The Wise Man was almost too busy for people in love and they ate quickly, glad to escape to the solitude of Liz’s car. Before she turned the ignition key she kissed him. A long, savouring kiss that excited them both. ‘I really intended to go home - Glebe House, that is - to get some more clothes and bits and pieces, but I can’t get in without asking Neville for the key.’
‘Don’t fret. I can climb in through the kitchen window as I did before.’
‘Ah! I’d forgotten that. I won’t linger. I don’t
want
to linger. In fact, I don’t want to go at all but I must. I want nothing of me to remain in that house.’
‘We’ll park in Pipe and Nook and go in through the back garden. The fewer people who know what you’re doing the better. Then I’ll pick my car up and we can go our separate ways.’
‘Of course, yes. I’ve got some big carriers in the boot.’
‘Let’s go, then.’ Titus stroked her hand, which rested on the gear-stick. She released her hold and let him take her hand to his lips and kiss it. ‘Love you very much indeed.’
‘Snap.’ Liz laughed and then said, ‘Turnham Malpas, here we come!’
Titus managed to reach the bolt on the garden side of the fence. It opened easily and the two of them were soon in the back garden, with Liz’s car parked in the road. Titus squeezed through the kitchen window again, and opened the back door for her. To Liz it felt odd, very odd, this house that was no longer her home. It was tidy - obviously the boys had been in and cleared up the mess Neville had made in his roaring temper - but Liz felt quite peculiar walking up the stairs that had been hers for so long. Her foot crunched on something, which stuck into the sole of her sandal. She stopped to get it off and found it was a small piece of the mobile phone Neville had smashed. It touched her heart more than she had expected, perhaps because she’d loved using that particular mobile. The sparkling red casing had made it feel so up to the minute, so very much hers.
Damn Neville. Damn him. How could he have done what he did to her, with such cruelty and vicious, systematic violence? Her insides stung painfully at the memory. To have had those wonderful couple of hours with Titus earlier in the evening and then to have the memory of them totally scrubbed out by Neville’s supposed passion was soul-destroying. She’d get her things, every piece of clothing out of every drawer, every cupboard. She’d rid herself of him
for ever
. Divorce. The whole thing. Everything.
Titus shouted up the stairs, ‘I’ll bring the bags down when you’re ready.’ Then he went to sit out in the garden to enjoy some peace, so he didn’t hear Neville parking his car in the drive and opening the front door.
One day, Neville thought as he got his key out of his pocket, he’d have to come back to live here, and he found he didn’t relish the thought. But he would. He’d make himself come back to live in it, like a normal human being. Key in lock, door shut softly as always, and into his study. The familiar comfort of this room that was so much his own made him feel he could have stayed and not gone back to the boys’ flat. But when he thought about it Neville shuddered. This big house was so full of memories . . . No, he couldn’t, not all by himself. He’d get his clothes, as he’d intended, and go back to the flat. It was safer there, with no memories. Neither good nor bad.
Then his head jerked up. Had he heard a noise? Was Liz in the house? He trembled with shame at the thought. No, of course not. Just the house creaking. But then he heard it again. In the kitchen? The kitchen window overlooked the garden, and he saw ... Titus ... comfortably ensconced in one of their smart garden chairs, for all the world as though he lived there. His scalp prickled with alarm. Surely he hadn’t moved in? How
could
they? He’d changed the locks. That devil, though, with his quiet ways, his gentle manner, he could do anything. Upstairs creaked again. Footsteps - footsteps he recognized. Liz’s rapid steps criss-crossing their bedroom floor.
He crept up the stairs, one foot placed carefully after the other, crossed the landing, remembering to avoid that creaking floorboard - he’d kept intending to have that screwed down - and there she was. He stood in the open doorway, watching her. She had her back to him emptying her wardrobe, putting clothes into huge smart bags from the fashion boutiques she patronized. Neville’s top lip began to curl. Titus wouldn’t be able to afford those clothes. She was worth it, though - she always looked so good. Just as she did now, classy and smart.
He stood admiring her even now. Was it only admiration? Or was it . . . love? Why had he never acknowledged that word? The more he watched her moving about, the more the idea came to him that he’d smothered all the good feelings he’d ever possessed in his desperate need for recognition, for power, for money, for success. And he knew now that he’d thrown away that good side of himself in one crazy, devastating night of what he’d called passion.
For her to see him there so close to . . . where it had all happened would terrify her all over again. She’d faced enough of him that night, she wouldn’t be able to take any more. Best to leave without her knowing he’d been watching her, because he knew he was being sly, watching her so covertly. Far away at the back of his mind he thought about Peter’s concept of love and wished he possessed it. The beat of your heart?
Neville crept quietly down the stairs, silently unlatched the front door and went out, shutting it behind him. Then he drove away. He’d collect the rest of his clothes another day.
Titus came into the house, needing to get away, because even in the garden he could feel Neville’s presence. He called up the stairs, ‘Are you ready to leave, Liz?’
She answered him emphatically. ‘Yes.’
Chapter 15
The following morning, when Liz went to open up the nursery, she found a sealed envelope, addressed to her, pinned to the church hall door. She recognized the handwriting. It was Caroline’s, and the note was asking her to call for a cup of tea that afternoon if she was free. She’d be home about three. A talk with a close friend was just what Liz needed.
The afternoon was quite mild after a week of changeable weather so they sat in the garden as they had done that last time at the beginning of her troubles. That seemed months ago, yet it wasn’t. Caroline had somehow found time to bake biscuits, and what with the china tea set covered in a spring flower design and the stunning garden full of flowers, Liz decided to enjoy herself for a short while.
