Healing A Hero (The Camerons of Tide’s Way #4) (22 page)

Chapter 40

May 2015

Tide’s Way, North Carolina

ELENA LEFT THE relative sanctuary of Philip’s room and headed down to face the rest of his family. As she approached the chatter coming from the kitchen, Meg intercepted her.

“I can’t believe you kept the fact that Philip was Julie’s father from me all these years,” she hissed in Elena’s ear as she tucked her arm through Elena’s and stopped her in the hallway.

“I would have told you,” Elena whispered back. “But you were on your honeymoon. Then you were in Europe.”

“But all these years since? And not a single word? I thought we were BFFs.” Meg made a derisive noise and shook her head. “I can’t believe you slept with him back then, and now you’re worried about bending a few rules about dating him?”

“There weren’t any rules to bend back then,” Elena defended herself, but she felt the rush of heat coloring her neck and cheeks. She’d slept with him in spite of the rules, which was a lot bigger than just going on a date.

“You could have told me. I wouldn’t have tattled.” She dragged Elena into the living room, her faithful shadow Kip at her side. She pulled Elena into a quick hug, then set her away but kept her hands draped across Elena’s shoulders. “So?”

“So . . . what?” She glanced past Meg at the spacious, comfortably decorated room, avoiding Meg’s eyes.

“So how are things between you and Philip now?” Meg shook her lightly, and a frown puckered her brow.

Elena raised her shoulders and let them drop.

“Do you love him?”

Elena nodded. “He’s upset with me, and I don’t blame him. I should have trusted him, but I didn’t. Now I don’t know how to fix it.”

Meg wrapped her arms about her in a real hug and whispered into her ear, “He loves you, too. It’ll work out. Just talk to each other.” Meg pulled away and snickered again. “Listen to me, Dear Abby, the woman who had to be brought to her knees before she shared her worst fears with her own husband.” She reached down and scratched Kip’s ears. “But seriously, Elena. Just talk to him. You two can work this out. He was talking about you while you were upstairs and—”

“He was talking about me? To the whole family?” Kip got to his feet, on alert at the tone of Elena’s voice. Her pulse thudded in her temples at the idea of her sins of omission being openly discussed in her absence.

“Well, actually, just to Jake. I eavesdropped,” Meg admitted with a shrug, giving Kip another reassuring pat.

“You guys eating or not? Better hurry or these scavengers won’t leave much behind,” a deep male voice called from the dining area. One of Philip’s brothers, but Elena wasn’t sure which.

“Let’s go eat.” Meg turned toward the other room. “We can talk later. Or better yet, you and Philip can talk.”

What had Philip said to Jake? The question burned through her as she followed Meg to lunch.

“DON’T LET MOM intimidate you.” Jake, seated to Julie’s right, patted her hand before passing her a plate of sandwiches. “She gives everyone the third degree until they’ve told her all their secrets.”

“I do not!” Sandy Cameron defended herself. “I’m just trying to get caught up here.”

Julie chose tuna on a croissant and passed the plate along. She set her sandwich down on her plate and held up one hand. “I’ve got no secrets to hide.” She shot an accusing glance toward Elena, then looked back at her grandmother. “So . . . I love surfing and going to the movies. I especially like action flicks. I like to read. I gave away tons of books before we moved, but Mom got me a Kindle, so now I’ve got tons of books on that. I’m a pretty mean tennis player, I like football, and I’m an honor student.” She folded a finger for each item of interest until she ran out of fingers. “And I love your house.”

Sandy laughed. “Me too. Good thing since I live here, huh? And we hope you’ll come to visit us often. Maybe you can come down for a week or two come summer vacation. If it’s okay with your mom.” Sandy glanced at Elena.

Elena just nodded.

Julie was an outgoing, friendly girl, but Elena had never seen her so animated so quickly after meeting new people. It gave her another jolt of guilt to realize Julie might have been enjoying this family her whole life if she hadn’t kept Julie’s existence from them. Meg’s hissed question echoed in her ears along with Philip’s angry accusations.

“I’ll have to teach you how to appreciate basketball. More specifically, the Tarheels.” Philip’s father joined the conversation. “As for football, you’re probably a Chargers fan, but around here, you’ll have to pretend you’re rooting for the Panthers.”

“Oh, the Chargers are okay,” Julie said brightly. “But I root for the Patriots. My best friend in San Diego was from Boston, and she’s the one who introduced me to football in the first place. Her father used to play for the Patriots.”

