Happily Bedded Bliss: The Rakes of Cavendish Square (29 page)

A wide grin creased his cheeks. “You always have been a bang-up girl, Lady Northcote. If I weren’t marrying Lettice, I believe I would kiss you.”

She laughed and took a step back. “Yes, well, please don’t. My husband would most definitely take exception.”

Eversley shivered. “Indeed. Northcote is one man I would never want to cross.”

“Where is this jewelers?”

“Only a few blocks away. We can walk if you’d like?”

She nodded. “Yes, that sounds lovely. I’ll have my coachman follow us there.”

•   •   •

Gabriel left Brooks’s club, but rather than taking his curricle home, he decided to walk, sending his tiger on ahead without him. It was a fine spring day and he was eager to stretch his legs. The city thrummed around him, vibrant with life and bustle and noise. But as much as he enjoyed the city, he was beginning to grow tired of the constant busyness and the demands on both his time and Esme’s.

He thought back to the peace and serenity of Highhaven, of the blissful weeks he and Esme had spent there during their honeymoon. He wondered what she would say to the idea of going back, leaving the city and Season behind and escaping to their own private retreat by the sea.

Despite her obvious popularity among the
Ton
, and the pleasure she seemed to take at the various entertainments they attended, he’d sensed a growing restlessness in her lately. She seemed oddly secretive at times, drifting off, lost in her own thoughts when she didn’t think he noticed. He told himself it was nothing, that she was only tired from the pace of their current social obligations. But he couldn’t help wondering if it might be something more.

I should suggest a trip to Highhaven. A change of scene would do both of us good.

He turned a corner and continued on another pair of blocks. He was looking ahead, studying the other passersby, when he caught sight of a familiar coach and team of horses.

Esme had told him she was going shopping. She must be in one of the stores.

He was about to cross the street to find her, when the door to a jeweler’s shop opened and out she came.

Only she wasn’t alone.

She was with a man. A man he recognized.

Eversley.

Gabriel’s hands fisted at his sides as he watched her smile and laugh with her former beau. Eversley laughed as well, then moved closer to her, taking her arm as they both stepped out of the way of a couple trying to walk past them.

For a moment she and Eversley looked cozy and conspiratorial, as if they were both in on something only the two of them knew. They turned then and moved toward the carriage. Eversley took her hand and bent over it before assisting her inside.

Gabriel stepped back, sliding into the concealment of a building where he would not be seen. He waited until her carriage drove away.

And that’s when the pain hit, his stomach roiling as if he’d just taken a brutal punch to the gut.

And he supposed in a way he had.

Yet despite the evidence before his eyes, he couldn’t believe she would betray him. Not his Esme.

Then again, he’d been deceived before. Quite suddenly he didn’t know what to think.

Blindly, he turned away and started to walk.

I
t was well after midnight when Esme heard a key scrape in the lock and the quiet click of the front door as it opened and closed again.

Leaping to her feet, she hurried out of the drawing room where she had been waiting for the last several hours and into the hallway. Relief flooded through her at the sight of Gabriel as he set his hat and gloves on the hall table. Moving quickly forward, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face to his chest, breathing in his warm, familiar scent. “Gabriel, thank God you’re home. I’ve been so worried.”

She waited for his arms to come around her, for him to explain what had happened and why he was so late in returning. Instead, he remained stiff, his arms hanging loosely at his sides.

She looked up. “Where have you been? I expected you hours ago. Your driver said you left your club around three this afternoon. I sent him back out later to look for you, but no one seemed to have any idea where you might have gone.”

He pulled away from her and stepped free. “I’ve been walking.” His voice sounded dull and tired and wrong.

Very wrong.

A shiver went through her. “All this time you’ve been walking? Where did you go?”

He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “Around the city. I don’t know. I’m going to my study.”

Turning, he crossed the vestibule and started down the corridor, his footsteps echoing on the cool marble. She stared after him for a long, silent minute, then followed.

He was pouring a drink by the time she entered the room—whiskey from the looks of it. Raising the glass to his mouth, he tossed it back, then picked up the decanter again to pour another. He replaced the stopper with a noisy clink but didn’t acknowledge her.

As she stood watching him, she remembered another time when he had changed abruptly for no apparent reason. When he had closed her off. When he had left.

“What is it?” she asked softly. “What has happened?”

He ignored her and drank more whiskey.

“Won’t you talk to me? I’ve been frantic all evening, wondering what could have happened to you. I imagined all sorts of dreadful things. That you had taken ill or were in an accident or had even been set upon by thieves and murdered.”

His eyes met hers, his own derisive. “Thieves, Esme? Murder? Really? I had no idea you were so dramatic, but then again, you are an artist, I suppose. And here I assumed you’d still be out, dancing the night away, and would barely have even noticed my absence.”

Her lips parted on an astonished inhalation. “You know I wouldn’t go out for the evening without you. We were promised at the Nugents’ tonight, but I sent a note ’round and made our excuses.”

