"You, woman!" he growled. "I'm looking for you." With that, he began climbing himself. "I've found her!" he yelled behind him. A few more shouts sounded down the line, echoing his words. "By the gods, Amani, what are you doing up here?"
Her husband was furious. She backed away from him as he climbed on the driver's seat, but she didn't dare to stand. She didn't want to risk a fall from this height. But the Spider didn't seem to share her caution. He'd finally gained his own footing and stood above her with his hands on his hips and his eyes shooting sparks.
Lying at his feet made her heart pound in her chest. The man was gorgeous, through and through. He was powerful and influential, one of the six princes of Jikkar, a steward of his god, who brought water from his oasis to the people. And right about now, that power radiated from him like heat radiated from the sun.
"It would be wise to answer me, or else I might be inclined to punish you, wife of mine. Why are you on the roof of your carav? Are you trying to hide from me? Because you are under my magical protection—you cannot hide."
"I am not hiding from you, Spider, I swear it!" She backed away in spite of herself. "I merely wished to watch the night sky. I apologize if I caused you grief, but watching the night sky is one of my favorite things to do. And since your servants still seem to fawn over me, I thought lying in the sand wouldn't be the best way to go about it."
"And you thought risking your life on top of this carav was the better way to go?"
"I…I…"
"If you wanted to gaze at the stars, why didn't you come find me? I would have taken you beyond the caravan."
She closed her eyes to him. It was the only way to keep her sanity in check. Being alone with the Spider among the dunes… She shivered.
"I didn't think you'd want to spend time with me," she confessed.
"What makes you think that?" Ziyad walked toward her then knelt beside her.
"I only spend a few minutes in your presence every day. I know you are busy. And even though I'm your wife, I cannot merely take you from your duties."
Ziyad sighed deeply. "I have neglected you for too long. I thought by getting used to my people and my caravan you might get used to me, but I was wrong. Have I not told you to come to me if you need anything?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you?"
"You frighten me." Gods, did she just say that? Amani shut her mouth and turned away.
"I would never hurt you!" He sounded affronted.
"I know," she replied. "I don't fear you, Spider, I fear what you might do if I…let you in."
Ziyad scoffed. "What does that mean, woman?"
"I am not one to be uncaring or unfazed by people. My father called me…a dreamer. And I suppose that's true. I used to look at the sky and dream of the man I would one day marry. He would be kind. He would hold my hand. And he would…love me. If I spend time with you, Spider, I'm terrified I might come to care for you. But if you don't care for me, it would break my heart."
He didn't respond. Ziyad merely gazed at the horizon, as if uncomfortable with her words.
"I want you to know something." Amani reached out and touched his hand.
He glanced down at her fingers. "What?"
"Karis once asked me if she had my permission to wed you—as if you belonged to me those years ago. I fancied you then, Spider, I won't lie. I was touched that she thought enough of me to ask."
His eyes caught hers in the soft light. "I didn't know that."
Amani nodded and pulled away from his hand. "Even then I knew your heart was hers. I had to let you go. I cannot fall back into that trap, Your Highness." After a short silence, she said, "I apologize for climbing up here. I won't do it again. But it is late, and I suppose I must retire."
She stood a second before he did. "I will help you down."
Amani let him climb over the seat and reach for her. She tried hard to ignore the fire his touch ignited on her skin or the way his breath puffed across her cheek.
God of Spiders, she silently prayed, protect me from your steward. I cannot afford to fall in love with him.
~ * ~
Amani had once fancied him. Ziyad couldn't help but hear the words she'd spoken over and over again in his head. He remembered flirting with her before he'd met Karis, but he hadn't thought much of it. He'd been young, Amani had been attractive, but Karis… She'd taken his breath away.
Knowing that Karis had asked Amani's permission to become his wife had shocked him. If Karis felt she'd needed to ask, then it only stood to reason Amani had more than merely fancied him. She must have had feelings for him. Perhaps even loved him.
How could he have not seen it?
Dawn was cresting over the dunes. Another sleepless night had come and gone. But Ziyad didn't move from his pillows. He glanced at the one that had been Karis's favorite, the fluffy black satin with the silver trim. He remembered combing her hair with his fingers and waking her on many mornings to make love, mornings just like this one.
But it was getting harder for him to remember what Karis looked like. More and more, it was Amani's image that greeted him. Ziyad rubbed the pillow then brought it to his face. Karis's scent had long since vanished, but he inhaled deeply anyway.
He was lonely. Desperately lonely. But he had no one to blame but himself. He'd sent Amani to live in another carav while he slept alone with his ghosts. His hard cock wanted a woman beside him. His woman. His wife.
For the first time, he wished for Amani above him, riding him slow and easy, with her breasts bouncing and her hair in his face. His old fantasies had been of Karis, but now, today, they were of Amani. He tried hard not to feel guilty. He knew there was nothing wrong with wanting his wife.
Ziyad knew the difference. He wanted Amani for a release, but he loved Karis with every piece of his soul. Gods, but he was going to torture himself if he fantasized for very much longer.
