Ballad (7 page)

James

The hill where I normally practiced was strategically placed: far enough from the dorms and classrooms to keep everyone in school from knowing what reel I was playing, and close enough that if it started to rain or rabid badgers decided to attack, I could hoof it back to the school before I got soaked or eaten.

It was a gorgeous fall afternoon, the sort companies like to print on glossy paper, and my vantage point on the hill seemed to exacerbate its beauty like one of those convex mirror cameras they have at malls to watch for shoplifters. The afternoon was all scudding clouds and woodsmoke-scented wind and a brilliant blue sky so huge it closed the hill in its own cerulean bubble.

I felt like I could be anywhere in the world. Anywhere in the universe. This hill was its own planet.

Playing the pipes is a multidisciplinary activity: equal parts music, physical education, puzzle-solving, and memory training. The pipes are a study in numbers, too. Three drones, one bass, and two tenors. One chanter, eight holes, one reed in the chanter, two flaps on the reed that vibrated against each other to create a pitch. One bag, one mouthpiece to fill it, endless blow-job-joke possibilities. I took my pipes out of the case and squeezed the reed to correct the pitch before I pushed the chanter into the bag and threw them on my shoulder.

I tuned for a bit and did a few warm-up marches before I started to acquire my usual audience. Eric sitting on the edge of the hill with one of his excruciatingly thick masters thesis books in a foreign language. Megan, novel in hand. Two other students I didn't recognize, sitting at a safe distance, backs to me, homework in hand. Paul, of course, for solidarity as much as anything else. And Sullivan. That was new. He strode up the hill, his long limbs looking like a preying mantis, and stood in front of me. His eyes dropped momentarily to my T-shirt (which read
The Voices Are Telling Me Not To Trust You
), and then returned to my face.

I dropped the mouthpiece of my pipes from my lips and raised an eyebrow.

Sullivan regarded me with his usual amiable smile. The wind caught the back of his hair and blew it up backwards. With his hair all screwed up and without his Official Teacher Jacket, it wouldn't have been hard to mistake him for one of us students. The CEO his wife left him for must've been either pretty damn hot or pretty damn rich for her to abandon Sullivan to his own devices.

"Am I putting you off your game?" Sullivan asked pleasantly.

If he meant, was I weirded out by him joining my retinue on the hill, yeah. But out loud I said, "You wound me greatly."

"Do I?" Sullivan sat down, cross-legged, in a single tidy maneuver. "I wouldn't want to interfere with your practice."

"Well, that's a patent untruth. I'm quite sure you're here to interfere," I said, and Sullivan grinned. "So what is this, a reconnaissance mission?"

Sullivan made a big show of wiggling into the grass and making himself at home before pulling out a small tape recorder and setting it on the ground between him and my shoes. "Just want to see what the best piper in Virginia sounds like. You know, to me, pipers always sound like they're playing the same march over and over again. What's the famous one? 'Scotland the Brave'? All the tunes sound like that one to me."

I awarded him a thin line of teeth, equal parts smile and grimace. "Mr. Sullivan," I said reproachfully. "I thought I was the funny one."

He looked back at me, mouth quirked. I stepped away to fill up the bag with air and wondered what it would take to wipe the smirk off his face. Something fast? Something aching? He'd be expecting sheer technical brilliance from my competition stats, so finger-twistingly difficult wasn't the way to go. Something to make him remember the angst of his wifely betrayal, then.

I checked my tuning and then began to play "Cronan," which is, for the record, possibly the most pathetic and miserable tune ever written for the pipes and even in the hands of a lesser piper would drive Hitler to tears. So really Sullivan didn't stand a chance.

And I threw everything I had into it too. I had plenty of angst to make the song real. Dee, who should've been on this hill but wasn't; my beautiful car, which should've been in the parking lot instead of smashed up over the summer, leaving me with my brother's car; and the fact that I was a friggin' island in the middle of a thousand people and that sometimes the weight of being the last of an endangered species crushed the breath out of my lungs.

I stopped.

The students clapped. Paul pretended to wipe a tear from his face and drop it on the grass. Sullivan pressed
record
on his machine.

"You weren't recording before now?" I asked him.

"Didn't know if I'd have to."

I frowned at him, and he frowned back and then I realized that my arm hair was prickling its warning.

"Don't say anything." I heard Nuala's voice a second before I saw her, walking past Eric and Paul and Sullivan to stand next to me. "You're the only one who can see me right now, so if you talk to me, you're going to look like you were retained in the birth canal without oxygen or something."

