Bad Romeo Christmas: A Starcrossed Anthology (6 page)

I kiss her on the forehead before taking the eggnog out to the living room and serving it to everyone. After the first sip, we can all tell it's way too light on the alcohol, and Dad doesn't waste any time topping up our glasses with some of his most expensive brandy.

Cassie sips at her glass cautiously.

"You okay?" I ask.

She nods and steps closer to me so she can whisper. "Just making sure I don't get drunk in front of your parents. I'm struggling with my self control tonight, and sloppy-groping you under the dinner table might not be the best way to impress my future in-laws."

"Maybe not, but it would sure as hell impress me."

I lean down and kiss her cheek. Then her ear. Then the side of her neck. There's something taboo about being turned on by her in my childhood home, so of course I now have an erection roughly the size of the Freedom Tower.

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against me. The pressure of her body helps a little, but I'd have to get a whole lot closer for true relief. Her eyes go wide when she registers how hard I am.

"Ethan," she whispers and glances briefly over to where my dad is chatting with Elissa and Josh before looking down at my crotch. "If you rub that thing on me again, I won't be held responsible for what I do in front of your family. For the sake of my dignity, and what little modesty I have left, put it away."

I stroke her back and grind just a little. "Where exactly should I put it? I have a few ideas, but I'd like to hear yours."

She looks at me in a way that screams she's aroused and pissed. Probably pissed because she's aroused. That combination isn't helping me be less turned on.

"Ethan, I'm not kidding. Stop looking at me like I’m tonight’s main course and deflate that thing. De-stiffen it. Un-woodify it. Anything. Just stop making me want you in front of your family. Otherwise, I'm going to have to resort to the one method I know will make him go away." She looks toward the front hall.

I chuckle. "Tell me you're not talking about having sex in the downstairs bathroom while my family sips eggnog."

"Of course not," she says with incredulity before tugging down my head so she can whisper in my ear. "I was thinking more like in your bed upstairs. That wooden headboard is pretty sturdy. It would be great for gripping while I ride you. Just saying."

"Jesus, Cassie." I drop my head onto her shoulder. "You gotta stop saying things like that. I'm aching like a son-of-a-bitch over here."

She picks up a nearby magazine and fans herself. "You think your boner hurts? Let me tell you, when a girl gets super turned on, everything swells and aches and throbs. It's more than painful. It's torture. And being like this when I can't do anything about it only makes it worse."

I step away from her and run my fingers through my hair. I thought we were kidding around, but now that she's conjured an image of her riding me in my childhood bed, I can't get rid of it. I've never had sex in that bed. It's seen plenty of hand action over the years and a small amount of heavy petting, but never the full show. I'd like nothing better than to take Cassie upstairs right now and remedy that.

"You know," Cassie says as she runs her fingers over my pecs. "You could make an excuse that you want to show me something upstairs. We could be done in five minutes. Less if you put your mouth on me."

I'm about to crack and do what she wants when Mom calls, "Okay, everyone. Take your seats. Dinner's ready."

Dad carries in a platter holding a huge bird, and the rest of the table is covered in platters of delicious-looking food. Everything smells so good, I'm momentarily distracted from my need to be inside Cassie.

Everyone takes their seats as Dad carves the turkey, but when Cassie goes to follow, I grab her hand and pull her back to me.

"You're pure evil for getting me this turned on right before dinner. Be prepared for punishment later."

"Fine by me," she mutters.

"Also ... how about we not tell anyone you made the green bean casserole until after they've tried it? It'll be a surprise."

She glances at everyone sitting at the table. "Okay, sure. That could be fun. I can't wait to hear what they think."

It's only now I realize this whole thing could backfire. I've been thinking about how funny it will be to see my family's reaction to her food, but I forgot she'd be here to witness it. If they react how I predict, she'll be crushed. As we take our seats, I try and figure out how to best handle the situation.

Mom piles our plates with steaming turkey while Dad fills our wine glasses. Then various platters get passed back and forth as we stock up with sides.

When Cassie's casserole gets to me, I load up my plate. Maybe if I take most of it, there won't be any left for the others.

"Hey," Elissa says. "Stop bogarting the beans. You know they're one of my faves."

