Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1) (8 page)

“
Thank you,” came the breathless reply from the man she was kissing as he tried to push her away with his trapped hands.

There was another beep, and she sighed, happy that the interruption was over. Her hands moved back down his strong torso toward the part of him she wanted most.

His groan was filled with agony and he took her wrists in his hand then stepped back. He shook her gently.

“
Gabby.”

With eyes still closed, and a determination not to end this moment, she couldn’t deny that something wasn’t right. She inhaled, recognizing the scent around her familiar, but
not
the one she ached for.

She opened her eyes slowly, meeting the hungry green ones she knew would be there.

“
I’m sorry,” she whispered, hating that she’d used the man who loved her to fantasize about the one she—

So much for igniting passion for Jayson.

“
Gabby.” He pulled her into a hug. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who’s sorry.” He groaned and shifted things around below his belt. “We’ll just have to finish this later.”

Guilt started in the pit of her stomach and nausea threatened to expose what little she’d eaten today. She had no right to hurt Jayson—and didn’t want to. Yet it seemed inevitable.

Jayson quickly went about the task of redressing himself, which consisted of him unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants to stuff the shirt back to where it belonged.

She watched the stuff and tuck … and felt a whole lot of ho-hum. There was no buzzing in her skin, no insane need to rip his clothes from his body. She sighed.

He rebuttoned his shirt. “Are you okay, babe?”

“
Huh?” She blinked. “I’m … fine.”

Yeah, she was so
not
fine!

She was engaged to one man, and spent every waking minute—and sleeping ones, too—wishing another man would swoop in and claim the heart she’d already given him.

“
Here let me help you with that.” She stepped toward Jayson and took each end of his tie in one of her hands.

Silence choked her. She resisted the urge to scream as he rearranged his clothes, his movements forced and jerky. He was still hot under the collar, and Gabby wrestled with a way to explain her behavior. Was she going crazy?

Nope, she’d reached that status a long time ago.

Nikolai was like a drug to her, an addictive drug that needed to be purged from her system if she hoped for any chance at happiness with Jayson.

Jayson’s lips brushed lightly across her forehead and she lifted her eyes to meet his.

“
So, I’ll see you later?” He leaned down to kiss her and Gabby turned her head to receive it on her cheek. “My place or yours?”

“
Yours,” she said quietly.

Ridiculous as it was, she didn’t want Nikolai to happen by with Jayson in her apartment. She mentally slapped herself, but reacted with a physical wince.

“
Your couch is better … for watching movies,” she added with a giggle that sounded more like a whimper.

His chuckle was warm and only made her guilt deepen. “I’ll see you later then.” Large hands cradled her face. “I love you, Gabs.”

She smiled, and hoped it was realistic enough to not cause him to be suspicious.

“
You, too.”

He kissed her again and then swatted her behind as she turned to exit his office.

Her mind spun as her feet carried her out of the office, down the hall, down the small flight of stairs, and to the parking garage. She wanted to love Jayson, desperately wanted him to make her feel the way Nikolai did with his simple smile or innocent touch. She wanted to be the happy little wife, with a growing belly, but in her fantasies it was not Jayson’s child in her womb.

A frustrated scream ripped from her throat as she slid into the driver’s seat of her car. What the hell was she doing? She’d just seduced Jayson
in his office
for hell’s sake! Resting her head against the back of the seat, Gabby closed her eyes.

Shit!

She couldn’t go back to work because then she’d think of Nikolai—whether or not he was gone for the day. She was just sick enough in the head to go and park her butt in that big chair of his and simply sniff the leather in hopes of getting a whiff of him.

Stupid, insane girl!

She shook her head and pondered her other options.

Home was out, for similar reasons.

The only safe thing to do was to escape, she decided, and that could be done with a good book. It wasn’t far to the nearest book store and it took only a few minutes before she stood in front of aisle after aisle of choices.

Highlanders or vampires?

She liked a sexy guy in a kilt, but settled on a vampire novel instead. It was the first novel of a new author, but if Gabby was being honest it was the drop-dead gorgeous, half-naked man with fangs adorning the cover that sold her.

A good drool-fest was just what the doctor ordered.

A little park across the street promised lots of green grass and large, mature oak trees. She took a blanket from the trunk of her little blue sports car and stood in silent contemplation of the scene before her. Laughing children played on the jungle gym and a little girl with blond braids squealed with delight as her mother pushed her on the swings.

Oh, to be so carefree
.

The sun was warm on her skin. Birds chirped happily. Dogs barked. But Gabby was alone; truly alone with only her thoughts—dangerous as they might be—and her newest book. With a contented smile on her face, she began to read the beautiful story of Sebastian, the vampire and his mortal love, Rachel.

Gabby nearly screamed with the ecstasy that leapt off the pages. She dropped it into her lap and nearly moaned as her fingers caressed the half naked figures on the front. Sebastian was every woman’s dream; a large man, in every aspect, breathtakingly gorgeous, caring, protective, and extremely possessive.

Damn, Nikolai could take lessons on how to
take
what he wants
, she thought bitterly.
That would sure as hell make this a lot easier on me.
But the thought was followed by the realization that maybe he didn’t want her at all, and maybe she was making herself miserable while he wined and dined and— Her heart clenched. –
bedded
other women.

Stop thinking about him!
She leaned back against the tree. Instead of taking her mind off of Nikolai, her thoughts drifted to him. She pictured him with fangs, raking them over her skin. What Gabby wouldn’t give for a vampire of her own, one who would make her his, claim her with the primal instincts of his race.

