"I'm really glad you've shaved off your weird, patchy beard. Not that I didn't love you with it, but…"
"It was really bad, I know. I was just excited about actually having facial hair." Cin shrugs. "I've been lucky, progress-wise."
Tom kisses him again. "But do you
feel
better?"
"So much." Cin leans against Tom's chest. "I feel like me. For probably the first time since I really became aware of gender."
A soft noise escapes Tom's lips before he can stop himself, the kind of sound he's used to making at cat pictures on the internet. Cin sends him a lot of those. He used to send pictures of the shelter cats, but he's had to give up his shifts there recently, and Tom wishes there was some way to get him a cat of his own. Maybe one of those hairless ones would be okay. If he could find a breeder, they could go and see if Cin reacts to one. Tom files this away as an idea for the New Year, possibly Cin's birthday.
"Glad to hear it. Come inside?" Tom leans back a little and Cin lets go of him, then follows him into the house. A pleasant shiver runs through him at the thought of them being here together again.
"Is there mistletoe in
every
doorway?"
"Yep." Tom rocks on the balls of his feet, grinning like a five-year-old. "I realize you've never needed an excuse, but I thought I'd give you one anyway."
"I'll need you to spend a lot of time standing in doorways."
"We could do that, or we could go eat…"
Cin's eyes light up as though he's just been told that his every dream has come true at once. "There's
food
?"
"There is." Tom's never been more pleased with himself than he is right now. He and Cin haven't exactly been on shaky ground or anything, but they've been stealing slices of time here and there, and dealing with clashing schedules and big changes and a whole bunch of other stuff, and Tom just wants this little moment in time to be perfect. So far, it seems like he's getting it right.
Cin leaps forward again and hugs Tom tightly before tearing past him to the kitchen. By the time Tom gets there, Cin's already getting started with sampling all the things Tom's been making nervously to pass the time until Cin arrived. A loaf of herb bread, a roast chicken, three kinds of salad, and a batch of cupcakes later, they have enough food for ten people, but Tom learned over Thanksgiving that Cin could eat enough for at
least
that many.
"You're getting really good at this," Cin says through a mouthful of bread. "And it is
so
gonna get you laid."
Tom blushes. He still blushes when Cin says things like that, and he'd really thought he'd get used to it. Maybe in twenty years, but not today.
"Glad you approve." Tom sits at the table and tears a leg off the chicken to pick at. Cin, for whatever reason, doesn't like chicken legs. Probably there's something horribly wrong with his taste buds, but Tom loves him anyway.
"I always approve of you." Cin licks his fingers before diving in for more food. "I'm so happy to be back here. I actually cried a little when I turned off the freeway."
"Then you're probably almost as happy as I am. This place… it feels like home with you here. And when you weren't here, it just felt like it was waiting for you to come back."
Cin pauses between mouthfuls and looks up at him. "Everywhere feels more like home when you're around. No pressure, but you kind of
are
my home."
"That actually doesn't seem like pressure at all." Tom squirms in his seat. "I mean, other than to keep making you feel that way."
"You don't have any trouble doing that." Cin reaches out to tear off another piece of bread. "The second I can physically stop myself from eating, I wanna show you a cool new trick my body does."
"Oh?" Tom raises an eyebrow, not sure what Cin could mean.
"Mmhmm. I get hard now. Pretty visibly. I want you to see."
Tom laughs. "That's definitely something I'd like to see."
*~*~*
"So how does this feel now?" Tom looks up from between Cin's legs, licking his lips. Cin was right about it being really obvious when he gets hard now. He's not sure how often he can mention how excited he is about the way Cin's body is changing without it being weird or outright offensive, and it's not as though he was ever not completely thrilled to get to touch him. It's just that it's so
new
and Cin seems so happy, it's impossible to ignore.
"Like you should keep doing it?" Cin raises an eyebrow. Normally, Tom would laugh and get on with it, happy to let Cin be in charge as long as he was happy, but a spark of something else stops him. He still laughs, but then moves his head to the side and rests it on Cin's thigh.
