Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (57 page)

Cuffs. 
(See: Restraints)

Cutting. 
Cutting
is the practice of cutting
the skin with a blade or other sharp instruments to produce pain, fear,
excitement or decorative scars. 
(See also: Abrasion, Branding,
Castration Fantasy, Knife Play, Scarification)

Daddy Dom.  A
Daddy Dom
is typically a
Dominant whose primary attraction to the D/s lifestyle is a unique form of
paternalism
. 
The relationship dynamic may involve sexual or nonsexual
age play
,
incest role-play, erotic or nonsexual spankings, and other expressions of an
imagined parent-child relationship.  Daddy Doms are
not
attracted
to
children
, they are attracted to
adults
who exhibit childlike
behaviors.
(See also: Age play, Little)

Day Collar.  A
day collar
refers to
anything that is worn throughout a person’s day-to-day
vanilla life
, to include
at work, school, and family or social gatherings, to symbolize the collared
relationship between a Dominant and submissive.  A day collar may consist
of just about
anything
, and need not necessarily be worn about the neck
like a traditional collar.  The most common varieties of day collars are
necklaces, chokers, ribbons, bracelets, anklets, and rings. 
(See also:
Collar, Collar of consideration, Collar of protection, Everyday collar, Play
collar.)

Deferred/Delayed Gratification. 
(See:
Orgasm denial/control, Masturbation restrictions, Mitts)

Diaper Play.  A form of age-play involving the
wear of traditional or adult-diapers while assuming the role of an
infant.  Sometimes used in play involving the control (or lack of control)
of the bodily functions. 
(See also: AB/DL, Age Play, Infantilism,
Littles.)

Dilation. 
Dilation
refers to an
activity which involves the use of a medical speculum to open a woman’s cervix
as part of a medical scene.  This procedure can be dangerous if done by an
untrained person. 

Discipline.  Traditionally the “D” in
BDSM.  Generally speaking, it refers to various forms of corporal
punishment, such as spanking, caning, beating, flogging, whipping, or
slapping.  In a more subtle sense, discipline can also refer to the mental
discipline required to be a good Dominant or submissive, which sometimes
requires a disciplined mindset that allows a person to resist his or her
natural impulses. 
(See also: Caning, Crops, Flogger, Impact play,
Paddles, Spanking, Whips)

D.M.  Acronym for Dungeon Monitor. 
Typically someone in authority whose role is to monitor the activities of a
particular establishment to ensure that none of the house rules are being
broken.

Domestic.  The Domestic, sometimes referred to
as a
service submissive,
is a submissive who is expected to perform
domestic duties in the Dominant’s household, such as cooking, cleaning,
childcare, and yard work.  More often than not, the Domestic is also
expected to be available sexually to the Dominant, his other submissives, or guests. 
It is entirely possible, but relatively rare, for a Domestic sub to be in a
nonsexual D/s relationship. 
(See also: Service submissive, Submissive)

Dominant.  One who acts in a domineering or
authoritative role in life, and especially in relationships.  A Dominant
may be a “true Dominant” in the sense that this trait is firmly hard-wired into
his psyche and he simply doesn’t know any other way to be, or he may be acting
out a role, whether consciously or unconsciously.  A Dominant is defined
primarily by his need to control his environment and personal interactions and
his skill at being able to do so.

Domme.  A female Dominant, sometimes referred
to as a Dominatrix or Mistress.  Generally speaking, a Domme may refer to
any
female Dominant, however, outside of the D/s lifestyle, the stereotype
typically fits the FemDom Mistress. The correct pronunciation of
domme
is
identical to
dom.  (See also: Dominant, FemDom)

Dungeon. - A place designed and furnished for BDSM
play.  Some dungeons are private homes or communal playspaces managed by
local BDSM groups, while others are commercial establishments.  Dungeons
may host events such as workshops, demos, classes or parties. Dungeons
typically have an area set apart from the playspace for conversation and/or refreshments. 
(See also: Munch, Scene)