Philip barked out a laugh. “Proof. If I needed any. You are definitely my daughter.” He held up his hand and Julie high-fived him.

“Traitors,” Cam grumbled with a grin.

“He gets that from me,” Sandy confided. “I grew up in New Hampshire. The Patriots are my team too. Cam’s outnumbered.”

“Hey, hold on just a minute.” Will, one of the twins, joined the good-natured rivalry. “I’m a Panthers guy. So’s Ben.”

“Go Pats,” Jake interjected. “You’re still outnumbered.”

The rest of the meal passed in similar fashion with a lot of good-natured joking and sharing of past history. Elena couldn’t help comparing the easygoing, laughter-filled luncheon to the stilted, joyless meals she’d shared with Eli’s parents. Julie had always been subdued and unhappy whenever they’d made the journey to Seattle, sensing, if not understanding, the antipathy Eli’s mother felt toward Elena and her bastard child that she didn’t make any effort to hide. The entire Cameron family could not have been more accepting of what might so easily have been an awkward situation filled with recriminations.

Then lunch was over and everyone scattered. The kids headed to the beach carrying a variety of buckets and sand toys with Philip’s twin brothers in tow to keep an eye on them. Zoe was putting her baby down for a nap and Meg had disappeared, too. Even Julie had taken off with Ava, leaving Elena feeling very alone and left out. She grabbed the nearly empty platter of sandwiches and what was left of a bowl of chips and started for the kitchen. Cleaning up after the meal was the least she could do.

“You’re family and all, but you don’t get to spend much time at the beach. So you’re off the hook today. Go out and enjoy the day.” Sandy shooed Elena out of the kitchen.

“Are you sure?” Elena asked, feeling even more adrift.

“Of course, I’m sure. Grab that boy of mine and make him take you for a walk.” Sandy bustled about her kitchen, tidying up.

Elena wandered out onto the deck. Too late to grab Sandy’s boy to go for a walk, though. He was already on the beach with Julie at his side. They were unfurling a kite with their heads bent close.

Elena started toward the stairs.

“Elena?” Cam’s voice stopped her.

She turned back.

“We’re glad you came.” His eyes sparkled with warmth.

Tears stung Elena’s eyes, and she didn’t know how to respond.

“I don’t know how things stand between you and Philip, but I want you to know, you are always welcome in our home. I hope you two can work things out, but even if you can’t, you’re still family.”

Elena’s throat ached with emotion and a threat of tears. All the mistakes she’d made, and not a single word of condemnation. She didn’t deserve it.

She retraced her steps and bent to give Philip’s father a hug. “Thank you.”

He hugged her hard, then set her away. “Better go help fly that kite. They aren’t doing too well so far.”

Elena turned and headed down the stairs, dashing the tears from her eyes as she went.

Julie held a spool of kite line in her hand while Philip had hiked up onto the dune to untangle the kite where it had crashed and gotten caught by a piece of driftwood. Elena approached, doing her best to shake off the feeling of being on the outside looking in.

“Are you okay, Mom?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Apparently, she hadn’t tried hard enough.

“You look like you’re ready to cry.”

Elena stopped trying to pretend. “Your grandparents are too nice. I’m a little emotional. They just—they—”

“They are pretty nice,” Julie agreed with frown. “But I don’t get why that should make you cry?”

Elena looked into Julie’s blue eyes, eyes that had always reminded her of Philip, sometimes with an ache she couldn’t banish. So many mistakes. So much time wasted.

“Because they didn’t make me feel like I’d done something terrible.”

Julie’s gaze dropped, and she fidgeted with hem of her shirt. “I’ve been treating you like crap, and I’m sorry.”

“Maybe I deserved it.”

“Yeah, maybe you do, but—”

“But?”

“I don’t think this bird is going to fly again,” Philip said as he jogged to a stop and held out the wounded kite. “Want to try out the water instead?” His blue eyes seemed to soften for a moment when he looked at Elena, but then he turned toward his daughter.

What had her daughter been about to say?

Julie glanced over her shoulder at the abandoned sandcastle. Will, Ben, and Jake were already in the water, surrounded by shouting kids begging to be tossed into the air so they could splash back into the waves.

She turned back to her father with a daring light in her eyes. “I want to hear you squeal like a little girl when you hit the water.”

“I didn’t squeal at Lejeune. I’m not squealing here,” Philip shot back.

“Beat ya to the water,” Julie challenged and took off running.

