Chapter 29
R
enee stopped by CVS Pharmacy on her way to Joel's apartment, to pick up her sleeping pills. Her mother had dropped off the prescription the day before. Luckily the medicine was ready for pickup because Renee wasn't in any kind of mood to wait. This wasn't the first time she had experienced anxiety and dramatic mood swings. For years she refused to go on antidepressants. Now she really needed a psychiatrist and some antipsychotic drugs, but she and her mother convinced her internal medicine doctor that she would be fine if she just got some sleep. Although the doctor knew Renee and her mother were in serious denial, he still followed their wishes.
Renee was on edge and hadn't slept in almost three days. Somehow she still felt revved up. The slightest thing made her irritable, like the stupid people around her complaining about the hot weather. Renee was in the middle of what she considered a really bad anxiety attack and the customers around her noticed the crazed expression that was plastered on her face, a mixture of shock and fear. Her heart seemed to beat out of control. Her chest felt tight and she had a hard time controlling her breathing. She couldn't think straight. She knew what she wanted to do, but there were just too many ideas in her head trying to surface at the same time. She wanted to go see Joel and go see her family. Something inside was telling her to go get a glass of ice water because she was dehydrated. McDonald's golden arches kept flashing in her mind, but her appetite was completely gone. Renee's stomach felt like it was filled with a million butterflies. The music that played over the intercom system seemed a lot louder than usual. She had a headache and kept feeling strange bursts of mental energyâcrazy energy. It made her so anxious that she felt like she could break out into a high impact aerobic workout, do a tap dance routine, break through a brick wall and still have enough momentum left to run all the way home. She just wanted to take enough pills to finally get some sleep.
A few minutes later she got the pills and left the pharmacy. As she drove along the road she came to a red light. Out of nowhere she was struck by a strong urge to go through the red light and just plow right into oncoming traffic. She thought about driving her Escalade over the side of the closest bridge. Living felt painful and dying seemed peaceful. Everything was just so loud in her head and there was nothing she could do to settle things down.
Renee reached into her CVS bag and took out her pill bottle. She popped a couple of sleeping pills in her mouth and swallowed them down. She took one more and then another. The usual dose was one 10-milligram pill per twenty-four hours. When Renee reached Joel's development she parked two buildings down from his so he wouldn't notice her Escalade. She laughed to herself because she knew that nothing was going to stop her from getting inside of Joel's apartment. She had an extra key that Joel didn't know she kept in her change purse. As she made her way up to the front door she noticed Joel's nosey neighbor Ms. Benson exiting the building.
Ms. Benson recognized Renee right away. She liked Renee because she saw her as a troublemaker and a great source for gossip. In a lively voice Ms. Benson said, “Hey, honey. How are you doing?”
Renee gave her a strange look and said, “I'm fine.”
Ms. Benson squinted and said, “You don't look fine.”
Offended, Renee replied, “Well, neither do you.”
Ms. Benson took Renee's response as a joke. “Aw, I'm up in age now, that's my excuse.” She paused for a moment and then she realized that something really was wrong with Renee. She didn't know what to say next and asked, “You and Joel back together?”
Renee lied easier than she told the truth and this time was no exception. “Yeah, I'm back for good now.”
“You know he's been running around with those two girls from upstairs.”
With anger in her voice and in her eyes Renee said, “They're just friends.”
Ms. Benson laughed and said, “Oh, you think so, huh? Those three are a lot more than friends. I heard they were having a threesome. Those girls been sleeping over there with him since the new one came home on Friday.”
Renee snapped, “I don't care. Can you please leave me alone so I can go up to my apartment?”
“Well, I'm sorry. You go right ahead and take it easy ... get some rest.”
Renee kept walking and ignored anything else that may have come out of Ms. Benson's big mouth. She entered Joel's apartment without any difficulty. Right away she noticed how neat and clean his place was. She headed straight to Joel's bedroom so she could search through his personal belongings. The closet was her first stop. For some reason she checked all of his pants, shorts, shirts, and coat pockets and came up with nothing. The top shelf of the closet was lined with shoe boxes. Some contained shoes, while others contained paperwork. She pulled down the boxes and carelessly dumped their contents all over the place. Nothing was off limits. She looked under Joel's mattress and under his bed. When Renee didn't find anything significant she searched through his dresser drawers. Joel had cash tucked away in his underwear drawer and deep in the back of the drawer she found the note he had written in his classroom, titled “Free-flowin' Thoughts.” Wrapped up inside the note was her one-and-a-half-carat diamond ring. She put the ring on her finger, but instead of putting it on her right hand she wore it on her left ring finger like an engagement ring. She sat on the floor and read Joel's note. His words touched her and the next thing she knew her tears had fallen onto the paper. They soaked into the paper's surface, making it easier for her to tear the paper into hundreds of tiny pieces that she tossed in the air like confetti.
