Amaryllis (Suitors of Seattle) (8 page)

Mildred nodded.  “I hope it doesn’t change how you feel about my son.”

Amaryllis nodded, and she hoped it wouldn’t too, but it was a lot of information for her to take in.  On the one hand, she was happy that he’d defended his mother and had been willing to make sure she stayed safe.  On the other, she couldn’t believe her husband had killed his own father.  How did one deal with that kind of information?

Mildred showed her how to make pancakes
, and they worked together well in the kitchen as they always had.  Amaryllis wrote down Mildred’s instructions so she would be able to make them herself.  She didn’t know when she’d have a chance, but she hoped to be able to start cooking meals for him soon.

As they walked home that evening, she looked over at Alex.  “What was your father like?” she asked.

Alex gave her a surprised look.  “Where did that question come from?”

She shrugged.  “Watching you with your mother and Higgins made me wonder what kind of man you came from.  What was he like?” 

“He wasn’t a good man.  He beat my mother.  That’s why she feels so strongly about the shelter.”

Amaryllis was pleased that he’d admitted to that much at least.  “Do you ever miss him?”

He shook his head emphatically.  “He was always either at work, or at a saloon, or hurting my mother.  How on earth could I miss a man like that?”

“You seem to think of Higgins as a father.”

“I was already a teenager by the time he married my mother, but he’s a good man.  I was always thrilled to be able to look up to him.  He married my mother right after my father died so that he could take care of us.  He said it wasn’t right for a woman to be on her own with a son to take care of.”  He shrugged.  “Until he made the offer, I’d planned to drop out of school and get a job so I could support my mother.  Did you know he helped me pay for my schooling?  He didn’t have enough to pay for it all, but he sent me money every month to help me out.”

Amaryllis noticed that he mentioned his father’s death but he didn’t mention how he’d died.  “He’s a really good man.”

“He is.  I’ll never forget everything he’s done for me.”  He kept staring straight ahead as they walked.

Amaryllis wished she had the courage to ask him how his father had died, but she decided she’d leave that for him to tell her.  She hoped he would do it soon, because she needed to hear the words from his lips.  Until he admitted it, she would feel as if he was hiding something from her.  She didn’t want to feel that way, because it just added to her mistrust of him.

She wanted everything to be perfect between them, but she knew it wouldn’t be.  Not until she could gain the trust she’d lost.  Hopefully that would happen soon.

*****

It was late Monday morning when Lawrence came into the library.  He stopped at the desk where Amaryllis was sitting doing some paperwork.  “Good morning, beautiful lady.”

Amaryllis looked up and smiled.  “Good morning!  Here for more research?”

He shook his head.  “I’m here to start actually writing my book.  You don’t mind if I do it at one of the tables in the back, do you?”

She shook her head.  “No, of course not.”

“While I’m here, I thought I’d invite you to join me for dinner.  It gets lonely eating alone all the time.”

Amaryllis sighed.  She enjoyed her evenings with Lawrence, but she knew that Alex wouldn’t want her spending time with the other man now.  “I’m sorry, Lawrence.  I don’t think my husband would like that.”  She held up her hand to show him her wedding ring.

Lawrence blinked a few times.  “Husband?  You got engaged and married since I saw you on Tuesday evening?”

Amaryllis nodded, not willing to admit exactly what had happened.  “An old beau finished up law school and moved back to town.  When we saw each other again we knew we didn’t want to wait.”  It was as close to the truth as she was willing to tell him.

He looked stunned.  “You’re not joking are you?”

Amaryllis laughed softly.  “No, I’m not joking, but I share your shock.  I still can’t believe it happened so quickly.

“So no more dinners?”

“Not with me.  I’m sure you’ll find someone else to keep you company in the evenings, though.  It’s not as if we were courting.”

Lawrence frowned.  “I know, but I wish we had been.”

“You know as well as I do that wouldn’t have worked.  When we kissed…nothing happened.”

He sighed and turned to look at the man who had stopped at the desk beside him. 

Alex stared down at the other man.  The man was tall, but Alex
was taller.  This man had kissed his wife?  He held out his hand for the other man to shake, squeezing his hand hard.  “I’m Alex.”

“Lawrence.”

