Free as a Bird (4 page)

A few days after a new kid came to live at Ward 33. I watched him comin down the steps into the garden holdin some lady's hand — maybe she was his momma. He had black hair — yup, black as Mister Crow. An a nother thing — he limped. That was on account of one leg was shorder than the other. That's what made me think maybe he was Mister Crow come back pretendin to be a boy.

He was havin one of those snifflin cries. But he stopped priddy quick when he saw us kids in the yard. He came over to us an had a good look. Then he smiled right at me. I dint smile back on account of me knowin that soon he was gunna be very sad. But for the time bein he looked real inerested in everythin round him — yup, made me member the first time I came to Woodlands.

His name was Jimmy. We already had a Jimmy on Ward 33. So the uniforms called him Jimmie T an the other kid got called Jimmy P — maybe on account of he sure peed hisself a lot.

The uniforms talked to the lady while Jimmy T was busy lookin round. She wiped her eyes a lot an then after a liddle bit opened her arms an Jimmy T ran for a hug. They was both cryin somethin terrible. Jimmy T tried to follow her out the gate, but the uniform's put their hands on his shoulder an wouldn't let him go.

An jus like I thought, there was a lotta cryin an screamin that day — an it only got worse an worse. That Jimmy T was priddy strong for a liddle kid — yup, lot stronger than me. After a while they threw him in the bad kid room. Us other ones listened all night while he kicked at the door an walls.

Then Morris said, “Get the Boys up here to shut this kid up.” After that there was a liddle more ruckus — but suddenly everythin went quiet. Dunno why — but I cried after that.

We dint see Jimmy T the nex day, or the day after that neither. When he finally came in I hardly knowed it was him. No more nice boy clothes — nope, not a'tall. Instead he wore a baggy shirt that was long as his knees an big pants that bulged from the diaper he was wearin. His black hair was messy — jus like the rest of us — an his eyes was red an puffy. I knowed it was Jimmy T standin there — only it wasn't the same one no more. Nope, jus nother kid nobody wanted.

Nobody noticed him comin in the day room cept me — that's on account of em other ones was bein sleepy heads. Yup, the ones who liked to rock was rockin back an forth, back an forth. Some of the other ones was jus starin out the barred windows. An the ones who liked to watch
Days of Our Lives
on TV was havin a commercial break by their sponsors. “Tide Detergent: Look how it removes those unwanted stains and leaves everything smelling like spring.”

Jimmy T came an sat down right nex to me. I dint look at him cause I was fraid of his sadness gettin inside of me. I knowed it was a long time ago that I was eight, but I still membered feelin that way — where yer good thoughts start slipin away an you can hardly member if you was ever happy. Me an Jimmy T sat side by side for a long time. Yup, sat together till the uniform came to check on him.

“How's it going Jimmy T?” said Uniform Roy. “Just give yourself time, little buddy. You'll get used to the place.” I wondered how much time Jimmy T was gunna need, cause I'd been round for a long while an I still wasn't use to the place. The uniform patted him on the head an said, “You should come and meet some of the other little guys, Jimmy.” He meant the ones who was huddled on the floor together, suckin their thumbs an wearin diapers. Gramma taught me how to use a toilet when I was liddle. But after Mom an Harold left me in Woodlands the uniforms made me wear diapers too. That's cause it's hard not to mess yerself when yer jus liddle … an lonely … an scared all the time.

After a few days Jimmy T got back some of his old self. An priddy soon he was kickin an bittin an messin in his pants jus like the rest of us. Only he was better at gettin those uniforms mad — yup, that's cause he was more like fireworks esplodin in the sky. But if he made too much trouble the uniforms called the Boys on him. Guess that's why he hardly got to go outside with the rest of us kids.

There was one time when Jimmy T did get to go outside with us. It was the day some kids went by — not kids like us — jus reglar ones. They was walkin by at the end of the garden. We could only see their heads on account of the stone-an-meddal wall bein so high. They was lookin at us an we was lookin at them. A couple of em ran away when some of us starded to walk over to em — maybe cause they was scared. But there was this one kid — he wasn't scared. Nope, not a'tall. He crawled up on the fence so's we could see him real good.

“Watch this,” he said to his friends an then he put his thumbs in his ears an wagged his hands. “Hey, you bunch of flat-faced cauliflower ears — listen up.

Two, four, six, eight,

Keep the retards behind the gate.

Watch them shuffle, burp and fart,

Making smells right off the chart.

Crazy, dirty, stinking bunch,

Makes me want to lose my lunch.”

Then the boy started laughin so hard he fell right off the wall. Some of us was laughin too cause he was priddy funny. Cept Jimmy T dint think so. Maybe cause he dint like bein called cauliflower ears. He was bout to run down to the bottom of the garden when a uniform yanked him by the shirt an put him in a headlock.

The other uniform yelled at them kids, “Get out of here before I come down there and knock your block off.”

They all ran off, laughin an screechin like a bunch of old crows. I watched till their heads turned into liddle dots. When Jimmy T couldn't stop bein mad the uniforms had to drag him inside. Poor Jimmy T — he dint knowed lotsa people passed by like that jus so's they could stare an call us names. Can't say why they did that — they jus did.

One time I heard the uniforms callin Jimmy T a nutso. Maybe he was a crazy liddle boy, but I liked him that way. Yup, liked him a awful lot. An sides he made things interestin round Ward 33. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have had nothin else to do cept watch Maggie slap Lilly for kissin her boyfriend, Dr. Hughes, on
As the
World Turns
. Nurse Millie said Woodlands' doctors dint never get priddy ladies tryin to kiss em cause they was all “a bunch of old balding war horses — wouldn't even make good dog food.” Yup, that's what she'd say.