I reluctantly hand over the bowl. Elissa takes a generous serving before giving it to Josh.

"Looks great," he says. "We all know my version of cooking involves reheating takeout, so I always look forward to a Holt banquet. You guys make my stomach happy."

I cringe when he spoons three large portions of beans onto his plate. I'm guessing a stomach pump isn't on Josh's Christmas list, but after tonight, that might change.

"So, what's new, kids?" Dad says as the beans make their way down to him. "Tell us all about what's going on."

Elissa clears her throat. "Well, I have some news. Although I don't think Ethan and Cassie will like it."

Everyone stops what they're doing to look at her. She sits up a little straighter and shares a look with Josh. "A few weeks ago, Marco asked if I'd be interested in coming on board his new project, a modern retelling of
The Taming of the Shrew
. I said yes."

Cassie looks disappointed. "Wait, so you're leaving us? Our show?"

Elissa nods. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I've loved working with you guys, but now the show’s settled, I need more of a challenge. I've recommended Talia Shapiro to take over as stage manager."

A flash of anxiety hits me. It's been four years since I've performed in a show not run by my sister, and I guess I’ve gotten used to having her there. Of course, I’m not enough of an asshole to deny that she should spread her wings and move on, so even though I'll miss seeing her every day, I'm glad her career is flourishing.

"Congrats, little sister," I say. "That's fantastic news."

She looks at me expectantly. "That's it? No arguing? No trying to change my mind?"

I smile. "Nope. I think you've made the right decision. Sounds like a great opportunity."

Elissa exhales in relief. "Oh, thank God. I thought for sure I'd have a fight on my hands. And you're right. It's an amazing offer. Plus, I finally get to work with Josh again. He's on board as my assistant stage manager."

Josh puts his hands in the air. "The dream team is back together. Hollah, bitches." He immediately looks contrite. "Sorry, Maggie. You're not a bitch. You're delightful." He catches my dad out the corner of his eye. "You, too, Charles. Elder Holts are exempt from hollering."

Mom smiles at him and places her hand over Elissa's. "Well, I'm thrilled you and Josh are working together again. The show sounds great. When do you start?"

"In February. Plenty of time to train someone to replace me."

Cassie sighs. "Well, I hate the idea of losing you, but if you insist on being all selfish and popular, I guess I'll admit it's a great opportunity. Who are they getting for Kate and Pertruchio?"

Elissa goes pale and takes a quick sip of wine. "Uh, actually, that's a big secret, but I guess it's okay to tell you guys. We found out yesterday they've secured two of the biggest movie stars in the world for the lead roles. Angel Bell and ... uh ... Liam Quinn."

"Quinn?" I say. "Really? Wow."

Cassie's mouth drops open. "Wait, Liam set-my-panties-aflame-with-his-hotness Quinn is your star? Are you kidding me?"

"Hey," I say and grab her thigh beneath the table. "Husband-to-be, sitting right here."

She waves me off. "Oh, please. Your hotness leaves Liam Quinn for dead, but he's still a veeery attractive man."

Elissa shrugs and drinks more wine. "If you say so."

She's not fooling anyone, least of all me. I remember how she and Quinn had some sort of doe-eyed mutual appreciation society going on when we were all doing
Romeo and Juliet
for the Tribeca Shakespeare Festival six years ago. Back then, I was Mercutio and Quinn was Romeo. That was the year before a certain brown-haired actress showed up at the auditions for The Grove and upended my entire world. So, yeah, even though Quinn moved out to L.A. and ended up becoming a megastar who now commands millions of dollars per movie, considering how everything turned out with Cassie, I figure I got the better deal.

"Wow," Cassie says. "I can't believe they got Hollywood's golden couple to do Broadway. Surely their schedule is jam-packed with looking fabulous and showing off their perfect love. I wonder if one of the producers had to sell a kidney to afford their fees."

Elissa shrugs. "Probably. But they're predicting their combined star power will break all box office records, so I guess they'll earn it all back."

"As long as Angel doesn't fall in love with me at first sight and break up with Quinn, of course," Josh says before tearing into a bread roll.

Elissa smiles at him and shakes her head. "Yeah, that's a real danger. Maybe I should make you wear a bag over your pretty face to prevent that from happening."