Philip yanked his T-shirt off over his head. Then he was pounding across the sand after his daughter. Both of them squealed as they high-stepped into the waves and finally dove through a big breaking curl of green water.

Elena sagged onto the sand with her gut on an emotional roller coaster.

Philip came up, shaking water from his eyes, and joined the lineup of dads lacing their fingers together and launching kids into the air. He held his cupped hands out and Julie stepped into them, her hands on his shoulders. With a mighty heave, Julie flew into the air, tucked herself into a ball, and splashed back into the water holding her nose.

Just a few weeks ago, Philip would not have been able to do that, or at least not without a great deal of pain. Today, the feat was nothing. He was definitely fit for duty. Elena’s heart squeezed painfully with the realization.

She’d done a good job with his rehab regimen, and she was proud of the results, but she had to admit that much of her success with Philip was due to his grit and determination. He’d done everything she’d asked with the single-minded focus of being cleared for duty as soon as possible. And now he had what he’d been working so hard to achieve.

How much longer did she have to mend the rift that had come between them? How many weeks, or would it be only days, before he announced his next deployment? And even more important, what was the likelihood he’d promise to stay in touch, to call and email her every day?

With Julie, sure. Elena didn’t begrudge Julie this belated but rapidly deepening relationship with her biological father. She had only herself to blame for the estrangement between herself and Philip.

That disquieting sense of being alone and adrift hit her again. During those long months when she’d been carrying Julie, she’d never quite given up hope that somehow he would return, but this time, if she let him go, there would be no hope.

Chapter 41

Memorial Day Weekend, 2015

Tide’s Way, North Carolina

“YOU’VE GOT TO cut your mom some slack,” Philip said as he and Julie paced along the water’s edge as afternoon turned into evening and the sky turned pink.

“She lied to me. She lied to you, too. Why are you defending her?” Julie ignored the peaceful setting in favor of nurturing the grudge she held against her mother.

“She was young, and scared, and alone. And she had a new baby. That’s a huge responsibility even when there are two parents.”

“Lots of single women raise kids every day,” Julie scoffed.

“Yes, they do,” Philip agreed. “But sometimes it’s because they have no choice. Eli offered to take care of you both and make things easier.” Philip couldn’t bring himself to call Eli Julie’s dad. “Your mom had a chance to give you a father, even if it wasn’t me. And she took it. She was just trying to do the best thing she knew for you.”

They walked along in silence for a way before Julie responded. “Are you over being angry? Or are you telling me her lies didn’t hurt you at all?”

Philip stopped walking and grabbed Julie’s shoulder to stop her as well. “I’m over being angry. She didn’t lie because she wanted to hurt me. She lied because she was afraid. She was afraid of what I would think. Or that I’d be angry.”

He shrugged, his shirt feeling tight across his shoulders. “I said things I shouldn’t have said, so she was right to be worried about my reaction. I didn’t put myself in her shoes and try to understand what she was feeling or thinking.”

“But you still love her?” Julie’s eyes glimmered in the darkening light.

“Very much.”

“Were you sleeping with her while I was in San Diego?”

Philip gasped at the question. He’d promised never to lie to Julie, but how was he supposed to answer this? She shouldn’t even know about that crazy undisciplined week.

“Never mind. Don’t answer that,” Julie turned away and began walking again. “I’m just glad your heart was in it, and you weren’t taking advantage.”

Somehow, she knew. God only knew how, but Julie knew he and Elena had been intimate. He lengthened his stride and caught up with her. “My heart is very much in it.” He wanted to reach out and take her hand in his, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react. Or how she viewed his having slept with her mother.

“She still needs you, you know.” Julie glanced at him briefly, then down at the sand. “Maybe not like when I was born. Or maybe just like it.”

This time it was Julie who stopped walking and turned to face him. “She cries at night when she thinks I’m asleep. She never cried over Dad. That I know of. But she’s crying now, and I think it’s over you.”

Then she brushed past him and broke into a run as she headed back up the beach toward the pit where the bonfire was being erected.

When Philip caught up, the younger kids were scampering over the dunes hunting for driftwood, and his brothers were carefully stacking it into a pile. His father tossed him a shovel.

“Let’s get this pit into shape.”

The pit was a large round bowl dug into the sand with the center raised to hold the bonfire and the outer rim carved into a bench where everyone could sit comfortably to watch it burn.

“Grab those pails and fill ’em up,” Cam told Ava and Julie.

