Read A Forever Kind of Love Online

Authors: Shiloh Walker

A Forever Kind of Love (8 page)

How could she admit to him, to anybody, that her mother hated her that much?

“She never wanted me, you know,” she said quietly.

Chase was quiet for a moment. “You two never got along well, I know that.”

She snorted and shook her head. “Oh, it was more than that. She didn’t want me, would have thrown me out on my butt sooner, except she didn’t want the town knowing about it. Once I was eighteen, I was no longer her problem.”

She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “And she wasn’t going to put up with me. She…well, she threw me out.” A dull, painfully red flush climbed up her cheeks and she glanced back at him. “I didn’t have any place to go. In the end, it was your dad who ended up helping me out. You know how he is,” she said, forcing a smile. She hedged easily, shifting her gaze back outside. “Always got to be somebody’s white knight. Made sure I had a place to stay the first few nights, helped me find a job. He offered me a place to stay until I figured out what to do…and a job.”

“That…well, that sounds like Dad.”

“Doesn’t it? He’s a great guy,” she said quietly. “You have no idea how lucky you are to have him.”

Chase was quiet.

“Roger and I just ended up spending a lot of time together that summer. We both missed you. Both of us were more or less planning on staying around here, although he was commuting to Lexington for college. I ended up just going to the community college. I kept working at the shop—that was the job your dad helped me get. It’s the place I own now. And toward the end of the summer, Roger proposed…I…well, I was so at loose ends, I said yes, and I don’t think it was until the day of the wedding that I even realized what I’d agreed to.” She shrugged and leaned against the wall, arms wrapped around herself.
 

She missed him…her husband.

Missed feeling his arms around her…

And then, there were arms around her.

Chase’s arms.

She stiffened, unable to relax, unable to breathe at first.

But slowly, so slowly, the tension in her body eased. Quietly, she said, “I miss him. I feel like somebody has cut off my arm. My leg. My heart. Something vital. It’s like it will never grow back, either.”

“I’m so sorry, Zoe.”

She was crying. She hadn’t realized it, but she was crying. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

“It was like one day, he showed up and he was just always there. Ever since that summer. I didn’t plan to fall in love with him. It took me forever to stop thinking about you. To stop waiting for you to come back home. And then one day, I rolled over in bed and saw him, and I was like…wow. I love this guy.”

She eased away from Chase and walked over to the box, kneeling down in front of one of the open boxes. This one held pictures. She lifted one out—it held their smiling faces—hers and Rogers.

 

Chase hadn’t ever felt more like an outsider. Hadn’t ever felt less needed.

Shit, what was he doing here? She needed to be alone with her memories right now…or at least have time without somebody standing there and thinking about how much he still loved her, how much he still wanted her, and how damn stupid he’d been to walk away.

“It took me almost two years,” she said quietly. “You know that? Almost two years before I could look at him and realize just how lucky I was, and I think he knew.”

“Knew what?”

A bitter smile twisted her lips and she looked at him. “He knew that for the longest time, whenever he touched me, I wished it was you.”

Then she sighed and looked back. “That wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair at all, and even though he knew I still loved you, he…hell. It’s not like it matters now. I loved him so much and now he’s gone.”

It was a quick sucker punch to his system to hear that from her—guilt, regret, longing…so much of it.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice gruff.

Still with that sad smile on her lips, she said, “Don’t be. I had one hell of a life with Roger. Did it end too soon? Yes. I wanted another fifty years with him. I wanted kids with him…wanted grandkids. I wanted to…” She pressed a kiss to the picture she held and then knelt down, put it back in the box. “I wanted a life with him. I was going to try and talk him into a cruise this summer. Alaska. I wanted to go to Alaska. Or maybe Europe. We’ve always stayed somewhere fairly close, nothing exotic. Nothing exciting. But we always had each other and we were happy.”

She closed her eyes and wiped the tears from her face. “Some people go their entire life without really knowing what it is to be happy. I had it. Yeah, I lost him, but at least for a while, we had each other. It’s better than nothing, right?”

 

 

Give her time.

Chase brooded into a bottle of beer and then lifted it, sending Roger a silent salute.

