Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories (24 page)

Luke
replied, "They forced us to come here! They've got that huge metal
automaton."

"I'm
not afraid of it. Get over here with us."

He
addressed me. "At least I don't have to go looking for you now."

Tommy
asked, "What are you going to do with her?"

"When
we get through with her and her companions, everyone will think the monsters
did it. We'll even leave one of those strange pistols near their dead
bodies."

Tommy
spoke up. "Squire, we can't be a part of this. We don't hurt people."

"You
useless cowards! If you aren't going to help, stay out of my way."

Gary
said, "I rather like Miss Kelly as she is, even if she did hit me with a
mallet... twice."

Luke
added, "If you had told us who we were supposed to be scaring, we'd have
known to keep our heads down."

"What
are you idiots talking about? She's just some nosy woman who's about to be
taught a lesson, permanently."

Tommy
replied, "You are mistaken. She is a world-class sharpshooter. Don't you
read the papers? She's fought alongside the British and Dutch armies and now
she's here with the Royal Navy."

"She's
not shooting anyone as long as we have her friends... Yes, we grabbed them
after services. Roger, bring out our lovely guests."

One
man went back to the wagon and brought my friends out, shoving them with his
cane as he felt like when they slowed. They looked like they had been in a
fight; and lost.

I
was unsure now. Gerald would want me to negotiate a peaceful solution. Jim
Anderson would have had both guns out and resolved the situation already. The
gun on the Clover would have allowed me to pin them to the cottage wall by
their shirt cuffs. They were too far for me to shoot with my pistol and too
many for my rifle. I looked at Bradan and an idea formed. I said, "Time to
test the alarm."

Felix
had installed the steam whistle a month ago. It was high-pitched and upset all
the dogs who heard it. We only tested it at a low volume then. I wasn't sure
how loud it will go. Bradan sounded the whistle loudly now and the sound it
made was near deafening.

Three
of my friends used the distraction to break free of the men holding them and
they ran behind us. The man next to the squire was too strong for Sheela
though. I waved at Bradan and he stopped the whistle.

"That
was a nice trick, but I still have one of your friends." He grabbed Sheela
by her wrist and pulled her away from the other man. He put his pistol to her
head and said, "I'm going to ride out of this god-forsaken place with her.
You try to stop us and I'll kill her."

I
asked, "Isn't there some way we can compromise and settle this
peacefully?"

"Yes,
there is. You all just stand where you are until I send this pretty little one
back to you in the morning."

The
Captain said, "That's hardly what I call a compromise."

"Any
thoughts you have where I don't leave here a free man, you can forget. Believe
me when I say that I will shoot her."

I
called back "What are you waiting for?"

He
replied, "What? Do you want me to kill her?"

I
responded, "I'm not talking to you."

It
seemed like the world slowed down for a few seconds. Sheela grabbed the
squire's wrist and squeezed. He dropped his pistol. She grabbed his elbow with
her other hand and locked his arm straight out. With very little pressure, she
forced his head down to the ground.

The
squire's men saw him being humiliated by a woman and decided to run away. It
shows that with people as with jeebees, once you deal with the leader, the rest
stop making trouble.

I
looked at the Captain. "Sheela teaches classes to women on how to defend
themselves."

I
looked back to my other three friends and offered what little consolation I
could. I had no idea that they could come to any harm on this assignment.

The
Captain asked, "What do we do with those miscreants?"

"We
can give that one to the constables. I don't think scaring people is a crime,
but kidnapping my friends and threatening to kill them is."

We
walked over to Sheela. She still had the squire eating dirt.

I
said, "Squire, I'd like to introduce you to Captain Plumer."

She
pushed on his elbow a bit.

"Ow!"

I
addressed the Captain, "The squire said 'He is pleased to meet you as you
will be able to ease his pain'."

The
squire said, "God damn! Make her stop!"

"Such
appalling manners. Do you have any questions for the prisoner, Captain?"