Renee got up off the floor and turned on Joel's television. As soon as it came on she turned to a music video. She started dancing and jumping up and down on Joel's bed like she had completely lost her mind. All of a sudden Renee was struck by the urge to burn everything in sight like Lisa “Lefteye” Lopez did to Andre Rison's mansion. But Renee didn't want to risk the lives of the innocent people who lived in the building. She thought that vandalizing Joel's entire apartment would be more than sufficient. She began by kicking the lamps off of the nightstand. Renee wiped the dresser's surface clean with her hand, knocking Joel's little sculptures and designer cologne bottles to the floor. She punched holes in his painting and pulled down his wall-mounted flat-screen TV. She made her way out to the living room to break, crush and smash everything in sight. The other wall-mounted TV had to come down too.
Renee looked under Joel's kitchen sink and pulled out a gallon bottle of Clorox bleach and doused everything in sight, including most of Joel's clothes. She grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen and sliced Joel's leather furniture to shreds. She vandalized the entire apartment.
On her way back to Joel's bedroom Renee stopped in the kitchen one more time and took out a bottle of wine that had been chilling in the refrigerator.
She sat on Joel's bed gulping down wine when she noticed two duffel bags sitting in the corner of the room near one of Joel's nightstands. She opened them and figured that they must belong to Joel's two girlfriends. These were their overnight bags. Renee dumped their contents into one big pile. One bag had a few sex toys inside. Renee wondered what kind of freaky shit the girls were into. They had all types of lubricants, condoms and massage oils. Renee flipped the lid open on one of their bottles of body wash, took a sniff and instantly fell in love with the fragrance. She began to undress and headed to the shower with the body wash in hand. About ten minutes later she got out of the shower and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She studied her appearance for a while. Renee was alarmed by what she saw. It didn't take a genius to see that she looked insane. She was even more alarmed by what she had done to Joel's apartment. In a moment of clarity, she realized that he didn't deserve that.
She picked up her pill bottle and started taking a few more pills. With each pill and every gulp of wine she began to feel better and better. She eventually pulled back the covers on Joel's bed and climbed inside. She felt right at home and enjoyed the comfort of his bed. Renee felt so much better that she began to wish that Joel was there in bed with her.
Chapter 30
M
rs. Davis served a lavish and soulful spread that included her famous crispy fried chicken and mouth-watering buttery biscuits. On the side she had collard greens that were seasoned to perfection with smoked turkey, and potato salad with an even blend of chunkiness, creaminess and flavor. Joel and the girls had the ultimate pleasure of eating the cheesiest macaroni and cheese casserole in Baltimore. All of that was followed by delicious deep dark chocolate layer cake for dessert.
After dinner they sat in the living room relaxing with Mrs. Davis. They sat on her brown microfiber sectional looking through old photo albums and talking about the past. The atmosphere was pretty relaxed. Their laughter mixed with the classic gospel sounds of Reverend James Cleveland playing in the background. Joel was sandwiched between Erin and Kenya and his mother sat slightly catercornered on Erin's right side. Joel loved that Erin and Kenya appeared to be getting along so well with his mother. On the other hand, Mrs. Davis had a problem sharing her son's attention. She felt that she couldn't compete with Erin and Kenya at all. It was obvious that they had completely won her son over.
Mrs. Davis showed Erin and Kenya a Christmas family portrait of herself, her husband and her two boys. She said, “That's me and Joel along with his brother and father.”
Erin said, “Hold on, I didn't know Joel had a brother.”
Kenya added, “Neither did I.”
Joel put on a cheap smile and said, “Oh, that's Shawn. I thought I told y'all about him.”
Erin asked, “Where's Shawn now?”
Kenya asked, “And where's your father?”
Mrs. Davis felt the need to speak up. “Mr. Davis just isn't home right now. And Shawn would have been here, but he thinks Joel is ashamed of him.”
Joel spoke up quickly. “That's not true. I love my brother. I've never been ashamed of him.”
Mrs. Davis said, “Is that why you talk about him so much?”
Everyone in the room sensed the awkwardness of the moment.
“Ma, stop ... please.” Joel had a photo album on his lap and felt the need to redirect everyone's attention. He pointed to a picture and said, “This was my first school portrait from kindergarten. Look at my nervous half-smile. I'll never forget that day. I was in the gymnasium with hundreds of noisy kids.”
Kenya said, “This picture is so cute.”
Erin said, “Yeah, you were cute in this picture, Joel. I have a picture with this same background. More than likely we were in the gym together and had no idea how many times our paths would cross in the future.”
Joel replied, “That's funny. I wish we had been friends back then.”
Erin smiled and said, “I know.”
They kissed.
Kenya let out a fake laugh and said, “Wow, I know y'all aren't gonna sit here kissing and getting all mushy in front of Mrs. Davis.”
Joel said, “My mother doesn't mind. From now on, each and every picture deserves a kiss.”
Erin said, “That's fine with me. I think Kenya just wants a kiss too.”
