Authors: Shannon Farrington
Her Rebel Heart (5 page)
Julia's agitation was replaced with concern for her friend. She knew what Sally was feeling. She wanted to comfort her and perhaps, if they had a moment in private, she could tell her about Samuel. It would help to have a friend's blessing when her guilt over the broken engagement came calling.
"Perhaps I will go," she said to her mother, "but are you sure you want me to?"
"Life must continue, Julia, despite hardship, despite grief. The best thing we can do for Edward, for all of us, is to pray and then go on living."
"
When Julia arrived at the Hastings home, Sally met her at the front door. She gave her a hug.
"I am so pleased that you came," she said. "We must catch up when the others have gone."
"Yes," Julia said. "I would like to."
Sally took her hand and ushered her into the parlor. The other girls were all there, sisters Trudy and Elizabeth Martin, Emily Davis and sour-looking Rebekah Van der Geld.
The girls smiled. Rebekah stared. She sat with her back straight and rigid as though she was ready to pounce on any subversive political idea. The black bonnet she wore was too big for her head. Julia thought she looked ridiculous.
"We weren't certain that you would come," Trudy said. "We heard about Edward." Her voice was sweet and genuine.
Julia liked her and her twin sister. Their older brother George was considering enlistment. She sat down next to them. "Has George decided?"
"He wants to go," Trudy said, "but fears what it will mean for Mother."
Elizabeth leaned forward. She looked exactly like her sister but for a few freckles on her nose. "George has been the man of the house ever since Father passed away. He feels torn between two duties."
"Both honorable," Julia said.
Rebekah huffed.
Julia shot her a look. Sally stepped between them with a tray of cold tea. She smiled.
"It is warm this afternoon, isn't it?"
Sally Hastings had a peaceful presence that could stabilize almost any situation. Julia envied her friend's ability to do so. She wished she were more like her.
"Thank you," Julia said as she took a glass.
"There are tea cakes as well," Sally said. "Rebekah, will you serve them?"
Rebekah got up from her seat and did as Sally asked, though not as graciously as her host. Julia took an orange-glazed tea cake from her tray if only to be polite.
"How is your father feeling?" she asked, knowing he had been ill with stomach pains.
Rebekah's face softened but only a bit. "Much better, thank you."
When the refreshments had been served, the young ladies got down to business.
"Well," Sally said. "We have finished our other projects and given what has been happening these last few weeks, I thought that perhaps we might do something different today." She paused, eyes sweeping the room. "We all know at least one man who has gone to serve. Perhaps we could take on a project for the regiment."
Elizabeth looked delighted by the suggestion. "I have heard that there is a group of ladies in Carroll County who are at this very moment sewing a coat for General Lee."
Trudy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. Yes. Let's do something of that sort."
"Why?" Rebekah grumbled. "Your men left in full uniform."
Emily Davis was an only child and had no relatives
serving as of yet but she liked Sally's suggestion as well. "What about sashes?"
Sally nodded, though hesitantly. "Yes, but wouldn't that be only for officers?" She looked about the circle.
The women had no idea.
"What about a regimental flag?" Elizabeth suggested.
"That could get you arrested," Rebekah announced. "Haven't you read the paper? No displays of Confederate regalia, no Confederate music'¦ Why I even read a notice concerning red-and-white-striped stockings."
"For goodness' sake, what is wrong with striped stockings?" Sally asked.
"Red and white have been deemed pro-secessionist colors. Anyone found wearing such could be arrested."
Sally blew out her breath and Julia's face heated as she thought of her own red and white stockings which were tucked beneath her hoop and petticoats. Part of her feared catching the attention of some impudent Yankee rascal on the way home. The defiant streak in her wished to display the stockings proudly.
"Well," Elizabeth said. "If they insist on spying on our ankles then I suppose we will have to wear extra petticoats to hide them."
"Indeed," Emily said.
"Speaking of stockings," Trudy said. "What about socks for our men?"
"You mean ordinary, plain ones?" Sally asked.
"Yes. Of course. Surely no one, even Yankees, could object to sending our men socks. They will need them for winter."
The thought of Edward still on the battlefield come Christmas time was too much to bear. Julia looked at Sally. She must have been thinking the same about Stephen. Her chin quivered.