Edge Play. 
Edge play
refers to BDSM
play that is generally considered to have a
higher-than-usual
risk of
serious harm or death (i.e. breath play, knife play, or gun play), or may be of
a particularly sensitive nature (i.e. age play, rape play or scat
play).   The definition of edge play is highly subjective, and
ever-evolving. What might have been considered edge play a few years ago may be
considered relatively mundane today, and
vice-versa
.  Before the
advent of HIV/AIDS, a scene involving
wet play
(blood) would not have
been considered particularly risky; today bodily fluids are a
big deal.

Electricity Play. 
Electricity play
 is
any BDSM activity that involves the use of high-voltage, low amperage,
low-frequency devices that deliver stimulation to the skin, typically in a
fashion that
looks
much more intimidating than it actually merits. 
The most common of these types of devices are
TENS units
and
violet
wands
.  Electricity play can be dangerous for certain individuals, and
these devices should never be used by anyone with a pacemaker, insulin pump, or
any other kind of implanted electrically operated medical device or metallic
joint replacements.  Otherwise, they are safe for use almost anywhere on
the body, except around the eyes.  As is the case with
any
electrical device, they should not be used in or around liquids, particularly
flammable liquids, which could be ignited by the electrical discharge. 
(See
also: TENS Unit, Purple Wand, Violet Wand.)

Eloctrostimulation. 
(See Electricity play,
EMS Unit, TENS unit, Violet Wand)

EMS Unit.  
EMS
stands for
Electrical
Muscle Stimulation. 
EMS units are typically used in medicine, sports
training, cosmetic treatments, and in therapy to produce repeated muscle
contractions through electrical stimulation.  EMS devices range in quality
and complexity from the very intricate and expensive machines used by medical
and sports professionals to the simpler, less expensive devices marketed to the
flabby masses via late-night infomercials.  The odd experience of having
your muscles stimulated electrically to
involuntarily
contract and
release in rapid succession makes the EMS unit an interesting option for BDSM
sensation play. 
(See also: Electricity play, TENS unit, Violet wand)

Enema.  Refers to the introduction of fluids
into a person’s rectum and colon, which results in an uncomfortable expansion
of the lower intestinal tract.  This procedure, which is done medically to
treat conditions like constipation and encopresis, or to administer certain
drugs, is sometimes done for recreational purposes by some in the BDSM
lifestyle as part of control scenes, humiliation play, medical play, bathroom
use restrictions, or punishment. 
(See also:  Bathroom Use
Restrictions, Brown showers, Medical Play, Humiliation)
 

Enforced Chastity.  The practice of preventing
one’s submissive from engaging in any kind of sexual activity or stimulation
involving the genitals.  This may involve wearing a device such as a
chastity belt or some other secure appliance around the groin area, or even
bulky mitts or sleeves on the hands and arms to prevent masturbation. 
(See
also: Arm Sleeves, Chastity Belt, Mitts, Orgasm Control)

Everyday Collar. 
(See: Day collar)

Eye Contact Restriction.  This refers to the
practice of forbidding or restricting direct eye contact between a submissive
and his or her Dominant, and in some cases, other individuals.  Eye
contact restrictions are more common in the
Gorean
tradition, where
slaves are traditionally taught to lower their gaze in the presence of Masters,
but they may be practiced in a variety of other kinds of relationships and
situations, as well. 
(See also: Gor, Protocol.)