Alex looked back and forth between the two, noting that Amaryllis had stayed on her side of the desk as they talked.  He held up a small pail.  “You forgot your lunch,” he said to Amaryllis.

“Oh, thank you!  I hadn’t even noticed.”  She reached for the pail and took it from him.  “It’s just about lunch time, too.  I’d have been really hungry by the time I came home.”

Alex stood for a moment as if he was undecided about something, before pulling a chair over and putting it behind her desk with her.  “I brought lunch for two.”

Amaryllis smiled.  “That’s nice.  I’d enjoy sharing it with you.” 

Lawrence stood for a moment watching the couple before taking his paper and pens back to the table he usually used.

Alex watched Lawrence go before asking, “Who’s that?” in what he hoped was an unconcerned tone.

Amaryllis shrugged.  “He’s a writer who is here to research a book.  We’ve gone to dinner several times and enjoy talking about books.  He’s the one you saw driving me home on Tuesday evening.”

“He kissed you?”

Amaryllis sighed.  “He kissed me once, but just to see if we’d suit.”  She could see by the look in his eyes that he didn’t like that at all.

Alex raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

She shrugged.  “We didn’t.”

“I don’t want him spending entire days in here working while you’re here.”  His voice was stern.

She shook her head in exasperation.  “This is a library.  I’m the librarian.  People are going to come in here and do research or work on projects.  I can’t stop him.”

Alex shook his head.  “Then maybe it’s time for you to quit your job and stay home.”

“You told me yesterday that you didn’t care if I continued working here.  Why would you expect me to quit now?”

“I don’t like the look of him.”

Amaryllis couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
 
“You don’t know him.  You’ve never seen him before today, and you’re telling me that you don’t think I should see him anymore because you don’t like how he looks?  Do you realize how crazy that is?”

He shrugged.  “I don’t care if you think it’s crazy.  It’
s how I feel.  I’m your husband and you need to listen to me.”  He folded his arms over his chest to emphasize his words.

Amaryllis stared at him in horror.  “Did you really just say that to me?  As if you’re so much smarter than me I need to be at your beck and call and obey everything you say because you’re the man?”

A tic started jumping in Alex’s cheek.  “That’s right. You have to listen to me.”

“Are you listening to yourself?  You truly believe that because you have a penis, you’re so much smarter than me that I can’t make decisions on my own?”  Maybe she should join Daisy
, and the two of them could be suffragettes together.  She had never dreamed Alex would talk to her that way.  He’d always seemed to hold her intelligence and ability to think for herself in high regard.

Alex glared at her.  “I really don’t think you should be talking about my penis in public.”

Amaryllis blinked a few times.  “Are you afraid people will realize you have a penis?  Because I assure you, when I see a man, I do assume he has one.  Besides, we’re perfectly private here.  The only other person in the library is Lawrence, and he’s out of hearing range if we keep our voices low.”

Alex opened the paper wrapping his sandwich with slow, methodical movements.  “I’m not going to argue with you about this in the library.”

“Finally you show a modicum of intelligence yourself.  I can’t believe you’re turning into an overbearing husband.  I will not be spoken down to…by you or anyone.”  She crunched into her apple, opening the book she’d brought with her with a snap, and not looking at him. 

“So you’re going to sit there and read a book rather than talk to me when I went to the trouble of bringing your lunch to you so you wouldn’t be hungry?” He glared at her downturned head.

She refused to even answer.  She wasn’t reading though.  The book was simply an excuse not to talk to him.  She wasn’t going to continue this ridiculous conversation.  She’d wait until they were home, and she could shout at him all she wanted.  Because she really did need to shout at him.  Loudly.

Alex ate his lunch quickly and gathered up the remains.  He walked out the door without another word to her, still fuming that she’d ignored him when he’d brought her lunch to her.  Why would she treat him that way?

He was halfway home before he realized that he’d left her alone in the library with Lawrence still sitting there working.  He had an appointment with a new client, though, and couldn’t do a thing about it.  This was a client who was willing to pay him a considerable amount of money, so he needed to see him.  There was no way he was going to be able to take on charity cases if he didn’t have some paying clients as well.