"Let's hope it doesn't last that long," she said.
"Why are we so concerned with the soldiers?" Rebekah asked. "Aren't we supposed to be making lace?"
The women stopped. They quickly looked at Julia.
"Oh, my dear, I am so sorry," said Sally. "Forgive me. I can't believe I forgot."
Julia felt incredibly uneasy but it had nothing to do with Sally's forgetfulness. "It is all right," she said. "We have all had other things on our mind."
A heaviness blanketed the room. No one seemed to know what to say and Julia had no idea where to begin.
"Dear me," Emily said at last. "Samuel hasn't gone, has he?"
"No," Julia said, feeling the color creep up her neck.
"Finally, a wise man," said Rebekah.
All eyes were on Julia. The knot in her stomach tightened. She couldn't bring herself to say what she knew she must. She didn't want her friends to know that her fiancé had refused to join her brother. She also couldn't stand to hear Rebekah sing Samuel's praises for doing so.
"The wedding," she said weakly, "has been
postponed
."
A collective sigh went about the room. Even Rebekah looked concerned.
"Edward was to be Samuel's best man, wasn't he?" Sally said, obviously thinking that was the reason. "Yes."
Julia's friend tried to smile, to sound hopeful. "I am certain he will be home soon."
"Yes," Elizabeth said. "They all will."
The women dabbed their eyes with their handkerchiefs. Emily then spoke. "I think we should continue
with our original plan and work on Julia's lace. That way everything will be ready when the time comes."
The others nodded in agreement.
Julia tried to object. "That is very kind of you but it isn't necessary."
"Nonsense," Sally said. "I would rather look ahead to happier times."
"So would I," Trudy said.
Julia could hardly argue with that. If looking forward to a wedding that would never actually take place was what it took to lift her friends' spirits, then Julia would not interfere. Not today, when she was already uncomfortable and upset over her encounter with Samuel at the prayer meeting.
"Thank you," she said meekly.
"Now," Sally said, eager to begin, "which pattern did you choose?"
"
When the hall clock chimed four, they put their newly constructed lace in their baskets and agreed to meet again the following week. Julia was slow in packing up her supplies. She put away the dining room chairs while Sally bid her other guests goodbye. When she came back into the room, she spoke softly.
"I wanted to tell you something," she said, "but I didn't want to say it in front of the others, especially not Rebekah."
"What is it?" Julia asked.
"My father will be handling the mail."
Julia did not understand. Mr. Hastings was a member of the city council. "He has taken a new job?"
"No. The Confederate mail."
"Oh."
"When our brothers are able to write, the letters will
come through special channels, not the regular post," Sally explained. "Bring your letters here to mail them. It will be safer that way."
Julia nodded. She hadn't thought about how to mail letters to an opposing army but she was glad someone else did. "I hope we hear from them soon," she said.
"So do I. Now'¦what is bothering you? I know it is more than Edward. You barely mentioned Sam at all today. That's not like you."
Julia sighed, hoping the others hadn't noticed. "I was going to tell you. I just didn't know how."
"Tell me what? Did he do something to upset you?"
"It's more what he didn't do."
"I don't understand."
Julia motioned to a chair. "Perhaps we should sit. This may take a while."
Sally did so and as Julia spilled the entire story she listened most sympathetically. "Oh, Julia. I am so sorry. I didn't know he held abolitionist views."
"Neither did I, until recently. What do you think?"
"About Sam or slavery?"
"Both."
Sally shrugged. "Slavery is legal but'¦"
"But what?"
"My father says there are some who abuse the law. That they treat their slaves as though they were subhuman. That's not right."
"I don't think so either and I can understand why Samuel would be angry about that."
"But?"
"But look at what has happened in our city. This has nothing to do with slaves. To say he will not fight because the Confederacy supports slavery sounds like an excuse to me. There is an army outside with guns. They
are telling us what music we can and cannot sing, how we may dress. They opened fire on my family right in the middle of Pratt Street!"
"I know," Sally said. "That's why Stephen enlisted." She paused. "And you're angry with Sam because he didn't."
Julia looked at her. There was no need to reply to the last statement. Sally already knew her thoughts.