I wanted to say something like "thanks for the hot tip," but it's damn difficult to be snarky when you can't say anything. Plus, even though I thought she was the scariest thing around, hell, she was hot today. All sun-drenched streaks in her hair and freckled sharp nose and sarcastic mouth. Tight black T-shirt with just the word
grudge
on it and jeans riding low enough on her hips for me to see a shiny scar across one of her hip bones, right where her shirt met her jeans.

I must've been ogling or she must've been reading my mind, because Nuala said, "I'll admit, for once, I actually like what I look like. Normally, you tragically talented musicians prefer me to look all wishy-washy and delicate." She knelt next to my pipe case and looked inside without touching anything. "But you want me to look kick-ass, and I like it."

I knelt and pretended to twiddle with my pipe reed, turning my back to my audience. I still couldn't say anything without them hearing, but I could at least not look like an idiot staring off into space.

Nuala sat back on her haunches, knees poking through her jeans, and grinned at me. "Don't tell me you don't like the way I look."

She looked good enough to eat, but that was totally besides the point. It was vaguely creepy that she was dressing just to turn me on.

"Not just dressing," Nuala said. I realized, with an unpleasant jolt, that she didn't cast a shadow. "My face. I only look like this because it's what you want me to look like. Someone like you—when I get close to you, I change, to become more appealing to you. I can't do anything about it. And believe me, sometimes it's really awful what musicians fantasize about. For once, though, I actually feel like I look on the outside like I look on the inside."

But I didn't want her to look like anything. I just wanted her to get the hell off my hill.

"You really want me here, or I wouldn't keep coming back." Nuala's smile looked like a snarl.

"Nerves, James?" Sullivan called.

"Don't flatter yourself!" I called back. I shoved my chanter back into my pipes and stood up, turning my back on Nuala. I was afraid that she was right—that I was so obsessed with my music that I would eventually break down and beg for her help.

I shouldered my pipes and played a strathspey difficult enough to take my mind off Nuala. My E doublings were crap today; at the end of the tune I strung a bunch of them together until they sounded crisper.

"They sound fine. You're obsessing. You're friggin' brilliant, like you are every other day," Nuala said. She was right by my ear; I held very still as she blew her flowery breath across my face while she spoke. "Here's a free tip for you, asshole. Ask Eric to go get his guitar. That's not cheating, is it? Just a little suggestion. Take it or leave it."

I hesitated. I watched the white clouds race over the top of the hill, massive, towering secret countries made of white and pale blue, and with my eyes I followed the shadows they cast on the endless hills. It wasn't cheating. It wasn't saying yes.

"Eric," I said, and Nuala's mouth made a shape like pleasure. "Why don't you get your guitar?"

Eric looked up from his book, and the pleasure on his face was a much simpler and more innocent brand than Nuala's. "Yeah, man. Hold on!"

He jumped up and headed back to the school, and while he was gone I struck into a set of jigs so happy and neverending that Nuala couldn't say anything else, just glower at me for silencing her.

Then I saw Eric slowly climbing the hill, guitar case in hand, and beside him, a girl carrying an amp. The grin threatening to spread across my face forced me to stop playing. Nuala was wrong. If she really looked like what I wanted, she'd look just like the girl who was climbing the hill with Eric.

Dee, cheeks red from sun and the climb, grinned at me and said, a little out of breath, "Think you could maybe practice a little closer to the school next time?"

That evening, when I ran out onto the hills in search of the antlered figure's song, I got closer than I ever had been before. I got close enough that I could see each individual thorn on his antlers silhouetted against a violently red sunset. Close enough to see the dark material of his cape flattening the grass behind him. Close enough to hear the melody of the song better than ever, in all its agonizing beauty.

I could hear every word he sang, too, though I still couldn't understand what it meant.

I just knew I wanted it.

It took me a long time to go back to the dorms after he'd gone. In the ordinary night he'd left behind, I sat on the hill, the wind whispering through the long grass that surrounded me. I stared at the stars and wanted more than what I was and more than what the world was and just—wanted.

James

After Sullivan had failed to give me a demerit for sleeping in, I thought that I’d escaped further retribution, but apparently I was wrong. The next day, before class, he caught my arm in the hall just before I went into the classroom.

“I’m giving you a pass today, James,” he said.

The smell of coffee wafted from inside the room. “I’ll miss
Hamlet
.”

“You weren’t worried about that last class.”

“Oh, God, is this still about last class?”

Sullivan gave me a look that would fry eggs and released my arm. “Only indirectly. You’re getting a pass today because you’re going to go meet with Gregory Normandy.”

The last time I had seen the name “Gregory Normandy” it was on the bottom of a business card in my Thornking-Ash acceptance packet, with the word “President” underneath it. I felt like a cat presented with a full bathtub. “Can’t I just write out ‘I will never again miss class’ one million times?”

