“How—Brian?” Hayden stammered.
“Dude, you two are on your own. I know better than to piss her off,” Brian smirked.
“And keep your attitudes in check,” Alexa continued ignoring what anyone was saying. “Because I’ll be damned if the rest of this night sucks because you two can’t figure out that no one who counts gives a rat’s ass who you love or fuck. So long as that person doesn’t already belong to someone else or is underage.” Alexa turned and walked away, looping her arm through Brian’s.
“I should—”
“You can think about it later. Let’s try to enjoy tonight. Movie theaters are dark. We can sit in the back,” Hayden replied, not entirely sure why he was trying so hard to convince his boyfriend to stay with him. His gut told him if Christian walked away now, they were done. He was a SEAL. He was not going to lose the man he wanted. Not without a fight.
Christian nodded, and they walked into the theater. Again, Christian insisted on paying. It felt almost like a real date. He hoped Alexa’s words made some sort of dent in Christian’s logic. Heaven knew that nothing he’d said over the past couple of months had worked.
After purchasing drinks, they headed to the theater. They were early enough to get a seat in the back. One that let them watch the movie without feeling exposed. Once in the theater Christian’s hand slid down and over his ass before coming to rest on his lower back. Hayden arched into the touch. He couldn’t help it. He wanted to know that he wasn’t wasting time with the wrong man.
“You two first,” Alexa said. “I always wanted to be surrounded by big, strong men.”
Hayden laughed, and Christian sputtered.
“I’m man enough for you,” Brian growled.
“Yes, but most, well some, women fantasize about being the center of attention for several hot men,” Alexa shrugged.
Christian led the way into the short row, leaving a seat between him and the wall breaking up the top few rows. Hayden sat next to him, with Alexa in between him and Brian. Christian’s fingers intertwined with his, and Hayden pulled Christian towards him, giving his lover a quick, chaste kiss, before deepening it.
“You know, this gives me an idea,” Christian whispered.
“You riding my cock during a movie?” Hayden asked, brushing his thumb over Christian’s knuckles.
“Um, no, but now that you mention it, we’ll have to try it.”
Hayden laughed and settled in to watch the movie. Christian had lightened up considerably since they entered the theater. He knew it had more to do with their surroundings than anything else said or done. Hayden blew out a breath. He was going to enjoy the evening and the time he could spend with Christian. For him, good memories helped to fight the bad ones and eased the time spent alone in whatever hellhole the military chose to send them.
They watched the previews and the movie. Alexa’s comments on how hot the lead actor was and detailing the finer points of the man’s ass had earned a snort from Brian and nods of agreement from both him and Christian. Brian’s comment on the actress and her breasts was met with a “yes, but are they naturally that perky?” from Christian that had Alexa nearly choking on the drink she’d just taken.
“You two need to work things out, that was too much fun,” Alexa said as they stood, waiting for the theater to clear. “Tell you what, next week we’ll have movie night at my house. We can grill something.”
“Why your house and not Brian’s?” Hayden asked raising an eyebrow.
“He has an apartment, not a house. And there is more room to spread out and get
comfortable
,” Alexa answered rolling her eyes.
“Sounds good,” Christian replied. “But can we make it two weeks? There’s something I want to show Hayden next week.”
“Works for me.”
They said their goodbyes at the main doors and separated. Hayden walked with Christian back to the other man’s truck. They rode back to his house talking about the movie and how it compared to other movies they’d seen and what seemed plausible. The drive gave him time to confirm his decision about just having Christian drop him off. Sex with Christian was great, but it wasn’t enough, and there was still too much unsaid between him for him to ignore it.
“I had a really great time,” Christian said as they pulled into a parking spot in front of Hayden’s building and turned off the engine.
“I did to. Thank you for going out with me tonight.”
Christian nodded. “I want to try it again. Just the two of us. Maybe Wednesday for dinner.”
“Dinner sounds good,” Hayden replied. Dinner out sounded great. He could ease into it with Christian. He could help the man learn how to date in public.
“I’m trying. I want to try.”
“I know, love, I know,” Hayden replied sliding across the seat and pulling Christian in for a kiss. “It’ll take time.”
Christian nodded. Smiling, Hayden reached out and opened his door. Walking into his house, he could only pray that he wasn’t making another mistake.
* * * *
Christian scowled and looked at his watch. Time moved slowly. They’d been home for forty-eight hours and were scheduled for night shooting. It had been three months since the double date with Brian and his girlfriend Alexa. The following Wednesday, he and Hayden were just about to sit down for dinner, when Christian’s phone rang, and he’d been ordered back to base. He’d been gone for a month only to learn when they’d returned that Hayden’s team had gone for urban training before being mobilized. They’d been sent back to South America three and a half weeks ago looking for missing Americans. He knew there was no way to know when his boyfriend would get back and the wait was killing him.
Grabbing his gear out of the vehicle, he hoped a night of shooting would help take his mind off from Hayden.
“Dude, what the fuck is up with you?” Jason asked, joining him as they made their way into the range.
Christian shrugged. He hadn’t told anyone he was seeing Hayden, that he wanted to do more than just
see
Hayden. The time apart had given Christian a chance to think about it all, Hayden and their relationship. He still wasn’t sure Hayden was the one, but he was ready to stop hiding who he was and who he was dating. They listened to the briefing from the range supervisor before taking their places. The door opened and in walked a young man Christian had seen in passing before at the range.
“Williams! Get over here!”
“What the fuck is going on?” Jason asked as they stopped and turned back toward the range supervisor.
Christian shrugged and made his way over to where the two men were standing.
“You wanted to see me Chief?”