"What if I wanna make you wait?" Tom asks. He's perfected the innocent tone over the years, but he doesn't bother with it often. Cin's eyes widen, and he gives Tom a tiny nod. Clearly, this is something he's into.
"That, uh." Cin squirms.
Very
into, apparently. "That would be cruel. I haven't seen you in nearly a month."
Tom adjusts his position so that Cin will be able to feel everything he says ghost over his obviously-sensitive hard-on. "Maybe I wanna talk? What happened to foreplay, anyway?"
Cin swallows so loudly that Tom can hear it. The sound sends a jolt straight to Tom's belly, and while there's a part of him that wants to give up and just dive headfirst—literally—into getting Cin and himself off and then indulging in just lying next to him; it's been a while. They both deserve to really enjoy this.
"I considered the part where you made food foreplay," Cin replies. It's strangely honest and it knocks Tom off-kilter for a moment while he feels a surge of pride over being able to do that now. He learned for
himself
, but it's great that Cin appreciates it.
It's inescapable that Cin has been a good influence, which is the opposite of what Tom expected when he'd first started to pursue him. "Yeah?" Tom kisses Cin's thigh wetly and then blows on the same spot, reveling in the tiny shiver that runs through Cin's body.
"Yeah. Do you think we could do the rest of the foreplay
after
?"
"I'm not an expert or anything, but I think the 'fore' implies that you do it
before
." Tom kisses Cin's thigh again, a little higher. Cin makes a tiny, desperate sound, and Tom grins. "And I could do this all day."
"Cruel," Cin repeats. "Cruel and unusual punishment."
"I'm not punishing you." Tom crawls up the bed a little to kiss Cin's belly instead. "Just exploring." He traces the trail of dark hairs starting just under Cin's belly button. "You're beautiful."
"You too," Cin says, barely above a whisper. Tom looks up at him and smiles. For a moment he considers approaching the subject that's catching in the back of his throat right now, but he decides against it just yet. In a minute, when he's actually gotten Cin off, they can talk.
Speaking of which, he's really not good at this teasing thing. One moment he's thinking about what he could do next to delay them, and the next he's leaning down to suck and lick at Cin as though his life depends on it. Cin's fingers are in his hair before he knows it, gripping tight, and he just goes with it. They both get enough practice at delayed gratification when they can't see each other to not need it when they can, anyway.
Cin's whole smell and taste has changed; even the texture of his hair and the general shape of things between his legs are all different. Tom was expecting it to seem subtler, but in reality it seems huge and strange. Not in a bad way. He can't get enough of it right now.
One of the things he loves most is how incredibly sensitive Cin is now. Tom has to be careful and take his time, really think about what he's doing, and the more he thinks about it, the more of a turn-on it is. He barely realizes he's rocking his hips against the mattress before he's coming, and then Cin is as well, whimpering and grinding against Tom's mouth, and if he's being really honest with himself, that actually feels better than an orgasm. Even one that happened while he was still fully clothed.
They both seem to have lost the hang of getting undressed before sex, but that's more or less what washing machines were invented for. Tom laughs deliriously against the softest part of Cin's thigh and then lets his head fall down onto the bed, still between Cin's legs.
For a few moments, they both catch their breath, and then Cin somehow gathers the willpower to move, shuffling down the bed a little way to lie next to Tom. Tom manages to turn his head to face him, and Cin leans in to kiss him, like always. Cin makes a soft, satisfied noise that goes straight to Tom's soul.
"I taste different," he observes neutrally.
"Yeah." Tom sighs and stretches out, finally kicking his shoes off. They should start leaving them at the door. Maybe he'll find a rack next time he's in town. "It's nice. Not that it wasn't nice before."
Tom hesitates. He's been thinking about this for a long time, but it's still hard to articulate. "I, umm. I've been thinking about getting a vasectomy for purely psychological reasons."
Cin tilts his head, frowns, blinks. "Well, you don't need my permission, but for what it's worth, I don't mind. You think it'll help?"