"I
sent two men out to watch over the ladies. What did you do to them?"

"Those
two were sheep. We stripped and shaved them head to toe. Then we locked them in
with the rest of the lambs at the Burdon's farm."

I
asked Sheela, "If I remember your class, all you have to do is put one
foot on his back to tear his arm out of its socket. Is that correct?"

She
gave me a wicked grin. "If the Captain would like, I can demonstrate how
it's done."

He
begged, "Please get her away from me. I surrender."

I
said, "Let's talk about monsters first, and I don't mean you. Tell me how
many there were, how you managed to kill them, and where you put their bodies
and weapons."

When
we returned to our airships, Bradan was carrying a burlap bag filled with
jeebee pistols and I had all the answers I needed. I told Reginald we were
finished here and could leave whenever the navy allowed it.

Darina
asked, "What was this all about?"

I
said, "The jeebees came here looking for something. The squire and his men
killed them. He figured he could scare off the families he didn't like by
having guys pretend to be jeebees. He promised to protect the ones he liked so
they would stay. It worked until we came along and looked close at the
disappearances. He panicked and tried to scare me away. Then he abducted you
hoping to get rid of us all."

Bevin
said, "So we can go home now? It's not that we didn't enjoy most of the
trip, but your work can be dangerous."

I
said, "We'll see tomorrow."

Captain
Plumer knocked on our door while we were having breakfast. I invited him in and
offered him a plate.

"You
may want to hear what my latest telegram states before you invite me to sit at
your table," he said.

"How
bad could it be?" I asked.

"Wasting
no words, it states we are to escort your airship directly back to its hangar
immediately."

"That's
really good news. As you know, we have completed our assignment. We don't have
to walk home and should we encounter any pirates, we have the navy to defend
us. 'Tis not so good for Reginald as he will have to fly back to London
tomorrow on those cramped commercial flights with barely adequate meals."

Reginald
said, "They aren't as bad as you make them out to be. They just don't
compare well with the Clover."

I
said, "Captain, will you please sit down and share breakfast with
us?"

He
sat down and I filled his plate. "Is there any business you must put in
order before we leave?" he asked between mouthfuls.

Bevin
said, "Oh. We need to return the wagon and horses that I borrowed."

Reginald
said, "I arranged for that already."

The
rest of the meal went just like any other with the men grabbing for what was
left on the serving platter before someone else could. I assured them that I
could make more if they were hungry, but that didn't seem to be the issue. It
was some kind of contest between them to get the last morsel. I grabbed Ethan
by his collar and pulled him back. I said, "'Tis your turn to help with
the cleanup."

We
finished the washing, drying, and stowing quickly. We were all on board except
Bradan and Asher. They untied the mooring lines and removed the posts while
Ethan kept the Clover from drifting. When they were safely aboard, we ascended
to what Ethan referred to as cruising altitude. Asher pointed us Southwest
towards home and we waited for the navy ship to get in line behind us. This
trip was more interesting than when we were towed as we had the better view.
The navy pilots would have to settle for looking at our aft end for a few
hours.

My
friends coerced Ethan into continuing their Morse code lessons and I went up to
my suite. Reginald knocked on my door, saying he was bored in the sitting room.
I invited him in and we sat quietly watching the clouds go past for a while.

"I'm
sorry we couldn't drop you off on our way home," I said.

"That
is okay. Captain Plumer has offered me a ride as far as Dublin. I'll spend a
quiet evening writing up my report and fly out at daybreak."

That
was all we had to say. After a long spell, Darina ran up the stairs and to my
suite. "You two have to come and see this! There is a pirate ship off of
our... starboard side."

Reginald
bolted away. Having seen a pirate ship before, I wasn't in a hurry to see
another one. Both pilots were back at the controls when I reached the sitting
room. I asked, "What is on their flag?"

Sheela
had the telescope and replied, "It is a black flag with what look like a
white skull followed by two sabres."

