Authors: Jorie Saldanha

A Life Like Mine (6 page)

“I don’t think that I’m going to let…”

“Oh, Jack, just let her. Go get me some punch. She kissed him and then started nibbling on his ear.

“Cut it out before I spew all over your prostitute outfit that you call a Homecoming dress!” I rolled my eyes.

“Lena…” Jack cautioned.

“Go and get me my drink already!” Lena yelled. Jack went off as Lena stared at me. It was almost as if she had taken all the coldness from Antarctica and put them in her eyes.

“So where’s Larry and Moe?” I asked.

“What? Are you comparing my friends to the three stooges?”

“Well, since you’re Shemp…I just figured they were the other two stooges.” I smiled.

“Ewwww! Isn’t Shemp the one with really greasy hair?” She touched her own hair.

“It fits you so well, doesn’t it?”

“Whatever. Jill and Liz got drunk and passed out before they got here. They won’t be able to make it.” Lena surprisingly answered my question.

“Wait…isn’t that your two friends in crime over there?” I pointed to Liz and Jill who were stumbling around and laughing like idiots.

“I’m so hot! Everybody wants me,” Liz said slurring her words.

“Yeah. Let’s dance!” Jill wasn’t as drunk, but still affected. They started to dance around like losers, and were doing disco moves that were just sad. It got worse when Liz started singing.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin’ alive! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin’ alive!” Liz was totally tone deaf. Everyone at the dance grabbed for their ears in order to protect them. I knew that the cats and dogs would be coming any minute.

“No! I’m too sexy for your potty! Too sexy for your potty! The way I’m disco dancing!” Jill started to pretend she was on a catwalk, but stumbled over and started laughing again.

“My heart will go on and on!” Liz broke into song. She started waving her arms crazily. “I’m so drunk!” She giggled. By this time almost everyone was just watching. Everyone was laughing at them. Of course, since Liz and Jill were so out of it, they thought the crowd was laughing “with” them. So they kept getting worse and worse. I thought it was hilarious, but Lena was horrified.

“Wait a minute! Wait a minute!” Jill put her hands up.

“What?” Liz had a lazy smile on her face.

“I don’t think we’re very funny.”

“Why not, Jillie?”

“Well, Lizzie, we need to get more attention.”

“How do we do that?” Liz snorted.

“Like this!” Liz took off the top half of her dress and started running around in just her skirt and bra.

“No. I don’t think that works! Put your top back on.” Jill asked.

“Okay.” Liz put her top back on and you could hear all the guys groan.

“Won’t you take me to Funky Town?” Jill chuckled.

“Sure!” Liz answered.

“Do you know where it is?”

“No! We could ask.” Liz looked around the room.

“So where’s Funky Town, Liz?”

“I don’t know, Jill.”

“Hey people! Where’s Funky Town?” Liz fell over into a heap on the ground.

“I’ll save you!” Jill pretended to dive underwater. She picked up Liz.

“Let’s sing some more!” Liz said.

“NO! Let’s not. Just sit down, both of you! You’re making fools of yourselves.” Lena ran over to them. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“Well, you embarrass me all the time.” Liz laughed.

“Yeah, me too!” Jill nodded.

“I don’t feel so good.” Liz sat down in the middle of the dance floor.

“Get up! You’re making a scene.” Lena hoisted Liz up.

“’But I-” Liz hurled all over Lena’s stiletto heels.

“Ewwww! These were brand new! How could you do this?” Lena dropped Liz and went to the bathroom. Liz passed out, but Jill was still up and around. She started running around the gym.

“I’m a Teletubbie! I’m a Teletubbie!” Jill yelled as she ran around. Everyone just kept on dancing. Lena had gotten back and started running after Jill, but Jill kept getting away.

“Get back here! You’re acting like a child,” Lena screamed.

“Well at least you’re not the only one, Lena!” Jill laughed.

“I’ll let that go because you’re not yourself. You’re not seeing clearly,” Lena reasoned.

“Oh, but I’m seeing so clearly. For the first time, everything makes so much sense. You see I’m a Teletubbie.” Jill kept running around. She finally fell into an exhausted heap. Lena dragged Liz and Jill into a corner. She then covered them with a tablecloth.

I walked over to her, “Babysitting is rough, huh?”

“Shut up!” Lena wiped the sweat off her forehead.

“So I guess the girls
did
make it to the dance.”

“I guess.”

“They sure look like-” I was about to make fun of them.

“So what do you want? I know you love insulting me, but I’m sure that’s not why you’re here.”

“I want you to leave him alone,” I replied frankly.

“No.”

“Why not?” I questioned.

“Ashley, Ashley. You don’t understand. I’ve always wanted a red Viper ever since I could remember.”

“I know.”

Lena looked at me, raising her eyebrows. She continued, “Well, Daddy simply can’t afford it, and I want it. Did you know that Jack’s parents are the owners of a major company?”

“Yes.” My face was boiling because it was so hot. I understood exactly what Lena was getting at.

“Well, I think you know what I’m talking about. I know you think highly of yourself, and think that I would date Jack to get at you, but in reality it’s just a bonus.” Lena reached into her purse and pulled out some lipstick. She carefully put it on her lips, puckered them at me, and then made a smoochy sound.