*****

Amaryllis was still fuming as she ate the last bite of her lunch and closed her book.  Alex was turning into the kind of man she didn’t even want to look at.  How dare he have a problem with Lawrence when he’d taken up with
Sarah
while he was at school?  She suddenly hated the name. 
Sarah
. 

She put her paperwork aside and decided to shelve books instead.  She needed to do something physical to get over her anger with Alex.  He was definitely going to get a big piece of her mind when she got home from work that day.  How dare he complain about Lawrence?

She was in the children’s section shelving books when Lawrence walked up behind her.  “Is everything all right?  Did I cause problems between you and your husband when he saw us talking?”

Amaryllis shrugged.  “We’ll be fine.”  She didn’t want Lawrence to know she was already having marital problems.  For goodness sake, how many women had marital problems after just two days of marriage?  What was wrong with her?

“I’ll talk to him and let him know that we’re just friends if you’d like.”  His face was concerned as he watched her.

“Really, Lawrence.  Alex and I have known each other for thirteen years.  We’ll make it work.  I promise.”  She wouldn’t look at him as she said the words.  She kept shelving the books.

“I’ll leave you alone then.”

She waited until she heard him walk away before leaning forward to rest her forehead on the shelf in front of her.  Why couldn’t she even get along with her husband?  Two days.  Dear Lord, her marriage had only been happy for two days. 

Chapter Six

Amaryllis was still shaking on her way home from the library.  She knew she was going to have to talk to Alex when she got home, but she was so angry, she didn’t think it was a good idea.  Just as she reached their street, she turned and headed for the park instead.  She walked to the swing and sat down, staring at the ground thinking. 

If she went home and talked to Alex with as angry as she was, she knew she’d just start yelling at him.  Yelling wouldn’t help their marriage.  She needed to get herself calm first and then talk to him.

She’d been resting there for a few minutes, trying to calm her thoughts, when she felt hands take hold of the ropes of the swing.  Suddenly she was flying through the air.  She turned to see her uncle Max.

She dragged her feet on the ground to stop the swing.  “Uncle Max!  What are you doing?”

“You looked sad, and I remembered that when you were a little girl your favorite thing to do was get pushed on the swing.  So I thought maybe I’d cheer you up.”

Amaryllis laughed, jumping up to hug her uncle.  “I needed a little time to get over my mad.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and walked with her along the trail in the park.  “Why are you mad?  You’re my favorite niece.  You’re not allowed to be mad!”

Amaryllis rolled her eyes.  Max told each of her sisters they were his favorite niece.   “Alex and I just had a little falling out at lunch today.”  She sighed.  “Two days into marriage, and we’re already fighting.”

“When I first married your aunt, I was horribly jealous of her relationship with a certain man.  I went insane with jealousy.  I complained about him all the time to the point I almost ruined our marriage.”

“Really?  Who was it?”  Amaryllis had thought Max’s marriage with Harriett had always been perfect.

“Higgins.”

Amaryllis couldn’t control the giggles that erupted from her.  “My father-in-law, Higgins?  He’s old enough to be her father!”

“I know.  I knew it then.  But they were close.  They shared something that I didn’t understand.”  He smiled down at her.  “The only way we were able to get past the jealousy was to share all of our secrets we had been hiding.”  He didn’t add that all the secrets had been his wife’s.

“So once you both knew what the other was hiding things were better between you?”

“Exactly.”

She sighed.  “I know he’s keeping at least two things from me.  Do you know what happened with his father?”

Max
nodded.  “Of course I do.  I think what Higgins did for Mildred and Alex was what made me get over my jealousy.”

“He hasn’t told me about that yet.  I know his father died ‘in an accident.’  I think that’s the worst thing honestly.  If he can’t trust me with knowing that, then he doesn’t trust me at all.”  She shrugged.  “Honestly, I don’t trust him either.”

“You two need to get past that as quickly as you can.  That’s the best marital advice I have to give.  Learn to trust each other.”

Amaryllis nodded.  “I know.  I’m just mad.”

“Do you think you can go home and talk to him now without having a huge fight?” Max asked.  “Because yelling at him is only going to make things worse.”

“I think so.  I really am trying to make this work out.  I want to have a good marriage.”

“Then go and talk to him.  Tell him your concerns, but do it without raising your voice.”

“I’ll try.”  She turned and hugged him tightly.  “Thanks, Uncle Max.  I’m glad I ran into you.”