“Report to Lieutenant Ellison’s office,” the older man said sharply. “Morganstern, back to your station.”
“Yes, Chief.”
Twenty minutes later he was standing in front of the platoon officer’s desk. An older man sat in one of the two chairs in the office.
“Have a seat Petty Officer Williams,” Lieutenant Ellison said curtly.
“Yes sir,” Christian said sitting down, his gaze finding the cross on the other man’s uniform. His stomach clenched and his mouth was suddenly dry.
Chaplain.
What the hell was a chaplain doing here? He wasn’t on speaking terms with his family, so it’s not like anyone would think to notify him if something had happened.
“Do you know if Petty Officer Medema has any family?” Lieutenant Ellison asked, after the Senior Chief walked in, closing the door behind him.
“No sir, he doesn’t,” Christian replied. He did, they’d talked about it. Hayden’s parents had kicked him out of the house when he was fifteen years old after months at a prayer camp hadn’t made him straight. He’d lived with a family friend until he was seventeen, when he’d joined the Navy.
“Do you know why you’re listed as his next of kin?”
Christian’s stomach lurched.
Next of kin?
Hayden had listed him as his next of kin. Questions raced through his mind. Each of the answers and possibilities that chased them were worse than the previous one. They were a couple. Exclusive, but they’d fought and neither of them had made a commitment to each other. At least he hadn’t thought they had.
Jesus
. Had he lost Hayden before he got the chance to prove that he could be the man Hayden wanted? Had thought he was?
“Petty Officer Williams?”
“Do
I
know why I’m listed as his next of kin? Yes sir, I think I do. But why are you asking me? What’s happened to Hayden—Petty Officer Medema?” Christian asked, forcing his voice to stay steady and his mind to focus. Now was not the time to panic or expect the worse. He needed more information. He needed his superiors to know he was reliable and dependable.
“There is no easy way to say this. Hayden Medema is missing.”
“Missing and presumed?” Christian asked, his stomach dropping. He didn’t want to hear the answer, but he didn’t want not to know either.
“Not yet. We think he might have been captured.”
“How long has he been gone?”
“Twenty-five days.”
Christian buried his face in his hands. Twenty-five days? Almost a month. Days and nights he’d spent laughing and joking with friends, and Hayden was God only knew where. Had he been captured? Was he wounded? Dead? He was aware of his body rocking of its own volition. Closing his eyes, he willed answers to appear. Why hadn’t he been told earlier? He tried to remember the protocol and couldn’t.
“Petty Officer? Christian?”
“Sir?”
“A beacon has been located.”
“His?” Christian asked, looking up at his superiors.
“Maybe. They’ll send a team in as soon as they can.”
Christian nodded. Retrieval or recovery. A team would be sent. They would let him know if he’d been found.
“Do you want us to call someone?”
“Um, no, wait, yes, Morganstern. They’re at the range.” The voice that answered seemed strangely detached. He felt almost as if he were looking down at himself.
The chaplain asked him questions, spoke to him in a quiet voice he found disconcerting and annoying. He didn’t need or want a Chaplain. He wanted, needed Hayden. People who could possibly understand what he was going through. Or at least knew him. The Chief told him he’d grant him leave. They didn’t ask about the relationship he had with Hayden. Maybe they already knew. Maybe they could tell. He didn’t care. He didn’t care who knew anymore. It had mattered before and now Hayden was gone. Not gone, missing.
Captured.
The words didn’t matter. It felt like his heart had been pulled from his chest.
Needing air, Christian stood and left the room. He stumbled into the head and emptied the contents of his stomach in the first available stall, then cleaned up the best he could and making his way outside. He could text Jason from there. Jason could drive him home or to Hell’s Dune until he was drunk. Sitting down hard on the bench, he buried his head in his hands again.
God let this be a nightmare. Please, let this be a nightmare.
“Christian? Dude? Christian, what is going on?”
Christian looked up at his friend’s voice. The multiple voices drew his attention outward, and he scanned the group surrounding him, spotting Seiboweitz. Christian launched himself at the other man.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Come to see the gay man fall apart? Get away from me, asshole.”
“Christian! What the hell is going on?” Jason asked as someone grabbed from behind.
“He hates gays! Wanted Hayden dead. Fucking asshole,” Christian spat. “Probably arranged it.”
“Arranged what? You’re not making sense, man.”
“Hayden’s missing.”
“What? Hayden Medema is missing? Is that why the old man wanted to see you? Why they called me? Why did they tell you?”
“Hayden listed me as his next of kin.”
“What? Why?” Jason asked sitting down next to him, disbelief coloring his voice.
“He’s my partner.” Partner might have been stretching it, but he knew that’s where they were headed. Had been headed. Should be headed.
“Your partner?”
Christian tried to place the voice asking the question and failed. The only voice he wanted to hear was Hayden’s.
“My boyfriend. Hayden’s my boyfriend and he’s missing and possibly captured,” Christian replied. “Does that make you happy, Seiboweitz? That a gay man, a U.S. Navy SEAL is missing, possibly captured or dead?”
“I—what—no—”
Christian tried to process the man’s reactions, but failed. Hayden was gone. He hadn’t figured out what he wanted and now it might be too late.
“Come on, let’s go to Hell’s Dune. Brick’ll let us drink in peace there,” Jason suggested, interrupting the other man.
Christian shook his head. He didn’t want to go to the bar. He didn’t want to go home either, where there were memories of Hayden. They ended up on the beach, in the shadow of the memorial to fallen comrades. Christian watched through an alcohol-induced haze as a large bonfire was built and alcohol passed around. He sat and stared into the fire, wondering and praying.
Please be okay.