Into the Still Blue (20 page)

Across a small room was another door with a rounded window made of two thick panes. Blue light came through it. Electric light that moved like a living, starving thing.

Aether.

“This way.” He stepped around her, opening the door, and suddenly she was stepping outside, onto a platform framed by a metal rail, her hair lifting in the wind.

It was night. She’d had no idea. That meant she’d been in the Komodo almost two days. A sea of metal surrounded her—the roofs of the Komodo’s individual units—and funnels of Aether twisted above. She saw the red flares. They had spread so much in just the time she’d been imprisoned. Everywhere she looked—east and west, north and south— the funnels lashed down to the earth, in some areas no more than a mile off. She felt the familiar prickling in the air and heard the shrieking sounds of the funnels—the sound of the Aether charging closer.

They were running out of time.

“We need to talk,” Loran said behind her.

Aria turned and faced him. By the shifting light of the sky, she studied his face. His expression was too soft for a soldier. Too pleading for a stranger.

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know where to start.”

Emotion prickled behind her eyes. Her heart was slamming. Pounding to get out of her ribs.

He didn’t know where to start, but she did.

“You’re an Aud,” she said.

“Yes.”

“You knew my mother.”

“Yes.”

She pulled in a breath and dove. “You’re my father.”

“Yes.” He looked at her, full on, the moment expanding between them. “I am.”

A cold wave swept over her.

She had guessed right.

Her back thumped against the metal railing as that single thought ran through her mind: she had guessed right. Finally, she’d found her father and didn’t have to wonder anymore. The curiosity she’d carried around her whole life could be put to rest, once and for all.

Her eyes filled, the world blurring, not for this man—who she knew nothing about—but for her mother, who had known him. Had Lumina loved him? Hated him? Aria’s mind suddenly filled with questions again, and here, standing before her, was the only person who could answer them.

She shook her head, confused. This wasn’t sinking in the right way. He was her
father
. She should feel something besides curiosity, shouldn’t she? Something more than missing her mother?

“How long have you known about me?” she heard herself ask.

“Nineteen years.”

“You knew when she was pregnant with me?”

“Yes.” He shifted his weight. “Aria, I don’t know how to do this. I’m not sure if I can think of myself as a father. I don’t even like children.”

“Did I ask you to be my father? Do I
look
like a child?”

“You look like her.”

That stole the breath from her lungs.

The sound of the storm rose up, filling their silence, and she thought about how much time she’d spent wondering about this man. Wanting to find him. He’d known about her the entire time and he’d done nothing about it.

Aria grabbed the railing behind her, fingers closing around the cool metal. She was spinning. Churning like the sky above.

“You were in Reverie. I know that’s how you met my mother.” Lumina had said that much. “Why did you leave her?”

His attention moved to the funnels flashing in the distance. His eyes narrowed, his black hair tossed by the wind.

Black hair
like hers
.

“This was a mistake,” he said.

“I was a mistake?”

“No,” he snapped. “Telling you was.” He glanced at the door. “I need to get you back.”

“Good. I want to go back.”

Loran winced, which made no sense. How could he be disappointed? He’d just said he regretted telling her.

“You’re confusing me,” she said.

“That’s not what I wanted. I wanted to explain what happened.”

“How can you ever
explain
?” Instantly she regretted her outburst. This was an opportunity. She should be trying to convince him to help them escape. To give her information.

She did nothing. Only stood there, breathing in and out. Nauseous and numb and shaking.

Loran turned to the door, his hand hovering over the access panel. “I have one question to ask,” he said, speaking with his back to her. “How is she?”

“Dead. My mother is dead.”

For a long moment, Loran didn’t move. Aria stared at his profile over his shoulder. She took in the way he stood there, shoulders shifting with ragged breaths, and was terrified by how much the news seemed to affect him.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last.

“You’ve been gone for nineteen years. Sorry isn’t enough.”

He pulled the door open and led her back into the Komodo, where there was no wind, and no sound, and no flash of Aether.

She moved without feeling. Without thought, until raised voices up ahead pulled her out of the fog.