She walked toward her home, not exactly with a positive attitude, but feeling much better about the discussion she was about to have with her husband.  She pushed the door open and walked through the office and back to the apartment.  He was standing at the stove cooking dinner.  It was some sort of soup, but Amaryllis didn’t pay much attention to it.

“How was your afternoon?” she asked calmly, trying to figure out how to bring up the real topic calmly.

“Why are you late getting home?” he asked, not looking at her.  “Were you with Lawrence?”

“How can you ask me that?  Of course, I wasn’t with Lawrence!”  She sighed heavily.  “I went to the park to calm my temper before coming home, because I didn’t want to fight with you.  I ran into my uncle Max there
, and we walked, and he gave me marriage advice.”

“You told your uncle about our fight?”  He turned to glare at her.

“I told him we had a fight.  I didn’t tell him what it was about.”  She sighed.  “He told me that when he first married my aunt, he was really jealous of Higgins.”

“What does that have to do with you telling him about our fight?”

“Nothing, I guess.  I just thought it might amuse you because it had amused me so much.”

Alex turned back to the soup.  “So you left the library, went to the park, talked to your uncle, and then came straight home?  You didn’t talk to Lawrence?”

“I did talk to Lawrence for another minute at the library.  It’s part of my job.”

“I don’t like it.”

She shook her head slowly, trying to keep her emotions in check.  “There’s nothing between me and Lawrence.  And I don’t think you really have room to talk after Sarah.”  Her voice got louder and louder until finally she screamed the word ‘Sarah.’

He turned and glared at her.  “You’re throwing Sarah in my face?  You want to know about Sarah?  She was the widow of one of the old university presidents.  The odd jobs she gave me, and the
friendship she offered, helped me to not have to work at the docks while I went to school.  She was a good person, and she helped me realize that you were the only woman I would ever truly love.  She made it possible for me to get through school faster.”

Amaryllis stared at him in disbelief.  “Why would you say that?  I know better!  I heard your mom tell Higgins about her!”  She turned her back on him sinking down onto the bed.  “Do you have any idea what it did to me to find out that you were seeing another woman when you were courting me?  I know we couldn’t court officially, but I still thought of you as my beau.  I cried for weeks.”

“You sent me a letter saying you didn’t want to be tied down at such a young age!” he protested.

“So I could keep my pride!  Should I have written you and said, ‘I know about Sarah, so I want you to know that I’m not willing to share you with another woman?’  Would that have made more sense?”

He shook his head.  “Is that really why you said you didn’t want to be tied down?”

“Of course it is!  You were my whole world!  I told everyone that you were my soul mate.  My mother got so sick of hearing the term ‘soul mate’ that she forbade me from saying it.  My every dream was of being married to you, and then you betrayed me.”  She took a deep breath and turned back to him, the pain evident in her eyes.  “And now you accuse me of doing with Lawrence what you did with Sarah after we’re married?  I wouldn’t.  I would never cause anyone the kind of pain you caused me.”  She picked up the book she was reading.  “I’ll be in your office.  Let me know when dinner is ready please.”

She left the room, refusing to listen to another word he had to say after the way he’d treated her.  How could he expect their marriage to work if he didn’t trust her?   She knew it was silly that she expected him to trust her when she didn’t trust him, but she’d never given him a reason to doubt her. 

When the meal was ready, he brought her bowl to the desk in his office and she ate there while he ate in the apartment.  Neither of them was willing to break the silence and speak to the other.  There was no point.  They were at an impasse and they both knew it.

*****

Alex woke early the following morning and stretched, wondering why he was so stiff, and then it all came back to him.  He’d slept on the floor, because neither of them were willing to back down from their fight the previous night.  He stood up, stretched to get the aches out of his back, and walked to the stove.  He’d make her breakfast. 

He shook his head at himself.  He was furious with her for not believing him, but at the same time, he fought to think of a way to convince her he was telling her the truth.  He needed her to trust him.  Their marriage was doomed if they couldn’t trust each other, even though he loved her more than he cared to admit.

