Hurt Me (8 page)

“
Ssshhhh.” He whispered in my ear. “I will make it ok.”

“You can’t
.” I sniffled. “No one can.” I felt another flood of tears hit me. I had to tell him but I didn’t know how. It would ruin everything. My façade with him would be over and he would leave, then I would be stuck with Lee for the rest of my life. My shoulders shuddered; I started to hyperventilate from crying so hard. I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt everything in my life boring down on me and I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to believe what my body was telling me and the thought of saying it out loud threw me into panic.

“You need to calm down
, Evangeline.” Allen ordered. I shook my head yes and started to take deep breath.

“Now
, what’s wrong?” he asked while still trying to calm me down. I can’t believe I was going to tell him. I had no choice. I couldn’t lie to this amazing man; there was a chance that he would want me after this. I took that hope and built it into courage. I took another breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I’m pregnant
…” I watched his face drop and his gray eyes turn almost black. His face went white and his muscles tensed. He got up and walked out of the room slamming the door without saying a single word. I pulled my knees into my chest and cried.

Chapter Thirteen

   Opening the door to the tack room the smell of leather and horse overwhelmed me. I loved that smell; it took me back and calmed me down. I needed to ride and get away. I was having a hard time taking in what I had just heard. How could she be pregnant? How could she sleep with someone who beats her but yet won’t even give me a chance? I grabbed my old saddle and put it on my older mare. My momma had named her Rouge
I when bought her because of her pink skin. She’s an American Cream Draft horse, they are big and stout, and that’s why I like her. They are rare and were almost extinct at one point. Her creamy white color was beautiful. I saddled her up and headed towards the back of the property. I slowly brought her to a trot and rode her for about an hour stopping at the creek on the back end of my dad’s land. I let Rouge rest and get a drink. I sat in the grass filling my head with confusion about Evangeline.

“What do you think I should do
, Rouge?” I asked my horse as she looked up at me. She gave me a funny look and went back to drinking her water. I don’t think I can give this girl up I thought to myself. I couldn’t help but feel so much for her. I wanted to protect her but I knew I couldn’t make her leave, that decision had to be made by her and only her. But with a baby on the way I don’t think she will ever leave him. My phone started to vibrate I looked and it was my dad calling. Shit, I thought to myself. I ignored the call. I made a click sound with my mouth and Rogue looked up and walked towards me. I jumped on her and started heading home.

   After brushing and putting up Rouge I headed inside to find my parents talking in the kitchen. They both looked at me curiously. “Where’s Evang
eline?” I asked, expecting her to be down here with them. I felt guilty for walking out but I was just so shocked.

“We didn’t think she came with you.” My momma had a huge smile that replaced her grimace. She looked excited and it made me nervous after walking out on Eve like that. What if she decided not to play along now? This weekend was turning into a disaster.

“She is probably taking a nap. I’ll go get her.” I said as I walked up the stairs. I opened the door to my room to find her asleep on my bed. Her long hair was spread out over the blanket while she slept on her side. She looked like an angel. I knew at that moment I couldn’t give up on her. I was falling in love with her and would fight my way to her heart.

I
lay down on the bed facing her then brushing my hand lightly across her cheek. I leaned in and kissed her lips. Her lips slowly started to respond to mine and I could feel myself hardening against my pants. I moved my hand down to her side and leaned in even more. I worked my mouth hard against hers trying to show her how much I loved her through my kiss. I ended up on top of her when I finally pulled away.

“My parents are home.” I told her.

She gave me a nervous smile. “Am I still your girlfriend?” She asked me in a small quiet voice.

“I would hope so” I
said. “My parents would kill me if they found out I was lying.” I moved back to my previous position beside her trying to give her some room. I pushed some hair behind her ear.

“I’m sorry Allen. For everything, after this weekend you won’t have to see me again.” She looked so defeated and I saw the tears start to form in her eyes again.

“Please don’t cry Eve.” I wiped a tear as it escaped. “I don’t want you to leave me alone either.” I wanted to tell her I loved her but I didn’t want to scare her away. “I want to be with you.” I admitted to her.

“How would that work
, Allen? I’m pregnant and married. I shouldn’t have even come here.”

“Then why did you?”

“I don’t know. I like you a lot Allen.” She started to turn red. “I wanted to feel what it’s like to be with a real man.” She stared me right in the eye “but who am I kidding, you don’t want to be with someone like me. You deserve better than me.”

My heart broke at hearing her say those words. I pulled her into my arms again. “Sweet Evangeline, I want you more than you could ever understand. With child or not I will make you mine.” I kissed her lips gently and she kissed back. “Please don’t cry anymore, you’re breaking my heart.” I told her as I wiped fresh tears from her eyes.

“ALLEN, DINNER IS READY!” my mom screamed from down stairs.

“We better go; she doesn’t like it when you’re late to dinner.” I said with a grin. Evangeline went and washed her face in the bath room as I waited patiently on the bed. She came out and she looked so beautiful
. She had her long hair in a braid and something about her glowed. I grabbed her by the hand and led her down the stairs to eat. As soon as we walked out of my room I could smell my momma’s meatloaf. My stomach growled and Eve laughed at me. I loved hearing her laugh; it was like the most beautiful song I had ever heard. We made our way to the dining room and my mom and dad stood up as we entered.

