The Suit (14 page)

It’s eight in the evening and Edie’s been gone all day. I worked the day with Joey and Trish, cooked dinner hoping she’d return, but she hasn’t. After I do a quick night check on the horses, I can’t take it anymore, so I grab my keys deciding a beer is exactly what I need.

Earl’s is busy tonight. There’s a band playing and
a crowd on the dance floor. Taking a seat at the bar, I order a beer from Jenn, who winks flirtatiously at me. As I stare out at the crowd, a slow song comes on. As people make their way back to their tables, I spot Nikki and Edie heading toward me. Just as they’re about to step off of the dance floor, dickwad—I mean Dierk—grabs Edie’s hand and pulls her back. They exchange some words before Edie looks to Nikki and rolls her eyes where Dierk can’t see. Then she allows Dierk to lead her back onto the dance floor.

Anger surges through me and I have to look away before I decide to do something stupid. Yes, we are in a sexual relationship, but that’s it. Edie doesn’t belong to me, so if she dances with another guy, who am I to say anything?

Just as the bartender slides me my beer, I hear, “Well look what the cat dragged in.” Turning, I see Nikki smiling devilishly at me. “What brings you here?”

“Just wanted a beer.” I shrug and try to avoid looking for Edie on the dance floor, but can’t help myself. My eyes immediately go to her.
Dierk’s mouth is against her ear and he’s whispering something to her.

“She doesn’t like him,” Nikki says as she follows my gaze.

“It’s not my business.” I chug my beer halfway down before placing it back on the bar.

“Sure it isn’t.
” She rolls her eyes. “I mean it’s just sex, right?”

“She told you?” I ask surprised.

“Of course, she told me.” She looks at me like I’m an idiot. “I’m her best friend.”

“Right.”

“I think it’s good what you’re doing. She’s always been the one taking care of everyone else. When her grandfather got sick, it was her that tended to his every need all while running the farm. Wasn’t exactly beneficial to her social life. She’s always looking after me, too.” I glance at her, my brows furrowed in question. “Oh, you know. My mother abandoned me, my father never wanted me sob story. Blah, blah, blah,” she snorts. “But I’ve always had Edie.” She smiles brightly. “She needs this. And I think maybe you need it too.” She gives me a knowing look, but I choose not to acknowledge it. My gaze finds Edie again and I clench my teeth.

“Come on, John. Quit looking so jealous. Let’s dance.” Nikki takes my hand and pulls me from my stool, leading me into the crowd on the dance floor. Another slow song plays and as Nikki and I start to move, Edie catches sight of us. Her eyes remain locked on mine for a brief moment before darting away. She leans her head against Dierk’s chest and her body seems to be melted to his. What the fuck? I can’t take this. I cannot watch this for one more second. Just as I begin to tell Nikki I need to go, she turns and yells for Dierk.

“Let’s trade, Dierk. I want a dance with you before I leave.” Dierk looks at her, then me, then Edie and I can tell he doesn’t want to let her go. “Come on, Dierk.” Nikki takes his hand and peels him away from Edie. “You don’t mind, do you Edie?” She smiles sweetly. “John will dance with you.”

Nikki drags
Dierk away, whose head is twisted staring at Edie and me, before Nikki forcefully turns his head with her hand so that he has to look at her.

Edie’s brown eyes stare
up at me. I can tell now why she was practically glued to Dierk. She’s drunk. Taking her in my arms, I pull her close to me. I’m surprised she doesn’t fight it, instead, she melts into me and I wonder if it’s the alcohol or if she needs to be close to me like I need to be close to her.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear as we move to the music. “You
are
my friend Edie.” And in brazen moment, I tell her something that is very true. “Under different circumstances, Edie James, I could fall head over heels in love with you.” Her body tenses briefly against mine with my words, and I wonder if I should’ve said anything to her at all. The truth is she’s not the kind of girl that I want. Nothing about Edie James fits the path and lifestyle I’ve chosen. But if I were the man I used to be, the son of a horse trainer, she would be my dream come true. My everything. In this moment, this is the first time I wish I could be that man again. The man she needs and deserves.

