arrested, and Zach would be stuck in Coeur d’Alene forever, visiting his violent-
offender boyfriend in prison while his parents lectured him, yet again, on making
terrible choices when it came to picking lovers.
“Hey, is that a bushtit?” Zach exclaimed, pointing at a bird in the nearby tree.
Everyone but Austin glanced up. Austin glared at his rival, jaw clenched.
Love Ahead: Expect Delays
33
“Come on, Austin,” Zach said quietly, touching his arm. “There are better
places to meet lovers than in jail.”
Austin grimaced. “That fucker—”
“Let’s
go
,” Zach urged.
“That’s a mountain chickadee,” the police officer said.
Zach smiled weakly. “Aha, I always get those two confused.”
“You can tell by the black-and-white variegation,” the officer said. He eyed the
two young men. “I want you two to clear out. If I catch you drinking here again, I’m
bringing you in.”
The two men stared at Austin, the crew-cut fellow smirking. But they walked
away. Austin stiffened as they passed. Zach gripped his arm and yanked him back.
“Let’s check on the car,” he demanded, and after a moment, Austin nodded. He
headed down the trail in the opposite direction from the drinkers.
Zach turned quickly and shook the officer’s hand. “Thanks for your help.” He
rushed down the trail to reach Austin, who stalked toward the garage, clearly
fuming.
Zach hurried to catch up, but as the tension from the conflict faded and his
heart slowed its pace, he began to get angry.
What the fuck
? How could anyone be so
bullheaded as to actually make a fist at a police officer?
Zach caught up with Austin, but they said nothing to each other. At the
garage, Austin learned the gasket had arrived. The Spectrum was raised on the lift,
the engine out, but it would still take several hours tomorrow before the job would
be completed.
They walked back to the hotel, and Austin offered an olive branch. “I checked
out the porno section of the pay-per-movie options this morning while you were
sleeping. They have a gay channel. Want to check it out?”
Zach looked at him. Austin smiled crookedly.
34
Astrid Amara
But for once Zach wasn’t willing to let this one go. “You almost punched a
police officer.”
Austin’s smile disappeared. He didn’t say anything in his defense.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Zach asked.
“I wasn’t going to hit the cop,” Austin said. “I wanted to hit the skinheaded son
of a bitch.” He left it there.
Zach said nothing in the elevator up to their room. They’d have to get dinner,
but he felt too pissed off to go out for food with Austin.
Light was almost gone from the sky, and Zach belatedly lit his menorah. The
tension between them added nothing to the gesture, however.
“Aren’t you supposed to say those prayers?” Austin asked. He sat on the edge
of the bed. He watched Zach with a cautious expression.
“I’m not in the mood,” Zach said.
Austin sighed. “What’s wrong? You act like that whole fight was my fault.”
“It
was
your fault!” Zach spun to face him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don’t care if we’re in fucking Idaho. No one gets to call you names in front of
me and walk away.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! They were just a couple of drunk assholes. It isn’t worth
going to jail for.”
Austin stood. There was no caution in his expression now. He looked angry,
noticeably grinding his jaw. “You know what happens when you ignore people who
insult you, Zach? You get fucking
beaten
. That’s what happens.”
“Not always.”
“I’m not taking any chances,” Austin said.
“We would have been fine if we’d walked away. But you—”
“No!” Austin slammed his fist against the wall. “We’re
not
fine by walking
away! Every fucking time you walk away from jerks like that, they
win
! They get to
insult every poor bastard who’s different from them, and they win.”
Love Ahead: Expect Delays
35
“What the hell are you
talking
about?” Zach shouted. He knew their voices
were carrying through the wall, but he didn’t care. “You honestly think you can
fight every guy who doesn’t like us?”
“If they don’t fear us, they’ll never respect us.”
Zach rolled his eyes. “That’s a great opinion of human nature.”
“Oh for chrissakes!” Austin moved closer, and Zach backed up against the wall.
“Wake up, Zach! You can’t joke your way out of everything.
You
can be the
unrealistic idealist who thinks everything in the world will work out fine, but one of
us has to acknowledge that there are really fucking bad things that happen out
there!”
“Yeah! I get that!” Zach felt uncomfortable up against the wall. He moved to
the side. Of course Austin let him go. And the fact that he’d even thought for a
second that Austin wouldn’t said he shared Austin’s underlying negative impression
of humanity more than he wanted to admit.
Zach shook his head. “I’m asking you to think with your head, not your fists.
What would have happened if you’d actually hit that jerk? You’d be in jail, and we’d
be stuck in this town a lot longer than one more day.”
Austin glared at him. “You can’t let people insult you and not pay for it. It
won’t ever stop. Someone has to stand up for you.”
“I don’t want you standing up for me!” Zach shouted. “Not over something so
stupid!”
Austin growled and looked ready to rip something apart. He ran his hand
through his hair, making it stick up like a Mohawk. He snatched his coat from the
lounge chair and stormed out of the room. The door slammed behind him.
Zach sat on the bed and took deep breaths. They had argued before, but they’d
never had a fight like that.
36
Astrid Amara
Zach realized it was because he always let things go. It was his nature. Why
let a problem escalate when you could simply cope with it? But the first time he
took a stand on something, they ended up shouting.
And he had no idea how to resolve it. Zach felt sick to his stomach.
He ordered pizza delivery, at first choosing anchovies to spite Austin but at the
last minute relenting and ordering a basic sausage and mushroom. He kicked off his
shoes and flipped channels, uncaring of what was on, more concerned about where
Austin had gone and whether he planned on returning.