I
addressed Ethan, "Does the ship design look familiar?"

He
said, "Yes, I am sure it is them."

"Then
I suggest you get back on the Aldis lamp and wish them a safe and prosperous
voyage. The last thing I want is to be in the middle of a conflict when we are
so close to home."

Ethan
worked the lamp for a minute. The reply came quickly. He said, "They offered
to help deal with the navy ship."

I
laughed for a bit. When I regained control I said, "Tell them I will deal
with the navy and if they can return near sundown, I will make good on my
promise to share drink and stories."

My
friends got excited when they heard that, all of them talking at once about
being able to meet real pirates.

Reginald
said, "Why do you think they are flying here?"

I
replied, "The skies along the Eastern shore of England belong to me now.
They had to claim skies of their own."

Asher
said, "We are almost to the hangar. We'll need to float above it until
Benjamin can arrange to pull us in."

I
smiled and looked behind us. "I think we have enough manpower available to
get us inside. They need to land anyway to pick up their passenger."

This
was a simple process. Benjamin showed us how to open the rear doors of the
hangar. The pilots lined the Clover up and everyone helped pull it in. I saw
now why they didn't want to fly it out of the hangar as a gust of wind could
easily blow it into the walls.

Reginald
accepted his trunk from Bradan and boarded the navy ship with the sailors.
Captain Plumer boarded last. We waved as they left us.

I
said, "If one of you could ride to my house and bring back the short wagon
that Felix built, I'd appreciate it... But whatever you say, do not let my
father know we are having drinks with pirates lest my feet never leave the
ground again."

End

It helps to know
where to go.

I
hadn't heard anything about jeebees for months, but I'd gotten accustomed to
wearing my pistol when I went into town. My friends thought I was acting
paranoid. I probably was. I didn't feel safe today. Bradan was standing watch
over me as always. I would have felt safer if he had a Gatling gun mounted on
his back.

I
saw Felix strolling along and I called to him. "Good afternoon."

It
looked as if I had disturbed him but he replied after a moment. "A fine
afternoon to you too."

"Have
I told you how much I appreciate you installing the new spring in my watch? It
keeps perfect time now."

"Yes,
you thank me every time you want me to do something else for you."

"Now
that you mention it, I could use a small favour."

"I've
been involved in your adventures, and it's safer if I say 'no'. Mary would appreciate
it as well."

"I'm
not inviting you on an adventure. I'd just like you to make sure I come back
from mine."

"That's
a rather vague request."

"I'm
haven't gotten to asking the favour yet."

"How
much longer until we get there?"

"First,
I want to know what you've heard about my airship."

"I've
heard your girlfriends were almost killed while on an adventure with you last
year and my ribs still hurt when it rains."

"I'm
sorry about your ribs. May I remind you that I wasn't the one playing God when
your invention flew apart."

"Okay,
I admit I got excited."

"Anyway,
I'd like you to walk through the Clover. People keep changing things without
telling me. I don't want any surprises the next time I take her out."

"Where
is it docked?"

"She's
in the new hangar next to the railway station."

"You're
kidding. They built you a hangar for it? Next thing you'll be telling me is
they left the railway gun installed."

"They
did. Those were both surprises to me too. The latest surprise is the entire
balloon can light up a bright orange."

"I
have to work hard to acquire the best gadgets. They simply give them to you and
you don't want them."

"'Tis
not that I don't want them."

"Then
what is it?"

"I
feel like I am losing control of my life. The pirate captain said something
about my destiny. Is everything I do pre-ordained?"

"That
is a question you should have asked this morning at services."

"Anyway,
will you take a good look at the Clover for me?"

"I
will look. I won't add or change anything without your permission. Will that
make you happy?"

"It
will make me feel better than I do now... I will arrange it with the guard.
When can you do it?"

"Give
me a few days. I am working on something fantastic now. Would you like to see
it?"

"How
can I refuse?"

"You
can't."