Philip paused in his digging to watch his daughter running toward the water, her long graceful legs more than matching her older yet shorter cousin’s stride. He swallowed a lump of pride and love.

“She’s pretty special,” his father murmured, nodding toward the girls.

“Very special.” Philip blinked rapidly to stanch the sudden prickle of tears. “I wish I’d been around when she was born, but I’m glad . . . ” He hesitated. How was it possible to put all the powerful emotions that wisp of a girl filled his heart with into words?

“Have you thought about leaving the military at all? Especially now?”

Philip turned his head and met his father’s questioning blue gaze.

“You should be doing everything you can to make up for lost time, but it’ll be kinda hard to do if you’re stationed on a ship somewhere on the other side of the world.”

When Philip had talked to Elena about getting married, that distance hadn’t seemed so insurmountable. Other Marine wives managed it, and in spite of her dislike of the idea, he knew Elena was a strong woman. It was part of who he was and, if she loved him, she could handle it. Any woman who could bring a child into the world alone, bear up under the loss of a son and the unfaithfulness of a husband, could certainly deal with being a military wife.

He shrugged, not yet willing to accept that everyone else might be right. But his father had brought Julie into the discussion. And that was something else entirely.

He thought about Tommy and how desperately he’d missed the little boy the first time they were separated by a deployment. And then he’d lost him forever.

“Think about it, son.” Cam gripped Philip’s shoulder. “The Marine Corps doesn’t define who you are as a man. Only what you do for a living. And family will always be more important than how you put a roof over their heads and food on their table.”

Then Cam leapt up to the beach and walked toward the house.

“Here you go, Gramps,” Julie called out as she set two sloshing buckets of seawater next to preparations for the bonfire. “Where’d Gramps go?” Julie looked to Philip.

“I think he went to get the makings for s’mores.”

“Cool! I love s’mores.” She glanced at the finished bench and whistled. “This is super cool. We never did anything like this at Coronado.”

Meaning Eli had never done anything like that. Philip’s heart contracted as it always did when he thought of all the things Eli had gotten to do with Julie that he’d missed out on. But this time, he was the one she was enjoying the doing with. And that felt good.

Elena came down the stairs with Meg, carrying an armload of old blankets. His mother and dad followed close behind with a tray mounded with bags of marshmallows, stacks of chocolate bars, and four boxes of graham crackers. The sun had already set and dark was enveloping the beach. Jake shoved two fingers between his lips and whistled shrilly. Kids came running from everywhere with the last of their bits of driftwood.

After a lot of chattering and jostling, his family finally got settled in to watch the lighting of the fire. Cam stood at the center, waiting for the chatter to stop. He cleared his throat twice before he got the level of quiet he wanted.

“One of these years,” Cam began, glancing from one member of his family to another. “We’ll all be together at once. This year, Kate could not be with us, but Philip is. Finally!” he added with exaggerated emphasis.

It had been years since Philip had been at home for the Cameron Clan’s formal summer kick-off. Too many years, he now realized as he felt the camaraderie and love. His family, especially his parents, had always been his biggest cheerleaders and strongest support and he’d done exactly what his father had reminded him not to do. He’d defined himself as a Marine first, and his family had come second.

“Since we gathered here a year ago, our family has grown by leaps and bounds.” Cam nodded in the direction of Jake’s new wife Zoe and her baby Molly who was already asleep on Jake’s shoulder. He put a hand on young Sam’s shoulder. “Another fine Cub Scout and his mom. Will, you are a lucky man, and we are all lucky Bree decided Will was worth talking a chance on. And now we’ve got Julie and Elena. Who could have guessed a year ago, I’d have three new grandchildren, and two new daughters-in-law.” He hesitated as he glanced at Elena, then went on. “Lord, we are so thankful to be together tonight, to be healthy and to be blessed with so much love.”

A murmur of amens followed and then Will struck a match and held it to the tinder placed carefully under the formidable bonfire. A spark, then a tiny flame began to grow as everyone held their breath.

“Blow on it Dad,” Sam urged, breaking the expectant silence.

Philip’s heart squeezed. When had his new nephew begun to call Will Dad? Would Julie ever call him that? He reached out to fold his hand over Elena’s where it rested in her lap. She startled at his touch, but didn’t pull her hand away. Perhaps she was ready to forgive him for his outrageous behavior a month ago. The crayon-throwing incident and other equally reprehensible acts of anger and impatience haunted him, too. She had let him work through all his tantrums and icy silences without comment.