She tilts her head so that our gazes meet and stares at me a moment. I don’t see hurt in her eyes. What I do see is understanding. She knows exactly what I’m saying. In another life, another universe, we would be perfect for each other. But not in this life where I’m running away from everything she’s struggling to hold on to. “Will you take me home, please?” she whispers and turns away from me, heading towards the bar. I throw a hundred dollar bill to the bartender hoping that will cover her drinks and mine and we leave. The drive home is quiet and it isn’t until we reach the hallway that leads to our bedrooms that she turns to speak to me.

“Thank you for bringing me home.” She sways slightly.

“Come on, Edie.” I take her hand and lead her into her bedroom. I remove her clothing and peel my T-shirt off, putting it on her. She looks sexy as hell in my shirt and I have to remind myself she’s drunk and I won’t make love to her tonight. I remove my pants and pull her comforter back.

“What are you doing?” she asks as I climb on her bed.

“I’m sleeping with you tonight. No sex, just two friends who like to cuddle.”

After a moment she crawls on the bed and I nestle her to me. Her body immediately relaxes and I kiss the top of her head. I want to tell her about my past. She’s right. I know everything about her, she was open with me. I want her to know that even though whatever is going on between us will end, that her friendship is special to me.

“My father was a good trainer. Calling him one of the best…might be stretching it.”

Edie tenses. “You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to, Suit. It’s okay.”

I ignore her offer because if I’m going to get it out, I have to do it fast. “My grandfather was the best. Our farm did well while he was alive and healthy. Everyone always credits my father for those Triple Crown wins, but it was my grandfather who made that happen, and as you know, we were lucky with the horses.” I take a deep breath, building the courage to finish the story. I haven’t spoken to anyone other than Bud about my past in years. “Looking back now, as amazing as my grandfather was, he was an enabler. He saw my dad’s drinking getting out of control, but he didn’t do anything to stop him. I guess my mother was an enabler, too. But my father wasn’t a bad drunk. He didn’t hit anyone or abuse anyone so nobody really said anything. He just kind of became worthless.” I pause for a moment and then continue, “Toward the end of my grandfather, Pop Pop’s life, when he was sick, my father was barely riding or paying attention and our exercisers wanted a raise. But my father refused to pay them more so they left and he replaced them with inexperienced assholes. Most days he was hungover sitting in the tack room sipping whiskey while someone else trained.” I sigh heavily. Edie squeezes my hand letting me know
it’s okay to continue. “When Pop Pop passed, so did our legacy. My dad quickly spiraled out of control and we lost clients left and right. We went from having horses placing in The Triple Crown to not even managing wins in smaller races or maiden races. I was in college toward the end so I didn’t know how bad things really were. My mother always acted like everything was fine when I called home. It wasn’t until I got the call informing me that they had died and I had to come home that I figured out the farm was facing foreclosure. That’s when Bud stepped in, paid off the loan and put me through law school. I owe him everything. I sold the farm because it was too painful to go back. Besides, I never would have been able to pay Bud back otherwise. I couldn’t stand to have that kind of debt over my head. I was just so ashamed.”

“Why?” Edie asks as she traces circles on my chest with a gentle finger. “None of what happened is your fault.”

“Because I had a drunken father that let everything our family had worked for, for four generations, go to shit. Having to have someone bail me out. I paid Bud back and even had enough to pay him back for my education, but he didn’t want money. He wanted me to come here and work. How could I refuse?”

“He was a stubborn old man.” She laughs. “I miss him.”

“He was good people,” I agree.

“I’m so sorry, Suit. For everything you’ve been through.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s not something I like to talk about.”

Edie props herself up on one elbow and smiles at me. “I understand, but for what it’s worth, Suit, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.” I pull her face to mine and kiss her softly. “Now let’s get some sleep. You’re probably going to feel like ass tomorrow.”

She giggles and snuggles back in to me. It doesn’t take long before her breathing slows and her body relaxes completely. I close my eyes and try to imagine what the man I used to be, Johnny Wilson, would do for a girl like Edie James.

I find the answer easily.

He would’ve done anything to have her.

I awake the next morning and groan as my head throbs. When I’m able to open my eyes all the way, I see a glass of water and a bottle of Ibuprofen on my nightstand. I smile slightly. That was thoughtful of the suit. As I grab the bottle, I catch sight of my alarm clock.
It’s noon! Shit balls!
I jump out of the bed and pull a pair of jeans out of my drawer. After I slip them on, I peel off the suit’s T-shirt and stare at it a moment. It smells just like him and in a completely irrational and psychotic move, I shove it in my bottom drawer to hide it. I quickly slip on my bra and a tank top and my boots, and hurry to the kitchen. I chug a few sips of orange juice straight from the jug when I hear laughing.