Josh puts his arm on the back of her chair and leans forward. "You honestly think a little paper will protect her from the power of all of this?" He gestures to himself. "You're dreaming, lady. I mean, I'll
try
not to break up one of the most popular couples in the history of Hollywood, but I can't promise anything. The heart wants what it wants, and I predict Angel Bell's heart wants a hot-geek assistant stage manager who can recite the Gettysburg address in Klingon if he's had enough booze."

Elissa suppresses a laugh. "Of course she does. It's every girl's dream."

Josh glares at her. "The sarcasm is hurtful, Lissa. Hurtful and unnecessary. Bah humbug to you, too."

Now, everyone laughs, and I'm touched to see how Cassie gazes at my sister with clear adoration. Even when Cassie hated my guts she loved my sister, and Elissa couldn't be happier that one of her best friends is going to become her sister-in-law.

"Well, little sister," I say and raise my glass. "Congrats on the new job. I hope you have a great time; even though looking at Quinn's ugly mug every day will probably make you sick to your stomach."

She blushes and gives me a small smile. Considering my sister hardly ever blushes, I'd say that rehearsal process with her and Liam is going to be as entertaining as hell.

"To Elissa and Josh, and their new endeavor," my dad says as we all toast. "And merry Christmas to all Holts." He gestures to Josh and Cassie. "Especially those who are honorary, or Holts-to-be."

Beneath the table, Cassie takes my hand, and I squeeze it. I get a strange sense of possession every time I think about her being my wife. It's not some sort of douchey sense of entitlement. More like a manifestation of what we've always known to be true: we belong to each other. I don't
need
to stand up in front of my friends and family to confirm that, but I want to. Considering I was the guy who used to believe that true love was a ridiculous concept, it's important for me to show just how much Cassie has changed my life.

We all chat quietly as we eat, but in an effort to protect Cassie from the inevitable backlash over her cooking, I make sure to keep an eye on what everyone is putting in his or her mouth. Unfortunately, Mom gets to the beans first. If anyone is going to be brutally honest, it's her.

I hold my breath when she takes a mouthful. She chews for a few seconds before her eyes go wide. Then she swallows and moans in what I can only assume is pain.

God, I'm a terrible son. I should have saved her from this torture.

"Ethan, that green bean casserole is—" There's a slight groan in her voice.

Dammit, she's going to say it's disgusting. Cassie will be heartbroken.

"Mom, wait –"

"-- absolutely
delicious
." She beams at me. "Much better than you usually make."

For a moment, I swear I've misheard. "Uh ... what?"

Mom eats some more, and then everyone is scooping the beans into their mouths, and I'm sure this is what it feels like to be in a horror movie, because I have no doubt that in about thirty seconds, they're all going to go full Linda Blair in
The Exorcist
.

"Wow," Elissa says as her eyes roll back into her head. "So good!"

"Absolutely," my dad agrees. "Restaurant quality."

Even Josh moans in pleasure. "Dude. Forget Angel Bell. I'm marrying this casserole. That's legal in New York, right?"

What the hell? I tried that casserole before we left Cassie's place. It tasted like the unholy love child of thousand-year-old-eggs and congealed grease. Actually, that's not fair. Certain types of congealed grease are tasty. That casserole was like a pile of boiled Odor Eaters, topped with slivered almonds. At least, I hope to God they were almonds.

I look around at the four faces currently smiling in rapture over Cassie's dish. Could I have been wrong about her cooking this whole time? Maybe Cassie is actually a genius chef, but my peasant taste buds are just too basic to recognize it.

I scoop some casserole into my mouth to test the theory.

As soon as I start chewing, the flavor hits me. Sautéed mushrooms, beautifully breadcrumbed onions, beans cooked to perfection and bursting with some sort of tangy deliciousness I can't place.

"Jesus," I mumble. "What the hell?" I turn to Cassie, who's smiling smugly. "You made this?"

She shrugs. "Like cooking is hard or something?"

"But, I tasted it before we left. It was the worst thing I've ever had in my mouth, and that's coming from the man who had to endure Zoe Stevens' tongue on more than one occasion."