The Royal Baby Revelation (16 page)

‘Casimiro?’

‘Mmm?’

‘Where have you just been?’

‘Inside you,
cara
,’ he murmured, and tightened his arms around her. ‘Or hadn’t you noticed?’

In the darkness, she blushed. ‘That’s not what I mean and you know it.’

Fractionally, he loosened his grip on her, and yawned. ‘Just what
did
you mean?’

‘What have you been doing all evening?’

‘I had a stack of paperwork a mile high to tackle.’ There was a pause. ‘I
have
just been away on my honeymoon,’ he added softly.

‘I know.’ But she could tell that he was being evasive and she could not hold in the faltering little sigh which seemed to come from the very bottom of her lungs.

‘You’re tired. It’s been a long day.’ He pulled her against him and smoothed her hair. ‘You need to sleep and so do I. Goodnight, Melissa.’

He said it in a kind way. But it was the way in which you might speak to someone who wasn’t terribly bright. It was dismissive and it was kindness cloaked in steely control—and Melissa had never felt more patronised in her life.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

‘W
ILL
you be back for dinner?’ The smile on her face was fixed and bright and beneath the table Melissa’s fingers twisted the napkin in her lap as the butler poured Casimiro another of the inky little coffees he favoured in the morning. ‘It’s just the two of us tonight. Nothing in the diary for once!’

Casimiro glanced up from his study of the pages of the
Zaffirinthos Times
and shrugged. ‘I will try,
cara,
but I can’t promise anything. I have wall-to-wall meetings with ministers all day—and later I am due to visit the naval base and will stay for cocktails on the new freighter afterwards. So if I’m not back then just carry on without me. Don’t bother waiting.’

Don’t bother waiting.
Melissa’s smile didn’t waver even if she felt one of those faint flickers of rebellion which had become increasingly frequent of late. Because didn’t those few words perfectly capture the very essence of a royal marriage which was little more than an empty shell? A forced union with a man who ticked the boxes as being a perfect lover and part-time father.
And one who displayed all the emotional depth of one of the marble statues of his ancestors!
She twisted the napkin a little more, knowing that it was a better outlet for her frustration than biting her nails.

She was trying her best to be upbeat and mostly she succeeded—even though it had been a baptism of fire settling into her new role. Royal life was certainly packed and—although she had known that every single second was accounted for—she had not expected it to be such a challenge.

There had been balls and tea parties with visiting ministers and dignitaries to meet—each engagement requiring a different change of clothes and a briefing about each person who would be introduced to her. And she’d been given a list of charities so that she could decide which of these she planned to support as patron.

Had this constant pace—this social merry-go-round—been one of the reasons why Casimiro had been so close to abdication when she had reappeared in his life?
The abdication which had never again been mentioned—as if the very real prospect of it happening had been nothing but make-believe.
Every time she had attempted to bring the subject up, she had been stonewalled by a cool censure delivered in an icily aristocratic tone by her husband.

Melissa took a sip of coffee—trying to tell herself that her feelings of inadequacy and confusion were understandable. No transition from commoner to Queen was ever going to be straightforward, but when you factored in that she had borne the King’s child, in secret—well, that made the people of Zaffirinthos view her with understandable curiosity.
Will she make our King happy?—
their eyes seemed to say, and Melissa wanted to tell them that, yes, she would—oh, she would—
if only he’d let her.

And that was the crux of the matter—he just wouldn’t. All too quickly she’d discovered that Casimiro had been independent for too long to allow anyone to get really close on a normal daily basis. Isolated by an accident of birth which had placed the crown on his head, he seemed supremely comfortable with his own company.

Deep down, she didn’t have a clue what was going on behind the beautiful golden mask of his face. A lifetime of protocol had taught him the most effective methods of blocking unwanted questions and making those questions feel like an intrusion, so that in the end she gave up asking.

Sometimes it felt as if her life with him consisted of a series of formal engagements, punctuated by meals or receptions. Where she would see him seated on the opposite side of a room or a table—unless hers was a solo engagement, in which case she didn’t get to see him at all.

