50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food (5 page)

~self-soothing technique~

The Catch and Release Method

Letting go of stressful thoughts and food cravings is a little like catch and release fishing. Unlike traditional fishing, in which the fish is caught and kept, the catch and release method has you carefully unhook the fish and immediately throw it right back into the water. The trick is to do it quickly, without harming the fish. This is a good analogy for catching and releasing your thoughts. If a distressing thought is bothering you or your mind is stuck on wanting to eat, imagine yourself casting out a fishing line, catching that thought, reeling it in, and then releasing it right away.

This method is more soothing than trying to just ignore your hunger. When you try to push away your thoughts about specific foods or your desire to stress eat, a mental power struggle occurs. Take out the power struggle by gently recognizing that, yes, your urge to emotionally eat has been activated. Then deal with that by using the following dialogue as a model for your own internal dialogue.

Practice Dialogue

Catch:
I need to find something to eat.

Release:
Oh, there goes a thought about food.

Catch:
Mmmm. I wonder what kind of leftovers I could heat up.

Release:
Just because I’m thinking I need food doesn’t mean that I have to eat.

Catch:
You don’t need it! You shouldn’t be snacking, you pig!

Release:
That was a judgmental thought.

Catch:
Why am I so hard on myself?

Release:
A thought is just a thought, I don’t have to buy it.

~self-soothing technique~

Squeeze Bubble Wrap

If you find yourself eating because you are angry or you need to let go of or release a strong emotion, popping bubble wrap can be very therapeutic. The pressure needed to squeeze the plastic and the noise the squeezed plastic makes can be cathartic.

~self-soothing technique~

Skipping Emotional Stones

You can do this exercise beside the shore of a body of water such as an ocean, lake, river, or stream. (If you don’t have a lake or stream nearby, use your imagination.) Gather a pile of small, relatively flat rocks that fit comfortably in your palm. Then skip each rock across the surface of the water. To do this, you throw the rock as if it were a Frisbee, but you throw it parallel to the water so that it skims the surface. If done correctly, you will see it bounce across the water. Each rock can represent a feeling. Imagine casting away the feeling that’s disturbing you.

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Letting-Go Breath

When you have trouble letting go of your desire to eat or you are flooded with negative thoughts or feelings that haunt you, try this next exercise:

1. Take three deep, slow breaths.
   
2. Reposition your body. It’s very likely that your body has unconsciously taken a position that reflects what you are currently feeling. For example, if you are depressed, you might be hunched over. It’s important to change your body position to help you let go of that feeling. If you were sitting, stand up.
   
3. Shake your entire body. Shake your hands, shoulders, arms, hips, buttocks, and thighs.
   
4. As you move, say to yourself, “I am letting go of whatever is happening.”
   
5. Imagine thoughts falling away from you while you are shaking your entire body.
   
6. Take three more deep, slow breaths.
   
7. Repeat three more times.
   

“You are such an idiot! You are so fat! How could you eat that?” Unfortunately, these are some of the tamer thoughts I have. If I really told people the names I call myself when I overeat or give in to a craving, you’d be shocked. I’d never call my worst enemy some of these names.

—Michele

Nothing sparks stress eating more than your own negative self-judgments. Sometimes it isn’t your spouse or even your boss who makes you furious. It’s your very own inner critic that has you all snarling and snapping. Soothing with food seems like your only lifeline. Ice cream and chocolate cake don’t judge you, you do.

This inner critic can kick off a vicious cycle. Your self-criticism leads to shame and guilt, so you turn to food to pacify your critical feelings. But then you judge yourself again for wanting food, and the cycle begins again. Note that it’s self-criticism of your own behavior that sometimes keeps the cycle going. The trick is to notice but not listen to your inner critic. Give yourself a gentle little nudge each time you become aware that your inner critic is speaking up.