"You still have feelings for him, don't you?"
Julia sighed heavily. To deny it would be a lie but to acknowledge them was to deny her brother's honor.
"I can understand your dilemma," Sally said.
"You can?"
"Certainly. If my fiancé refused to defend our city I would feel the same."
She saw doubt in Sally's eyes and she knew she was keeping something back. "But?" Julia encouraged.
Sally shrugged. "Perhaps it isn't cowardice."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Sam is a man of conviction. Although it may not be the same conviction you share. It takes courage to stand up for what you believe when no one else believes the same."
Julia sighed once more. "He came to the prayer meeting today."
"What prayer meeting?"
"The one at the church."
Sally looked embarrassed. "I forgot about that. Father must have as well. He said yesterday that we would attend."
"It was only my family, Reverend Perry and Samuel."
"Did he sit with you?"
Julia shook her head. She explained what happened after the service had ended.
Sally's eyes widened. "He said he would honor your wishes?"
"Yes."
"I see."
Finality hit Julia with a thud. The engagement had been severed. Samuel Ward would not be her husband.
"I should have been more open with the others," she said. "I should have told them everything."
"Well," Sally said slowly, "there is no need for gossip, especially from Rebekah." She squeezed Julia's hand. "Things will sort out in time."
She knew Sally was right.
But how much time would have to pass before Julia knew happiness again?
T
he following morning, Sam finished his first class and walked to the third-floor faculty room for a meeting. The assembly had been called unexpectedly and all were eager to learn why. He took a seat amidst his fellow history and rhetoric professors. The discussion of war was already churning.
"It is no wonder that attendance is falling," one man said. "An invading army will do such a thing."
"It will keep many a young man hiding in his root cellar."
"Only because by hiding there he has an excuse not to finish his assignments."
Several of the teachers laughed and the conversation continued to swirl. The staff shared their opinions and concerns of what the coming weeks may hold. Sam did not add to the discussion. His mind kept drifting in and out of focus, somewhere between God and Julia much of the time.
He could not forget the look on her face yesterday as he'd approached her, eyes hesitant and suspicious. Her dark hair had been covered by a butternut bonnet. Sam couldn't help but wonder if she had chosen the color on
purpose, as a statement of her political position. Edward and his fellow Maryland Guard members had left town in uniforms of the same color.
More than anything, Sam hoped that in time Julia would see he was not against her or her family. He wished for an opportunity to speak with her, to reaffirm his love. He prayed they could reconcile their differences.
But he had promised God he would follow His path wherever it led, whether Julia joined him or not. It appeared that path meant traveling the antislavery route.
Sam had not yet spoken to Dr. Carter about his plan to attend the abolitionist meeting. He intended to do so upon the first opportunity.
The conversation around him still buzzed, though it had shifted from the Federal occupation to the question of slavery. His ears perked when mathematics department chair, David Longsworth, spoke his mind. "I fail to see what all the division is about. Property is property. As an owner of such I have full authority over what belongs to me."
The word "property' when referring to a human being was nauseating to Sam.
If men were created in God's image how could the color of one's skin change such? Men were men. In Sam's mind there was no question.
Longsworth shifted to the economic benefits of slavery. "How are we going to produce goods in this country without slaves? On my word, without them the economy would collapse overnight."
Money,
Sam thought.
It is all that some seem to be concerned with. What about the suffering of our fellow man? What about the God-given thirst for freedom deep
inside us all?
He drew in a deep breath, ready to express such.
At that very moment, Dr. Carter entered the room. He called for everyone's attention.
"Gentlemen," he said. "I am afraid that I have some disturbing news."
Silence covered the room like a shroud. Sam's heart immediately began to pound.
What has happened? Has there been further bloodshed? Is Julia safe?
"I was approached by one of General Butler's aides this morning," Dr. Carter said. "I have been told that the Federal Army is in need of our facilities."
Wordless, worried expressions showed upon each faculty member's face. Sam looked the same.
"Therefore, effective immediately, our classes will be suspended. We will resume teaching when the seminary can secure a new location." Dr. Carter paused. "You are dismissed, gentlemen."
The dean of students walked to the door and exited the room. The rest of the faculty, Sam included, sat in stunned silence.