He should go to her. Amani wouldn't fight him. He had every right to take her. He needed to get her pregnant after all. But something kept him right where he was. Perhaps it was her tone from the night before, telling him she couldn't get too close to him or she'd be doomed to fall into the same trap as before.
What trap was that…loving him? It had to be. Nothing else made sense.
Ziyad couldn't take it anymore. Reaching beneath his blanket, he grasped his cock and thrust into his palm. Squeezing himself, he imagined Amani's tight pussy engulfing him as he rolled his hips. His entire body buzzed as he worked himself. Over and over again, his hand sheathed his cock, until his orgasm ripped through him like a sandstorm.
After his groans abated, he lay there panting and realized tears had escaped him. He was through with making love to himself as he had countless times before.
Amani would just have to find a way to mentally detach herself from him. He would no longer avoid his wife.
Five
Amani walked beside the caravan, needing to stretch her legs. She'd gotten her breakfast not too long before and ate it in the kitchen carav with the servants. They'd had to help her up the steps, but once she was inside, they'd shared some decent conversation.
The head cook had seemed horrified that the wife of the Spider was in her kitchen, speaking to her as if she was an equal. But Amani was lonely and she was tired of staring at her own four walls. She wanted to make a few friends if she was to be the mother of the next Spider Prince.
But she knew her presence made the servants nervous, so she'd left to clear her head in the hot air.
"How is your morning, Amani?"
She jumped at the sound of Ziyad's voice. He walked right next to her with his hands behind his back. She hadn't even noticed he'd appeared beside her.
"It's…well, Spider."
"You seem lost in thought."
Amani sighed. "I tried to speak to the cooks this morning. They were nice enough. But I don't think they like me."
He chuckled and shook his head. "You tried to talk with them? About what?"
"Anything." Amani shrugged. "I miss talking with my friends."
"You can talk with me."
She didn't speak after his words. What could she say? She needed someone to confide in, someone she could tell her innermost secrets too. Someone like Karis.
"Why do you think my servants don't like you?"
"They seemed jumpy," she answered. "They smiled and nodded, but seemed relieved when I left."
"You are an important woman, my dear. They do not know what to make of you."
She chanced a glance at him only to see him squinting off into the distance. Amani admired him for a moment, trying hard not to look for too long. "It would seem I don't know what to make of myself, Highness."
"I told you not to be so formal with me."
She could see him looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "I cannot say your name."
"Why not?"
"It is too personal."
"You are my wife," he reminded her. "I am fairly certain that makes it your right to be personal with me."
"It might give me the right, but it doesn't mean I should."
"Amani," he began, stressing the fact that he'd just said her name. "I know you're worried about getting too close to me, but you have nothing to fear. I will not take a lover. I will treat you with the respect you deserve."
"I know," she answered. "You're a good man. The one time you returned to Suridesh after marrying Karis, she sought me out and told me as much."
"She did?" He seemed surprised.
"She did," Amani said, grinning. "She was deliriously happy with you, Spider. She loved you more than life itself."
When Ziyad walked on silently, Amani cleared her throat. "I-I'm sorry if it bothers you to speak of her."
He took a deep breath. "It used to bother me," he whispered. "But now, your friendship with her intrigues me. How close were you?"
"We were not the best of friends, but her father used to dine in my father's tent on occasion. Her brother was enamored with my older sister Ashala and asked my father for her hand."
Ziyad nodded. "That is right…your sister married Karis's brother."
"In a way, that made us family," Amani said, watching her feet cut through the sand. "I used to…"
"Tell me," he prompted when she didn't continue.
"I used to pretend Toren had fancied me."
After a short silence, Ziyad asked, "Why? Did you like him?"
"No, I merely wondered…what it was like."
"What what was like?"
Amani shook her head but remained silent. She shouldn't have confessed as much as she had to Ziyad. She should have kept her thoughts to herself.
Ziyad grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. They stood there in the sand, facing each other while the caravan continued on.
She gazed at him in confusion. "What are you…"
"Answer me, Amani."
"Your caravan is moving on. We can't stand here all day!"
"Then answer me and we will rejoin them."
"But…"
Ziyad arched a brow and silently dared her to challenge him. Chewing her lip, Amani watched the caravs as they slid by on their metal runners.
It was silly to continue defying him. His strength was greater than hers—he could keep her here for as long as he wanted.
She kept her eyes averted as she spoke. "I used to wonder what it was like, having a man pine away for me. I…I've never had anyone fancy me. I've been rejected for marriage five times. Six, if you count your second refusal. But you eventually accepted me.
"Yet I know I am only here to serve a purpose, not for love. I sometimes wonder if I…if I'm that repugnant. People say I look like my mother, but she is a great beauty. Perhaps they only say it to humor me."
"You are not repugnant, Amani. You are very beautiful, like your mother."
"Karis was beautiful, Spider. That is why you chose her. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel every day."
Ziyad's hands dropped from her shoulders. She couldn't face him any longer. With long strides, she began to follow the caravan once more.
He grabbed her arm. "Wait."
Amani stopped, but didn't turn to him. Therefore he moved to stand in front of her again.
"You don't believe that I think you're beautiful."