Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) (16 page)

She laughed. “It’s alright. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone does it.” She frowned. “Well, I do it—so I always supposed everyone does it… but now that I think about it, I suppose that fact that I do it would be the very evidence to prove that no one else does it…” She contorted her mouth in a pleasantly thoughtful manner. “Well, anyway. I do it. If that makes you feel any better—though I don’t know why it would—”

“It does.” He smiled, suddenly so content with everything in the world. He wanted to laugh at himself for letting this happen every time he was with her. He didn’t know how she did it but he was glad that she did. She didn’t even have to say anything or do anything to make it happen, but every time she was near him he felt an overwhelming sense of comfort unlike anything he’d ever known before. A comfort that told him that no matter what happened everything was going to turn out just fine.

Maybe tonight would turn out fine.

Maybe even
he
would turn out fine.

“I’m glad.” She smiled in return as her cheeks lit up with a bit of rouge. “It’s something I’ve done since I was child. I used to have such a hard time getting out a complete thought because I would get so flustered. So, I’d do it to practice conversations… Were you practicing a conversation?”

Yes.
“No.”

“It sure looked like you were practicing to me…” She plaited her fingers in front of her waist nervously. “Were you practicing a conversation to have with me?”

He shook his head.

“No?” She chewed her bottom lip and looked down at her hands. “Is there something you need to tell me? I heard you saying something about danger when I walked up… Am I in the way—is there something—do you—do you not want me around?” The sound of her voice became lower and lower as she spoke, each word holding more disappointment and hurt. When he didn’t answer and she raised her lashes again to look at him, her stormy colored eyes were actually raining. “I just want to help. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

Lord this woman. She made him ache in every way possible. He knew he had to do it. He had to tell her ‘no.’ But how was he supposed to do that now?

“Is someone still—” she looked around and even spun in a circle to get a complete view before, she lowered her voice. “
Are you still being followed?
”

Cal cleared his throat. It was a definite possibility but he wasn’t about to tell her that right now, or admit it to himself, even though he was certain he could take care of them if it came to it… which he didn’t expect, but if it did…

I can. I could.
He reassured himself but it didn’t make him feel any more confident in his ability to protect rather than harm.

“What’s that?” he asked searching for a new topic and noticing the small cloth bundle under her arm.

Her eyes lit up at that and she took it in her hand and unwrapped it. “I was packing a few things to eat since I didn’t know how long we would be gone or where—”

“That’s a lot of food.”

“Oh, it’s not all for me,” she laughed.

“How much do you think I eat?”

“It’s not all for you either!” She softly shoved his arm and let her hand remain for just a moment. She didn’t seem to want to let go any more than he wanted her to. “I brought it to share. With whomever might want some. I didn’t think it would be very kind to eat in front of others when I didn’t know—when I wasn’t sure if—I had extra. I thought it only right to share. And maybe people will be more willing to talk over a shared meal.”

Cal could kiss her right now. He almost did. “You’re bloody brilliant, you know that?”

“Am I?” she seemed remarkably surprised by that description.

“Of course. Do you know how long I’ve been going to these gatherings trying to get people to talk to me? It never even occurred to me to do something for them.”

“But you are doing something for them.”

“It’s not the same thing. They don’t know what I’m doing right now and I can’t tell them. And yet I’ve been expecting them to take a risk and talk to me without any incentive. But you? Without even knowing it you come up with a way to help them that will also help us. And you know why? Because you care about them.”

“You care about people.”

“Not the way you do. I do it because it’s the right thing to do. You do it because it’s the only thing to do. It’s necessary for you. The way you care about people, it’s like—it’s like it’s written in your bones. Like it’s literally a part of who you are and if you didn’t do it, you would cease to exist.”

“Oh, I don’t know about—”

“No. It’s true. I know we’ve only just met but I don’t know who you’d be otherwise, if you didn’t do everything in your power to care for people and to try to help them. Maybe you’d still exist, physically anyway, but you wouldn’t be you. You wouldn’t be Ellie. At least not the Ellie that I cherish so very deeply.”