His
house was just a mile further. I noticed that Bradan was getting noisy again.
That meant he needed the grease replaced in his gears and joints. I would have
to have him checked by an engineer at the train station this week. We passed
Mary going the other way. She said she was going to visit with my mother. Since
Felix wanted to show me something new, she'd be safer there.

"So
tell me what labour-saving device you have come up with this time."

"Nothing
of the sort. I want to show you my time viewer."

"I
can already view time. I just look at my pocket watch. The wheel goes back and
forth and I can even see one of the gears move."

"But
can you see what was South of my house over 100 years ago?"

"I
cannot. Why would I want to? Did something interesting happen then?"

"We
won't know until we look."

"Where
did you get the idea for this?"

He
said, "It came to me while fishing."

"You
came up with all of this one day while fishing? Did you catch anything other
than this idea?"

"No,
the fish were not biting that day."

"So,
while the fish were busy ignoring you and your bait, you decided you wanted to
see what was growing behind your house a century ago."

"That's
not how it happened! Why did I even invite you here?"

"Because
everyone else is not as gullible as I am? Or is it that they are smarter than I
am?" That managed to get a short laugh while I just smiled at him.

"Anyway,
I was letting out my line and thinking about how time just seems to go the one
direction, away from us. Wouldn't it be useful if we could reel time in and see
what happened earlier?”

"Sounds
interesting"

"Well,
I got to looking at the spool of fishing line and how it was wound. And you
know that clocks are wound too. I was thinking that it might be possible to
wind time backwards."

"When
I wind my watch, time does not go backwards."

"You
can't just wind and unwind a clock to get that to happen. It takes a lot more
work."

"So
you built something to do the work for you?"

"Let
me show it to you."

He
had a table with a top that was tilted forward. Fastened to it were an
assortment of dials, knobs, gauges, and other parts. On the left side of it was
a tall panel with more gauges and some displays with numbers similar to what
Bradan used. I saw wires and tubes coming out of its back and trailing on the
floor at least twenty feet to the left ending at a huge copper ring that was
about eight feet around.

"This
looks familiar. I'm sure I have seen something like this."

"I
doubt you have seen a time viewer before now."

"Anyway,
it takes all of this to wind your fishing line?"

"You
can't see into past with something the size of a looking glass. The past is a
big place and needs something big to see it all."

"That
didn't make much sense. What is that floating in front of the circle?"

"Oh,
that is dispersed flour."

I
remembered the mess his automatic whisk had caused. It had taken a week to get
the flour out of all the corners. "You have got to be joking."

"Yes,
I am. The mist is created by forcing water at high pressure out of pipes with
pin-sized holes in them. That is where you can look back in time. An image
appears in the mist similar to a magic lantern show."

"Why
not use a white wall to show it?"

"It
doesn't work like that. It needs a large copper ring, which I call 'a porthole
to the past'."

"Can
it show me where the earring that I dropped last week is?"

"Only
if we bring it all to your house."

"You
need a smaller version that the great detectives can carry in one hand like a
magnifying glass and use to solve crimes."

"It's
like my anti-flood device. It has to be just the right size."

"Speaking
of water, can it show me if it will rain tomorrow?"

"No,
it can't show the future. It can show you if it rained the day you were born
though."

"Okay,
let's see it work. How will I know 'tis the right date?"

"You
can either count sunsets as we go back or trust that the date shown on that
display is correct. I am proud of that display. I got the idea from your
mechanical friend and then found out it had already been invented a hundred
years ago."

He
started it and the mist lit up. I saw through the wall as if it wasn't there. I
said, "You could use this to see inside things or through walls too."

He
turned a knob and the mist got lighter, and then darker, and then the stars
came out. The stars slowly moved in the sky. They lined up and became a spiral
that spun inside the circle. "Felix, is it supposed to do that?"

"No,
it is not! It should be showing yesterday afternoon."