The argument only proved Zach’s point. There was
no way
he should move in
with Austin. He was violent and unpredictable. And even though that anger was
never directed at Zach, Austin was a volatile, unknown force.
How could Austin think they were ready to live together? Zach didn’t know
Austin well enough to guess what his response would be after a big fight, and that
was worrisome in itself. He could have rented a car and abandoned him, for all Zach
knew. If he didn’t know what Austin would do when furious, how could he want to
live with the man?
To his relief, Austin returned a few minutes after the pizza was delivered. He
had a six-pack of some Idaho microbrew under one arm and a paper bag in his
hand. He glanced at the open pizza box on the desk but didn’t acknowledge it.
They made eye contact. Neither apologized. Austin tossed the bag onto the bed.
“Here.”
“What is it?” Zach asked.
“Chocolate truffles.” Austin put the six-pack next to the pizza and pulled off
his coat. “Oh, and more condoms. I’m almost out.”
Zach shook his head. “We have a fight, and you go out and buy condoms.”
Austin shrugged, looking almost embarrassed.
Zach sighed. “I got pizza, if you’re hungry.”
Love Ahead: Expect Delays
37
“Yeah.” Austin grabbed a slice and stuck the end in his mouth. He grabbed two
beers and held them up in question. Zach nodded, and Austin joined him on the bed,
handing him a beer.
Zach twisted the top, but the cap needed an opener. Austin grabbed it and
opened it on the edge of his belt before handing it back solemnly.
“Thanks,” Zach said. He felt awkward.
Austin was quiet beside him. He opened his beer, took a deep swig, and
grabbed the control.
Zach waited for them to address what had occurred, but Austin clearly didn’t
want to discuss it. He flipped channels until they hit
Star Wars
, and the two of
them watched and ate and drank next to each other with no conversation.
Zach supposed this was Austin’s way of making up, but he still felt
disappointed by the way things had turned out. When the pizza was finished and
they had split the six-pack, and Zach had crawled under the covers to stay warm,
Austin leaned over and kissed the side of Zach’s head.
“Sorry.” The word came out harsh and raspy, as if it physically hurt him to
say.
Zach was going to say the same thing, but Austin kissed him on the lips, then
turned over and went to sleep.
38
Astrid Amara
Chapter Four
Saturday, December 4
“The menorah burned all night.”
Austin put down his razor and turned to greet Zach at the bathroom door.
Zach wore only boxers, and his hair stood up rakishly on one side of his head.
He had lines of sleep on his face. His svelte frame, narrow waist, and dark body hair
excited Austin, regardless of the bad feelings they had gone to bed with, and he
moved closer.
“Yeah? Is that against tradition?” he asked.
Zach yawned widely and scratched his head. “Well, of course the candles burn
down, unless you have a collection of LED lights.” He gave a quick, small smile, and
Austin felt inordinately pleased to see it.
The fight last night had scared him. He assumed everything would roll off
Zach. Nothing fazed him.
Except, apparently, defending himself, which was going to be a sore subject
between them. But Austin knew he had a temper and would have to work to control
it if he ever wanted to win Zach’s complete trust.
Austin had wandered the streets of Coeur d’Alene last night, worrying he’d
permanently ruined his chances with Zach. The thought hit him like a punch in the
gut. Which was why the sight of Zach giving him that smile filled Austin with relief
and alleviated some of the guilt that had made it so difficult to sleep.
Love Ahead: Expect Delays
39
Zach reached up and wiped a blob of shaving cream off Austin’s face. “We
should check out soon.”
“Yeah.” Austin turned and washed his face. In the main room, he heard Zach
speak with someone on his cell phone. By the patient, annoyed tone in his voice,
Austin guessed Zach was speaking with his mother. A few minutes later Zach
returned to the bathroom and began shaving.
“I told her we’d be late, but that we’d make it there tomorrow or the day after.”
“Good.” Austin looked at Zach’s body as he shaved, wondered if things were
good enough between them to make a move.
But Zach didn’t seem that interested. He focused on shaving. “My mother
mentioned the storm in Wyoming. It isn’t looking good.” Zach splashed his razor in
the water. His eyes lowered, and Austin could see his thick black lashes in the
mirror. He loved the slightly effeminate aspects of Zach’s body, coupled with his
masculine voice, hair, and sharp eyes. He moved closer.
“I think if we don’t stop until we get to Billings, and we head straight down
from there, we should be ahead of the storm,” Zach suggested.
“Uh-huh.” Austin didn’t care. He leaned forward to reach for Zach’s boxers as
Zach turned and moved over to the towel rack. Zach dried his face and walked out of
the bathroom, leaving Austin standing there feeling like a perverted asshole.
He had to give Zach time.
Austin shook his head. Part of him missed the days when he didn’t care what
his lovers were feeling. But Zach’s anger still gnawed at him. He’d apologized; he
wasn’t sure what more he could do.
They packed and had a quick breakfast in the hotel restaurant before checking
out. They were both polite to each other, almost uncomfortably so. Every time they
made eye contact, Zach’s sad smile made a fist form and tighten around Austin’s
heart.
40
Astrid Amara
Austin offered to get the car while Zach sat by the fireplace in the hotel lobby
and read. Austin double-checked under the hood of the Spectrum, but everything
looked clean and in order. New gasket, new window, and new oil in place. Austin
settled the bill with Lou. Austin decided he would pay for it, even though he knew
Zach would protest. Zach never let him pay for more than his share of any expense.
How would we split things if we lived together?
The thought floated through Austin’s mind, but he forced it out. Zach had