“You’re not as smart as you think you are, Lena. Jack won’t fall for it. He’s smarter than you think!” I felt beaten, but I wouldn’t let Lena know that.

Jack returned, “Here’s your punch, Sweetheart.” He saw the tears in my eyes, and grabbed my shoulder, as I was about to leave. “What’s wrong?”

I turned to him and shook my head, “You know, you just refuse to see it.” I walked away leaving him alone with Lena. I needed to do something. I looked at the floor as I was walking and again I bumped into a body. I looked up, “Why do we keep bumping into each other like this?”

“I don’t know. Sorry, I haven’t been very honest with you. I’ve been bumping into you on purpose.” The Mohawk guy said to me.

“Why? Do you have some sick fun in making me late for classes and stepping on my new shoes?” I joked.

“No…I-” He started.

“I’d love to talk, but I have to go. I’ve got a lot to do.” I walked off towards Betty and the girls.

“So any luck yet?” Tina asked me.
“She’s dating him for the money.” I said.

“That’s it? You didn’t get anymore?”

“None.” I looked back to see if the Mohawk guy was still there, but he was gone. I noticed how all the other girls had left to dance with their dates. Tom was out of sight and I was left to watch over Betty. I decided that she would be okay on her own. I went over to go take care of Lena and Jack, but Jack was all alone.

“Where’s Lena?” I asked.

“She said she had something that she had to take care of. You wouldn’t know what that is would you?” He seemed to be anxious.

“No. She’s unpredictable. I know that you like her, but I don’t have to Jack.” I met his eyes.

“I know. I’m starting to think something is up with Princess Lena.”

“How so?” I inquired.

“At first she seems so easily pleased. It’s like she has something up her sleeve all the time. Then, she’s really bossy, and keeps going on about how she wants all these things.”

“I warned you, but you didn’t listen.” I reminded.

“Yeah, but you didn’t do the best warning. You just insulted me.”

“How did I insult you?” I asked indignantly.

“You said that she could only like me because she wanted to get back at you. You made me feel like no one could like me for me,” Jack commented.

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just think that you and Betty are so much better matched.” I confessed.

“Well…I guess…” Jack gave me a lopsided grin. “Where is she anyway?”

I looked around for her and spotted her. She was gettin’ her groove on all by herself. Nearby, Jill and Liz started to gain consciousness, moaning pathetically. Behind Betty was Lena. She had the most evil and conniving smile I had ever seen on her face. She held a long rope in her hands. I followed the rope with my eyes. It led to a bucket right over where Betty was! As soon as I realized this, Lena pulled on the rope. Jack must have seen it coming sooner because he leapt forward and pushed Betty out of the way. The room went silent as the marinara sauce fell down on Liz and Jill instead. They screamed.

Before I continue, I know this sounds like total rip off a movie you’ve heard of, but don’t worry I give it credit later. I’m not the only one that uses this scene to death. During prom week all the soap operas give a rendition of this. It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? Hey, this does seem like one of those stupid slow motion sequences when the brave man runs, yelling “No!” in a deeper voice because it’s been slowed, to save the beautiful girl in trouble. Those are the slow motion moments that make you want to gag or a least fast forward past this moment. It just doesn’t make any sense for why the director added the “slow mo.” If they’re trying to be artsy, they just made it really stupid and funny. Well, I’ll get you back to the moment where Jill and Liz just got nailed with marinara sauce.

“Like, ewwww! This is so wrong! Lena!” Jill waved her hands wildly.

“This is your fault.” Liz started laughing hysterically and was going to walk towards Lena when she slipped on the marinara sauce. Liz did the splits! “Ahhh! Call a doctor!” Liz shrieked.

Lena’s eyes were wide with both anger and shock. “Jack! Why did you do that? You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Not anymore, Lena; it’s over. You’re never going to get that boob job like you wanted.” Jack yelled.

Lean gasped, “That was supposed to be our secret! I can’t believe that you told. You promised.”

“You forfeit deserving my trust when you try and hurt my friends,” Jack picked Betty up from the ground and gave her a bear hug too.

“Whatever. I am so out of here.” Lena got her coat and looked back at Jack. You could tell she was desperate for those boobs because she said, “Are you coming?”

“No. You can take that fake smile and shove it up those butt implants of yours.” Jack said.

“Your loss. It’s over, Jack.”

“Oh, it’s been over for a while now, Lena.”

“Whatever,” Lena rolled her eyes saying one of the few words that she knew. She started to walk out. She didn’t care that she was going to leave Liz and Jill in their rather compromising positions.

“Lena?” I called.

“What?”

“Next time that you decide to rip off of
Carrie
make sure that you’re messing with the right people.” I walked up to her.

“Don’t underestimate me. I know you better than you think,” Lena sneered.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You might think that you’re smarter, but you’re not. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’ll always win in the end.”

“You act like this is a contest, Lena. What are you trying to win?”

“I want you to lose all of your self-respect.”

“Like you have?” I smiled.

“Charming. I’m sure your boyfriend thinks that you’re just a delight. Oh, wait! I forgot…you don’t have one!” Lena cackled.

“You don’t either.” I added.

“I could have any man that I wanted in here. It wouldn’t matter. They might hate me, but they’d go out with me in a heartbeat. We both know it.”