She laughed—hard.

“
Vampires aren’t real!”

The sun moved across the sky and began its daily retreat behind the Oquirrh Mountains. She gathered her things and walked slowly back to her car, back to reality, back to the fiancé who wasn’t Nikolai.

Chapter Six

Jayson leaned against the opened door and smiled big enough he could have doubled as a Jack-o-Lantern. Gabby felt sick. She’d hoped he’d forgotten her earlier experiment. Apparently not.

“
Hey babe. Come on in.” He opened the door wider and she stepped inside, setting her purse on the floor by the front door and slipping out of her shoes.

She held up the movie she’d rented. “You said you wanted to see this one.”

Disappointment flashed in his eyes, but he covered it quickly. “Hell, yeah. You want something to drink? Popcorn?”

“
Water’s fine and I’d love some popcorn.”

Jayson’s home was beautiful, a rambler in the Salt Lake suburb of Herriman. The upstairs had two bedrooms; the master suite and a guest room he used as an office. Most of the downstairs was unfinished with the exception of a huge game room, complete with pool table and bar.

The entire place needed a feminine touch, and Jayson assured her she’d have free reign of the home décor. That was the kind of guy he was, one of the reasons she loved him. His kitchen, however, was one room she had no plans of changing. It was spacious with granite countertops and travertine floors.

She helped herself to a glass from the cupboard and filled it with ice and water from the fridge.

“
I can help with the popcorn.”

“
I got it.” He fished the air-popper from the cabinet and filled it with kernels before plugging it in. The popper whirred to life and the little orange balls leapt to life—right out the top. “Holy shit! Where’s the lid?”

He jumped around like the popcorn, hopping from one foot to the other, his arms waving like a pinwheel. Gabby burst out laughing. Not able to decide whether to use his hands to keep the hot projectiles in the popper or search for the lid, Jayson looked like he was having convulsions.

She wiped a tear from her cheek and yanked the cord from the wall. “Viola.”

He glowered then laughed and plucked a kernel from her hair. It was moments like this that verified marrying Jayson would be a good thing. He could make her laugh and life with him would be comfortable.

Snuggling together on the couch, popcorn in the bowl where it belonged, they started the movie. When she started drifting, Jayson lay down on the couch and eased her down in front of him. She complied, snuggling into his warm body. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

He sniffed into her hair and she stiffened. “You smell like—” He sniffed again. “Gabby, you smell like a guy. Why do you smell like a guy?”

She turned onto her back to be able to look him in the eye. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He lifted her hair to her nose. “Don’t tell me you don’t smell it. It’s men’s cologne. Really expensive stuff.”

When she breathed in, she tried not to register the scent. The last thing she needed was to sigh and go all gooey inside. She attempted an awkward shrug. “It’s my new shampoo.”

“
Oh.”

She wasn’t sure he actually bought the excuse, but he didn’t interrogate her further. She took advantage and closed her eyes. Her mind was still racing—still wrestling—with just how insane she’d become.

She loved Jayson, she did. The way his hazel eyes twinkled just before he teased her. She was proud when other women looked at him and he only had eyes for her. He worked hard, but wasn’t a workaholic. He cherished her without making her feel like she had to conform to his will.

The bottom line was: Jayson’s only flaw was that— She sighed –he wasn’t Nikolai.

All of this inner reflection wasn’t doing anything except making her feel worse and worse about her betrayal. She’d dreamed and fantasized about Nikolai for so long now she’d resorted to using the man she did have in her life as a pseudo-Niko.

Did that make her a completely heartless bitch?
Yeah, pretty much.

This had to stop, which meant quitting her job and walking away. Her stomach clenched again and her eyes burned beneath her closed lids. She became physically ill and could almost feel her heart breaking at the mere thought of never seeing Nikolai again. What was going to happen when she made that thought a reality?

A chuckle erupted from behind her and a gentle shaking motion emphasized Jayson’s enjoyment of the movie. She smiled, despite the anguish eating at every cell of her body. She wanted to go home and crawl into bed and relive her delusions one more night. The thoughts rolled over and over in her mind, pummeling her like waves in a tempest ocean.

“
Hey, baby.” More rolling motion.

No, not rolling. Shaking, she realized.

Through groggy, half-lidded eyes, she noticed the end credits on the screen. Jayson kissed her cheek.

“
Come on, you can just sleep over tonight.”

“
No.” Her voice was strong despite the sleepy state of the rest of her.

His brows shot up and he looked at her with a hurt in his eyes that worsened the self-loathing she’d been inflicting on herself.

“
I just thought—”

“
I’m sorry.” She sat and moved down the couch so she could see him better. “I just really need … to get home.”

“
Okay, I’ll follow you home.”

“
No,” she nearly shouted.

“
What the hell is wrong with you?” The muscle in his jaw jumped.

“
Nothing’s wrong with me.” She attempted a smile she didn’t feel then tried to weave a lie that would sound enough like the truth to make him stay home.

“
You’ve had a long day, Jay, you should get some rest.”

“
Oh.” His face fell and he shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

He stood and offered his hand to help her to her feet. His hug was quick and she could sense that she’d hurt his feelings. His kiss was sweet, but lacked any heat. With a gentle hand, Gabby cupped Jayson’s cheek. His beard had grown and the stubble was prickly. He leaned into her touch.