Cal wasn’t aware he felt this way until he was saying the words, but the thought of it came so naturally to him and felt so true that he didn’t care take it back. He’d never had this feeling for anyone before. He’d admired people, he’d cared for others, but cherish… that was something new altogether. That was something powerful. That was something you couldn’t live without. The feeling scared him and confused him but it elated him ever more.

What of her, though? How did this truth make her feel? Was she as scared and confused as him? Was she as overwhelmed with the joy if it?

The look in her eyes was all the answer he needed for now; a mix of thanks, satisfaction, and relief that sent him into a tizzy.

Cherish
. The word felt remarkable on his tongue. But that was a dangerous thought because it only reminded him how remarkable
she
felt on his tongue. His body, pulled in her direction with a commanding need to hold her and take her into his mouth.

As if on cue, she anxiously licked her lips.

Bloody hell… damn, damn, dammit all to hell...
He wanted to throw her against the wall and kiss her until her lips were red and swollen. He wasn’t sure how he stopped himself or why.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice uneven and breathy, two simple words carrying the weight of the world. Their world. This moment. Everything that could possibly be thanked for.

“No, thank you,” he said but this time he couldn’t help himself. He tucked her ever escaping hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek with his thumb. God, his heart was bursting for her. Everything was bursting for her. And it would if he wasn’t careful.

“For what?” Her breath caught. “I haven’t done anything yet…”

Oh, but you have.
This petite woman held a powerful punch. She made him feel safe, even from himself. No one had ever made him feel safe.

“Have a little more faith in yourself,” he said at last.
You make me feel like I should have faith in myself too.

And so it was, he couldn’t tell her ‘no’ after all.

The buildings loomed around her like a fairytale forest, but it was not the sort of forest the heroine saw at the end of the tale when she was riding off into the sunset with her prince. It was the forest that the heroine had to be rescued from in the first place, the forest where everything was dark and nothing was what it seemed.

Even the buildings here were not what they seemed. They stretched up several stories on either side of her, pressed so closely together that she imagined even rodents would have a difficult time passing between. Only a few of the sections actually had windows and the ones that did were so scantily lit that the already dim street moved with dappled shadows and patches of night as dark as death.

There was nothing uniform or structured about the buildings either. Each story was uneven and had a rather jagged appearance as if they had been built as necessary in little spurts at a time with not attention to the lines of structural integrity. They appeared to be made of wood, or at least they had been at one time. But Ellie had never seen wood of that color or condition except for scraps left in a waste pile for weeks at a time. These buildings were the saddest looking structures she had ever seen. They made her feel miserable.

She remembered having the same thoughts and feelings about the inn they hid in the day before. But if this was a fairytale then that inn was a castle and the buildings around her were being held up by magic. That was the only feasible explanation.

But the buildings weren’t even really buildings, she finally decided. They were barely even structures. She’d only thought of them as buildings because she had no other word to describe them. They should have been buildings. This was the place where buildings usually were on a street. But then again she was also calling this murky path of muck a street. That name was not fitting either. Streets were made of cobblestone and your feet didn’t sink into them when you walked. In this case the cobblestone had disappeared shortly after they left the main road and she was afraid to guess exactly what was staining her shoes and the bottom hem of her dress.

This was exactly what she’d been afraid of all along and it was much worse than she’d ever imagined. It was even worse than her nightmares. And, she realized with a sudden sinking feeling, that this didn’t even appear to be a residential area. These were not homes but shops, places of business, and she shuddered to think just how much worse the homes must be than all of this.

She stepped closer to Cal in an attempt to gain some much needed strength. Her right arm brushed against his and she felt herself shiver despite the heavy heat of the night. Without thinking, her hand reached towards his, wanting to wrap her fingers in his so much that it made her body tense up. From the corner of her eyes she saw his eyes flutter and his mouth twitch. He stretched his arm as if to reach out to her as well and join his hand with hers.