“Mom, Dad this is Evangeline.” I looked towards Eve. “Evangeline this is Mom and Dad.”

“Hi Mom and Dad,” Eve did a quick small wave and grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

“Hello Evangeline it’s so nice to meet you. And just call me Betty, and this is Tom.” She said touching my dad on the shoulder. My mom came over and pulled Eve into a hug. My dad shook her hand and we all sat down.

“You wanna pray for us son.” My dad said nodding his head at me.

“Uh, yes sir.” I held Eve’s hand and picked up my mommas. We created a small circle of four. “Dear heavenly father I want to thank you for this meal you have set before us and I want to thank you for the gift of life. I want to pray that you walk us through our hard times and celebrate with us
through our good times. Amen.” Everyone closed prayer and I looked over and Evangeline. She seemed so happy and at peace, she made my heart stop.

“So Evangeline, how long have you and my son been going together?” My dad asked. Before she had time to make up an answer I chimed in “For a while now, right babe?”

“Mmhhmm. It’s been quite a while now.” She looked over at me and grinned. We ate in silence and when we finally finished my mom chimed in, looking at Eve she asked “So when do I get to have grandbabies?” I gave my mom a sharp look. “Come on ma! You can’t just ask her that!”

“Well if your bringing a girl home to meet your parents it must be pretty serious and I want to be a grandma!” she looked at me sternly
. She stood up and started cleaning off the table. I turned towards Eve as she stood up to. “Well ma’am maybe it will be sooner than you think.” She winked at me and started helping my mom clean off the table.

“See son, she wants babies too.” My mom looked at me smugly. I rolled my eyes. What did Eve mean by that? My dad got up and waved at me to follow. He wanted me to go outside with him and smoke a cigarette. “Dad I’m trying to quit.”

He laughed some to himself. “Don’t lie to yourself, come on.”

I heard my mom and Eve laughing in the kitchen so I went on outside with my dad.

Chapter Fourteen

After cleaning up dinner and everything Allen and I headed upstairs to bed. I didn’t know what I was going to do about my whole situation. My whole life was a mess. I changed into my shorts and t-shirt and got into bed. Allen was already lying down. I made my blanket wall like I did with Lee. I still couldn’t get over the fact I was pregnant and I still wasn’t too sure how Allen felt about it, all I know is he liked me but the baby changed things. If I were him, I would want nothing to do with me. I could hear him breathing but I knew he wasn’t sleeping. The thought of him not wanting me and the baby brought tears to my eyes. I know it’s crazy but some part of me dreamt of a life with Allen. He did something to me that made me feel safe enough to dream of a future.

I started to feel myself get angry, why did I let an abusive drunk control my life? Allen was right; I didn’t have to live this way. Not me and definitely not my baby. I could make our lives better. I felt the anger burn in my chest for all the years I put up with his shit. Tears were streaming down my face; I could feel them burning my cheeks. I took a deep breath to try and calm
myself down; it came out uneven and raspy. I felt
A
llen reach over and grab my hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. I squeezed his back hoping he could feel what love I had left through the palm of my hand.

At that moment he broke down my make shift barrier and pulled me into him. His arms wrapping around my body and his breath on my neck made my thighs quiver. He nibbled at my ear lobe. He kissed my shoulder as his hand fell upon my hip, my skin tingling underneath his fingers. I moved in towards him more urging him to keep touch
ing me. He moved his hand down toward the inside of my thigh; I ground my teeth together as it was all I could do to keep from moaning. Just the feel of his hands made me want to burst.

“Is this okay?” he asked in the sexiest voice I have ever heard. I shook my head yes. He then started kissing on my neck a
nd nibbling on my collar bone. A slight sound of ecstasy escaped my lips as his hand moved up and inside my shirt. I felt my nipples harden with the anticipation of his touch. He seemed to have noticed this and stopped. He brought his mouth back to my ear and started to whisper again

“Do you want me?” he asked.

I shook my head yes.

“Tell me you want me.” He demanded in his low gravelly voice. His demanding tone excited me but also terrified me
. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, well at least I prayed he wouldn’t. He moved his head where my lips were by his hear.

“I want to hear you say it Evangeline.”

I licked my lips trying to muster up any common sense I had left. I finally whispered softly into his ear.

“I want you
, Allen.”

And with those four words I started to feel my emotional wall
completely crumble. Saying it out loud made it so much more real. He grabbed at my breast and caressed me so lovingly. He sat me up and took my shirt off and laid me back down. My whole body was shaking with the mixture of excitement and fear. Allen kissed on each breast tenderly, paying close attention to my reaction to him. He kissed down my stomach and along my hip bones. I could feel myself moisten with excitement as he kissed lower and lower. I don’t think I have ever actually made love before and it was making me nervous. Lee just took me whether I wanted it or not and even in the beginning it was all so he could just get off. Allen grabbed at my thighs slowly pulling them apart as he watched me. I didn’t try to stop him; I wanted whatever he had to give. He stood up and I saw him take his sweat pants off. He was so gorgeous. He climbed over me kissing me body.

“Are you sure you want this
, Evangeline?” He asked.