Choices will Destroy (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 14) (31 page)

Only, she loved him too much to do it, and he knew it.

“Tell me that I’m doing the right thing,” he begged.

Elizabeth knew he wasn’t, but she also knew that telling him that would make him lose what really mattered in life.

Love.

She was Cupid. She believed in that big, sloppy, messy, emotion. So, she had to walk the walk.

“You’re doing it for your wife and daughter. How could that not be the right thing?”

He closed his eyes.

Elizabeth wanted to weep with him, but she had to be strong—for him.

In that moment, it sucked, but she’d make it as easy as she could.

“Christopher, we live on the same street. I’ll be going out on medical leave soon. We’ll have coffee every morning. You bring that angel down to my house so the girls can play.”

“She wants to move.”

Those words stung.

The hurt grew.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.

Shit!

Yet, she wouldn’t let him see how it damaged her. This wasn’t about her. This was about the man before her and what he needed. For years, he always had her back. Now she was going to do the same.

This was love.

This was family.

“It won’t change a thing, Chris. I promise that it won’t make me love you any less. I won’t forget the vows we took. This friendship was forged in hell. Our relationship is unbreakable. If you need me, you call me. I’ll always come running, even if you move to Timbuktu.”

He knew she always kept her word.

He was counting on it.

“I’ll miss you every day, Christopher, because you matter, but your happiness matters more. You have to do what’s right for your family. You have to do what’s right for you.”

He wanted to hug her and beg for her help. He didn't know how to navigate through this. He was scared.

He was alone.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Want me to fire your ass?”

He tried to laugh, but it came out a watery sob. Instead, he lay back on the bed, trying to find his composure. Immediately, she did the same, and they stared up at the ceiling full of plastic glow in the dark stars.

It was innocence.

It was peace.

It was void of both of their lives, and they knew it.

“I knew you’d help me through this, even though it has to hurt you. I hope one day you’ll forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Newton. I love you too much to make you suffer.”

He rolled to his side, and she did the same. “I love you too, Lyzee.”

She touched his cheek. “Remember all those times you dropped everything to come to me when I was hurt? Those moments gave me hope that there were good men out there. They saved me, Chris. You saved me. Each time you came, they meant everything to me. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of us. No matter where life takes us, you’ll always be part of me. I won’t forget what we’ve lived through. You made the nightmare more bearable. You gave me enough strength to hold on until Ethan and Callen found me. You were the only reason I made it.”

He wanted to weep.

She was the only reason he made it too. Chris just wished Cyra understood that. Elizabeth wouldn’t steal him away, because they had a different kind of love.

It was ripples in the pond.

“I will always love you, Elizabeth. I swear on my life. I promise I’ll call, I’ll text, and I’ll do everything I can to hold on.”

He held her hand in his.

Elizabeth knew it wouldn’t happen.

This was Chris’s goodbye of sorts.

Now she had to cut him free so he’d heal and move on.

“I need you to pack up your things tonight and head home. You can’t work this case.”

He was surprised. “Why?”

“It’s time, Christopher. Your wife and child need you. This case is part of your past. Your future matters more. I’ll cover for you. You’re free.”

“Elizabeth.”

“I want you to go home. I’ll have Zane hop the next flight here. Tomorrow, you’ll be in bed with your wife and daughter. You’ll be at peace. After all you’ve given me over the years. After all the dedication you’ve given your country, this is the least I can do for you. Doc, you’re free.”

He knew he’d never be at peace.

“Elizabeth, you don’t have to do this.”

She struggled to keep the tears in. This wasn’t the time. If she wept, Chris would cave.

One of them had to be strong.

It was her turn. This was her returning the favor for all the times he carried her when she was a mess.

“It’s my gift to you. It’ll be worse if you have to suffer the next week working this case beside me. You’ll be in pain, Christopher, and I can’t bear that. While I can sacrifice sending you away, I can’t make you suffer. I love you too much. We’ve been through too much.”

He touched her cheek, mimicking her. “Promise me one thing, Elizabeth.”

“Absolutely.”

“You’ll always love me. No matter what happens, you’ll never blame me for what I’ve done to our team. You won’t hate me for what I’m about to do to our family.”

She could do that. “I’ll never blame you for anything. Nothing you ever did hurt me. It only healed me, Newton.”

“I promise you the same.”

She tried to smile, but the sob came out.

Chris pulled her close and held her. “Thank you, Elizabeth. Thank you.”

She fought valiantly, refusing to let the tears fall. She knew the second he walked out that door, she’d likely never have this moment again.

This case stole her past, and now it was devouring her future. “I love you. You’re the first man I ever told that to and meant it.”

He knew.

When she pulled away, he wanted to tell her he’d stay, only, he knew she’d never let him. She loved him that much.

