’t been such an idiot, I would have noticed that the bar keeper had been watching the entire exchange.

Chapter 21

Night had fallen and my head was pounding.

“Can I get you anything?” I shouted to Killian in the other room as I put my cup underneath the faucet.  Sobering while I was still awake was my least favorite feeling.

Coming out of the haze, though, made me look twice at the shadow that danced across my lawn.  Ah, it was so good to be home.  I pulled my gun out of the kitchen island.

“Killian!  We’ve got company!”

I shut off the lights.  If they were nasties, lights wouldn’t be the thing keeping them in or out.  If they weren’t nasties, I was going to take any advantage I could grab hold of.

“What do you see?” he whispered at my elbow.  He had ditched his staff in favor of a crossbow.  Excellent choice.

“Something is moving out there in the dark.”

Another shadow flitted across the lawn, coming closer to the house stealthily.  I could now rule out the neighbor’s cat.

I stretched my fingers, trying not to let the heady rush of adrenaline make me shoot till I saw the reds of their eyes.

“Why do you look like you are enjoying this?” asked Killian.

“Better than a cup of coffee to wake a girl up.”

“Remind me never to wake you up.”

“Done.”

Now something dropped silently out of a tree and into the yard.

“Okay, so that makes three.  Goll, why do they always have to attack on the new moon?”

“Avoiding the reflection of the sun...?”

“It was rhetorical.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay, you can cover the front, garage, and back door if you stand where I am here in the kitchen,” I said.  “I’m going upstairs to check the windows.”

He gave me a nod and I made my way in a low crouch to the stairs.

From the second floor, I counted five vamps surrounding the house.  Vampires are nasty, but the good thing about the Other Side is that homes are protected against this sort of thing.  I holstered my gun and walked downstairs.

“Just vamps.”