And, yes, he still played with Ben—but all the routine of the close father-son relationship they’d forged on the honeymoon had evaporated. These days he saw Ben only on
his
terms—while she ended up feeling like the lowest priority of all in his life.

Only in the bedroom did she ever feel his equal—even if it was purely in a physical sense. There he would kiss her. Cajole away any concerns with the soft caress of his fingers before she had a chance to air them. He would lift her up in his arms and make her feel all woman as he brought her down slowly onto his aching shaft. Melissa swallowed as vivid erotic recall flew into her mind. You wouldn’t need to be experienced to realise that Casimiro was an exemplary lover and that she was the most fortunate of wives in that respect.

So why did it increasingly seem as if it wasn’t enough? Why, despite Ben’s obvious happiness and her own material comfort, did she sometimes feel emptier than she’d ever done in her tiny little apartment back in England? Was it because there at least she’d known who she really was, whereas here…

Here she felt as if she were a ghost of a woman who had chased an illusion, wanting it to be something else—only it had turned out to be an illusion all along.

But Casimiro had never pretended to be anything else, had he? He had warned her off emotion and she had stupidly carried on hoping and hoping that things might some day change. Nothing was going to change—or, rather, he wasn’t. He wasn’t about to turn into a different man overnight—the kind who discussed everything with his wife, who confided all his thoughts and hopes and fears. Who wanted the kind of close-knit and warm relationship she’d secretly longed for. He was as closed off as he’d ever been maybe
because he didn’t know any other way.

And Melissa was slowly coming to realise that nothing was going to change unless she
made
it change.

Putting down her half-eaten piece of bread and honey, she looked at him across the breakfast table and forced a smile. ‘Can’t I come too?’ she questioned suddenly.

Realising that he was going to get no more reading done, Casimiro put the paper down. ‘Where?’

‘On your visit to the naval base. I could bring Ben along with me—I’m sure he’d love to see the big ships.’

He dropped a lump of sugar into his coffee and stirred it. ‘That won’t be possible, I’m afraid. It’s much too short notice—and it’s not really a suitable trip for a baby.’

‘It isn’t?’

‘Not really, no.’ He sipped his coffee. ‘Anyway, it would be wasted on someone of Ben’s age.’

‘I suppose so.’ She tried to keep the frustration from her voice but it wasn’t easy. He was missing the point completely and she found herself wanting to slam her cup down onto the table. To tell him to stop being so calm and so polite and so damn
reasonable
and to really open up and
talk
to her!

Casimiro saw the way her lips were pursing up and the memory of how they had whispered over certain parts of his anatomy during the night made him adopt a more conciliatory tone. ‘Anyway, you have your own diary,
bella
—certainly enough to keep you occupied. And your own programme of visits.’

Aware that she was being fobbed off, Melissa nodded. ‘Yes, I know.’

‘How are you getting along with your lady-in-waiting?’

‘She’s lovely.’

‘And the nanny? She meets with your approval?’

Melissa sipped her coffee. She had baulked against the idea of having child-care—jealously wanting to have Ben all to herself. And wondering guiltily if she could justify having help when she wasn’t going out to work. But she had quickly worked out that she was being unrealistic and that she couldn’t really manage without help. ‘Sandy’s lovely, too—in fact, all the staff are.’

‘So what’s your problem?’

Was that how he saw her simple request to accompany him, then—as some kind of problem—when all she wanted was to show him how the quality of their lives could be improved? That if they did more stuff together then perhaps they might start getting closer. Well, he was never going to know unless she told him and time was very precious—especially when you had a baby who was fast becoming a toddler. If they weren’t careful, then Ben would be halfway to being grown-up, with two parents who barely knew one another.

‘You haven’t taken Ben swimming for ages.’ This time her smile was wide. ‘And he’d so love to splash around in the big palace pool with his papa.’

A pulse began to flicker at Casimiro’s temple. ‘I think I told you,’ he said evenly, ‘that I have employed the best swimming teacher on the island to do that—all you have to do is pick up the phone and they’ll be ready to start.’

