Exercises in Style (4 page)

recision

In a bus of the S-line, 10 metres long, 3 wide, 6 high, at 3 km. 600 m.
from its starting point, loaded with 48 people, at 12.17 p.m., a person of the masculine
sex aged 27 years 3 months and 8 days, 1 m. 72 cm. tall and weighing 65 kg. and wearing
a hat 35 cm. in height round the crown of which was a ribbon 60 cm. long, interpellated
a man aged 48 years 4 months and 3 days, 1 m. 68 cm. tall and weighing 77 kg., by means
of 14 words whose enunciation lasted 5 seconds and which alluded to some involuntary
displacements of from 15 to 20 mm. Then he went and sat down about 1 m. 10 cm. away.

57 minutes later he was 10 metres away from the
suburban entrance to the gare Saint-Lazare and was walking up and down over a distance
of 30 m. with a friend aged 28, 1 m. 70 cm. tall and weighing 71 kg. who advised him in
15 words to move by 5 cm. in the direction of the zenith a button which was 3 cm. in
diameter.

he subjective side

I was not displeased with my attire this day. I was inaugurating a new,
rather sprightly hat, and an overcoat of which I thought most highly. Met X in front of
the gare Saint-Lazare who tried to spoil my pleasure by trying to prove that this
overcoat is cut too low at the lapels and that I ought to have an extra button on it. At
least he didn’t dare attack my headgear.

A bit earlier I had roundly told off a vulgar type who was purposely
ill-treating me every time anyone went by getting off or on. This happened in one of
those unspeakably foul
omnibi which fill up with hoi polloi
precisely at those times when I have to consent to use them.

nother subjectivity

Next to me on the bus platform today there was one of those half-baked young fellows, you don’t find so many of them these days, thank God, otherwise I should end up by killing one. This particular one, a brat of something like 26 or 30, irritated me particularly not so much because of his great long feather-less-turkey’s neck as because of the nature of the ribbon round his hat, a ribbon which wasn’t much more than a sort of maroon-coloured string. Dirty beast! He absolutely disgusted me! As there were a lot of people in our bus at that hour I took advantage of all the pushing and shoving there is every time
anyone gets on or off to dig him in the ribs with my elbow. In the end he took to his heels, the milksop, before I could make up my mind to tread on his dogs to teach him a lesson. I could also have told him, just to annoy him, that he needed another button on his overcoat which was cut too low at the lapels.

arrative

One day at about midday in the Pare Monceau district, on the back platform of a more or less full S bus (now No. 84), I observed a person with a very long neck who was wearing a felt hat which had a plaited cord round it instead of a ribbon. This individual suddenly addressed the man standing next to him, accusing him of purposely treading on his toes every time any passengers got on or off. However he quickly abandoned the dispute and threw himself on to a seat which had become vacant.

Two hours later I saw him in front of the gare Saint-Lazare engaged in earnest conversation
with a friend who was advising him to reduce the space between the lapels of his overcoat by getting a competent tailor to raise the top button.

I was plat-bus-forming co-massitudinarily in a lutetio-meridional
space-time and I was neighbouring a longisthmusical plaitroundthehatted greenhorn. Who
said to a mediocranon: “You’re jostleseeming me.” Having ejaculated
this he freeplaced himself voraciously. In a posterior spatio-temporality I saw him
again; he was saint-lazaresquaring with an X who was saying: “You ought to
buttonsupplement your overcoat.” And he whyexplained him.

egativities

It was neither a boat, nor an aeroplane, but a terrestrial means of transport. It was neither the morning, nor the evening, but midday. It was neither a baby, nor an old man, but a young man. It was neither a ribbon, nor a string, but a plaited cord. It was neither a procession, nor a brawl, but a scuffle. It was neither a pleasant person, nor an evil person, but a bad-tempered person. It was neither a truth, nor a lie, but a pretext. It was neither a standing person, nor a recumbent person, but a would-be-seated person.

It was neither the day before, nor the day after,
but the same day. It was neither the gare du Nord, nor the gare du P.-L.-M. but the gare Saint-Lazare. It was neither a relation, nor a stranger, but a friend. It was neither insult, nor ridicule, but sartorial advice.

nimism

A soft, brown hat with a dent in his middle, his brim turned down, a plaited cord round his crown, one hat among many others, jumping only when the bumps in the road were transmitted to him by the wheels of the automobile vehicle which was transporting him (the hat). At each stop the comings and goings of the passengers caused him to make certain lateral movements which at times were fairly pronounced, and this ended by angering him (the hat). He expressed his ire by the intermediary of a human voice which was attached to him by a mass of flesh structurally disposed round a sort of bony sphere perforated by a
few holes, which was situated below him (the hat). Then he (the hat) suddenly went and sat down.

One or two hours later I saw him (the hat) again, moving about at roughly Im. 66cm. above the ground and up and down in front of the gare Saint-Lazare. A friend was advising him to an extra button put on his overcoat . . . an extra button . . . on his overcoat . . . to tell him that . . . him . . . (the hat).

nagrams

In het S sub in het hurs hour a pach of tabou swinettyx, who had a glon,
hint cken and a tah mmitred with a droc instead of a borbin, had an urmagent with
athrone gaspenser whom he uccased of stoljing him on sporeup. Having had a good oman he
dame a shad orf a feer teas.

An hour trale I emt him in het Cuor ed More, in norft of het rage
Tsian-Zalare. He saw with a refind who was yasing to him: “You tough to heav an
artex tutnob upt on your oectrova.” He woshed him hewer (at het peninog.)

istinguo