“Not to doubt you, buddy…I’m sure you know your wife, but she’s not looking for another chance with me.”

Feeling a quizzical set of eyes on him, Chase glanced up and saw the bartender’s curious look. Forcing a smile, he said, “Friend of mine died a few weeks ago. Still having some trouble letting go, I think.”

“That sucks,” the man said, grimacing.

“Yeah.” Taking another sip of his beer, he sat the bottle down and studied the battered, scarred surface of the counter. “Doesn’t it?”

Then, shutting the world, the bar, the bartender, all of it out of his head so he could focus on the beer, on his thoughts, and on his memories.

Focus, and think.

No…she didn’t seem to need him the way Roger thought she would, but Chase had let her go once. He didn’t plan on doing it again.

Time. He just needed to give her time.

He’d already waited fifteen years.

What was another few months…another year…?

He could do that.

It wasn’t like she was going anywhere.

He sure as hell wasn’t.

Not again.

Not now.

Chapter Seven

Staring at the vivid blue of the ocean depicted on the brochure, Zoe rubbed her hands together.

It had been nearly a month since she’d buried Roger, and although she knew she couldn’t run from her grief, she also knew she couldn’t stay here, either.

Couldn’t stay here and live with the reminder of her life with him…and the life they’d missed out on. Day after day, staring at the places where they used to eat, where he’d worked with James, the square where they used to go for walks in the summer.

The memories were choking her. All of it.

She needed to get away, and not just for a weekend. A trip to Lexington, a trip down to Savannah to visit with some friends, that wasn’t going to do it. She needed to get far, far away.

Alaska seemed pretty damn far.

Was she really doing this?

All of her life, she’d wanted to travel.

Wanted to go places.

Wanted to see things.

Roger had always just been more of a homebody. He was…no…he
had
been happiest at home. With her.

Now, he was gone and she was at loose ends.

She needed to
go
somewhere.

Do
something.

Just yesterday, she’d turned her shop over to the capable hands of her manager. Kelly could handle it. She’d more than proven that over the past few months.

The house was sold.

Between the house’s sale and the life insurance policy, she had more than enough money in the bank to just…relax for a while. Travel some.

Blowing out a breath, she met Mitzi Harmon’s eyes and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Honey, are you sure?” Mitzi smiled gently. “You’d be leaving in…” she checked her monitor and then looked back at Zoe. “Two days. That’s not much time. What about your mother? Your store?”

Guilt tried to twist at Zoe’s heart, but logically, she knew her mother was better off if she
wasn’t
around. Her mother was still so angry with her, even if she didn’t fully remember why. Whenever she was there, the moods were worse, the violence was worse.
 

As much as it hurt her heart to admit it, Mom did better when she wasn’t there.
 

“Mom will be fine,” she said. Then she forced a smile and added, “And Kelly will handle the store. Trust me, Mitzi. I
need
to do this.”

When she left the travel agent’s office a little while later, it was like there was a weight lifted off her shoulders.
 

She had a plan in mind…one that involved getting out of Warren. Finally.

She could get away from all the sympathetic looks, and she could get away from the memories, and she could get away from…

“Chase!”

She crashed straight into his chest, dropping the little folder that held the information she’d need for the tour.

Laughing, she crouched down and gathered it up. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Kneeling down, he helped her gather everything up, his eyes on her face, watching her in that way of his. For the past month, longer, he’d been right there, a steady, soothing presence and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to find herself leaning on him far, far too much and she couldn’t do that.

She couldn’t.

“How are you?” he asked.
 

From the corner of her eye, she saw him lift a hand like he was going to touch her, but then he curled his fingers into a fist, lowered his hand. She was glad—so damn glad, because when he touched her, it did bad, bad things to her heart, reminded her that she hadn’t died with Roger.

She didn’t want to remember that…just yet.

And she certainly didn’t want that reminder with Chase.

Straightening, she gave him a smile. It was easy to smile at him right now, because in a couple days, she’d be gone, away from him and he couldn’t do these things to her battered, slowly-bleeding heart. She needed to heal, needed to recover from what the past year had done to her and then, when she was strong, she could look at him and realize he wasn’t what her heart was making him out to be.
 