If you use food to drown out the harsh judgments of your inner critic, it’s helpful to have compassion. To have compassion for yourself means to be kind, nonjudgmental, and empathetic toward yourself. This mind-set allows you to be honest with yourself. When you hold back your judgments, you’re more open to understanding why you feel the way you do. On the other hand, self-criticism causes you to avoid or shut down your thoughts. Compassion for yourself helps you understand the soothing that emotional eating gives you.

~self-soothing technique~

Compassion Meditation

Start practicing being compassionate by using the ancient technique of loving-kindness meditation. This is a well-known form of meditation that dates back thousands of years. Doing even a few minutes of this meditation has been shown to strengthen your sense of connection with others and increase positive feelings (Hutcherson, Seppala, and Gross 2008).

You start by directing kind words and thoughts toward yourself. While you say these words, remember that you deserve this kind of care. Then direct your compassion toward others. This includes all those whom you are close to. Then direct your compassion to the whole world. Initially, this may feel artificial or uncomfortable. You may not be accustomed to thinking about people you don’t know. You may not know how to talk to yourself without criticizing. It will get easier with repetition. Here is the basic technique for sending loving-kindness to yourself:

1. Begin by sitting comfortably. Choose a quiet place away from the kitchen and other distractions. Relax. Allow your mind to settle and quiet down. Repeat the following statements silently in your mind or say them aloud if that helps.
   

   May I be at peace with myself.
   

   May I know joy with myself and eating.
   

   May I be relaxed and well.
   

   May I feel love for myself and my body.
   

   May I find peace and calmness within myself, instead of seeking it in food.
   

   (You may add any other phrase that feels important to you.)
   

2. First direct the statements toward yourself.
   
3. The next time you say them, direct your statements to a good friend. For example: May my friend Jessica be at peace with herself.
   
4. Then direct them to a neutral person (like an acquaintance).
   
5. Then send them to a difficult person.
   
6. Finally, send your phrases to the entire universe.
   

I’m driving in my car. It’s a gorgeous day and I’m as happy as can be. A song comes on the radio that reminds me of my ex-husband. It’s the song we danced to at our wedding. I start to reminisce about my wedding day, and I think about my best friend, who was my maid of honor. She is now married to my ex-husband. In an instant, I’m seething mad. My knuckles whiten as I grip the steering wheel. It doesn’t matter that this happened ten years ago or that I am happily remarried now. What’s crazy is that nothing changed from five minutes ago except my thoughts. Mentally, I rehash all the events that led to the divorce. When I get home, I haven’t calmed down and I pace around. I open the pantry door even though I’m not really hungry. I need to chew on something—anything—to stop thinking about my ex-husband and my ex-best friend!

—Jane

Jane’s process demonstrates the complex relationship between thoughts and emotional eating. Dwelling on past mistakes and regrets or trying to mentally rework them can send you straight into an emotional feeding frenzy. This is exactly what happened to Jane. Her mind traveled away from the present moment to dwell on past events she couldn’t change. Just stewing over her past caused her enough distress to trigger emotional eating.

Focusing on the present—her happy remarriage and how she felt in the moment—would have helped Jane take charge of her emotional eating. Her first marriage might be over, but her emotional eating was happening right now. The only thing that she does have command over is her ability to change that very moment.

You can drive yourself crazy obsessing about unchangeable aspects of the past or worrying about a future you cannot control. In addition, when your mind drifts into long-ago moments, it’s easy to zone out and mindlessly munch away. Keeping your mind anchored in the present, what is happening in the here and now can help you to remain calm.

~self-soothing technique~

Staying in the Present Moment

If you obsess on the past or worry about the future, try bringing your thoughts back to this very moment. Here are some ideas about how to do this:

• Anchor your mind to the room. If you need a visual image, imagine dropping a heavy anchor on the floor. Visualize the anchor at your feet. Don’t allow your mind to drift with away from the room in which you are doing this.
  