“Awww, does Kenya need a kiss too?” Joel said in a silly voice as he kissed her on her right cheek.
Kenya blushed and said, “Stop acting like this in front of Mrs. Davis.” She looked at Joel's mother and asked, “You don't wanna see your son act like that, do you?”
Mrs. Davis made an uncomfortable face, shrugged and said, “I don't know. Don't pay me any attention. I'm just like a piece of furniture ... just sitting here.”
Actually she was doing a lot more than just sitting there. She watched closely how the three interacted with each other. What Joel didn't realize was that his mother sensed something out of the ordinary hidden under the superficial front they put up to disguise the truth. She knew that something wasn't quite right about the three of them being together so often and becoming such good friends in such a short amount of time. Being the same age and having common interests didn't make people act the way these three acted. There was a whole lot more going on. Mrs. Davis was trying her best to figure out the dynamics of their relationship and was determined to have an answer at some point before they walked out of her front door.
Joel gave himself away easily with his words and actions. Erin and Kenya's body language gave them away and also their expressive silent movie actress type of eyes. Mrs. Davis was observant enough to notice Erin and Kenya giving Joel the same adoring gazes that captured the appearance of being in love. Joel and Erin were supposed to be a couple, but Kenya seemed to be caught up in Joel's personal space quite often and nobody seemed to have a problem with it.
Mrs. Davis was jealous of the three of them. Their lives were just beginning and hers was in serious jeopardy of ending because of two malignant one-centimeter lumps in her left breast. She envied the fact that they were young and unstoppable. She studied Erin and Kenya's beautiful, smooth and supple skin.
With their gorgeous facial features and even more gorgeous bodies, the world was theirs to do whatever they wanted. It was so clear that her son would give the girls whatever they desired. Mrs. Davis felt like she had lost Joel, and she didn't like where he was headed.
Mrs. Davis grabbed Joel by his hand and said, “We need to talk. Can you two please excuse us for a few minutes? You're welcome to go to the kitchen and make plates to take home. Help yourselves and take as much as you'd like.”
Kenya said, “Thank you. I was hoping we could take food home, but I was ashamed to ask.”
Erin laughed and said, “Me too. Thank you so much, Mrs. Davis.”
Erin and Kenya got up and headed to the kitchen.
Joel looked at his mother and asked, “What's wrong?”
“I'm worried about you and those girls.”
“Huh? What's wrong with us?”
“I know what you're involved in. Are you sleeping with both of them?”
“Ma?”
“If you haven't, I know it's just a matter of time. Believe what I'm telling you.” She looked at Joel and cut him off before he could open his mouth. “Don't say anything else because I don't like you lying to me. And I don't like what you're doing with your life. You weren't raised like this. I don't approve of it at all. I want you to know something else, too ... God doesn't approve of it. There's something real strange about those girls. I know what it is, but I'm not even gonna go there. If you keep up what you're doing you're going straight to hell. That's all I have to say.”
“Good, because I think you've said more than enough. I've never disrespected you and I don't wanna start now. So, I think we better go.”
“That's fine with me.”
Joel hid his emotions. He headed to the kitchen to get Erin and Kenya while his mother sat on her sofa, sulking. She had her head buried in one hand and pounded the sofa with the other. She wondered if she had done the right thing. Her righteous mind quickly reassured her troubled heart that she had done the right thing even if it meant hurting her son.
Mrs. Davis quickly hid her emotions as Erin and Kenya emerged from the kitchen, smiling from ear to ear, carrying plates loaded with food. Joel didn't want to take his mother's food. In fact, he didn't want to take anything else she had to offer. He had had more than enough from her.
Erin gave Mrs. Davis a hug and said, “Thanks again for everything, Mrs. Davis. The food was delicious.” She paused for a second and then said, “I really admire you.”
Kenya walked over to Mrs. Davis and gave her a hug and said, “And I think that you're such a beautiful person.”
Erin added, “You're the type of woman we hope to become one day.”
Their kind words broke through her bitterness. Mrs. Davis manufactured a smile and struggled to keep her emotions intact. She had so much weighing on her that she just wanted to fold under the pressure, but her faith was too strong to let that happen.
Joel gave his mother a hug and a kiss on her cheek. He said, “Thanks Ma, I'll see you in the morning.”
Just that fast it seemed as if Joel had completely forgiven his mother. He remembered the stress that she was forced to deal withâher husband's infidelity and recent departure, being newly diagnosed with breast cancer, and the burden taking care of her drug-addicted son and his girlfriend.
At that moment Mrs. Davis felt so bad that she wanted to take back at least half of the hurtful things she had said to Joel, but didn't say a word. She simply stood in her doorway and watched Joel open the doors of his Jeep Cherokee for Erin and Kenya. She thought it was strange that Kenya was sitting up front with Joel. Then of course she thought the whole concept of a threesome was strange and incomprehensible.