"I do, yeah. I mean, there's not really a risk of getting you pregnant or anything, but I really don't want kids and I don't think you do, either, and I think that maybe… I think I'd have a different relationship with my dick if I was, uh, shooting blanks." He keeps his eyes on Cin's face rather than looking away, like he desperately wants to.
"Okay. I want you to be happy, and whatever makes you that way sounds like a great plan to me. I will even provide sympathy while you recover."
"Wow." Tom laughs. "Coming from you, that's huge."
"Are you suggesting I lack sympathy for others?" Cin raises an eyebrow.
"Absolutely not, but only because I don't want you to kick me out of bed."
"Works for me."
*~*~*
Tom had never felt the inclination to send Cin—or anyone else—a dick pic before today. It was a more awkward operation than he'd imagined, and getting the angle and lighting right so Cin would get the full effect is a challenge and he really needs to talk to someone in product development about making phone cameras easier to use.
Meanwhile, though, the base of his dick is literally black, fading out to blue, and it looks really cool. Taking the photo is worth the effort.
Ouch
, comes Cin's reply a minute or so after Tom sends the most acceptable photo.
Weirdly enough it's completely painless,
Tom texts back.
I take it everything went okay?
I am now the proud owner of completely useless balls.
They're still very decorative
, Cin replies. Tom's honestly never thought of that before, and up until this moment, hasn't really thought about what Cin thinks of the way he looks down there.
Really?
I think you have really attractive parts. Not so much right now.
Well, that solves that mystery. He knows why Cin's never said anything and he appreciates it, but there's a part of him that's hoping this is the first step to maybe being okay with all of his body. Cin's never asked, and Tom knows he never will, but he's also pretty sure he wouldn't mind being able to touch. Tom would like Cin to be able to touch him anywhere without it being awful for both of them.
Gender stuff is weird, and Tom's not sure he's ever going to have the hang of it, but this feels like a step in the right direction, even more so now that he's home and his balls hurt and he doesn't care.
I can't have sex for a week.
So I should refrain from telling you that I really enjoyed Christmas and I can't wait to see you for graduation?
Cruel, Cin,
Tom texts, but smiles while he does it. It's more than a week until he'll see Cin again, and he can live without masturbating until then. He's done it before without even noticing. One of the things he's learned about himself on his journey of gender-related discovery is that he's not actually an overly-sexual person unless he's physically in the same space as Cin. There've been one or two other people who've really done it for him in the past, too, but mostly sex felt like something he was
supposed
to do with a partner, regardless of whether he was into it or not.
Luckily for both of them, Cin really,
really
does it for him. Cin's mere existence is a huge turn-on. It's a really nice feeling to be that into someone.
Told you I wouldn't change :P
Tom laughs and texts back a quick
I love you
. He gets a reply in seconds and just smiles fondly at the words on the screen for a few minutes before gingerly pulling his underwear and pants back up. It's a weird thing to think about, but there's an inexplicable lightness between his legs, rather than the constant heavy reminder his genitals have been for as long as he can remember. Tom's not sure what that means, but it feels like a good thing right now, and he'll take it.
Cin gets drawn into the kitchen earlier than he'd normally bother to get up by the smell of something cooking. It's not really surprising to see Tom at the stove, because Rachel would be burning anything that wasn't a Pop-Tart, but on the other hand, Tom's never cooked in this apartment before.
There's already two glasses of juice on the counter, one of which is untouched and Cin assumes is intended for him. He drinks a few mouthfuls of it without asking, because if it's Rachel's, he'll just pour her a new one and if it's Tom's, it's really his, anyway.
"What are you doing?" Cin settles on one of the stools at the counter and leans over it, catching the smell of onions frying.
"Spanish omelet. You need a decent breakfast today."
"You mean after you—" Cin cuts himself off when Rachel comes into the kitchen, evidently also drawn by the smell of food. As much fun as it is to occasionally give Rachel details about his sex life, Cin isn't about to do it in front of Tom for fear of embarrassing him. Especially not when he's making food.