"So the Yankees have commandeered the school," Longsworth said finally.
"And put us all out of work," said another.
A sickening feeling washed over him as Sam sank back in his chair.
My best friend, my fiancée, my teaching position'¦
Air slowly escaped his lungs.
Lord, I want to believe You have everything under control, that You are working these things for our ultimate good.
Help me trust You.
"
Julia had been at the market since it first opened that morning. She had bought flour, two cones of sugar, eggs
and a host of other necessities. She was just about to return home, when she spied her favorite delicacy.
Strawberries! They have strawberries.
Her basket was already heavy. Besides that, her reticule was running low on coins but the longer she stared at the red, ripe fruit, the more she wanted them. She couldn't resist purchasing a quart.
I love strawberries. I look forward to them every year. Samuel loves them as well. They are his favorite fruit.
She smiled to herself as a plan formulated in her mind.
I know what I will do; I will make shortcake and then when he'
She came to her senses. There was no reason to bake shortcake. Samuel wouldn't be dining with them anymore.
Her heart sank a little deeper in her chest as she stared at the berries. They didn't look quite as red or luscious as they had just a moment ago.
"A quart, miss?" the vendor asked.
Still, she wanted them. "Yes. Please."
She shifted her basket to the other arm and counted out the coins in her reticule. She had just enough so she handed the vendor the money. It was then out of the corner of her eye that she noticed a blue uniform. The man was standing straight and tall, just a few steps from her. A large, brass buckle with the letters U. S. wrapped his waist. He appeared to be watching her.
Images of Pratt Street raced through her mind. Her mouth went dry. She desperately tried to remember what color stockings she had put on before leaving the house.
Are they white? Yes. Simply white.
She tightened her grip on her basket and stared straight at the vendor.
If I don't get in the soldier's way then he won't bother me.
The man handed her the quart of berries. Julia put
them in her basket. She stole a peek in the soldier's direction. He was still watching her. A shiver ran through her. Her heart began to pound. She looked back at the vendor. She tried to smile.
"These berries will be delicious."
The man tipped his slouch hat. "Enjoy them, miss."
Julia dropped her reticule in the basket. She hoisted the heavy parcel higher on her arm. She turned.
The blue uniform stepped forward. Julia swallowed. Ears thudding, she took another step. He came up along side her.
The Federal soldier smiled at her. "Help you with that, miss?"
Julia did not smile back. By now, her heart was racing. "Thank you, no," she said. She hurried away from him, walking as fast as the heavy basket would allow. The
pop, pop, pop
of musket fire echoed in her ears as she mentally replayed that dreadful day at the station. The sight of blood-splattered cobblestones filled her memory. A thousand terrible images raced through Julia's mind and just as many petitions for protection.
Lord, please don't let that soldier follow me. Please don't let him!
She hurried on.
The market was crowded with people and items. It was difficult to get back to the street. A barrel of pickles with children clustered about it blocked the easiest route. Moving opposite, Julia rounded the corner where the chickens were sold. Their featherless bodies hung limply from a line strung across the stall. She peeked through them to see if the Federal soldier was following her.
He was coming in her direction.
Julia hoisted the basket and took off once more,
only to run directly into the chest of another uniformed soldier.
"Excuse me!" she gasped, nearly dropping the basket.
He took hold of it. "Help you with that, miss?"
She could barely breathe.
Lord, help me!
"No. No, thank you."
He turned her basket loose and tipped his kepi as he stepped out of her path. "Good day."
The way to the street was clear. Julia walked as quickly as she could. The basket was cutting into her arm but she did not stop to shift its weight. All she wanted to do was get away from there.
Once she passed the market's perimeter she took off running, caring not by now if her petticoats or her stockings were showing. She kept running but the yards of dress fabric and her hoop made it impossible to keep up the pace for very long. Out of breath, arms and legs aching, she stopped in front of a ladies hat store. She glanced backward.
Neither of the soldiers had followed her.
She set the basket down taking a moment to rest. As the panic faded, the thought struck her that perhaps the men were only trying to be kind. Feeling foolish yet not wanting to take any chances, she picked up the basket. It was then that she noticed her prized strawberries had gotten crushed beneath a jar of honey. To make matters worse, the sticky red juice now stained Julia's dress.