The
stars changed to boxes and then the boxes changed to an assortment of bright
colours. It was like a kaleidoscope. The boxes thinned into lines, and then the
lines merged together, and then the mist turned a bright red.

Something
stepped out of the mist. My first thought was that it was a jeebee. I hid
behind a table and motioned for Felix to hide too. The thing only had two arms
and two legs though. It was shaped like a woman, but had something like a
fishbowl or globe for a head. Arriving out of the mist after her was some kind
of box-shaped thing on wheels. It moved to her right side and stopped.

I
took a long breath. I didn't realise I had been holding it. I checked out our
guest. She was wearing a tight-fitting one-piece outfit that looked like a
full-body corset. It was a dark shade of red violet or burgundy that was shiny
like metal and was gold at the seams. Her boots went up to her knees and must
have had three-inch heels. She grabbed the globe and lifted it off revealing
that she was a normal person who had been wearing some kind of round helmet.
She looked to be about my age, and she had chin-length brown hair.

She
went over to the panel and inspected the gauges. We came out of hiding. Felix
said, "This is not good. She can't be here."

"Why
not?" I asked.

"She's
not from here or now. Her being here tangles the lines."

She
asked, "Where is here and when is now?"

"Umm,
Ireland 1884," Felix said. "Now you need to go back where you came
from before something catastrophic happens."

I
turned to our guest. "Hello. My name is Fianna and the mad scientist is my
cousin Felix."

"My
name is Gwendoline. My friends call me Gwen. I'm the world's first chrononaut
and I'd like to stay a little bit."

"I
would like to be your friend. Felix would too, but he is having difficulty
being friendly just now."

Felix
said, "How about I give you a souvenir to take home?"

She
ignored him and pointed to the panel. "This shows the year I came from,
2348, but these three that should show the location are all zero."

Felix
said, "It's not supposed to show anywhere but here and the years are not
meant to go over 1884. You really should go as I'm not sure how long it will
keep working this way."

She
said, "The guys at the centre said they were so lucky that they found a
compatible receiving device. Otherwise, we would have only been able to look
into the past. The two machines are now perfectly synchronised and will stay
connected unless disturbed."

I
thought about what she just said. It was one of those comments just tempting
fate to ruin things. The one I was most familiar with was: 'We will go to the
beach tomorrow... if it doesn't rain.' and I honestly thought leaving the last
part unspoken was a good idea. I was sure that mentioning the machines could be
disturbed was sure to bring it about.

As
I feared, three jeebees ran out of the porthole. They looked around for a
moment and then they started shooting. Before I could warn Gwen, two of them
shot her in the side. It didn't appear to affect her in the slightest, but
sparks travelled along her outfit and into the panel. She turned and shot all
three of them as the panel caught on fire beside her. I hadn't noticed that she
wore a pistol on her belt until now.

I
shouted, "Felix, your time viewer is turning into another mess! What do
you have to put out fires?"

"Not
again! It is ruined!" he replied as he grabbed a bucket of sand and tossed
it at the panel. The fire dwindled down to nothing but embers.

Gwen
moved away from the panel to inspect the jeebees and her trunk rolled over to
her right side and stopped.

"Is
that an automaton?" I asked

"No,
just my luggage."

"It
follows you around?"

"Technically,
there are beacons in my boots that it tracks.

Felix
suddenly realised there was something new in his lab. "That is
fascinating. May I take a closer look?"

"You
can look, but be careful where you touch him," Gwen said.

"Your
luggage is male?"

"Of
course. They all are."

"Is
this Tease Felix Day? I didn't see it on my calendar."

I
replied, "Every day is Tease Felix Day; all day."

"I
don't know why I even bother."

"Gwen,
let's talk outside. It smells like dead jeebees here and that makes me sick to
my stomach."

"What
is a jeebee?"

"Jeebees
are what you just shot. They are vile, nasty creatures and if you hadn't shot
them I would have."

"It
was just instinct to shoot back at those firing at me."

"We
thank you for your instincts."