Standing by the door to her chamber, two Guardians were engaged in an argument with someone inside.

“Detainees are under Hess’s jurisdiction, not Sable’s,” said one of the Guardians. “Their transport and relocation can only occur at his orders. She should be here.”

Aria couldn’t see beyond the Guardians’ backs, but she recognized Soren’s voice when he answered.

“Look, you can talk to me about protocols all day long. I’m just telling you what happened. She left half an hour ago with one of the Horns.”

She glanced at Loran. Her
father
. And was suddenly afraid for him. Sable had proved that no matter who crossed him, he punished ruthlessly. But Loran was stoic, all the emotion she’d just seen on his face moments ago gone.

“Where are you planning to take her?” he asked as they walked up.

As the Guardians whirled, Aria caught a glimpse of Roar and Soren watching worriedly from within the room.

Loran’s question surprised the Guardians, putting them on the defensive. They answered immediately, and in unison. “To the infirmary.”

“I’ll take her,” Loran said smoothly.

“No,” said the shorter Guardian. “We have orders.”

“It’s no trouble. I was heading there myself.”

“We were given explicit orders from our commander to transport her ourselves.”

Loran tipped his head down the corridor behind him. “Then you’d better carry them out.”

She was handed off, from Loran to the Guardians. In one swift stroke, he had avoided questions and diverted any suspicion away from himself. Clever, she had to admit. She looked back as she was led away for the second time that night.

Loran was still there, watching her.

Hess was waiting alone in the infirmary.

“Come in, Aria. Have a seat,” he said, gesturing to one of the cots.

The narrow room smelled antiseptic and familiar, its rows of cots and metal counters jogging Aria’s memory. She pictured Lumina in a doctor’s smock, her hair pulled back in a sleek bun, her demeanor simultaneously calm and alert. Lumina had made any garment elegant, and every action— sitting, standing, sneezing—graceful.

Aria didn’t see herself that way. That poised. She was messier. More impatient. More volatile. She had an artistic side, which Lumina hadn’t possessed.

Was it Loran? Did these sides of her come from him? A
soldier
?

Aria blinked hard, willing herself not to think about this now.

“Where’s our coffee, Hess?” she said as she pulled herself onto the cot and rested her arm on her lap. “Our little table along the Grand Canal?”

Hess crossed his arms and ignored her comment. “Soren said you wanted to see me. And he mentioned that you’re injured. I’ve brought someone to take a look at you. I have a doctor waiting outside.”

Between her time with Perry and then Loran, she had almost forgotten about the pain. Now the ache came back, originating at her bicep and rolling up her arm. “I don’t want any favors from you.”

Aria silently cursed herself. This was no time to be principled. He was crooked and heartless, but she could’ve used help for her arm. At least the pain seemed to be fading, she noticed.

Hess’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Suit yourself.” He went to a rolling chair that sat by the door and pushed it in front of Aria’s cot. Then he sat, propping his arms on his legs, and stared up at her from his lower position. Burly like Soren, he seemed to engulf the small chair.

As Aria waited for him to speak, she forced her mind to clear. He had a motive for bringing her there, but she had her own motives too. He was their best chance of escaping. Since Hess never did any favors, she’d need to convince him that helping her was in his best interest. Pushing Loran as far out of her thoughts as possible, she focused on her goal.

“I’ve dedicated my life to keeping Reverie and its citizens safe,” Hess said. “But I never expected that we would come to this. I never anticipated that I’d have to leave so many people behind. That I’d need to leave
my own son
. But I saw no other way. Soren wouldn’t budge, and I had no other recourse. I created a rift between us because of the actions I was forced to take. Perhaps you also suffered as a result of my decisions.”

He apologized just like Soren, vaguely, lacking any real admission of wrongdoing—a politician’s apology—but his back was rigid, and the muscles in his neck seemed ready to snap. Real regret existed inside him somewhere. Maybe even a heart.

Aria nodded and tried to look touched by what he’d just said. He was moving in the direction she wanted; she couldn’t afford to be picky.