Her heart was telling her that she still needed him, that she wanted him, but Zoe knew better.

She’d stopped needing him a long, long time ago, and he’d certainly stopped needing her.

She wasn’t Chase’s girl anymore.

She might not be Roger’s anymore, but she needed the time and the distance…needed to find her own strength, stand on her own.
 

For the first time in her life, she realized.

“Earth to Zoe…”

Chase waved a hand in front of her and she jerked her attention back to him, shook her head. “Sorry. My mind’s wandering—I’ve got a million things to get done,” she said. Lifting the brochure up, she showed it to him. “I’m going away for a while.”

If she’d told him she was secretly a man, she didn’t think he would have been any more surprised.

Her heart bumped against her ribs at the look on his face.

His dark blue eyes were darker and the skin around his eyes went tight. Blood drained out of his face and if she didn’t know better, she’d think that he looked…hurt.

Very hurt.

Almost the way she’d felt when she realized he’d left her behind…

“Going away?” he said, the words faint, hoarse.

Busying herself with straightening all the information she’d gotten from Mitzi, she started to walk. Chase fell into step next to her, his hands jammed deep into his pockets. “Yes. I need…” she sighed and glanced around, studying the small town around her. She’d lived here her entire life—knew just about everybody. Her friends were here and even though the only blood family she had no longer knew her…well, the bonds of family weren’t always forged solely through blood.

Leaving her mother would hurt, but it wouldn’t be the hardest part.

That would be leaving James, leaving Kelly.
 

Leaving Chase…
her heart whispered.

No

“I’ve got to get away from here for a while, Chase,” she said after a minute. “You remember how you said you couldn’t breathe? Back when you left here after graduation? I get that, because lately?
I
can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t focus. Every time I think I’m doing a little better, somebody comes up and pats me on the back…

There, there, poor, poor Zoe. You’ve been through so much, but it will get better. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you…’”

A bitter smile twisted her lips. “Yeah. My whole life—a life I’d planned on spending with Roger and now, I don’t know what to do with it.”

For the longest time, Chase was silent. Then, slowly, he said, “So you’re just leaving. That’s going to make it better? Fix things?”

“No. It’s not going to make it better, but it will give me some time to heal…on my own. Let me get my head on straight, and maybe decide what I want to do. What I need to do.”

He reached out and caught her arm, coming to a stop.

Because he had a grip on her arm, when he stopped, so did she. Ignoring the way his touch made her heart race, she stared past him and tried to smile, tried to focus on anything but the way she was feeling inside.

Broken…desperate…so full of need for him. Again.

“So you leave. You just leave?” he said.

Don’t look at him,
she thought.
Don’t look at him. As long as you don’t look at him, you’ll be okay.

Two seconds later, she found herself staring into his dark, dark eyes, her heart racing, her mouth dry.

“I don’t
just
leave,” she said hoarsely. “But it’s what I need to do.”

His hand came up, stroked down her jaw. “Let me come with you. You don’t need to be alone right now.”

His head came closer, closer…

Abruptly, she realized he just might kiss her but then she jerked away.

Not very far, because he still held her arm. As if he’d realized where they were, he looked up and around, and swore. Then he was pulling her into a store. It took almost a full minute to realize
what
store—his store. By that time, they were in the back of it, tucked inside his private office.

“Don’t leave, Zoe,” Chase said, quietly, staring at her.

Time fell away and she felt like she was lost, staring into his eyes. And she
hated
it. Closing her hands into a fist, she rubbed her wedding ring with her thumb. Her wedding ring…the ring Roger had put on her finger after Chase had walked away from her.

Other books

Originator by Joel Shepherd
A Soul To Steal by Blackwell| Rob
Rage by Jackie Morse Kessler
Clidepp Requital by Thomas DePrima
The Orphan and the Mouse by Martha Freeman
Silk Over Razor Blades by Ileandra Young
Horrid Henry Rocks by Francesca Simon
Amazonia by Croft, Sky
New Boss at Birchfields by Henrietta Reid


readsbookonline.com Copyright 2016 - 2024