He hadn’t been a model patient. He hadn’t even been a model lover. He’d been demanding, impatient, and eager to be fixed and gone.

He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. When she finally looked up and met his gaze, her eyes were filled with something he couldn’t read. Not exactly unhappy. Not exactly at ease. He dragged her hand over to his lap and cupped it with both of his own.

After a while, he extricated his fingers from hers and put his arm about her shoulders. She glanced quickly up at him, then back at the blazing fire. He rubbed her upper arm and eased her closer. Slowly, she relaxed against his side and eventually she rested her head on his shoulder. This was how he wanted to spend every Memorial Day bonfire for the rest of his life.

The bonfire began to burn itself out and slump into a bed of hot red coals. The kids, who’d been enthralled with the fire at the start, had long ago lost patience and were eagerly demanding the marshmallows be handed out.

His daughter and Ava were in charge.
My daughter!
The words tasted so sweet in his mouth. His daughter lacing marshmallows onto sticks for Jake’s twins. His daughter laughing at something Ava had said. The daughter he’d never known moved about amongst his family as if she’d always been there. Maybe he wasn’t much of a Marine after all, considering how often he’d felt like crying of late.

As soon as the s’mores had been consumed and the kids all sent off to bed, he was going to take Elena for a walk on the beach and settle their future together.

PHILIP CARRIED A sleeping twin up to the house while Jake led the way with the other five-year-old on his shoulder. Zoe bustled in as soon as Philip had deposited his sleeping bundle onto her sleeping bag and begun removing the sandy shorts and T-shirt. Philip kissed each twin on their forehead and left, hurrying back down the stairs to find Elena.

“Have you seen Elena?” he asked his mother, who was, as usual, bustling around her kitchen, putting things away and setting out breakfast preparations.

Sandy looked up and smiled. “She was out on the deck the last time I saw her.” She blew him a kiss and returned to her task.

The deck was completely dark. The lights had been turned off so they wouldn’t detract from the bonfire, and never put back on since everyone’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness and no one had needed them to find their way. Elena might be sitting in one of the big deck chairs, but he couldn’t tell. He started to move toward the light switch.

“I’m not going to get married ever.” Ava’s emphatic declaration stopped him.

“Ever?” That was Julie, doubt heavy in her tone.

“Okay, maybe not ever. But not until I’m old. Thirty, at least.”

Philip leaned further into the shadows hoping the girls wouldn’t notice his presence. He probably should beat a silent retreat, but the conversation was too tempting. What had provoked Ava’s declaration?

“Thirty isn’t all that old,” Julie said.

“My parents got married when they were still in high school and it didn’t work out. I think thirty is a better age.”

“Maybe so,” Julie agreed slowly.

“If my mom hadn’t left when she did, she’d have made Daddy’s life miserable forever.” It appeared Ava had been old enough to sense Jake’s unhappiness, even when Jake himself hadn’t seen it. Philip was impressed with his niece’s perceptiveness.

“He must have loved her to ask her to marry him,” Julie argued.

“He married her because he got her pregnant.” Ava snickered, then sighed. “I think Daddy thought he loved her, and he thought she loved him. She never really loved anyone but herself.”

Julie sucked in a shocked gasp. “How can you say that about your own mother?”

“She walked out on all of us, didn’t she?” The pain and disillusionment in his niece’s voice sliced into him. He’d known Marsha was a self-centered bitch. So had everyone but Jake. But to hear that summation coming from Ava made his heart ache. No child should feel unloved and uncared for, especially by their mom.

“Yeah, but . . .”

“And your mom got married for all the wrong reasons, too. To a man she didn’t love either. How did that work out? See why I think it would be better to wait until I’m old? Now Daddy’s got Zoe and she’s perfect for him. But he got lucky. And he’s older than thirty.”

Neither girl said anything for a long time, and Philip wondered if he should make a move and sneak away before they caught him, but then Julie spoke up again.

“My mom did love my dad. Just not like Zoe loves your dad. But she was alone and scared and she had me. She thought it would be better for me to have a father than not to have one, and she didn’t know why Gunny wasn’t answering her emails.”

It struck Philip to hear his own words repeated so exactly. Julie had been listening when he’d begged her to cut her mother some slack. Being a parent was serious business. He’d have to be careful about the things he said and did, and the impression he was making.

“How come you call him Gunny?” Ava asked. “Now that you know he’s your father. I mean your real father.”

Philip held his breath, waiting for words he knew would wound him again.