DuckStar / Cyberfarm (2 page)

Quack Snack Attacks

Duck felt a peck.

‘Good morning,' said a voice above him. ‘I'm Parrot. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you.'

‘I thought you only said “Polly want a cracker”,' said Duck.

‘It's expected. Come on, I'll show you around.'

Duck flip-flopped, while Parrot squawked through the vegetable patch. As the morning sun shone on the puddles, Duck jumped in each one. He loved watching the water pictures go splat!

‘Hey, there's a snail on the cabbage leaf. Why don't you eat it?' suggested Parrot.

‘Does he want me to?' asked Duck.

‘Ducks eat snails. You don't ask your dinner if it wants to be eaten,' chuckled Parrot. ‘Are you a vegetarian duck?'

Duck wasn't sure. ‘I don't think I'll eat the snail.'

‘Thank you,' said Snail and he moved on.

Parrot squawked, ‘It's the Feral. Follow me.'

Parrot flew onto the lowest branch of the gum tree. Duck's wings fluttered, his legs stretched, but he couldn't get his body into the air.

The Feral lunged.

Parrot screeched, ‘Oh no! Duck! Juuuu........mp!'‘

Duck took a running jump at the branch. His wings flapped. His legs lifted. He got off the ground but something clawed at his tail feathers and was dragging him down. Duck twisted in mid air and grabbed at the branch. Got it! Parrot hauled him into the tree by his wing.

The Feral screamed and hurtled off.

Duck looked down. One tail-feather was in the mud, another in a puddle. He'd left a bit of himself behind.

‘Lucky! ' said Parrot. ‘You were nearly Feral's breakfast.'

Duck's heart pounded. ‘Who... was THAT?'

‘The Feral Peril,' replied Parrot. ‘It prowls at night.'

‘It isn't night now,' panted Duck.

‘It must have been disturbed.' Parrot smoothed his feathers.

‘I lost only two feathers,' said Duck. ‘I was lucky.'

‘This time,' warned Parrot.

‘You
were
lucky,' said a loud voice.

Duck looked down between the branches.

‘Hullo Cow,' said Parrot. ‘Is it safe to come down?'

‘Yes,' said Cow. ‘The Feral was prowling last night and ate a chicken. So you're the new duck. Welcome.'

‘News travels fast around here,' said Duck.

‘Not as fast as Cate.' Parrot pointed up the path. Cate raced towards them waving a letter.

‘We're saved! We've got permission to do a TV Commercial here!'

‘Why didn't you tell us earlier?' asked Parrot.

‘Wasn't definite. They're coming on Wednesday. You're going to be TV stars! The farm will get a fee for being a location.'

‘Do we get paid?' asked Parrot.

‘Yes,' said Cate. ‘Everyone in the commercial gets paid.'

‘Use my fee for the farm,' said Cow.

‘Mine too,' said Duck.

Parrot looked the other way.

‘Thank you,' said Cate. ‘The TV crew is filming a Fake-Yo commercial. I hope nothing goes wrong.'

‘Will Sheep and Goat want to be in the commercial?' asked Cow.

‘They'll need some help,' said Duck.

Everyone nodded.

Duck's idea was going to happen — they were making a TV commercial. He might be a director.

Rolling Along

The TV crew arrived before the sun was up. Duck was woken by voices. Reading late last night he'd nearly finished Cate's
How to Make TV Commercials
book. Anyway, he'd looked at all the pictures and he knew the jargon.

Cans rattled. Trucks beeped as they backed into the yard. The smell of warm toast wafted from the snack van. The TV crew was having breakfast.

Duck followed the smell into the yard. People were gathered around the snack van sipping from hot, steaming mugs and munching buttery toast.

Parrot enjoyed squawking ‘Polly want a cracker' and being fed toast.

Hot spot lights on poles were lighting up pretend-green grass and bales of real hay. Boxes of Fake-Yo were being unpacked. In the middle of this fake farm scene stood Cow with a large, pink ribbon around her neck. She looked embarrassed. Make-Up was combing Cow's tail and powdering her nose.

‘I have to make you beautiful for the camera,' Make-Up said. ‘You have a cameo role — that's a small part. You look gorgeous.'

She packed her brushes and headed towards the purple and white caravan.

Duck waddled up to Cow, holding a list he'd borrowed from the caravan door.

‘I'm working,' said Cow.

‘So I see,' said Duck. ‘You're on the Call Sheet.'

‘What's that?' asked Cow.

Duck waved the list. ‘Scenes to be filmed today. The Director writes it.'

‘Oh, then I AM important,' said Cow proudly. ‘Who else is in the commercial?'

‘Cate said the Director will choose on the day,' said Duck.

‘Lots of people here today,' said Cow. ‘Make-Up had me up at 4.00 am.'

‘Yes, some people work behind the camera, like the Director and Best Boy,' said Duck, trying to remember the jargon he'd read.

‘What's a Best Boy? '

‘Best Boy, Best Girl. Doesn't matter. They are second in charge of lighting,' said Duck.

‘Who's first in charge?' asked Cow.

‘The Gaffer is in charge of lighting,' said Duck.

‘I'll be that — no-one's putting powder on my snout!' Pig had just arrived on the scene.

‘You can't. That's a people job,' said Duck.