‘I’m in love, you know. First time ever.’
‘Well! That’s an outstanding opening sentence. I’m glad to hear it.’ Caroline smiled. ‘With whom, might I ask?’
‘Titus Bellamy, of course. Who else?’
‘Oh! I see. I saw Neville’s car outside your house yesterday afternoon . . . and I kind of wondered.’
Liz sat bolt upright, shocked. ‘Yesterday afternoon? What time?’
‘Let me see. That tea OK? Not too strong? About half past two. I was coming home from the practice. Yes, about half past two.’
Liz felt terribly sick. Neville must have been in the house when . . . ‘Was he sitting in the car?’
‘No one was in the car. Why? Liz, are you all right? You look quite strange.’
‘If you knew what that man did to me that night you wouldn’t even ponder if he and I had got together again. No, we haven’t, and we never will. I shall never get over it.’ Liz spoke with her teeth clamped together as though still in pain.
‘I’m so sorry. I was thoughtless.’
Caroline’s lovely, compassionate face spoke volumes to Liz, and she almost began to tell her something of what she had suffered, but clawed it back just in time. ‘I think you must be wrong because Titus and I were in the house about then. I was collecting every single piece of clothing I own, every single piece. It’s all over, and I’m suing for divorce.’
‘Oh! Well, perhaps I’ve got the time wrong. Yes, it probably was later than that because I’d called in the Store for a few things.’ Caroline hurriedly changed the subject by asking Liz what her flat was like.
Liz didn’t answer her immediately. Instead she took one of the biscuits and had eaten half of it before she replied, ‘Have you asked me here to ply me with questions? Find out what you can? Get to know the nitty-gritty? Is that it?’
Caroline was stunned by her attack. ‘You know me better than that! I just thought you had no one to talk to, and that it might help. I’m sorry.’
Liz burst into tears. She’d no tissue with her, so Caroline passed her one. Liz muttered through her tears, ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘No, it’s me who should be sorry. You have a good cry if you want. I don’t mind.’
So they sat together in the pale sun amidst the beauty of Caroline’s garden silently endeavouring to make friends again. Gradually the tears ceased, and Liz blew her nose and felt better.
‘It’s all been so awful,’ she said eventually. ‘The only thing I have to hold on to is Titus and how much he loves me. Then in the night I panic because how can he love me as he says he does in such a short space of time? How is it possible? It isn’t sensible, now is it?’
‘
You
fell in love with
him
in the same space of time, though.’
Liz wiped her eyes, caught Caroline smiling gently at her and began to laugh. ‘You’re right. Absolutely right. Oh, dear. I never thought of it like that. What it is to have a friend with common sense!’
‘Peter and I felt like that when we met. He had this appalling cold and sore throat, looked about ninety-five years old, and had come to the surgery for medical help. We fell in love immediately, but neither of us would admit to it because we both thought it couldn’t possibly have happened. But it had.’
Peter, who had dashed home for an afternoon cup of tea before sick visiting in Penny Fawcett appeared in the garden now. He pulled out a chair and joined them. ‘Hello, you two. I don’t know. Here am I working my fingers to the bone, and I come home to find my wife and a dear friend of hers, lounging in the sun with nothing to do but laugh.’
Caroline got to her feet. ‘We’re just ready for more tea, so I’ll make another pot and get you a cup so you can lounge in the sun like us.’ She stroked Peter’s head as she passed his chair, and he grabbed her hand and kissed it. Liz, at the sight of such happiness, wept again. As Caroline made more tea, Peter stayed silent until Liz had controlled her tears once more.
‘I’m so confused,’ she said. ‘I can laugh and cry at the same time. I’m so envious of you and Caroline. Can
you
tell me what to do?’
‘I might be able to put forward some points of view but I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can do that. I take it that it’s definitely all over between you and Neville?’
Liz nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
‘I feel very sad about that. Marriage is such a good framework to build one’s life around, but if all the trust and the delight is gone then there’s nothing left to build upon, and it might as well be cast aside. Caroline and I love each other more today than when we married. We’re so lucky.’
‘We all envy you.’
Peter looked her straight in the face and she saw tears brimming in his eyes. ‘If you feel you would have that with Titus then all I can say is go for it. It’s not what a man of the cloth should be saying, of course. You know the usual high-minded blurb - you made vows, made promises, work at it, get some counselling. But your boys are old enough to cope so it’s not as if you’re tearing small children apart - then I would advise differently. But for me, when one experiences deep love one wants everyone to have it. And in your case, unspeakable things have taken place between you and Neville, so, yes, go ahead and find love in as dignified a manner as you can.’
He smiled almost apologetically at her, and Liz, deeply moved by the sincerity of his words, leaned across the table and kissed his cheek. ‘Thank you for saying that.’ She gave him a second kiss on the other cheek just as Caroline arrived back with the fresh tea.
She raised an eyebrow at the two of them. ‘Have I come back too soon? I wouldn’t like to be guilty of interrupting something.’
The three of them laughed together. Then Caroline poured the tea and they chatted about this and that until Peter, looking at his watch, said, ‘I should be gone. See you, Liz.’
He kissed Caroline on her forehead and left.
When the sound of his footsteps had faded, Liz said, ‘What a lucky woman you are. I’m certain Titus will give me what you have - real love and security, caring and consideration - and Peter says I should go for it. What do you think?’