I jerk my head around to see the suit biting his fist as if he’s holding back his laughter.

“What?” I ask as I twist the lid back on the jug.

“Nothing. You
just look like you’re a little…stressed.” When I glance down at myself I notice my shirt is bunched halfway up my back, one of my pant legs is half tucked in my boot, and my pants are still unbuttoned.

“Why’d you let me sleep so late?” I grumble.

He steps toward me and takes the jug from my hand. “You needed to rest. We’ve already taken care of everything.”

“I’m sorry,” I groan. “That was immature of me to get so wasted and miss work. I can’t afford to be so irresponsible.”

“Edie,” he says my name softly. “We took care of it. You have nothing to be sorry about. Now sit down and let me make you some lunch.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I say as guilt washes over me.

“I want to. Now sit.” He points to the barstool behind the counter. I smile as I take my seat and he washes his hands. He pulls a loaf of bread from the cabinet and meat and cheese from the fridge. As I watch him, an image of his bare chest brushes my mind and I bite my lip. It was mere hours ago I slept pressed against that chest. The suit is so freaking sexy I find myself fantasizing about him more and more, which is dangerous. I’m walking in dangerous territory. This arrangement we have, the friends with benefits arrangement, was meant to be casual, but the more I get to know the suit, the more attached I’m becoming. Knowing this, I should end it to keep things from getting complicated, but even though I know he’ll leave and whatever we’re doing will end and I will be heartbroken, I can’t end it. I need this. So I push aside the thought of my impending devastation and commit to seeing this through and enjoying it as much as I can, while I can.

His words from the night before resonate somewhere in the back of my mind.
“Under different circumstances Edie James, I could fall head over heels in love with you.”
Those words might have been the most romantic, yet devastating, words I’ve ever heard. He could never love me because I’m the epitome of everything he’s trying to leave behind. I remind him of his past. My heart aches slightly as I wonder what kind of woman he’ll end up with; probably a business lady, stylish and sophisticated, unlike myself. I know he could pretty much have any girl he wanted and I wonder why he isn’t in a relationship now. Since he opened up to me about his past, I take a chance he’ll open up a little more.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he says, and throws me a grin over his shoulder.

“How’s a guy like you single?”

He’s pouring a glass of orange juice and when he finishes he turns and slides it across the island to me. “I am pretty amazing. I can see why you’d wonder that.” He gives me a cocky grin and I snort.

“Seriously, Suit.” I give him a pointed look.

He grumbles something incoherent before turning back to the counter to make our sandwiches. “Well, I’ve been busy. Becoming a lawyer has been my main priority.”

“But there have been women?” I want to kick myself for asking. I already know the answer, but I’m a masochist and apparently want to experience the torture of hearing him confirm it so I can get eaten alive with jealousy.

He chuckles softly as he places his hands on the counter. “Yes, I’ve…been with women throughout the years, but none were serious, really. One or two where we dated a couple of months. Most were just casual relationships.”

My gaze moves to my glass, lost in thoughts with his words. Isn’t that the definition of what
we’re
doing together? Having a ‘causal relationship?’ It occurs to me that while I’ve thought our arrangement was something special, however ‘casual’ it might be, it’s just like every other fling he’s had and he won’t remember it the way I will.

Suddenly my chest aches with that thought, and I stand up clearing my throat. “Think I’ll take a shower.” I need to get away from him before every thought inside of me shows on my face. I know I’m being ridiculous. I knew what I was signing up for when we agreed to do this, but the idea that I’m just one of many, that nothing about me is unique to him…hurts.

“You okay?” He rounds the counter and reaches for me, but I back away. His hand drops immediately and his left brow furrows.

“Nothing a hot shower won’t fix. I’ll be back.” I smile halfheartedly at him and avoid meeting his gaze as I leave the kitchen. I decide a hot bath is really what I need, so while the tub runs I strip naked and take a deep breath.
It’s going to be okay, Edie
, I tell myself over and over.
It’s going to be okay