‘Hmmph,' snorted Pig. ‘Who ever saw plastic grass on a farm?' He stomped back to his pen.

‘Don't worry,' whispered Cow, ‘Pig is a bit of a ham actor.'

Parrot flew across the yard spraying toast crumbs.

‘Duck, what's that long black perch the man is carrying? People talk into it.'

‘That's a mike, the Boom Operator holds it,' said Duck, hoping Parrot wouldn't ask any more. He hadn't read the last chapter of
How to Make TV Commercials
.

‘You don't need a mike to hear me,' said Parrot proudly.

‘I know,' said Cow.

‘Get that duck off my grass!' yelled a Voice.

Duck looked around to see who they were talking about.

‘He's putting muddy web-marks all over my Astro-turf,' shouted the Voice.

‘Fake grass,' moaned Cow.

Duck realised they were talking about him. Next thing, arms picked him up and plonked him beside the caravan. He pinned the Call Sheet back on the door — just in case.

‘Keep the animals away until I need them,' grumbled the Voice.

In the yard stood a man wearing jeans and a black leather coat. He wore a baseball cap on backwards. His sneakers looked very new.

‘Ah, you must be the Director,' Cate said.

The Director, thought Duck. I'd better follow him and learn as much as I can.

‘I'm the Cate who spoke to you on the phone.'

‘Great, great,' said the Director. ‘Have you got the Extras on stand-by?'

‘Sheep and Goat are waiting beside the water tank,' said Cate.

Duck looked. Sheep and Goat looked stiff. Too much hairspray, thought Duck. Or maybe they were rehearsing... standing still?

‘We're nearly ready to roll,' said the Director.

Is Cow going to do forward rolls into tubs of Fake-Yo? thought Duck.

‘Roll?' asked Cate. ‘You mean start filming?'

‘Sorry,' said the Director. ‘We do have our own jargon in the TV world.'

‘Jargon,' thought Duck. ‘I know some TV jargon from Cate's book.'

The Director called, ‘Where's the Talent?' to a woman with a clipboard.

‘She's in the caravan getting her milkmaid costume on,' the woman called back to him.

Duck noticed how many people were needed to make a commercial. There were people with headsets on and others carrying cables.

‘Get a move on,' snapped the Director. ‘Time is money.'

Duck wondered how you sold time.

Cow didn't look happy on the fake grass wearing a silly ribbon. Beside her a man was trying to stack the Fake-Yo tubs in a pyramid shape but they kept wobbling.

I'd better cheer her up. That's what friends are for, Duck thought and headed for Cow.

The Director and crew were gathered around the Talent. She had just stepped out of the caravan and the Director was telling her what to do in the Commercial.

‘Cow, are you ready to roll?' asked Duck.

‘No. Fake-Yo isn't made from milk. So why use a cow? I feel a fake.' Cow was definitely unhappy.

‘The grass is fake too,' said Duck. ‘But our farm is real and we're going to save it. Let's roll.'

‘Roll where?' Cow looked puzzled.

‘Where the Director tells you.' Duck liked using this new jargon.

‘Oh, what a gorgeous duck,' said a new voice.

Duck looked up into the powdered face of the Talent in her milkmaid costume.

‘Can he sit on my lap while I'm milking the cow?'

Duck gave his cutest ‘Quack' and wiggled his tail feathers.

‘Okay, we'll use the duck,' said the Director.

It worked — he was going to be a paid TV Star!

‘Bring on the Extras,' the Director yelled.

Bursting with pride, Sheep and Goat moved stiffly onto the fake grass.

‘They look like pom pom balls not farm animals,' yelled the Director. ‘Muddy them up!'

‘It took hours to look like this,' moaned Sheep as Make-Up sloshed mud over them.

‘Will I powder the Duck's nose?' asked Make-Up.

‘Just wash his feet,' said the Director.

‘YOOOWWW!' Cold tap water was squirted all over Duck.

‘Eeeeeek.' He was rubbed hard with a towel.

‘Yuk.' They sprayed his feathers with styling gel.

Duck was plonked into the Talent's lap. ‘Hello gorgeous,' smiled the Talent sitting on a stool beside Cow with a bucket at her feet and the pyramid of Fake-Yo beside her.

‘The perfect farmyard scene,' called the Director. ‘Check lighting and sound.'

The Boom Operator held the long mike over the Talent's head. ‘I can hear clearly,' he called.

Best Boy checked the light meter. ‘Okay, the light's good, better roll before the sun gets too hot.'

‘Roll it!' yelled the Director.

So Duck rolled. He did a forward roll into the bucket which rattled as it rolled sideways in three beautiful loops.

‘Oh no!' yelled the crew as the bucket rolled into muddy Sheep who slipped into muddy Goat who slid towards the pile of Fake-Yo.

‘Look out!' yelled Make-Up as the pyramid toppled right and left and landed with a huge SPLAT all over Cow and the Talent.

Blotches of strawberry Fake-Yo covered the Talent's face. She looked like she had chicken pox. Lumps of Fake-Yo dripped from Cow's nose. Fake-Yo covered the crew, the camera and the yard.

Duck peeked over the rim of the bucket. ‘Uh- oh.'

The crew mopped up, the Director yelled at the sky and Make-Up gave up!