Face-sitting. 
Face sitting,
also
sometimes referred to as
queening,
is typically a form of humiliation
play that involves sitting on another person’s face in such a way as to force
the Dominant’s genitals or anus into the submissive’s mouth.  The
submissive may be held in position by the body weight of the Dominant, by
restraints, or by a simple command to remain in position.  Those who
engage in this practice regularly may employ specialized equipment or
furnishings, such a
queening stool, or smotherbox.  (See also: Pussy
worship, Queening, Queening stool, Smotherbox)

Felching.  The act of sucking or licking semen
from another person’s anus; sometimes the term is also applied to the same
activity performed on a woman’s vagina.  Felching is usually an act of
humiliation forced upon a submissive by a Sadistic Dom or FemDom
Mistress.  It’s typically far more common to hear it discussed for its
shock value, the most common reaction being,
“There’s a word for that?”
than
it is to actually see it done. 
(See also: FemDom, Humiliation,
Sadistic Dom)

Figging. 
Figging
refers to the practice
of inserting a piece of
freshly peeled ginger
into the anus, which
causes a strong burning sensation which lasts twenty to thirty minutes without
causing any permanent damage. 
(See also: Sensation play, Torture)

Fire Play.  Any BDSM activity that typically
involves flame or high heat.  Two of the most common forms of fire play
are
branding
and
cupping
.
 (See also Branding, Cupping,
Edge play, Scarification, Sensation Play.)

Fist Fucking. 
(See: Fisting)

Fisting. 
Fisting
refers to the
insertion of the entire hand into the vagina or rectum, usually with the help
of lubricants.  Fisting is sometimes referred to as
handballing, or
fist fucking
.  Fisting may be done as part of masturbation, or
performed on another person.  Once the hand is inserted, the hand may be
clenched or flexed to intensify the sensations.

Flame Play. 
(See: Fire Play.)

Flip-Flopper. 
(See: Switch.)

Fluid Bonding. 
Fluid bonding
(sometime
referred to as body fluid monogamy)
generally refers to relationships
between people who have agreed to engage in unprotected sex which involves the
exchange of bodily fluids.  A fluid bond can also sometimes refer to a
BDSM toy or piece of equipment that should be reserved for the sole use of its
owner because it comes into contact with bodily fluids such as semen, secretions,
or blood. 
(See also: Barebacking)

Flogger.  A small hand-held whip with multiple
tails or strips of leather, which are called
falls
.  Floggers are
sometimes referred to as a
cats-o’-nine-tails.
  Most modern
floggers used by those in the lifestyle are specially constructed for specific
purposes, such as appearance, force of impact or type of sensation
(high or
low)
, durability, grip, and weight. Contrary to popular belief, floggings
are seldom very painful.  The sensations involved, when getting a flogging,
are often compared by recipients to getting a “thuddy massage,” and for many,
the psychological effects of a flogging far outweigh the physical. 
Generally speaking, the heavier the flogger, the
“thuddier”
the
flogging.  The lighter and more wiry the flogger, the more it will
sting.  Either way, the longer the flogging continues the more sensitive
the areas of the body being flogged will become. 
(See also: Whip, Cat
o’ Nine Tails.)

Flogging Horse.   A
flogging horse
is typically a custom-built, padded piece of dungeon furniture which often
resembles a bench or saw-horse used to secure and position a submissive in
restraints while he or she is being flogged. 
(See also: Flogger,
Racks, St. Andrew’s Cross, Table play, Whip)

Food Control.  Refers to any activity where the
Dominant controls the type or quantity of food consumed by the submissive or
the circumstances under which it may be consumed.  Sometimes food control
also includes the intake of fluids.  Food control is often done for
dietary
reasons
in an effort by a Dominant to reshape or modify a submissive’s
physical characteristics or weight, or to provide a submissive with the
purpose, discipline, or willpower which he or she lacks.  Other times,
food control is done purely for disciplinary or punitive purposes. 
(See
also: Discipline)

Foot Partialism.
(See: Foot Worship.)

Foot Worship. 
Foot worship
refers to
foot fetishism, also sometimes called
foot partialism, or podophilia. 
In
foot worship,
the feet are considered to be objects of adoration by the
submissive, and they figure prominently into activities such as humiliation
play, boot licking, and masturbation. 
(See also: Body Worship, Boot
Worship, Humiliation, Paraphilia.)