But damn it all, neither of them made the final move, almost as if neither of them could. Was he just as confused and scared as she was? She gritted her teeth together at the obvious tension and want between them and looked around the area once more.

This place may have been worse than imagined, but at least her other fear was unfounded. Her heart caught in her throat the moment she saw him again.

He was proportioned just perfectly and just so, strong and steady, as if a master builder had put everything into place by hand. The clothes that hugged his body were much simpler and plainer today, she noticed. It seemed he’d taken her comments about his fine clothes to heart. She smiled and blushed wondering if he’d thought about her while he dressed. She secretly hoped this had been the case, but she was glad to see him now regardless. He was a fine specimen of a man.

And he cherished her. He’d said it just like that.
Cherish so very deeply.
That was when she knew that the connection was still there, and that their feelings had not been mere side effects of circumstance. It made her want to be his. Whatever that meant. Whatever that required. Her body felt like a dam after a long storm, creaking and struggling to hold itself together.

Then somewhere, a distance from where they walked, hidden in the depths of the dark, Ellie heard a male’s voice yell something in her direction and break through her thoughts. It was completely indiscernible but the timbre of the voice was enough to make her skin crawl.

She jumped to her right, bumping into Cal. She wanted to jump into his arms. Her hand moved in his direction again, longingly, and then... His right hand pressed into her right hand and his left arm went over her shoulders, wrapping her up and holding her close.

It was an appropriate time. The perfect time. She could tell he’d waited to touch her until he had a tangible reason to do so, so that if all went amiss he could take it back and start again. She realized now that she’d been waiting for the same sort of moment only he’d found one first.

As if she cared. Her only concern was that it happened.

Ellie took one step closer to Cal and nestled into his side for strength and whatever else she might find. He returned the gesture, pulling her in as close as he could and tipping his head down to her.

“Don’t worry. I’m here,” his voice murmured with the sound of a smile. His lips softly brushed the top of her head and she felt her body go weak beneath her. He caught her up in his arms and kissed the top of her head once more.

God, why couldn’t he have kissed her—kissed her as a woman—when they met again today, half hidden in the side-street, away from any possible prying eyes? He’d wanted to. She’d seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice. The way his eyes looked her over, hungry and needy, the way his voice purred out from deep inside his body. He’d been dying to touch her. Aching as much as she was if not more. And even though there were so many things she still didn’t fully understand or know—his full name for instance—it had taken everything in her power not to wrap herself around him and beg him to take her.

“Where are we going?” she murmured into his side in an attempt to distract herself, but this action only backfired. Her nostrils were filled with the piquant scent of sweat and man. She was forced to exhale softly to hide the building moan.

“To a rally.”

“I know that.”

“It’s not that much farther. Just a few more blocks. The union leader of this branch has arranged to hold the meeting at the local pub. Many of the workers meet there after a long day of work. It’s a comfortable place to them. A place where they feel safe and at home.”

“Is it a small meeting then? It doesn’t seem as if many people would be able to gather in a pub.”

“Well, this pub is a bit different...”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s more outside than in.”

“More outside than in?” Ellie turned her head towards him, nonchalantly running her face along his side as she looked upward. “What does that even mean?”

“Ah. Well, I think you’ll have to see this one to understand.” A grin crossed his lips. “I think you’ll love it, actually.”

I love you,
she wanted to say and she wanted him to say in return... as if she had any idea what that even meant. She thought that she
might
understand it, though. When she thought of love she immediately thought of her parents and how much their relationship had taught her. They’d showed her that love wasn’t easy. It was something that had to be worked at every day, but it was worth it. And it was about more than just feelings. Love was about actions. Ellie was beginning to think she understood the feelings part but she wasn’t quite sure about the actions yet. “And how do you know what I might love?” she asked him instead.