Melissa stood her ground. ‘But it isn’t the same, Casimiro.’

‘No, you’re right—it isn’t.’ He smiled. ‘Good though I am,
mia cara, I’ve
never actually won a gold medal at the sport.’

Her lips curved into an answering smile, but it didn’t dint her determination. ‘Ben needs to see you.’

‘And he
does
see me.’

Something in his implacable face made her growing frustration begin to splinter and the words flew out before she could stop them. ‘Yes, he sees you—but it’s always on your terms and only on your terms, isn’t it? For a few minutes in the morning and a few more snatched minutes in the evening. The occasional lunch at the weekend—if he’s lucky. A bit of a tickle and a bit of a play but it’s all so…so
snatched.
He’s…’

She willed her thudding heart to slow and looked at Casimiro with appeal in her eyes. ‘He’s at a wonderful and impressionable stage of his life, darling—and he just adores it when he’s with you. But if it doesn’t happen often enough, then I’m afraid that you’re never going to…well, to
bond
with him.’

Casimiro put down his coffee cup.
‘Bond?
’ he repeated scornfully, but he could feel a cold kind of dread begin to wrap itself around his heart. As if she had pushed him to the edge of a cliff and were forcing him to look down, into the unknown. Starkly it reminded him of those raw feelings he’d first experienced when his mother had died—the ones he’d blotted out. And again when he’d awoken from his coma and everything familiar seemed to have been turned upside down. How dared she? How dared she try to tell him how to run his life when she was a novice to all this?

‘I’d prefer it if you kept all your psycho-babble out of this,’ he iced out repressively. ‘Perhaps when you’ve been around a little longer, you will understand that this is not the way we do things around here. This is not the way of Kings.’

Something in his imperious attitude made Melissa’s fingers stop pleating the crisp napkin—and suddenly she realised that this needed to be said.
Had
to be said. Maybe it would clear the air or maybe it would make things worse but she had to try. For Ben’s sake—and maybe for their sake, too.

‘A way of life you obviously hated so much that you were about to reject it by abdicating,’ she said quietly.

He looked around the vaulted breakfast chamber—the huge windows open to the fragrant drift of blooms just outside. ‘Keep your voice down.’

‘But nobody’s here,’ she said softly. ‘Nobody to hear but you and me.’

‘I don’t care,’ he snapped.

‘But I do. And we’ve never really talked about it before, have we?’ she continued, as if he hadn’t spoken. ‘The subject was never open for debate.’

‘The subject is closed. Finished.’

‘But you can’t do that. You can’t veto something just because it makes you uncomfortable, Casimiro! Otherwise things just build up and up inside you. And then they explode.’

They were about to explode right now if she was not careful. He pushed back his chair. ‘I don’t intend discussing it.’

‘No, that’s right. You don’t discuss anything, do you?’ she questioned in frustration. ‘You act like nothing has happened and yet so much has. Because of Ben, you’ve been forced not only to remain as King, but to marry me—and not once have you ever told me how you feel about it. But then, you don’t “do” feelings, do you?’

‘Melissa—’ he said warningly.

‘I haven’t finished.’ She cut through his objections, ignoring the growing look of fury which had made his eyes flame like golden fire. ‘You didn’t bother warning your brother that you were about to abdicate in his favour, did you? Without even asking him whether he wanted the position.’

He froze. ‘
What
did you say?’

She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Oh, but it does, Melissa. Really it does. If you have been spending your time engaged in idle speculation on my brother’s thoughts—’

‘I wasn’t
speculating
!’ she shot back defensively—and then the words tumbled out before she could stop them. ‘Catherine told me.’

There was a long and disbelieving pause.

‘Catherine told you?’

‘Yes. She said that Xaviero thought you were about to do something dramatic. And let’s face it—you were.’

‘So you have been gossiping behind my back with the Princess?’

‘There you go again!’ she accused. ‘Shooting the messenger! We weren’t
gossiping,
as it happened. We didn’t sit down and talk about it—just that when we were out choosing my trousseau she mentioned they’d been slightly worried that you were thinking about abdicating.’