“I can bring you on, Aria. I’m sure Soren told you. When Cinder is strong enough, and compliant, you can cross to the Still Blue with us. But I can’t accommodate your friend.”

“Peregrine?”

Hess shook his head. “No, he is a certainty. He will come. He’s essential because of his connection to the boy.”

“You mean Roar,” she said. “You can’t take Roar.”

Hess nodded. “He’s a danger. He has history with Sable.”

She couldn’t hold back a laugh. “We
all
have history at this point, Hess—don’t you think? And it’s not just me and Roar. There are hundreds of innocent people out there. Some of them are the people
you
left behind in Reverie. This is your chance. You can still help them. You can correct your mistake.”

Red patches bloomed over his neck and his cheeks. “You are being
naive
. There’s no way for me to accommodate any of them. Sable is accounting for
everyone
. There simply isn’t enough room. Besides, I cannot ask him for anything else. I can’t afford to give him anything more.
He
is not dealing with transitioning his people to a new environment. I
am
. Everything is different out here. Do you know what it’s like to feel hunger for the first time? To lose everything you’ve ever known?”

He spoke in an impassioned rush, as though a floodgate of worries had opened. But he stopped himself abruptly, like he’d said much more than he’d intended.

“Yes,” she said softly. “I know what those things are like.”

In the pause that followed, Aria’s heart thumped heavily in her chest. This was her chance to bring him over to their side. Perry’s words echoed in her mind.
Let’s give him another option
.

“There’s another way to the Still Blue, Hess.” She leaned forward. “You have the advantage. You have the ships. You don’t need Sable for the coordinates—”

“I have the coordinates. That’s not the issue. Control over the boy is the only thing we lack.”

“Cinder is
Peregrine’s
. . . not Sable’s.”

Hess drew a slow breath. She could almost hear his mind opening to other possibilities, fanning out like a deck of cards.

He wanted to believe her. She could do this. She could convince him.

“Peregrine’s tribe is roughly the same number as Sable’s. Four hundred. Think about it. Anything you need to know about being out here, about the outside world, Peregrine can help you—and you can trust him. You don’t have that with Sable. Think about afterward. When you get to the Still Blue, what do you think will happen? Do you think the two of you will suddenly become friends?”

Hess scoffed. “I don’t need friends.”

“But you don’t need an enemy, either. Don’t fool yourself into thinking Sable is anything other than that. As much as I hate you, I won’t double-cross you and neither will Peregrine. Sable
will
.”

Hess thought for a long moment, his eyes holding steady on her. “Tell me,” he said. “How is it that you’ve come to trust the Outsiders, and they you?”

Aria shrugged. “I started with the right one.”

Hess stared at his hands. She knew he was imagining how he could cut Sable out. She needed to convince him, but she had to be careful. Her fear of Sable dug deep into her bones, but Hess couldn’t be underestimated.

Hess lifted his head. “I want my son to come with me. I want you to help convince him that he should.”

Aria shook her head. “You need to help me this time. Not the other way around. This is your chance to choose right.”

“I have.” Hess stood and moved to the door, stopping there. “I’m not under any delusions. I know the kind of man Sable is. But I also know he won’t cross me. He needs me or he goes nowhere.”

“He needs you like he needs
a meal
.”

Wrong thing to say; she’d pushed too far.

Hess stiffened, sucking in a breath. Then he turned his back on her and left.

Later, with Soren snoring in the opposite cot, Aria told Roar everything. She started with what had been done to Perry.

Roar sat up and pushed his knuckles into his eyes. Long minutes passed and he didn’t say a word.

Watching him, Aria remembered the days after Liv had died.

She had considered not telling Roar. Did he really need to hear that the same man who’d killed Liv had tortured his best friend? But she’d needed to talk to him. She’d needed to release some of her anger or her mind would explode. And they were good at this, she and Roar. They had practice handing their worries back and forth.

She broke the silence herself, telling Roar about Loran, and that brought him back to her. He moved to her side and took her hand. He was careful. Gentle as he curled his fingers into hers.