Sullivan shook his head. “What a waste of your highly trained fingers, James. Go find Normandy. He’s expecting you. In the admin offices. Try and keep your vitriol to a manageable low. He’s on your side.”

I had actually been looking forward to
Hamlet
as a low-stress introduction to the morning. I thought it was pretty unfair of Sullivan to deliver me to an authority figure before lunch.

I found Gregory Normandy in McComas Hall, a small, octagon-shaped building with windows on every single side. Inside, my sneakers squeaked on the wood floors of the octagon-shaped entry hall. Eight men and women with varying degrees of frowning and baldness looked down at me from portraits on each wall. Possibly founders of this proud institution. The whole place smelled of flowers and mint, though I couldn’t see evidence of either.

I checked the brown plastic nameplates on each of the seven doors until I found Normandy’s name. I knocked.

“It’s open.”

I pushed the door open and blinked in the sunlight; Normandy’s office faced east, and the morning sun was blinding through the wall of windows behind his desk. When my eyes adjusted, I found Gregory Normandy sitting behind a desk adorned with stacks of paper and two vases of daisies. I was a little surprised, especially given the daisies, to see that his head was shaved close and that his arm and chest muscles looked like he could kick my ass without breaking a sweat. Even with a dress shirt and tie on, he didn’t exactly look
presidential,
unless we were talking president of
Fight Club.

Normandy’s eyes lingered just above my ear; it took me a moment to realize he was looking at the scar. “You must be James Morgan. It’s nice to meet you in person. Have a seat.”

I took a seat across from him and promptly sank two inches into the plush cushion. Out the window, behind Normandy, I could see the satyr fountain. “Thanks,” I said, cautious.

“How are you doing here at Thornking-Ash?”

“I’m very much enjoying the ability to order take-out every night,” I replied.

Normandy made a face that I wasn’t sure I liked. It was a
knowing
face, like either Sullivan had warned him I was a smart-ass or that I was otherwise fulfilling some expectation he had of me as a smart-ass. I didn’t quite care for it.

“So you’ve discovered that our piping instructor wasn’t up to par,” he said.

I contemplated several answers, and in the end just sort of shrugged.

Normandy unscrewed the top of a Coke bottle and took a swig before placing the bottle on his desk. “Which of course has you wondering why we bothered inviting you to Thornking-Ash.”

I felt my eyes narrowing without meaning for them to. “As a matter of fact, I was wondering that very thing. Not that I’m not flattered.”

“How do you think your friend Deirdre is doing here?”

My arms erupted into goose bumps, and my voice was sharper than I intended. “Is she why I’m here?”

Normandy used his middle fingers to push some of his papers back and forth on his desk; it was a strangely delicate-looking gesture. “What sort of a school do you think we are, James?”

“Music school,” I said, knowing as I said it that it wasn’t the right answer.

He kept pushing the papers around, not looking at me. “We’re interested in music in the way that doctors are interested in fevers. When they see a fever, they’re pretty sure there’s an infection. When we see kids with outstanding musical talent, we’re pretty sure there’s … ”

Normandy looked up at me, waiting for me to finish the sentence.

I just held his gaze. It was hard to imagine that he was really talking about what I thought he was talking about. What was it Sullivan had said—there was more to the teachers than it seemed?

“What do you expect me to say?” I said.

Normandy answered with another question. “Who gave you that scar? It’s a beauty by any standards. Your ‘accident’ was in the newspaper. I have the clipping in your application file.”

I swallowed, and when I spoke, I was surprised to hear that I sounded guarded. “What do you want?”

“I want you to tell me if you see anything strange. I want you especially to tell me if Deirdre Monaghan sees anything strange. We’re here”—he stabbed his finger on his desk emphatically when he said
here
—“for a reason. And we want to make sure kids like you and Deirdre make it successfully to college. Without … interference.”

I rubbed my palms over my goose bumps. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Mr. Sullivan heard you play. He thinks you’re good enough to attract the wrong sort of attention. And I already heard Deirdre play, so I know how good she is.”

It was weird hearing him call her
Deirdre
so much, instead of Dee. How could someone who didn’t even know to call her Dee know anything about her problems? “I’ll let you know,” I said. There was a long pause. “Is that all?”

Normandy sort of nodded, and I stood up. He looked up. “I know you don’t want to talk about Them. And you shouldn’t. I don’t have to tell you it’s bad to mention Them out loud. But please, tell Patrick—Mr. Sullivan—if you see
him
.”

I didn’t tell him what I was thinking. Which was not that I didn’t trust him, but that I didn’t trust him to be useful. The adults who had known about the faeries this summer hadn’t done anything, except possibly make things worse.

“Thanks for your concern,” I said politely.

That was the first and only time I went to his office.