• Did you every play the game I Spy when you were a child? It’s a simple game. You say, “I spy something blue.” Then your partner looks around trying to spot the blue object. To keep your mind from traveling into the past or future or to a painful place, try to stay in the room emotionally. You can do this just by being aware of what’s happening in the room at this very moment. Play I Spy with all of your senses. Notice what you see, hear, and smell in the room. Notice the temperature in the room, the texture of the carpet, and the color of the wall. Focus only on what is happening within the four walls of the room.
  
• Try closing your eyes and repeating the words “here” and “now.” Repeat these words several times.
  

Prayer is my main form of meditation. If I can’t stop stress eating, I say a quick prayer asking for the strength to get through it without completely sabotaging myself. It helps me feel less alone and calms me down. It comforts me to know there is another power, stronger than I am, helping me get through this. I can’t do it alone.

—Mary

Mary went to France for six months on a study-abroad program. She loved her classes, but after three months she began struggling with homesickness. France was an easy place to get sucked in to emotional eating. On every corner, there was a crepe stand or a charcouterie bursting with fresh baguettes and rich cheeses for sale. If she kept on eating at this rate, she’d never fit into her travel clothing when she was ready to go home.

One particularly lonely day, Mary wandered into a church. She sat down in a pew and listened to people praying in French in a low voices. There was a rhythm to the prayer that reminded her of the prayers she’d said as a child. Calmness flooded over her. The familiar soothing tones and the connection with her childhood seemed to be just what she needed to recenter herself. Throughout the rest of her visit abroad she was able to stop self-soothing with food. She did this by recognizing when she was lonely or homesick, and then reciting one of her childhood prayers, which never failed to soothe her.

You don’t have to be a spiritual or religious person to feel moved by a prayer. Chanting a repetitive prayer is simply one form of meditation. People who are comfortable and familiar with prayer often report feeling a positive shift in their mood after reciting a prayer several times.

~self-soothing technique~

Finding Your Mindful Spirit

1. Choose a short prayer or saying that holds special meaning for you. It could be a verse from the Bible or another spiritual book. Make sure you pick something very short, no longer than a few lines. Also, it must be something that you can repeat from memory. This phrase should connect with you or move you in a soulful way. Here are some suggestions: the twenty-third psalm, St. Francis’s prayer, Buddha’s discourse on good will, and the Serenity Prayer used by 12-step groups all across the world.
   
2. Repeat the verse several times until your urge to eat lessens.
   
3. If you can’t find a verse or saying you like, or if you are still looking for one, try this meditational prayer:
   

Tranquility in front of me.

Calmness beside me.

Stillness around me.

Compassion inside me.

My job is extremely stressful. I am a legal assistant who interviews people after they have been arrested for various crimes. Sometimes the stories people tell me get me very upset. But I have to appear calm and professional, even when I want to cry. I used to stress eat everyday. How do I cope now? Sometimes it’s by detaching from the situation. I hung a picture of a gorgeous sunflower field across from my interview chair. After someone tells me a distressing story, I look at that picture and take a few minutes to recenter myself. I envision myself walking right into the picture. It calms me down enough to release me from the grip of my emotions. If not, I’d be barreling through snacks stashed in my desk the moment the client left the room.

—Kate

Imagine for a moment that you are lying on the beach. The sun is warming your body. You’re starting to feel relaxed and happy. The dark blue ocean’s waves are breaking quietly against the rocks. You listen to that sound.

It’s likely that a vivid, soothing image popped into your mind while you were reading the description above. This is a brief example of guided imagery. When you engage in
guided imagery
, you are actively directing your thoughts to a positive image. You mindfully guide your thoughts to a place where you feel soothed and comforted.

Guided imagery has been clinically proven to be a helpful technique for reducing binge eating (Esplen et al. 1998). It works because your mind and your body are intricately connected. When you imagine the feelings and sensations your body would encounter in your visualization, your body responds as if they were really happening. Imagine for a moment biting into a juicy peach. If you vividly call this image to mind, you are likely to start salivating. So, let’s return to the image of you lying on a beach. Although you might not consciously notice a shift in your mood when you visualize a safe and relaxing place, be assured that your body is likely to respond by relaxing.