“You needn’t have done. You ought to have attended. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been difficult for you to find some willing gentleman to escort you.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw, his eyes turning darker.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What is that supposed to signify, since I presume you do not mean one of my brothers?”

He flexed his fingers and slammed the glass down
on his desk, oblivious to the alcohol that splashed over the side. “No, I damned well do not. I saw you today,” he said accusingly.

“Saw me? Saw me where?”

“With him.
Eversley.
”

She was so astonished, a laugh rippled from her throat.

Gabriel’s eyes shot fire. “So you think it’s funny, do you? The two of you looked awfully cozy, snuggling up together outside that shop.”

“Do you mean Hatchards?”

“No, I mean that jewelry shop. Was he buying you some trinket? I’ve watched him slaver over you like a besotted puppy ever since he came to Town. Don’t think you can hide it from me. As we both know, he was one of your beaux and the two of you were expected to wed, but you had to take me instead when you thought you would be ruined. He wouldn’t step up then, but perhaps he’s regretting his decision. Perhaps you’re regretting yours as well.”

All humor fell away, her hands and heart turning cold. “I regret nothing. And you, my lord, are a ridiculous, jealous fool.”

A muscle twitched near his right eye this time, his jaw clenched so tight she wouldn’t have been surprised to hear it snap. “How dare you.”

“No, how dare
you
. Accusing me of deceiving you, when I have been nothing but faithful and honest. Condemning me on the flimsiest of excuses too, I might add.”

“Excuses? I saw you,” he charged, his voice deep and grim.

“You saw me what? You saw me speak with a gentleman of my acquaintance on a public street in full view of the world. Watched me get into my carriage and drive home. Alone. Is that what you saw? Now I have a question for you. Why were you spying on me?”

He scowled. “I wasn’t spying. I was walking back from the club when I happened to see you come out of
that shop. And if it’s all so innocent, what were you doing in there with him?”

She let out a huff of exasperation. “I was helping him choose an engagement ring for the young woman he hopes to marry. He asked for my assistance, as a friend, and I gave it. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Nathan. He was there the entire time and knows everywhere I went and everyone I saw. He probably heard every blasted word we spoke as well.”

“You shouldn’t have male friends.”

“And you should stop treating me as if I’m your mother or that girl, that Amanda, who broke your heart and left me to pay for it.”

He flinched as if she’d struck him, something harsh and bleak darkening his eyes. In that instant she wondered if she’d gone too far. But she wasn’t going to back down. Not when their very future was at stake.

“What do you know about my mother and that other . . . person you mentioned?” he demanded coldly. “Obviously some little bee has been busy filling your ears with all sorts of juicy details. Who was it?”

A little shiver of nerves went through her. “It doesn’t matter who it was.”

“Some gossip here in London, was it?” he pressed. “Or perhaps one of your chatty friends, the ones you have in for tea? Or, no . . . wait . . . I believe I have it. Was it my uncle?”

The answer must have shown in her eyes, because he nodded at his last guess. “Ah yes, of course, it would be dear uncle Sidney. I am only surprised you haven’t said something about it before now.”

“I knew it must be distressing for you, so I didn’t see the point.”

“Didn’t want to offer your pity, you mean.”

“No, Gabriel, that’s not—”

“But, please, let’s make sure you’ve heard the whole sordid tale. What did he tell you? Did he mention that my mother was little better than a whore and how my father drove himself to madness over her, then blew his
brains out after he murdered her and her latest lover? What else did he share with you?”

“Nothing. Don’t—,” she beseeched quietly.

“Did he tell you his favorite part? That he thinks I’m some by-blow spawn from one of my mother’s many lovers? That I look like her but not like my father, who probably wasn’t my father at all, since I am nothing like anyone on the Landsdowne side of the family? How I’m not worthy to bear the Northcote title and am nothing but a misbegotten devil that he tried but failed to fix by means of a belt and the back of his hand?”

“Stop, Gabriel.” Tears filled her eyes. “Please, stop.”

“No,” he said relentlessly, “you brought it up, so let’s get it all out in the open. Let’s have the truth, so you’ll know exactly who it is you’ve married.”

She heard the echo of his uncle’s cruel words, understood the damage he’d carried inside him like an unhealed wound. She wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him, as he should have been loved and comforted as a boy. Instead, she stayed where she was, afraid he would interpret her action as the pity he claimed she felt rather than love.

“Gabriel, I do know who you are, and none of the rest matters to me.” She drew a breath. “You are a decent, brave, intelligent man who hides his kindness away where others cannot see it. But I do see it. It is in the kindness you show the servants and the animals. I feel it every time you kiss and touch me.