“For the record, Newton, there will never be another you. You’re irreplaceable. You’ll always be my boyfriend.”

His heart skipped.

Those words were priceless to him. She was priceless.

“For the record, Elizabeth, you’ll always be my first girlfriend, and the one person who loved me for me from the start.”

She had to go.

If she stayed, she’d weep.

It was time to escape.

Rolling off the bed, she headed toward the door. When he called her name, she stopped but didn't turn. Instead, he came to her. When he touched her arm, she finally had the courage to look at him.

He kissed her softly on the lips. It was chaste, it was full of love, and it was like the one she gave him that time in Boston.

“I’ve been saving that one for you.”

The first tear fell, and she had to go.

“Goodbye, Christopher. I’ll see you again sometime.”

With that, she left him. Elizabeth needed to get Ethan to handle the rest. She needed a break.

She needed some time to get over what she’d just had to do. Only, Elizabeth was pretty sure time would never heal her heart.

Nothing would.

She’d just said goodbye to her brother. It hurt her more than when she nearly killed her half-brother—her blood. This wounded her soul.

She was losing her first best friend. Elizabeth lost a part of her foundation, and she didn't know if she could ever repair the damage.

The wound ran too deep.

Chris waited until he heard her echoing footsteps cease. Only then did he have the courage to follow through. He typed up a text to his wife.

‘I’m coming home. I just quit my job.’

He hit send and stared at the screen.

‘This is the best gift ever! I’ll wait up for you. You won’t even miss it! I promise. This is the first day of the rest of our lives. You don’t need the FBI. You have me.’

Chris stared at the words. Oh, how wrong Cyra was. He already missed it. She didn't have a clue.

The FBI wasn’t a job.

It had become his identity.

It became his all.

And now it was gone…

                  
* * *
  B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x   * * *

They were waiting for her when she returned, and from the tears in her eyes, and the pain on her face, they knew what happened.

“Want me to go kick his ass?” Callen asked. “I can probably do it with only one hand.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m not angry at him.”

Blackhawk heard it in her voice. She was wounded and borderline falling apart.

“What can we do for you, baby?” he asked.

“Chris is leaving effective immediately. Call up Zane and start looking for a new ME.”

“Lyzee, I’m sorry,” Ethan said.

She pressed the heels of her hands into her weary eyes. “That was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, but it was for him. Chris is free, and that’s what he wanted.”

“We’ll borrow one of Gabe’s ME’s when we get back to FBI West. We’ll take our time filling his position.”

She shrugged. “I don’t want to be involved in the process. I don’t think I can handle it. I’m at my breaking point with pain. I just want to forget about it.”

He kissed her on the cheek, holding his wife to his body. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see him all the time.”

“Yeah, I will.” She didn't say anything about what Chris mentioned. What was the point?

When she heard footsteps down the hall, she knew he was on his way out.

Her heart ached.

“Tell me I did the right thing,” she finally said. “Tell me that it was better to send him home now so he could be free of this godforsaken, soul sucking job.”

They heard the animosity.

How could you miss it?

“You did what was right,” Ethan said. “You gave him a chance to have a normal life, Elizabeth. You know the FBI doesn’t let you go. It weaves its way into your heart and soul and keeps you trapped. It’s like a drug.”

She tried to not fall apart.

Callen wiped the tears.

Outside, they could hear the Denali starting up. There was the telltale slamming of one door.

Then there was the crunch of tires on the snow.

As the engine disappeared into the distance, her phone chimed. A part of her didn't want to read it, but she loved him too much not to keep her word.

She’d promised.

Pulling it out of her pocket, she glanced down at the nine words there.

‘
Thank you. I love you more than you’ll ever know.’

It was all it took. The wall crumbled, and Elizabeth Blackhawk gave in to it all. She wept bitter tears as the men she loved offered her their strength.

Again…

                
* * *
  B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x   * * *

Gabriel enjoyed the show as his wife stripped out of her clothes. His eyes never once left her lithe form. In the last fifteen years, a lot had happened in their lives.

They’d mourned.

They’d celebrated.

They loved.

In all honesty, he didn't regret a single second of their lives. His heart started the day she proposed, and it had always beaten for her. There would never be a woman he could love more. His Olivia was the strongest woman in the world.

He was in awe.

“I missed you today,” he said, watching her place the Glock in the top drawer of their dresser. He imagined it now sat beside his, and that gave him an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t a bad one either.

Something about it turned him on. Despite knowing better, he liked the rush it gave him.

“I missed you too.”

He studied her as she pulled her hair free of the ponytail and how it dropped to kiss her shoulders.

Here was his life.

“Did you have fun playing agent?” he asked.