“She’s twenty-four,” Davy said. “She had three seasons in the London marriage marts, gracefully declined several offers, and so far as I can tell, is entirely sure in her mind regarding what she wants. And I don’t mind saying I was never so surprised in my life as when she told me what that is! But I can understand her feelings, because it’s so very close to what I want myself. And I believe that together we might accomplish it.”
Will refused to be distracted. “I would be a terrible husband.”
“But an excellent friend—which, I believe, is all she would ask you to be.”
“That, I might manage.” It seemed Davy had all the answers. Why was he being so contrary? Will didn’t know many women, but he had to admire Lady Amelia, even if it was due mostly to her close resemblance to her brother. But he didn’t want to hope. He was, he realized, afraid to hope. “Must we decide immediately?”
“Of course not. We’ve had three deaths in the family in the space of a month, and an engagement or wedding anytime soon would be completely out of the question. People are bound to talk, and I expect they will look at the manner of Ronald’s death and draw their own conclusions. No, the last thing we want to do is call attention to our activities.”
Will relaxed a little.
“The only thing I must do, for now,” Davy said, “is avoid a fatal accident. In six months or so, I might start hinting that Jane and I are considering an alliance. It would be better to wait awhile longer before you and Amelia made any serious decision, though I admit the idea of a double wedding, with all of us together at the altar, has a certain appeal.”
Will was about to make a sarcastic retort, but something in that image resonated in his soul. “If we have time to consider our course…”
“Yes, so long as you manage to stay alive! In a way, this situation suits me very well—I can resign my commission for the same reason Mark did a few years back, and leave no one wondering if I’ve lost my nerve. And it’s no deception. I
am
urgently needed here at home. I know nothing about how to run this place—and that’s not the only thing I need to learn. I’m nowhere near ready to step into my father’s shoes.”
Will had the sense of Davy drawing away, as the land did when one set sail. He wanted to reach out and seize him, but knew that would make no difference. “You’ll be in Parliament one day,” he said quietly.
Davy grimaced. “Yet another reason I hope my father recovers completely and has a long, full life. I hate politics. But yes, that’s very likely. And it’s why I pray you will not desert me.”
“But...from the sound of it, you’ll have a wife, if you want one.”
“In name only. That’s all many men have, I suppose. But after what you and I have had together, that is not enough.”
“Davy—it’s everything I had hoped for, for you. Even better than I’d dared imagine—”
“Damn it, Will! Stop imagining my life for me! What makes you think that’s what
I
had hoped for? For God’s sake, I don’t want a title. I don’t want a wife.” He looked up, his eyes pleading. “I want
you.
I need one person strong enough to hold fast when the world goes mad. Even if you were only home once in a long while, even if the Navy has first claim on you...if you were married to my sister, you would legally be a part of my family. If you left the Navy, you would have a home. If you were hurt, we could care for you. If you—” he looked away. “If you were killed, at least I would
know
.”
He let out a deep breath. “My apologies. I am verging on the maudlin. No doubt if you went out in a blaze of glory I would hear, eventually, in any case.” He got up, wandered a few steps away, then turned. “It’s your decision, Will,” he said. “It always has been. I realize that any choice will be difficult for you, but—” he spread his hands, palms up. “I have no choices left me. What do you want?”
“What?”
“What do
you
want for us, Will? What do you want for
yourself?”
The question stopped him dead. Since he had joined the Navy, what he wanted had been what he supposed anyone would want—promotion, prize money, recognition in the
Naval Gazette
. Did not every midshipman dream of the day he might make Post Captain, with his foot securely on the ladder of promotion to Admiral?
Back in Jamaica, all that had turned to ashes. He had been ready to throw it all over for Davy, for a life shuttling petty cargo among the islands. He had more options now, all of them better—and one of them included staying in the Navy, on that clear path to Post Captain. He had only one more step to go.
“Will?”
“I—I’m sorry. I had never considered that.”
Davy laughed aloud and sat down, shaking his head. “Oh, Will. I might have known. Try considering that, if you please. Imagine your life, ten years from now. What might it be like, if all goes well? What would you hope for it to be? Is there a place in it for me?”
“Of course!” Will said without thinking—but that was the only thing that came easily. What would he do if he left the Navy, came ashore for good? He knew nothing of farming, and there seemed no place for him in the running of an estate such as this. But he could run a ship, and he knew that a merchant captain might do very well for himself.