“You were treated abominably as a child, first by parents who ought to have loved and protected you rather than destroying each other in pursuit of their own selfish desires. Then again by a monster who should have cared for you and nurtured you when you were grieving rather than hurting you even more. You lost your brother and were betrayed by a girl to whom you had promised your love and by whom you had it cruelly rejected. But in spite of all that, you’re the man you are today. A man with a good heart even if he wants the world to think it is black.”

“Maybe it is black and you are mistaken,” he said.

She shook her head. “No. In all the ways that count, you are a good man, Gabriel Landsdowne. You’re not a saint, but who wants a saint? Only think what a great bore you would be then.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, a glimmer of the darkness receding from his eyes.

She stepped closer. “And even if it’s true about your parentage, which I don’t believe, it doesn’t change who you are. Even if you showed me incontrovertible proof that you were another man’s son, it would make no difference to the way I feel.”

“And what is that? You say you love me, Esme, but . . .”

“Yes, but what?”

He frowned and looked away.

She swallowed, a lump in her throat. “And now we circle back around to what started all of this between us tonight. You do not trust me.”

His eyes met hers again. “I do.”

“No. If you did, I would not be standing here trying to defend myself against something I did not do and will never do. I trust you to be faithful to me when I know every time we go to a ball there must be at least one or two of your old paramours in the room. When I know you were talking with Amanda, your old love, at a ball only a few weeks ago.”

He looked startled. “She is nothing to me, Esme. What you saw was nothing. She approached me, then baited me about you and Eversley when you were dancing with him. You know you are the only woman I love,” he told her gruffly. “The only woman I want in my bed.”

Her heart beat double. “Do you truly love me? You never say.”

Striding forward, he took her in his arms. “Of course I do. If I didn’t, do you think I would have spent half the day and night walking all over London? Dazed and sick to imagine you with another man.”

She reached up and stroked his cheek. “Oh, Gabriel,
I feared you might never feel that way for me, that you might never say the words.”

“Well, I’m saying them now. I love you.”

“Then why can you not trust me when you know I love you too?”

He scowled. “Because it’s not that easy. I don’t want to you being with other men, even as friends. It makes me jealous.”

“But you don’t need to be. You’re the only man I want. Can’t you see you have nothing to be jealous about?”

“Are you sure?” He gave her a long look. “You’ve been quiet lately, secretive, as if you’re keeping something from me. If it’s not Eversley, then what is it?”

“Oh, that,” she said surprised by his perception.

His eyes narrowed. “Yes,
that
. Tell me, Esme. What is it?”

She opened her mouth, then shut it again. For as much as she longed to share her hopeful suspicions with him about her possible pregnancy, she wanted it to be a happy occasion when she shared her news, not one filled with acrimony and discord.

Clearly, telling him now might end their argument, might even heal the breach between them. But only temporarily, only until the next time he decided he didn’t like the way she was behaving around another man.

“It is something I want to share with you, but not right now,” she said.

“Why not now? What is it?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not telling you, not tonight.”

“Then when?”

“When I think the time is right.”

“And when will that be?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to wait.”

He lowered his arms and stepped away, his jaw tight again. “So let me rightly understand this. You have a secret, something you’re hiding from me, but you won’t say what?”

She crossed her arms. “That’s right. You’ll just have to trust me.”

“Oh, so that’s it, is it? This is some kind of test? You can keep secrets but I’m just supposed to trust you?”

“Yes, you are. You keep secrets, and don’t claim you don’t. If you didn’t, you would have told me you’re still on speaking terms with Amanda whatever her name is—”

“Nibblehampton.”

“What?”

“Her current surname is Nibblehampton.”

“Good God.”

“Exactly.”

For a second, Esme nearly let the humor of the name overtake her. But then Gabriel continued.

“And I’m not on speaking terms with her,” he said. “She speaks to me and I try to get away.”

“Well, you obviously didn’t try hard enough the last time you communicated.”

“So I’m supposed to pour my heart out to you about everything I’ve ever done and everyone I’ve ever spoken to in my entire blasted life?”

“No, of course not. But you can’t expect me to tell you every last thing either.”

“Why not? I thought you trusted me!” he taunted.

“I do. It’s you who doesn’t trust me!” she yelled back.

Sudden silence fell between them, the clock over the mantelpiece ticking in a steady rhythm.

Only then did she realize she was trembling. She’d never had a fight with him before, not like this one. She wasn’t sure whether to scream at him again or allow
herself to give in to tears. Instead, she turned and started for the door.

“Where are you going?” he demanded.

“To bed.” She wrapped a hand around the doorframe and looked back at him. “I think you should sleep in your own room tonight.”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Oh, you do, do you?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “And there is another thing.”

“What might that be? Another
secret
?” he added mockingly.

“In a way. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I’m tired of London. I want to go home.”

His face turned pale. “You’re leaving me?”

“No,” she said softly. “I will never leave you, not the way you mean. But I need some time and I think the countryside would do me good.”
Would do us both good,
she thought, but she didn’t say the words.