Oh, no'¦
Feeling deflated, she trudged for home. She had just enough time to put away the groceries and set her dress to soaking before the prayer meeting.
"
The Federal soldiers were already setting up camp as Samuel left the seminary's main gate. Their canvas tents
covered the center green and supply wagons choked the road all the way back to Mount Vernon.
Sam tried to think charitable thoughts concerning the men but it was difficult. Though his tenure here at Rolland Park was short, he had grown to love the place. He did not enjoy being driven from the grounds.
When he would return to pursue his life's vocation, he did not know. The only way he could console himself was the thought that at least now he could attend the prayer meetings on time.
He walked back home and deposited his books on the parlor table. After eating a quick meal of cornbread and buttermilk, he started off. He would be early for the meeting but Reverend Perry might have need of assistance in some way or another. Goodness knows Sam needed something to do.
As he passed by the Stanton home, Sam couldn't help but wonder what Julia was doing at the moment. He had given his word to the Lord that he would follow Him regardless of the cost but that promise didn't quell the ache in his heart. Julia was the only woman he had ever loved. He prayed for her unceasingly. He missed her even more.
He arrived at the church well before noon. Reverend Perry was happy to see him.
"Samuel, welcome! I thought you would not be able to join us until later."
He explained what had happened at the school.
"Dear me," Reverend Perry said. "I am sorry to hear that."
Sam knew it would do no good to dwell on the issue so he moved the conversation forward. "I would like to be of assistance if I may," he said. "I think the prayer meeting is a noble idea."
"Thank you, but I cannot take credit for it."
Reverend Perry explained that the idea for the noon meeting came from an event in New York City four years earlier. During a financial crisis, the city had experienced a laymen's revival.
"It was an interdenominational event," he said. "The churches were filled to capacity for months. Thousands came to know Christ."
"Do you believe such a thing could happen here in Baltimore?" Sam asked.
The Reverend's eyes were full of compassion. "For eternity's sake, I do hope so."
Sam's heart went out to the minister. The kindhearted man was trying his best to shepherd a divided flock where each side claimed to be the true sheep and the other, the goats.
"Where do we begin?" he asked.
"Your attendance and prayers are the most important," Reverend Perry said, "but there are a few other areas where I could use your help."
"Such as?"
"I have sent word to the other ministers of the city. Most seemed to appreciate the invitation. I am hoping for a higher attendance today, therefore, I had a bill of direction printed. Would you be kind enough to hand them out?"
"Of course."
"Would you be interested perhaps in doing something to engage our citizens outside of the church?"
"Certainly."
The Reverend smiled. "Thank you. I will speak more to you about that later."
Reverend Perry went to retrieve his handbills and Sam eagerly took his place in the foyer. It wasn't long before Julia arrived. She was wearing a yellow silk
dress, trimmed in ribbons and lace. Sam thought she looked like a ray of sunshine. He couldn't help but smile.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, eyes wide with surprise. "Shouldn't you be at the seminary?"
The remark was not made because she felt pleasure at seeing him. "The Federal Army has need of our facilities."
Her jaw dropped. "They closed the school?"
"This morning."
"Oh, Samuel'¦"
She laid her hand gently on his forearm. Sam willed his heart to beat a normal rhythm.
"I am so sorry."
Concern laced her voice and compassion showed on her face. Sam appreciated the emotion but he did not want her to worry.
"We will relocate. It will just take a little time."
She evidently mistook his words for indifference and the warmth fled from her eyes. "Is there nothing they can do to offend you?" She asked.
"They haven't closed us down. They only want the building."
"And what else will they want, Samuel?"
Before he could answer she turned on her heel, her hoop and skirts swishing like a giant bell as she strode away.
"
She walked to her family pew. Inside she was fuming.
The Federal Army has commandeered his school, effectively ending the work he loves and all he can do is smile and hand out prayer bulletins?
She wondered what he would have said if she had told him about the soldiers at the market this morning. Would he have been concerned for her safety or would
he have simply smiled and acted as though nothing was wrong?
I don't understand him at all! Slavery doesn't even concern us! The real trouble is right outside our door.