If he stayed in the Navy, at least for a time, that would be easiest of all. He would have no say in where he was sent, might well wind up on the other side of the world and be gone for years. He might never return. Since there was no one else who had a claim on his affection, what would he risk, really, by going along with this mad scheme?
He looked up and saw that Davy was watching him once again, his eyes the blue-grey of wind and water. That beautiful face, unswerving loyalty...and a body that loved fully, a heart that would not permit love to be sullied with shame. David Archer had become part of his life, the center of his very existence.
Will had held command for a short while without his love beside him. He could do it again, if he had to. But for how long? How long before his soul withered away under that terrible solitude? He craved the company of his fellow man less than most, but he knew that he had changed from the boy he had once been, an ambitious midshipman who wanted his own ship more than anything and had no close connections.
He had one now. This love had come to him through a most extraordinary set of circumstances that would never occur again...nor would he wish for anything like it with anyone else. “I don’t mean to be such a trial,” he said at last.
“Nor do I. I do not want to lose you, but if you want your freedom, I cannot hold you.”
“No.
No, the last thing I want is to be free of you. But I must have some purpose—I cannot hang on your sleeve here, any more than you could hang about in Portsmouth waiting for me.”
“Be honest, then—what better arrangement could we have? You’ve found you can’t run a ship with me standing beside you like a walking target.”
“More like my heart in the open, an easy target risk for any stray shot—”
Davy smiled crookedly. “Oh, Will...that bad?”
He shrugged. “Yes. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need for apology now. Fate seems to have made the decision for both of us, given me a better task than hanging in limbo for months on end, waiting for you to spend a few hours ashore. I had dreaded that prospect—but I have a man’s work now, real responsibilities. I shall miss the freedom, but I think I’ll be better for having the place to care for while you’re gone. For you, it would be no worse than it is for any officer who leaves his sweetheart ashore and sails off to battle. You know I will always be here when you return. If you still want me.”
“I know. And I do want you, Davy. Of course I do.”
“Then we will find a little time to be together. We will make the time. No matter how much I might be needed here on the estate, a few days now and then would hardly matter. If I knew your ship was due in Portsmouth, I’d hand the whole circus over to our manager and hie myself off to Pompey. And we’d take the long road home, Will—in a closed carriage.”
It might work. It just might. And the image of a double wedding...the two of them standing up together before God and man, even if they were camouflaged by a pair of brides, struck a chord deep in his heart. Almost against his better judgment, Will said, “Perhaps we might attempt an engagement, and see how we fare.”
Davy’s face lit up, and Will added, before he was tempted to do something foolish, “A very
long
engagement.”
“We need to discuss this in more detail,” Davy said. “Privately. Captain Marshall, I must travel to London to resign my commission. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me?”
~End~
About the Author
Lee Rowan has been writing since childhood, but professionally only since spring of 2006, with the publication of her Eppie-winning novel,
Ransom
. She is a lady of a certain age, old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway. A confirmed bookaholic with a wife of many years, she is kept in line by a cadre of cats and a dog who gets her away from the computer and out of the house at least once a day.
Other Books by Lee Rowan Published by Bristlecone Pine Press
Ransom
– The Royal Navy Series Book One
Winds of Change
– The Royal Navy Series Book Two
Eye of the Storm –
The Royal Navy Series Book Three
Walking Wounded
Coming soon:
Sail Away
Gentlemen’s Gentleman –
included in
Speak Its Name: A Trilogy
by
Charlie Cochrane, Lee Rowan, Erastes
Quality Homoerotic Fiction from Bristlecone Pine Press
Frost Fair
by Erastes
Speak Its Name: A Trilogy
Charlie Cochrane, Lee Rowan, Erastes
The Filly
by Mark R. Probst
I’m Saying Yes
by E.N. Holland
Taming Groomzilla
by E.N. Holland
Hidden Conflict: Tales from Lost Voices in Battle: An Anthology of Four Novellas
Alex Beecroft, Mark R. Probst, Jordan Taylor, E.N. Holland
Pirates of the Narrow Seas: A Trilogy
by M. Kei
Book One:
The Sallee Rovers
Book Two:
Men of Honor
Book Three:
Iron Men
L.A. Heat
by P.A. Brown
L.A. Mischief
by P.A. Brown
A Face Without A Heart
by Rick R. Reed
Normal Miguel
by Erik Orrantia
Vintage: Stories Inspired by Photographs and Pictures
Poisoned Ivy (Vintage Book One)
by Scot D. Ryersson
Where Shadows Run (Vintage Book Two)
by P.A. Brown and E.N. Holland
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