One mornin the uniforms was tryin to wash Jimmy T down in the tub room after he smeared hisself with custard he'd stole from the food cart. But somethin was different bout him that day. Even I had a hard time watchin him.

Poor Jimmy T — he'd been havin a lotta bad days that week. First he'd cut hisself with some broken mirror — had to get stitches on his face an his arm. Then he chipped his tooth from bangin his head on the wall. Then that mornin we could hear his angry screams all the way down the hall to the day room. Whenever one of us was actin too wild they stood us in the shower an sprayed us with the cold water hose. But that dint usually calm no one down … only made things worse.

So I guess it weren't no surprise that we could hear liddle Jimmy T screamin like the devil. But suddenly the screamin stopped and instead there was a loud crack — nope, not zackly a crack — maybe more like a thump. Whatever that sound was, it made me member the time Bernice dropped the watermelon an it split open and the cafeteria floor was covered in red.

Dint hear no more screamin after that an Jimmy T left Ward 33 on a stretcher. Later I heard Millie tellin some uniforms Jimmy T got put in the special M ward — the one with the kids who couldn't never get oudda bed. “Poor little monster,” she said. “He's a real vegetable. Won't be giving anyone any trouble now.”

After that day the uniforms stopped callin the other kid Jimmy P an nobody ever talked bout Jimmy T again.

An I figured out Jimmy T was never really Mister Crow pretendin to be a liddle boy — nope, cause Mister Crow knowed he had to be patient to get what he wanted. He knowed sometimes ya jus hadda lie low an wait for that chance when em other ones wasn't lookin. Maybe if Jimmy T had been like that he'da got what he wanted one day — an jus like Crow, he could've flied away free as a bird.

chapter 3

One mornin Millie scrubbed me all clean an gave me a priddy pink shirt with liddle flowers to wear. I liked that shirt a awful lot — yup, that's cause it made me feel like I was a pink flower too. Then she combed my hair an sprayed it with sticky stuff so it stayed put.

“Ruby Jean, your hands are a mess,” she said. “You've been scratching again, haven't you? Well, there's nothing I can do about that.”

Sometimes I scratched my hands cause I was angry. Sometimes I scratched em on account of I got the jitters. Like the night before when the new uniform dint leave a light on in the hall. But there was lotsa things that made me jittery, like amblances an too many uniforms in my room at one time. But it's the dark that gets me jittery the most.

“There now, Ruby Jean,” Millie said. “You don't look too bad. It's important that my girls look good when they go out. Right?”

I dint answer her, but I never did so she dint spect me to.

Millie took me down to the cafeteria an put a bib over me so I wouldn't mess my new shirt. Then she plunked down a tray with mushy prunes, porridge I knowed was gunna be cold, an milk I knowed was gunna be warm.

“You gave them Ruby Jean, eh?” Morris sniggered. “Mighty generous of you.”

Morris was the uniform I'd bit most — yup, more times than any of the others. Partly cause I dint like him so much — but mostly on account of all the time he tried touchin me when I was liddle. He dint come so close to me no more.

“Should be fun to see what trouble she causes them snotty, save-the-world, life-skills workers,” Morris said.

“We don't have it easy, so why should they?” Millie said.

“That's right. And it's our job to make them face facts that this bunch is no smarter than your run-of-the-mill mutt. Hell, some aren't even as smart as that.”

Millie looked at me. “Well, that's probably true for most of them. But Ruby Jean — I think maybe she's got more going on in that head of hers than she lets on. Isn't that right, Ruby Jean?”

I dint answer her. But I never talked so she dint spect me to.

“It's her unpredictable behaviour that makes her a problem — and a perfect candidate for this program.” Millie laughed.

I dint think much bout what Millie was sayin cause I was watchin Morris oudda the corner of my eye.

When I finished eatin Millie took me to the day room. Other kids were already there rockin an pacin an starin out the barred windows. Susan too. When the uniforms let me I always sat with Susan. That's cause she was my best friend. Norval Fontaine was my best friend too, but he got put downstairs when he got old. After that I only saw Norval when we was walkin outside. He always waved at me an said, “Hello, Ruby Jean. How's it goin?” I dint answer him. But I never talked so he dint spect me to.

Norval's favourite thing was watchin hockey on TV. When the Boys was round they always put the hockey games on. He told me one day he wanted to see a real-life hockey game. I sure missed Norval after he left Ward 33. That's cause he told me things — an even if I dint never tell him, Norval knowed I was listenin. He dint mind me not talkin anyways — that's on account of talkin was his second best thing to do after watchin hockey. I learnt lots of things from Norval, that's cause he could read an write a liddle an cause he'd been round Woodlands longer than anybody I knowed. He got left at Woodlands by his momma an poppa cause they was poor an cause he was a mental retard.

“They had to work hard to get enough money to look after my brothers and sisters, Ruby Jean. It wasn't their fault. After the doctor told them I was an imbecile and wouldn't amount to much, he said they should just put me in Woodlands so I wasn't a burden to the family. Sometimes my brother, Walter, comes to visit — brings me chocolate and batteries for my transister radio. And Vi always sends me cards at Christmas. Don't know what happened to little Ronnie and Elsa — I guess they're all grown up now.”

Norval liked to listen to his radio in bed at night when the uniforms were busy. “I can hear music, and sometimes there's talking about important things — I don't understand so much of it. But I was listening the day they said a man was walking on the moon. Can you believe it, Ruby Jean — a man walking on the moon? I sure would like to walk on the moon one day. Wouldn't you?”