How could he make her believe that what he said was true?  What had she overheard his mother say to John?  He knew that she believed he’d cheated on her with everything inside her, so he had to go to the source and figure out what she’d overheard that had left her so hurt and angry.   He made French toast for the two of them and shook her awake.  He didn’t want to say anything, because he was so angry and hurt, he was afraid he’d say something he didn’t mean.

Amaryllis came awake slowly, as she always did.  The hurt in her eyes startled him.  Did she wake up thinking about their fight?  He hated the hurt she felt, but he knew his hurt was just as strong.  He could talk to his mother and John and have them tell her the truth, but really he wanted her to believe him, just because she believed him.  Not because someone went to her and told her what had happened.

Amaryllis took her place at the table and picked at her breakfast.  The French toast was good, but she couldn’t force the bites down.  She wanted to do nothing but hide from him. 

After breakfast, she did the dishes that they’d dirtied while he went to his office to start the day.  She hated that they were fighting so much, but she didn’t have the words to say to stop them.  She loved him with everything inside her, but until she could trust him just as much, she’d never be able to live comfortably or happily with him.  If he would just admit to having cheated on her, she thought she’d be able to move on, but he was clearly unwilling to admit the truth to her.

Amaryllis dragged her feet as she walked to the library.  She and Alex hadn’t exchanged a single word that day.  Usually she loved mornings, and her walk to work was one of her favorite parts of the day.  She loved her job, and loved thinking about the things she would do once she got there.  Everything about it made her happy.

Not today, though.  She was convinced that her marriage was over, even though it had barely started.  She was going to spend the rest of her life with a man who didn’t even want to talk to her.

Lawrence was at the library again that day, and kept trying to get her to talk to him.  Alex showed up halfway through the day, not with her lunch, but obviously to check up on her.  He didn’t say a word to her, but looked through the library, and when he spotted Lawrence, he glared at her like he never wanted to speak to her again.

She received her pay that day, as she did the first of every month, and walked to the bank her father owned to deposit it.  She stepped into the bank, and instead of checking to see if he was in to talk to her like she usually did, she went to one of the clerks up front to do her business and turned toward the door. 

“Amaryllis!” Fred called, spotting her as she was leaving the bank.  He’d expected her to deposit her pay that day, so he’d been watching for her, hoping he could talk to her and see how she was faring.

She turned and waved, walking toward him, dreading talking to him.  She just didn’t want anyone to know just how badly her relationship with Alex was going.  “Hello, Papa.”

He ushered her into his office, gesturing to the seat across from his desk.  “How’s Alex treating you?” he asked.

Amaryllis immediately burst into tears, shaking her head, but saying nothing.

“Rilly, what’s going on?  Why are you so upset?”

She took a shuddering breath and explained the whole thing to him.  He knew about Alex and Sarah, of course, but he didn’t realize she was still upset about it.  Finally, after her halting explanation that had been punctuated by sobs and sniffles, she pulled out her handkerchief and wiped her eyes and nose.

Fred was shaking his head at her.  “I talked to Higgins.”

Amaryllis shrugged.  She wasn’t sure why that was news.  Her father and Higgins had become friends in the years Higgins had been in Seattle.  “And?”

“He told me all about Sarah.  She wasn’t a young lady Alex was cheating on you with.  She was a widow who hired him to do odd jobs.  She kept Alex from having to do backbreaking work at the docks, so she made his life much better.  She also offered him companionship, which he really needed.  Most of the young men at the college h
ad money, and he never really fit in, because of his social status.”  He leaned back in his chair.  “He never did anything to betray you, Rilly.  You’ve judged the man unfairly, without ever giving him a chance to defend himself, and you’ve been doing it for years.”

Amaryllis’s eyes widened.  That was the exact story that Alex had told her.  Higgins wouldn’t lie for him, though.  “Really, Papa?”

“Really.  It’s time for you to go home, and apologize to your husband and start trusting him.”

“But he’s hiding other things from me as well.”

Fred sighed.  “He’ll tell you everything you need to know in his own time.  Don’t give up on your marriage just because you don’t think you can trust him.  You can.  I’ve known Alex for years, and there’s not a finer young man out there.”  He paused, leaning forward on his desk to be certain he had her attention.  “I don’t like the way you two had to get married so quickly, but there’s nothing else that I can find to fault the young man about.  He’s a good person, and you will be happy with him if you’ll just let yourself.”